# Captain Amerigo **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [June 23, 2009, 9:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/captain-amerigo/500761 "2009-06-23T21:13:52Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![jayjay](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jayjay/32/6765_2.png) [@jayjay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jayjay)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2009, 3:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/captain-amerigo/500761/41 "2009-06-25T15:41:34Z")
I’m still stuck on how Mr. French discovered Canada… ---
**Author:** ![Frank](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Frank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frank)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2009, 3:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/captain-amerigo/500761/42 "2009-06-25T15:51:56Z")
> [@ebbtide3721](#): > > Christopher Columbus did it for gold, to find a route around the world to spice island(Japan) … In fact, the Spice Islands were the Moluccas, now part of Indonesia. How can I believe anything you say now? ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2009, 4:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/captain-amerigo/500761/43 "2009-06-25T16:07:57Z")
> [@ebbtide3721](#): > > The Medici’s,Templars, Mesons and their ancestors never do things for money While I am glad to know sub-atomic particles aren’t greedy, I didn’t know they have ancestors and descendants. Do the descendants come nine months after they get their gluon? ---
**Author:** ![Smeghead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f1d935/32.png) [@Smeghead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smeghead)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2009, 4:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/captain-amerigo/500761/44 "2009-06-25T16:11:28Z")
> [@ebbtide3721](#): > > However, these powerful people in jail don’t make a pimple on the warden’s butt(Medici,Templars,Federal Reserve Temple)…Those under them who understand the mass situation the best are put in command(i.e. Queen Elizabeth, Barack Obama)of the many prisons,whom themselves often succeed to Fed Reserve Temple Knight(i.e.Greenspan,Bernanke)which would be like the prison guard system. It’s like parenthetical Tourette’s Syndrome. Every now and then, some unrelated nonsense (as opposed to the related nonsense of the rest) gets spewed out between parentheses. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2009, 4:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/captain-amerigo/500761/45 "2009-06-25T16:20:59Z")
> [@BigT](#): > > The OP, with paragraph breaks. (It’s as much for my benefit as yours) That actually made it _worse_. ---
**Author:** ![Giraffe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giraffe/32/129_2.png) [@Giraffe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giraffe)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2009, 4:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/captain-amerigo/500761/46 "2009-06-25T16:54:13Z")
> [@Smeghead](#): > > It’s like parenthetical Tourette’s Syndrome. Every now and then, some unrelated nonsense (as opposed to the related nonsense of the rest) gets spewed out between parentheses. Are you kidding me? That’s what makes it genius(Albert Einstein). The trick is to mumble the parenthetic statements under your breath, like Adam Sandler’s classic SNL character Subliminal Man(sound familiar??) Add in some shuffling and a few days without a shower and a shave and bingo(was his name-o)! Instant crazy homeless man(6-8 weeks for delivery). ---
**Author:** ![ebbtide3721](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/e5b9ba/32.png) [@ebbtide3721](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ebbtide3721)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2009, 5:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/captain-amerigo/500761/47 "2009-06-25T17:11:06Z")
Welcome to the BBQ, where everybody BBQ’s everybody. Trying to one up each others minds again,eh? You ought to be a shamed of yourselves, talking all this trash about me while I slumbered comfortably, nestled in my bed. Hardly any of you really care about being enlightened, only to outdo each other pleases you. Such a shame, human failures. Through time, over and over and over again, massive human failure. Give them freedom and watch them walk all over each other. It is at this time I would like to address the two vindictive people that did ask a questions and then answered themselves. First off, the Spice Islands that pokadot the Australian shelf were harvested by Japan and China and I put your mind in the general area of Japan(who also traded silks and jewels and precious metals) so I didn’t have to write 15000 words on it(same goes for the parenthesis), however I applaud you for adding more on the Spice Islands. You just got one step closer to self awareness. Many great people live or retreat on those islands today at what are called W resorts, they’re open to the public, but it will cost you 72 million dollars to visit the best of them. As far as Isabella and Ferdinand, you should visit historydotcom, they will help you, you’re not ready for this. This is an advanced class. I do however appreciate that you’re working out those brain muscles! Sorry all of you didn’t enjoy the metaphorical jailhouse comedy, I was trying to make it fun and easy for all to understand.🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Exapno\_Mapcase](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/exapno_mapcase/32/1051_2.png) [@Exapno\_Mapcase](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Exapno_Mapcase)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2009, 5:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/captain-amerigo/500761/48 "2009-06-25T17:24:02Z")
> [@Giraffe](#): > > Are you kidding me? That’s what makes it genius(Albert Einstein). The trick is to mumble the parenthetic statements under your breath, like Adam Sandler’s classic SNL character Subliminal Man(sound familiar??) Add in some shuffling and a few days without a shower and a shave and bingo(was his name-o)! Instant crazy homeless man(6-8 weeks for delivery). Kevin Nealon, not Adam Sandler. Now you are one step closer to enlightenment. ---
**Author:** ![Giraffe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giraffe/32/129_2.png) [@Giraffe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giraffe)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2009, 5:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/captain-amerigo/500761/49 "2009-06-25T17:27:58Z")
> [@Exapno\_Mapcase](#): > > Kevin Nealon, not Adam Sandler. Now you are one step closer to enlightenment. I only say that so you could examine yourself from within yourself and realize which actor truly impacted yourself more greatly in the context of history and spice trading. It is sad to me that you are so focused on pointing out the shortcomings of my memory while you yourself are doomed to repeat history for not realizing which Portugese sailors first discovered Easter island and beheld its statues for what they were (monuments of stone heads? I think not.) Let me guide you to understanding of both television and comedy thorugh my enlightenment (or is that tenement, as if I were a rat and not a man on the internet?) instead of resisting my words as if they were made of rubber and glue. Please reflect on what I have said and come back to me when you are ready. ---
**Author:** ![Frodo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/frodo/32/302_2.png) [@Frodo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frodo)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2009, 5:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/captain-amerigo/500761/50 "2009-06-25T17:33:02Z")
> [@Exapno\_Mapcase](#): > > Kevin Nealon, not Adam Sandler. Now you are one step closer to enlightenment. but the Enligthenment was instigated by the Illuminati! ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2009, 5:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/captain-amerigo/500761/51 "2009-06-25T17:34:07Z")
> [@ebbtide3721](#): > > Through time, over and over and over again, massive human failure. You got that right. ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2009, 5:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/captain-amerigo/500761/52 "2009-06-25T17:53:34Z")
> [@ebbtide3721](#): > > the Medici, Templars wanted to spread unity through controlled ethics, the controlling factor being money. There is no money monopoly, they are money. [Vince Vaughn]Lorenzo de’Medici, you are _so_ money![/Vince Vaughn] ---
**Author:** ![Zakalwe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zakalwe/32/270_2.png) [@Zakalwe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zakalwe)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2009, 5:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/captain-amerigo/500761/53 "2009-06-25T17:54:09Z")
> [@Giraffe](#): > > I only say that so you could examine yourself from within yourself and realize which actor truly impacted yourself more greatly in the context of history and spice trading. It is sad to me that you are so focused on pointing out the shortcomings of my memory while you yourself are doomed to repeat history for not realizing which Portugese sailors first discovered Easter island and beheld its statues for what they were (monuments of stone heads? I think not.) Let me guide you to understanding of both television and comedy thorugh my enlightenment (or is that tenement, as if I were a rat and not a man on the internet?) instead of resisting my words as if they were made of rubber and glue. Please reflect on what I have said and come back to me when you are ready. Sheer poetry. I kneel at the feet of the master… ---
**Author:** ![Jenaroph](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e8c25b/32.png) [@Jenaroph](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jenaroph)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2009, 6:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/captain-amerigo/500761/54 "2009-06-25T18:33:52Z")
Every now and then I get the urge to make up a set of Conspiracy Theory Bingo cards. I’d include phrases like > [@](#): > > I for one will protect the sanctity of peace and enlightenment by enlightening others. and > [@](#): > > Create yourself in a self respectable manner. and > [@](#): > > Hardly any of you really care about being enlightened and > [@](#): > > you’re not ready for this. This is an advanced class. but then I realize that I’d have to make the squares really really big. Also, after collecting a certain number of quotes like these I get depressed about the current state of intellectual narcissism in the world and lose interest. ---
**Author:** ![begbert2](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/begbert2/32/3357_2.png) [@begbert2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/begbert2)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2009, 6:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/captain-amerigo/500761/55 "2009-06-25T18:56:34Z")
> [@ebbtide3721](#): > > Sorry all of you didn’t enjoy the metaphorical jailhouse comedy, I was trying to make it fun and easy for all to understand.🙂 If it’s fun it’s not fun in the way you intended, and regarding “easy to understand” you didn’t just fail, and you didn’t just _epic_ fail, but in fact the magnitude of your failure is sufficiently massive to greate a gravitational singularity that threatens to destroy the entire internet, if not the universe as a whole. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2009, 8:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/captain-amerigo/500761/56 "2009-06-25T20:27:41Z")
> [@ebbtide3721](#): > > I was trying to make it fun and easy for all to understand.🙂 Then you might want to try using this thing called paragraphs. (it least it would make it “fun and easy” to _read_) ---
**Author:** ![ebbtide3721](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/e5b9ba/32.png) [@ebbtide3721](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ebbtide3721)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2009, 11:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/captain-amerigo/500761/57 "2009-06-25T23:03:31Z")
For those of you that wish to read the column properly edited: [http://www.saint8.com/onlinecomics-pxn/pxn2/](http://www.saint8.com/onlinecomics-pxn/pxn2/) . Also, I am glad I was able to send this message clearly to those who understood it and wish the best of luck to those trying to understand. Perhaps we will connect in the future. A special thanks to Jeneroph, those are my quotes, thank you for quoting me. Obviously, some of you believe I have epically failed(you have the right to your own opinion, yet from these individuals I don’t hear an opinion, just insults), perhaps you failed yourself along time ago. Until next time… Sincerely, Captain America ---
**Author:** ![Giraffe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giraffe/32/129_2.png) [@Giraffe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giraffe)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2009, 11:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/captain-amerigo/500761/58 "2009-06-25T23:13:30Z")
> [@ebbtide3721](#): > > For those of you that wish to read the column properly edited: [http://www.saint8.com/onlinecomics-pxn/pxn2/](http://www.saint8.com/onlinecomics-pxn/pxn2/) . Also, I am glad I was able to send this message clearly to those who understood it and wish the best of luck to those trying to understand. Perhaps we will connect in the future. A special thanks to Jeneroph, those are my quotes, thank you for quoting me. Obviously, some of you believe I have epically failed(you have the right to your own opinion, yet from these individuals I don’t hear an opinion, just insults), perhaps you failed yourself along time ago. Until next time… > Sincerely, > Captain America Thank you for sharing this new way to read the OP although the same words were already there for those that wished to read them the first time and not get distracted by petty grammatical concerns (aren’t words words no matter where you put them?) The great thing about the internet though is that it lets us share information in multiple ways. One has to wonder how Christopher Columbum would have used the internet and what spice trading would have looked like if people across the world could have talked to each other with the touch of a button (modern eBay perhaps?) even if their ships were still made out of wood. I think Christopher Columbum would have had to bow before Americo and respect his greatness for the truth would have won out even if it took several weeks (or years or even weeks). Thank you for helping me to understand the truth and I pity those who don’t understand it for there will always be those who resist the truth even as they stare at it on their computer screens for all to see. ---
**Author:** ![Polycarp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/82dd89/32.png) [@Polycarp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Polycarp)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2009, 11:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/captain-amerigo/500761/59 "2009-06-25T23:22:55Z")
> [@jayjay](#): > > I’m still stuck on how Mr. French discovered Canada… Surely you’ve heard of French Canada? 🙂 Though I don’t think much of his parenting skills – consider what Buffy took up when she grew up! ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2009, 12:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/captain-amerigo/500761/60 "2009-06-26T00:01:57Z")
> [@Marley23](#): > > While I am glad to know sub-atomic particles aren’t greedy, I didn’t know they have ancestors and descendants. Do the descendants come nine months after they get their gluon? Typically, the descendants arrive nine months after they get their freakon. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/captain-amerigo/500761.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/captain-amerigo/500761.md?page=4)