# Captain Jack Vs Captain Jack **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [September 23, 2010, 3:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/captain-jack-vs-captain-jack/554737 "2010-09-23T03:45:41Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Tapioca\_Dextrin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Tapioca\_Dextrin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tapioca_Dextrin)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2010, 3:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/captain-jack-vs-captain-jack/554737/1 "2010-09-23T03:45:41Z")
Captain Jack Sparrow vs Captain Jack Harkness. Both are pretty close to immortal. Both have combat skills. Who wins in a fight? ---
**Author:** ![Lumpy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lumpy/32/446_2.png) [@Lumpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lumpy)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2010, 3:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/captain-jack-vs-captain-jack/554737/2 "2010-09-23T03:52:24Z")
> [@Tapioca\_Dextrin](#): > > Captain Jack Sparrow \<\> combat skills \<\>? When? At most, he’s competent with a sword. Against a Time Agent who regularly deals with creatures from an interdimensional rift? Fuggedaboutit… ---
**Author:** ![Kamino\_Neko](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kamino_neko/32/34_2.png) [@Kamino\_Neko](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kamino_Neko)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2010, 3:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/captain-jack-vs-captain-jack/554737/3 "2010-09-23T03:59:14Z")
Jack’d try to seduce Jack. Which surname goes with which ‘Jack’ is an open question. ---
**Author:** ![foolsguinea](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/foolsguinea/32/14751_2.png) [@foolsguinea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/foolsguinea)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2010, 5:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/captain-jack-vs-captain-jack/554737/4 "2010-09-23T05:26:47Z")
[This one.](http://www.atomicavenue.com/atomic/titledetail.aspx?TitleID=1488) ---
**Author:** ![Grumman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/43a26b/32.png) [@Grumman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grumman)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2010, 5:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/captain-jack-vs-captain-jack/554737/5 "2010-09-23T05:35:12Z")
I voted for Jack Sparrow, largely out of spite. I _hate_ _Torchwood_. ---
**Author:** ![LawMonkey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/d6d6ee/32.png) [@LawMonkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LawMonkey)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2010, 5:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/captain-jack-vs-captain-jack/554737/6 "2010-09-23T05:41:29Z")
> [@Grumman](#): > > I voted for Jack Sparrow, largely out of spite. I _hate_ _Torchwood_. Hey, Jack Harkness was awesome in DW before he got all mopey and emo in Torchwood. ---
**Author:** ![XanderCrews](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/x/ee59a6/32.png) [@XanderCrews](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/XanderCrews)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2010, 5:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/captain-jack-vs-captain-jack/554737/7 "2010-09-23T05:42:44Z")
Aubrey would get them both with canister shot from a carronade. ---
**Author:** ![Saltire](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/saltire/32/553_2.png) [@Saltire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Saltire)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2010, 5:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/captain-jack-vs-captain-jack/554737/8 "2010-09-23T05:55:46Z")
I voted for the Billy Joel song. Captain Jack will get you high tonight, get you by tonight, make you die tonight, so I guess he’s lethal in some way. ---
**Author:** ![leftfield6](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leftfield6/32/18780_2.png) [@leftfield6](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/leftfield6)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2010, 11:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/captain-jack-vs-captain-jack/554737/9 "2010-09-23T11:43:48Z")
> [@XanderCrews](#): > > Aubrey would get them both with canister shot from a carronade. Agreed. You really need to add Jack Aubrey to your poll. Broadside at 400 yards or heavy cavalry sword up close, either way Lucky Jack is your winner. ---
**Author:** ![Quercus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/7ab992/32.png) [@Quercus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quercus)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2010, 12:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/captain-jack-vs-captain-jack/554737/10 "2010-09-23T12:57:45Z")
Wait, did Sparrow become near-immortal in the last two movies that I haven’t seen all the way through? Or are we referring to the short period of time in the first movie when Sparrow had the cursed gold? Anyway, both Jacks are (more or less) good guys, so clearly neither would lose. So, probably due to luck, distraction or other event beyond Harkness’s control, Sparrow runs Harkness through, killing him. Sparrow then leaves before Harkness revives. The two Jacks independently discover that their conflict was due to a misunderstanding and the process of defeating the real enemy commences, as Sparrow feels regret and sorrow at killing what turned out to be a good guy. Harkness’ surprise reappearence of course creates an amusing scene, with double- and triple-takes from Sparrow, swearing off of rum, etc., and finally a minorly touching scene. The enemy is jointly defeated, and right before the end credits, Harkness says ‘How are you doing?’ to whats-her-face, right before Sparrow tells him “Nay, mate, no chance there, she’s got it all for this blond sword boy. Who, admittedly, can fence a bit, but hardly much of a sailor or pirate.” Because Sparrow is PG, either the Tardis shows up or Harkness’ time-travel device kicks in before he can ask Sparrow if it’s true what he’s heard about sailors. ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2010, 1:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/captain-jack-vs-captain-jack/554737/11 "2010-09-23T13:24:06Z")
I agree with the above. But it’s not like Sparrow hasn’t come back from the dead, too. But the fact that Harkness has done it will impress him. I also agree that Sparrow would beat Harkness first. I just don’t think Harkness would be expecting it, or care too much about not dying. He seems to more usually become really good toward the end of the episode–though I’ll admit I haven’t seen a lot of Torchwood. ---
**Author:** ![muldoonthief](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muldoonthief/32/3188_2.png) [@muldoonthief](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/muldoonthief)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2010, 2:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/captain-jack-vs-captain-jack/554737/12 "2010-09-23T14:06:20Z")
> [@leftfield6](#): > > > [@XanderCrews](#): > > > > Aubrey would get them both with canister shot from a carronade. > > Agreed. You really need to add Jack Aubrey to your poll. Broadside at 400 yards or heavy cavalry sword up close, either way Lucky Jack is your winner. Unless the fight happens on land, in which case Sparrow somehow convince Jack Aubrey to sell him his sword, his hat, and his shoes for a handful of magic beans. ---
**Author:** ![Rhythmdvl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/85f322/32.png) [@Rhythmdvl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rhythmdvl)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2010, 3:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/captain-jack-vs-captain-jack/554737/13 "2010-09-23T15:08:11Z")
Jack Harkness: Ever faced another good guy before? Jack Sparrow: Nope. Jack Harkness: Me neither. Jack Sparrow: Kinda makes you wonder what’ll happen. Jack Harkness: I figure the good guy’ll win, just like always. Jack Sparrow: Yeah, except we’re both good guys. Jack Harkness: Then I figure the most good good guy will win. Jack Sparrow: That’s how I figure, too. Jack Harkness: Yep. Then Harkness proceeds to shoot Sparrow in the hand. (Then offer him some “root.” Yeah, that’s what he’d call it.) ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2010, 3:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/captain-jack-vs-captain-jack/554737/14 "2010-09-23T15:13:35Z")
> [@Saltire](#): > > I voted for the Billy Joel song. Captain Jack will get you high tonight, get you by tonight, make you die tonight, so I guess he’s lethal in some way. 1st thing I thought of as well. 🆒 Ahh… spending the 70s as a teenager… ---
**Author:** ![panamajack](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/47e85d/32.png) [@panamajack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panamajack)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2010, 3:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/captain-jack-vs-captain-jack/554737/15 "2010-09-23T15:23:35Z")
> [@Saltire](#): > > I voted for the Billy Joel song. Captain Jack will get you high tonight, get you by tonight, make you die tonight, so I guess he’s lethal in some way. I believe it involves running to the railroad track. I think perhaps he lets the train do the rest. Or the air force. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2010, 3:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/captain-jack-vs-captain-jack/554737/16 "2010-09-23T15:24:40Z")
What? No love for Yukon Jack? ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2010, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/captain-jack-vs-captain-jack/554737/17 "2010-09-23T15:30:14Z")
I live under a rock, who is Jack Harkness? ---
**Author:** ![Banquet\_Bear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/banquet_bear/32/373_2.png) [@Banquet\_Bear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Banquet_Bear)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2010, 3:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/captain-jack-vs-captain-jack/554737/18 "2010-09-23T15:47:29Z")
> [@Shirley\_Ujest](#): > > I live under a rock, who is Jack Harkness? …omni-sexual time agent from Doctor Who and Torchwood. > **[Jack Harkness](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jack_Harkness)** > > Captain Jack Harkness is a fictional character played by John Barrowman in Doctor Who and its spin-off series, Torchwood. The character first appears in the 2005 Doctor Who episode "The Empty Child" and subsequently features in the remaining episodes of the first series (2005) as a companion to the series' protagonist, the Doctor. Subsequent to this, Jack became the central character in the adult-themed Torchwood, which aired from 2006 to 2011. Barrowman reprised the role for appearances in Do... ---
**Author:** ![5\_time\_champ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/5/278dde/32.png) [@5\_time\_champ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/5_time_champ)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2010, 3:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/captain-jack-vs-captain-jack/554737/19 "2010-09-23T15:50:13Z")
_Captain Jack will get you high tonight, just a little push & you’ll be smiling._ Don’t know much about the other two. ---
**Author:** ![Jenaroph](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e8c25b/32.png) [@Jenaroph](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jenaroph)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2010, 4:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/captain-jack-vs-captain-jack/554737/20 "2010-09-23T16:00:22Z")
> [@Quercus](#): > > Anyway, both Jacks are (more or less) good guys, so clearly neither would lose. So, probably due to luck, distraction or other event beyond Harkness’s control, Sparrow runs Harkness through, killing him. Sparrow then leaves before Harkness revives. The two Jacks independently discover that their conflict was due to a misunderstanding and the process of defeating the real enemy commences, as Sparrow feels regret and sorrow at killing what turned out to be a good guy. Harkness’ surprise reappearence of course creates an amusing scene, with double- and triple-takes from Sparrow, swearing off of rum, etc., and finally a minorly touching scene. The enemy is jointly defeated, and right before the end credits, Harkness says ‘How are you doing?’ to whats-her-face, right before Sparrow tells him “Nay, mate, no chance there, she’s got it all for this blond sword boy. Who, admittedly, can fence a bit, but hardly much of a sailor or pirate.” > Because Sparrow is PG, either the Tardis shows up or Harkness’ time-travel device kicks in before he can ask Sparrow if it’s true what he’s heard about sailors. And _then_ comes the greased up greco-roman wrestling. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/captain-jack-vs-captain-jack/554737.md?page=2)