# Captain Buckleberryferry and the crew of "The Ted" -sign up here- **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 26, 2003, 12:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/captain-buckleberryferry-and-the-crew-of-the-ted-sign-up-here/190997 "2003-07-26T00:43:17Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 10
**Author:** ![ace22](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/f05b48/32.png) [@ace22](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ace22)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2003, 9:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/captain-buckleberryferry-and-the-crew-of-the-ted-sign-up-here/190997/181 "2003-07-29T21:30:29Z")
Yarr, ye be needin’ a brawny, experienced sailin’ man? I’ll keep these here land lubbers in line, cap’n sir ma’am! I comes already with a sap, I just be needin’ a whip and a bandana, yarrrr! Avast ye, land lubbers! Hoist the mainsail, you scurvy dogs! Tow that line, ye sorry excuse for a waste of space! I’ll have ye walkin’ the plank at high noon if ye won’t be pickin’ up the pace, yarr! Just call me a “motivational speaker”, yarr. ---
**Author:** ![BuckleberryFerry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/5f9b8f/32.png) [@BuckleberryFerry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BuckleberryFerry)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2003, 9:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/captain-buckleberryferry-and-the-crew-of-the-ted-sign-up-here/190997/182 "2003-07-29T21:39:29Z")
Fine, fine, rhymin’ and singin’ be prohibited ‘cept fer work related fields. Any extracurricular warblin’ gets ye twenty lashes with a wet rope. **Motivational Speaker ace22** , welcome aboard. Can ye get these fellas in line and get this ship a-movin’? We wants to be off to Jamaica, it seems, but tain’t a soul here doin’ much more’n drinkin’. Up, ye scurvy dogs, cats, ‘n’ monkeys–keep to the code and get a move on–thar’ll be plenty o’ drink in Jamaica and if ye do well with the plunderin’ thar, we’ll be off to Tortuga. ---
**Author:** ![ace22](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/f05b48/32.png) [@ace22](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ace22)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2003, 9:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/captain-buckleberryferry-and-the-crew-of-the-ted-sign-up-here/190997/183 "2003-07-29T21:47:40Z")
I’d be more’n happy to, cap’n sir ma’am. Let’s go, ye yeller rats, you hear’d the cap’n! On yer toes! Damnation sieze my soul! Ye be smart as paint, ye pack ah henhearted numbskulls! Heave to, and unfurl them sails! If we ain’t through to the wenches of the Spanish Main in two days’ time, I’ll send ye all to Davy Jones, by thunder! and can we swing by me house? I seem to have forgotten me keys. Yarr! ---
**Author:** ![BuckleberryFerry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/5f9b8f/32.png) [@BuckleberryFerry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BuckleberryFerry)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2003, 9:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/captain-buckleberryferry-and-the-crew-of-the-ted-sign-up-here/190997/184 "2003-07-29T21:53:32Z")
Well spoken, **MS ace22**. **GMRyujin** , amuse us on our way; it gets dull about halfway… ---
**Author:** ![Tarrsk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/97f17d/32.png) [@Tarrsk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tarrsk)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2003, 9:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/captain-buckleberryferry-and-the-crew-of-the-ted-sign-up-here/190997/185 "2003-07-29T21:58:35Z")
Jamaica! I hears they got rum that makes yer go like _this_ and women with curves like _that_! OW! …sorry 'bout that, **Kallessa** m’dear. Err… right! ANCHOR RAISED, CAP’N! ---
**Author:** ![BuckleberryFerry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/5f9b8f/32.png) [@BuckleberryFerry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BuckleberryFerry)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2003, 10:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/captain-buckleberryferry-and-the-crew-of-the-ted-sign-up-here/190997/186 "2003-07-29T22:03:10Z")
Thankee, **Tarrsk**. **Pilot tunabreath** , get our course from **TAaN arisu ftSP** and get us on our way. ---
**Author:** ![tisiphone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bbe5ce/32.png) [@tisiphone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tisiphone)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2003, 10:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/captain-buckleberryferry-and-the-crew-of-the-ted-sign-up-here/190997/187 "2003-07-29T22:12:41Z")
All right, me hearties, PULL! "\*They call me hanging Johnny, Away, boys, away! They say I hang for money! So hang, boys, hang down They say I hanged my mother, Away, boys, away! My sisters and my brothers So hang, boys, hang down! \*" ---
**Author:** ![Kallessa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/7993a0/32.png) [@Kallessa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kallessa)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2003, 10:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/captain-buckleberryferry-and-the-crew-of-the-ted-sign-up-here/190997/188 "2003-07-29T22:19:39Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by ace22 \* > \*\*I’d be more’n happy to, cap’n sir ma’am. > > Let’s go, ye yeller rats, you hear’d the cap’n! On yer toes! Damnation sieze my soul! Ye be smart as paint, ye pack ah henhearted numbskulls! Heave to, and unfurl them sails! If we ain’t through to the wenches of the Spanish Main in two days’ time, I’ll send ye all to Davy Jones, by thunder! > Yarr! \*\* First off, **MB ace 22** , I be a Captive Pirate Princess and not one of your scury dogs, so smile when you speak to me or I’ll be showing you bit of my own! And next, if you send us all to Davy Jones, will Peter Tork and Micky Dolan be there as well? (Peter Nesbitt can stay home) _Take the last train to Clarksville, And I’ll meet you at the station. You can be be there by four thirty, 'Cause I made your reservation. Don’t be slow, oh, no, no, no! Oh, no, no, no!_ ---
**Author:** ![ace22](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/f05b48/32.png) [@ace22](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ace22)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2003, 10:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/captain-buckleberryferry-and-the-crew-of-the-ted-sign-up-here/190997/189 "2003-07-29T22:32:42Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Kallessa \* > **First off, MB ace 22, I be a Captive Pirate Princess and not one of your scury dogs, so smile when you speak to me or I’ll be showing you bit of my own!** First off, it’s **MS** , not **MB**. Secondly, wenches may obtain a waiver of sorts to allow them to avoid the physical tasks, in exchange for a small favor to be determined on a case-by-case basis. Yarr. > [@](#): > > **And next, if you send us all to Davy Jones, will Peter Tork and Micky Dolan be there as well? (Peter Nesbitt can stay home)** Yarr, the only monkees ye be findin’ on the Pirate Ship TED be the thievin’ Zombie Pirate Robot Ninja Monkey Jack. And if ye can locate the whelp, 'e ‘as some explainin’ to do to the secruity officer! ---
**Author:** ![Kallessa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/7993a0/32.png) [@Kallessa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kallessa)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2003, 10:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/captain-buckleberryferry-and-the-crew-of-the-ted-sign-up-here/190997/190 "2003-07-29T22:48:59Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by ace22 \* > \*\* Secondly, wenches may obtain a waiver of sorts to allow them to avoid the physical tasks, in exchange for a small favor to be determined on a case-by-case basis. Yarr. \*\* Wenches! **Wenches!** Kin ya not read, ya bloody lout! I’m a **Pirate Princess** not a common pirate wench! I give my favors where and when I like, and I’ll lend a hand where it be needed–but only because I was raised on board a pirate ship and can do anything a pirate can do–and better! 'Tis in the Pirate’s Code to treat Captive Princesses well, especially Captive Pirate Princesses (and it’s not a guideline in this case, and I’ll back that with me own sword, I will) and you jolly well will treat me with respect or I’m curse the whole lot of you!\* \*Except Tarrsk, of course. And perhaps a few other of me mateys (wick, wink, nod, nod) ---
**Author:** ![tisiphone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bbe5ce/32.png) [@tisiphone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tisiphone)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2003, 10:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/captain-buckleberryferry-and-the-crew-of-the-ted-sign-up-here/190997/191 "2003-07-29T22:51:06Z")
Cap’n, oh Cap’n? Your express whim is bein’ violated at will, by that Captive Pirate Princess wench. She’s infringin’ on me job! Throwin’ ever’body off rhythm! Just LOOK at what happened to the mains’l ! And I was bein’ nice enough to ‘er, removin’ “Barnacle Bill the Sailor” and “North Atlantic Squadron” from my reppertory. Well-a-day. The gloves be off now. :Loudly, and very flat: "\*Who’s that knocking at my door? Who’s that knocking at my door? Who’s that knocking at my door, said the fair young maiden. I’ve just been paid and want to get laid Said Barnacle Bill the Sailor I’ve just been paid and want to get laid Said Barnacle Bill the Sailor\*" ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2003, 10:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/captain-buckleberryferry-and-the-crew-of-the-ted-sign-up-here/190997/192 "2003-07-29T22:54:22Z")
‘ave we invented walkmen yet? This constant blathering is driven’ me nuts. (Or is it the steering wheel in me pants?) I knew it’d be a bad idea to be bring’n wimmens along, beggin’ the Captain’s pardon, of course. You are a fine and hearty woman, more than a match for any man on board. But these caterwaulin’ harpies! ARRRR…g! Maybe some rum and a dance or two will calm me savage breast. SYB Barmaid! Arrange it for us. At your leisure after we are clear of the shoals… ---
**Author:** ![ace22](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/f05b48/32.png) [@ace22](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ace22)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2003, 11:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/captain-buckleberryferry-and-the-crew-of-the-ted-sign-up-here/190997/193 "2003-07-29T23:11:24Z")
Yarr, these here wenches be _uppity_! **Captive Pirate Princess Wench Kalessa** , if’n ye be disagreein’ with the policies of the Ted’s official **Motivational Speaker** , ye can take it up with the cap’n once the task at hand be finished. But the task ta hand be a mightly _long_ one, if ye catch me drift, hyarr hyarr hyarr. As for the rest of ye, _whipcrack_ quit yer gawkin an’ yappin’ and get back ta work! ---
**Author:** ![Lisa-go-Blind](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7c8e57/32.png) [@Lisa-go-Blind](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lisa-go-Blind)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2003, 11:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/captain-buckleberryferry-and-the-crew-of-the-ted-sign-up-here/190997/194 "2003-07-29T23:31:54Z")
Arrrrr, ye best not be insultin’ the wimmenfolk! If ye do, you’ll have to deal with me! No one wants dirty britches, now do they? ---
**Author:** ![Kallessa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/7993a0/32.png) [@Kallessa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kallessa)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2003, 11:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/captain-buckleberryferry-and-the-crew-of-the-ted-sign-up-here/190997/195 "2003-07-29T23:44:44Z")
Firstly, **MS ace22** , it’s Kallessa, not Kalessa. Second, Cap’t BuckleberryFerry is an equal opportunity pirate, and I don’t think she’ll be agreeing that a woman is uppity just because she demands a little respect. And finally–haven’t ya ever heard you catch more flies with honey? (I’m not saying pirates are flies or that anyone wants honey, it’s just an expression) If’n you want us pirates to heave ho and work hard, try motivating us in a socially acceptable manner–ya old blowhard! Keep this up and your motivate us all right–motivate us to get out the plank-walking plank, that is! ---
**Author:** ![Kallessa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/7993a0/32.png) [@Kallessa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kallessa)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2003, 11:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/captain-buckleberryferry-and-the-crew-of-the-ted-sign-up-here/190997/196 "2003-07-29T23:47:34Z")
> [@](#): > > - > > But these caterwaulin’ harpies! ARRRR…g! > > \*\* You would be talking about them mythological birdwomen flying off the starboard side, wouldn’t you? Because I know you wouldn’t talk about anyof the crew that way, would ya now? ---
**Author:** ![tisiphone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bbe5ce/32.png) [@tisiphone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tisiphone)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2003, 1:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/captain-buckleberryferry-and-the-crew-of-the-ted-sign-up-here/190997/197 "2003-07-30T01:19:23Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Kallessa \* > \*\*You would be talking about them mythological birdwomen flying off the starboard side, wouldn’t you? Because I know you wouldn’t talk about anyof the crew that way, would ya now? \*\* Sorry 'bout that. Old friends of mine, ye might say…haven’t seen 'em since the Bronze Age. ---
**Author:** ![BuckleberryFerry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/5f9b8f/32.png) [@BuckleberryFerry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BuckleberryFerry)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2003, 1:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/captain-buckleberryferry-and-the-crew-of-the-ted-sign-up-here/190997/198 "2003-07-30T01:52:33Z")
**KALLESSA**! **MS ace22**! If yer to be fightin’, yer to be doin’ it right proper. Next berth we make, ye be duelin’ on the sands. As for now, ye both be settlin’ down, doin’ yer job, and shuttin’ the bloody barnacle up! **Liser-go-blind** , me dear, the bilgerat what be insultin’ ye have been dealt with accordingly. Ye may git back to scrubbin’ our drawers, thankee. **First Mate NoClue** , while I appreciate yer compliments, I wonder if ye be vyin’ fer a higher-up position. If ye prove yerself on this journey, I’ll see if we can make an accord, savvy? **TAaN arisu** , **Pilot tunabreath** , are we on course? How long afore we reach the resplendant shores of Jamaica? ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2003, 2:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/captain-buckleberryferry-and-the-crew-of-the-ted-sign-up-here/190997/199 "2003-07-30T02:07:31Z")
_ahem_ Yessiree! The Harpies of myth and fame. They be the ones on me nerve. 😉 Begg’n Captain’s pardon… I was below decks, er, sampling the hospitality. And the rum. Powerful me urges arrrre, don’t ya know. As for vie’n for a higher position, I am quite content to be in yer service, Cap’n Madam Sir. _besides, there’s only one higher position on this here ship, and wouldn’t PRESUME to over reach my bounds, you see_ ---
**Author:** ![Chimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Chimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimera)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2003, 2:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/captain-buckleberryferry-and-the-crew-of-the-ted-sign-up-here/190997/200 "2003-07-30T02:24:30Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by BuckleberryFerry \* > \*\*THAR’LL BE NO MORE SINGIN’!! > > And **Chimera** , figger out what this ‘ere **tunabreath** be doin’. ‘E don’ make a lick o’ sense. \*\* (Puzzled look) no singin’? _no singin’?_ Oi thought this was a pirate musical Er, sorry Cap’n, I was securin’ the in-laws for a few days. (sheepish look) [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/captain-buckleberryferry-and-the-crew-of-the-ted-sign-up-here/190997.md?page=9) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/captain-buckleberryferry-and-the-crew-of-the-ted-sign-up-here/190997.md?page=11)