# Captain Buckleberryferry and the crew of "The Ted" -sign up here- **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 26, 2003, 12:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/captain-buckleberryferry-and-the-crew-of-the-ted-sign-up-here/190997 "2003-07-26T00:43:17Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 8
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2003, 7:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/captain-buckleberryferry-and-the-crew-of-the-ted-sign-up-here/190997/141 "2003-07-28T19:48:06Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by NoClueBoy \* > \*\ ***Bosda** , do the Spanish Backups know the words for _La Bamba_? > > If so, I have a cunning plan… \*\* **NoClueBoy** ---- aah-ahhh! [strokes his hand] You have a woman’s hand, milord! I’ll wager these dainty pinkies never weighed anchor in a storm. Ha ha ha. -Aah! Your skin milord. I’ll wager it ne’er felt the lash of a cat [‘o’ nine tails], been rubbed with salt, and then flayed off by a pirate chief to make fine stockings for his best cabin boy. Ha. -Aah! You have a woman’s purse! [takes it from him and [examines it daintily] I’ll wager that purse has never been used as a rowing-boat. I’ll wager it’s never had sixteenshipwrecked mariners tossing in it. Oh! You have a woman’s mouth, milord! I’ll wager that mouth never had to chew through the side of a ship to escape the dreadful spindly killer fish. Ah! [pointing] You have a woman’s legs, my lord! I’ll wager those are legs that have never been sliced clean off by a falling sail, and swept into the sea before your very eyes. And I’ll wager, me lord, that you’ve never been told all of these things by a Timelord, either. Arrrrrr ---
**Author:** ![Tarrsk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/97f17d/32.png) [@Tarrsk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tarrsk)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2003, 7:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/captain-buckleberryferry-and-the-crew-of-the-ted-sign-up-here/190997/142 "2003-07-28T19:51:40Z")
Arr… that was one heavy anchor. Three days later and me back’s still achin’ somewhat. > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Kallessa \* > \*\*Speak for yourself, darlin’. > > Oh, **Tarrsk** , be a dear and help me with me buckles. And let me see if I can help you with your sword work–since you’re new to the pirating business and all. Wouldn’t want you to end up in Davy Jones’ locker (or First Mate NoClue’s for that matter). Nor would I, me lass! Ye know, you’re quite good wi’ a blade. Where’d ye get yer skill, if I may ask? > [@](#): > > When come back, bring rum. 😃 \*\* Did I mention that I have this 'ere keg that I nicked from the tavern 'fore I left? Good fine rum that the barkeep apparently nicked from the local gov’nor 'imself, before I got ahold of it. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Michael\_Ellis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/977dab/32.png) [@Michael\_Ellis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Michael_Ellis)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2003, 8:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/captain-buckleberryferry-and-the-crew-of-the-ted-sign-up-here/190997/143 "2003-07-28T20:21:36Z")
Arr, well I shouts well enough, I likes playin’ with heavy cannon, and I be somethin’ of an electrician, though what good that be on a pirate ship escapes me. ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2003, 8:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/captain-buckleberryferry-and-the-crew-of-the-ted-sign-up-here/190997/144 "2003-07-28T20:46:53Z")
What manner of beast is _Electrishee-an_? Arrr!!! **Bosda**. The Brontosaurus was large and flaccid. So… lad… answer me this: If the square of the hypotenuse is equal to square of the sum of the other two sides… then why is a mouse when it spins? As to me dressing dainty… I am a dandy, now Arrrr!!!n’t I? Juss look at how this pirate coat slims me waist while accentuationg me shoulders! Wharr is me eyeliner? ---
**Author:** ![tisiphone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bbe5ce/32.png) [@tisiphone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tisiphone)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2003, 8:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/captain-buckleberryferry-and-the-crew-of-the-ted-sign-up-here/190997/145 "2003-07-28T20:58:34Z")
\*This dirty town, has been my home, Since last time I was sailin’ But I’ll not stay another day, I’d sooner be a-whalin’! Oooh Lord above, send down a dove With beak as sharp as razors To cut the throats Of them there blokes What sells bad beer to sailors…" \* “_All hands to the pumps!_ Well then tell us a story! _All hands to the pumps!_ Well then sing us a song! _All hands to the pumps and I’ll sing of the girls They’re a sailorman’s port in a storm!_” Need a shantywoman? “_Shake and wake her Johnny, there’s a ship for you, Lyin’ in the Royal Rows, waitin’ for a crew With every brace and backstay, singing soft and low Mother Carey wants you and you’re all bound to go…_” I s’pose I could resurrect some classics… “_Oh, the year was seventeen-seventy-eight,_ How I wish I was in Sherbrooke now _A letter of marque came from the king To the scummiest vessel I’d ever seen…_” :ceases under hail of boots: Fine then. “_He was the captain of the Nightengale, Twenty-one days from Clyde in coal, He could smell the flowers of Bermuda in the gale When he died on the North Rock Shore_” 😃 "\*I drank sixteen doubles for the price of one tryin to find the courage to talk to one, I asked her for a dance, not a second chance, My night had just begun. The old black rum’s got a hold on me, Like a dog wrapped 'round my leg, The old black rum’s got a hold on me, Will I live for another day? Will I live for another day…\*" ---
**Author:** ![Michael\_Ellis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/977dab/32.png) [@Michael\_Ellis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Michael_Ellis)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2003, 9:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/captain-buckleberryferry-and-the-crew-of-the-ted-sign-up-here/190997/146 "2003-07-28T21:26:02Z")
Did I mention me fav’rit _Star Trek_ character? … Ye knows what’s comin’… Yarrr. ---
**Author:** ![Orual](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/779978/32.png) [@Orual](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Orual)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2003, 11:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/captain-buckleberryferry-and-the-crew-of-the-ted-sign-up-here/190997/147 "2003-07-28T23:10:39Z")
Cap’n! I’ve marked the position of this isle of Gilligan on me charts! I also made off the jewelry chest of the shrivelled old harridan called “Lovey”. Is there anyone we’ll want to be marrooning? ---
**Author:** ![lindarielle13](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/3bc359/32.png) [@lindarielle13](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lindarielle13)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2003, 11:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/captain-buckleberryferry-and-the-crew-of-the-ted-sign-up-here/190997/148 "2003-07-28T23:19:08Z")
Loadin’ guns sir, but we seem to be short some cannon balls. That bloody monkey must 'ave nicked 'em. Must 'ave quite a stash by now, that monkey. ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2003, 11:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/captain-buckleberryferry-and-the-crew-of-the-ted-sign-up-here/190997/149 "2003-07-28T23:35:43Z")
Arrr!!! Let’s marroon the monkey! And more singing! \*Oh… there’s a… Monkey in my pocket And he’s stealing all my change, His stare is blank and glossy I suspect that he’s deraaaaanged! \* Well, alrighty, then… the minkey can stay. We’ll name this god forsaken rock… Scabania. _Well, I’d rather be a pirate on scabb… Than a scab on a pirate.? And if ye listen to me gab, I’ll tell ya why I admire it! Oh, the people aren’t too friendly, the weather’s not the best. The lodging’s too expensive, and Largo’s quite a pest. But the thing I like about Scabb Is what it HASN’T got. No mayor or police force, And no jail in which to rot._ Brought to you by: Silver’s Longjohns. _For those cold dark shipboard nights We’ve got boxers, briefs and tights Made from cotton, silk or satin In styles anglo, dutch or latin! When you sail don’t take a chance Wearin’ nothin neathe your pants Trust… Silvers… Longjohns… They breathe!_ Tasha Yarrr, indeed! Death’s to good for you, **Ellis the Elek trishee-an**. ---
**Author:** ![Michael\_Ellis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/977dab/32.png) [@Michael\_Ellis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Michael_Ellis)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2003, 11:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/captain-buckleberryferry-and-the-crew-of-the-ted-sign-up-here/190997/150 "2003-07-28T23:45:35Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by NoClueBoy \* > \*\*Tasha Yarrr, indeed! Death’s to good for you, **Ellis the Elek trishee-an**. \*\* That it be, **Mr. NoClue** , that it be! ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2003, 11:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/captain-buckleberryferry-and-the-crew-of-the-ted-sign-up-here/190997/151 "2003-07-28T23:50:13Z")
**A Pirate I Was Meant To Be** by Tim Schafer, Lead Designer of “The Curse of Monkey Island” (This one requires four men and tells the tale of a Captain that wanted his lazy crew to help him recover a stolen treasure map, but the crew would much rather stay on decks singing. What makes things worse is that every time the Captain says anything, the mutinous crew just rhymes it to make it part of their song) - (Talking) Captain: Thanks for the help back there guys.(sarcastically) Third Mate: It was a rousing battle, Captain. First Mate: Aye, and it reminds me of a song… (singing) First Mate: We’re a band of vicous pirates Second Mate: A Sailin’ Out to Sea! Third Mate: When ye hear our gentle singin’ First Mate: Be sure to turn and flee! (talking) Captain: Ohh, this is just ridiculous. Come on men, We’ve GOT to recover that map! (singing) Second Mate: That pirate will be done for when he falls into our trap! Third Mate: We’re a club of tuneful rovers First Mate: We can sing at every clef Second Mate: We can even hit the high notes! First Mate: It’s just too bad we’re tone deaf. All Mates: A pirate I was meant to be, trim the sails and roam the seas! (talking) Captain: Let’s go defeat that evil pirate! (singing) Second Mate: We know he’s sure to lose because we know just where to fire at! Second Mate: We’re a thieving valideer First Mate: A gang of cutthroat mugs Third Mate: To fight us off you wont need guns Second Mate: Just jolly good earplugs! All Mates: A pirate I was meant to be, trim the sails and roam the seas! (talking) Captain: Alright crew, let’s get to work! (singing) First Mate: Our vocation is a thing we love, a thing we never shirk! First Mate: We’ll fightchu in the harbor Third Mate: We’ll battle you on land Second Mate: But when you meet singing pirates (talking) Captain: They’ll be more than you can stand. First Mate: Oh, ho, that was a good one! Captain: No, it wasn’t. Captain: No time for song, we’ve got to move! Third Mate: The battle will be long, but our courage we will prove! Second Mate: We’re a pack of scurvy seadogs First Mate: Have we pity? Not a gram Third Mate: We all eat roasted garlic First Mate: And sing from the diaphram (singing) All Mates: A pirate I was meant to be, trim the sails and roam the seas! (talking) Captain: Less Singing, More Sailing! (singing) Second Mate: When we defeat our wicked show his ship he will be bailing! Third Mate: If ye try to fight us First Mate: You’ll get a nasty whackin’ Second Mate: If you disrespect our singin’ First Mate: We will bring ye to a crackin’! All Mates: A pirate I was meant to be, trim the sails and roam the seas! (talking) Captain: I’m getting so sick of you guys and your rhyming! (singing) First Mate: We’re ready to set sail, though the cannons need a primin’! Second Mate: We’re troublesome corsairs Third Mate: We’ve come to steal yer treasure First Mate: We would shoot ya in the dungbie Second Mate: But we’ve got a rest by measures All Mates: A pirate I was meant to be, trim the sails and roam the seas! (whining) Captain: Stop, stop, stop! (singing) Third Mate: The brass is what we’ll pollish and the deck is what we’ll mop! (talking) Captain: You say you’re nasty pirates, Thieving scheming bad-bush whackers, But from what I’ve seen I tell you you’re no pirates, You’re just slackers! Singing) All Mates: A pirate I was meant to be, trim the sails and roam the seas! Captain (finally singing): We’ll surely avoid scurvy if we all eat an orange. (Crew Desperately tries to think of a word to rhyme orange with) (talking) First Mate: and… Second Mate: umm… Third Mate: well… First Mate: uhh… Third Mate: Door Hinge? Second Mate: No, no… Third Mate: Guess the song’s over then. First Mate: Guess so… Second Mate: OK, back to work. Captain: Well, gee… I feel a little guilty now.\* ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2003, 11:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/captain-buckleberryferry-and-the-crew-of-the-ted-sign-up-here/190997/152 "2003-07-28T23:54:45Z")
Shiver me timbers! Methinks I just broke the Pirate Dopers code. About lyrics and such. Begg’n pardon, O Mighty Euty, it won’t happen again. ---
**Author:** ![tisiphone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bbe5ce/32.png) [@tisiphone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tisiphone)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2003, 11:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/captain-buckleberryferry-and-the-crew-of-the-ted-sign-up-here/190997/153 "2003-07-28T23:56:18Z")
"\*It’s another middle watch, another hair upon me chest, There’s just an hour or two until I go and get some rest, Mornin’, dogs, or afternoon, the forenoon or the first, There’s none of 'em come easy but the middle is the worst. Keep the engines goin’ round, the diesel goin’ up and down Keep the old ship goin’ homeward bound…\*" "\*You’ve made some close friends by the after bulkhead, Many still sailing, a few good ones dead, And you’ve taken your leave with a handclasp and smile, And lied to each other see-you in-a-while; But you never went sailing no more. Swallow the anchor, make for the shore, After this trip you’ll go sailin’ no more Perhaps you’ll regret all the time spent at sea You’ll never forget all that fine company, And you’ll never go sailin’ no more…\*" "\*I’m leaving my family, leaving all my friends, My body’s at home but my heart’s in the wind, Where the clouds are like headlines on a new ‘front-page’ sky, My tears are saltwater the moon’s full and high. And I know Martin Eden’s going to be proud of me, Many before me have been called by the sea, To be up in the crow’s-nest, singing my lay, Shiver m’ timbers, I’m sailing away. And the fog’s lifting, the sand’s shifting, I’m drifting to sea, Old Captain Ahab ain’t got nothing on me, Swallow me, don’t follow me, travelling alone, Blue water’s my daughter, going to skip like a stone…\*" ---
**Author:** ![Peg](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/b38774/32.png) [@Peg](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peg)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2003, 12:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/captain-buckleberryferry-and-the-crew-of-the-ted-sign-up-here/190997/154 "2003-07-29T00:19:38Z")
All this marooning and pilagin’ and navigatin’ on mere apples and rum has roused my cookin’ skills. Peg the Cook says **feast!** ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2003, 12:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/captain-buckleberryferry-and-the-crew-of-the-ted-sign-up-here/190997/155 "2003-07-29T00:22:14Z")
Can you make me some stewed monkey’s brains? ---
**Author:** ![Peg](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/b38774/32.png) [@Peg](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peg)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2003, 1:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/captain-buckleberryferry-and-the-crew-of-the-ted-sign-up-here/190997/156 "2003-07-29T01:12:27Z")
Would that be stewed zombie ninja monkey brains? ---
**Author:** ![BuckleberryFerry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/5f9b8f/32.png) [@BuckleberryFerry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BuckleberryFerry)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2003, 1:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/captain-buckleberryferry-and-the-crew-of-the-ted-sign-up-here/190997/157 "2003-07-29T01:43:57Z")
Yarr, I leave for a bit and thar be mutineers and musicals. I don’t know which be worse. **First Mate NoClue** , find out for sure if **Kn(I can’t tell if he’s against me or not)ckers** be friend or foe. If friend, find 'im a job. If foe, be sure 'e gets the honor of 'is very own isle. The rest of ye, finish off yer job and off to **Peg** ’s feast. Anyone who can read ‘n’ write, get me a full list of me crew and their jobs aboard. Thar’s no organization 'ere. And methinks that zombie ninja robot pirate monkey be makin’ more trouble than he’s worth. Arr. ---
**Author:** ![Doomtrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/0ea827/32.png) [@Doomtrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doomtrain)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2003, 2:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/captain-buckleberryferry-and-the-crew-of-the-ted-sign-up-here/190997/158 "2003-07-29T02:22:29Z")
Arr, if there be musicals, then I’m putting on a flappy pirate shirt and showing my chest! Whar be those scurrrrrrrrrvy Gilbert and Sullivan chaps? Arr! ---
**Author:** ![lindarielle13](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/3bc359/32.png) [@lindarielle13](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lindarielle13)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2003, 5:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/captain-buckleberryferry-and-the-crew-of-the-ted-sign-up-here/190997/159 "2003-07-29T05:26:09Z")
Peg, thankee for the fine feast. Here be the list you requested, Captain. BuckleberryFerry - Captain, o’course NoClue - 1st mate CelticCowboy - keeps the rum safe ArrMatey - 2nd mate, in charge of apples, also in charge of rum, quartermaster Dewey - bo’sun Mastema - checks hull for barnacles Peg - cook GMRyujin - old, sorty-telling pirate Curate - skeleton positioner arisu - tatto artist and navigator from the south pacific Tikki - brainy yet sexy barmaid, keeps the crew supplied with rum DesertDog - ship’s cat matt\_mcl - Roger the cabin boy Brahesilver - in the rigging steelerphan (aka Mario Mendoza) - gunner as\_u\_wish - sailmaker w/ a map Kallesa - Captive Pirate Princess Chimera - security Dr. Rieux - surgeon Tarrsk - inexperienced but good hearted who will be most feared pirate on the seven seas, currently raises and lowers the anchors Liser-go-Blind - washerwoman lindarielle13 (aka Robert) - various odd jobs Bosda - cargo master Kn\*ckers - possible mutineer Wang-Ka - 8ths master (?), lookout Michael Ellis - shouts, cannons, electrician Zebra - strange tatooed person who doesn’t speak English Scuba-Ben - gunner tisiphone - various entertainment And of course… Zombie Pirate Robot Ninja Monkey (aka Jack) - steals things ---
**Author:** ![Kallessa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/7993a0/32.png) [@Kallessa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kallessa)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2003, 5:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/captain-buckleberryferry-and-the-crew-of-the-ted-sign-up-here/190997/160 "2003-07-29T05:38:49Z")
Tarrsk isn’t so inexperienced anymore. 😉 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/captain-buckleberryferry-and-the-crew-of-the-ted-sign-up-here/190997.md?page=7) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/captain-buckleberryferry-and-the-crew-of-the-ted-sign-up-here/190997.md?page=9)