# Captain Midnight is a Fat-Ass! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [September 6, 2010, 12:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/captain-midnight-is-a-fat-ass/552787 "2010-09-06T12:53:43Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 10
**Author:** ![magellan01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@magellan01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/magellan01)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2010, 5:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/captain-midnight-is-a-fat-ass/552787/181 "2010-09-10T05:02:49Z")
> [@BrightNShiny](#): > > > [@magellan01](#): > > > > Even if that were all true, all you’ve offered is an ad hominem fallacy. > > > > Now how about you answering the serious questions in my first post to you. Or do you prefer to just keep digging? > > I’m not going to engage you, because you shown in thread after thread that you have no intention of debating honestly. I’m sure you have something that you think is a clever “gotcha” rattling around in your brain, so why don’t you just spit it out already? There’s no “gotcha”. The questions were fairly straightforward, exploring how you apportion sympathy and revoke it for unrelated things. Don’t be so afraid. Now, if you would have put a tenth of the you put into not answering my questions into just answering them, we’d be done by now. Here were my questions: [QUOTE=magellan01] So, **BrightNShiny** , out of curiosity, what other things might cause you to have sympathy for Captain Midnight but revoke it due to his post? Victim of arson? Loss of a limb? Put in the hospital by a drunk driver? Having a loved one raped? Being mugged? Please, do fill me in. And, is there anything that would cause you to have sympathy for Captain Midnight in spite of his oh-so-horrific post that hurt your widdle feewings so badwy? [/QUOTE] Proceed… ---
**Author:** ![BrightNShiny](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@BrightNShiny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrightNShiny)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2010, 5:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/captain-midnight-is-a-fat-ass/552787/182 "2010-09-10T05:20:10Z")
> [@magellan01](#): > > There’s no “gotcha”. The questions were fairly straightforward, exploring how you apportion sympathy and revoke it for unrelated things. Don’t be so afraid. Now, if you would have put a tenth of the you put into not answering my questions into just answering them, we’d be done by now. I’m not afraid. I don’t see any point in engaging with you. If you post blatantly incorrect things about the law or history or continue your homophobia, I may still call you out, but other than that, we have nothing to talk about. ---
**Author:** ![BrightNShiny](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@BrightNShiny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrightNShiny)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2010, 5:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/captain-midnight-is-a-fat-ass/552787/183 "2010-09-10T05:31:03Z")
Just one more thing, I want to thank **Guin** and **Diosa** for your posts in this thread. I think I’ve learned something from them. At the very least, it might be better for me to try and see the upside of life more often. ---
**Author:** ![magellan01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@magellan01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/magellan01)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2010, 3:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/captain-midnight-is-a-fat-ass/552787/184 "2010-09-10T15:40:46Z")
> [@BrightNShiny](#): > > > [@magellan01](#): > > > > There’s no “gotcha”. The questions were fairly straightforward, exploring how you apportion sympathy and revoke it for unrelated things. Don’t be so afraid. Now, if you would have put a tenth of the you put into not answering my questions into just answering them, we’d be done by now. > > I’m not afraid. I don’t see any point in engaging with you. If you post blatantly incorrect things about the law or history or continue your homophobia, I may still call you out, but other than that, we have nothing to talk about. Gotcha. You’ll continue to do anything to avoid answering questions that naturally flow from your bullshit position and reveal it to be so bullshitty. Can’t say I blame you. ---
**Author:** ![DiosaBellissima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a8b319/32.png) [@DiosaBellissima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DiosaBellissima)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2010, 4:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/captain-midnight-is-a-fat-ass/552787/185 "2010-09-10T16:33:35Z")
> [@BrightNShiny](#): > > Just one more thing, I want to thank **Guin** and **Diosa** for your posts in this thread. I think I’ve learned something from them. At the very least, it might be better for me to try and see the upside of life more often. If you focused more on having a gay old time, your life would definitely be a lot more bright and shiny, my friend. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2010, 4:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/captain-midnight-is-a-fat-ass/552787/186 "2010-09-10T16:43:08Z")
> [@BrightNShiny](#): > > > [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > > > Or would **CM** blow a twinkie for **BNS**. > > Ok, you know I got all upset about twinkies in that thread about [George Rekers](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?p=12429195). Why does everyone want to ruin twinkies for me? Sorry. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2010, 8:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/captain-midnight-is-a-fat-ass/552787/187 "2010-09-10T20:44:37Z")
I’m trying to get out the door early today, so I had to stop before I got caught up. Damn, I’m seriously pissed I didn’t find this thread sooner–it’s been a busy week. > [@BrightNShiny](#): > > So, **Captain Midnight** , you are a fat disgusting piece of shit. Every day, it’s fat this and fat that. I mean, really, what do you hosebeasts want? No, I don’t want to watch some fat-asses kiss and hold hands in public. No, i don’t want my children seeing your fat-ass or being indoctrinated by your fat-ass lifestyle. I want fat-asses like you to quit lying to us and stating obviously wrong things like that your fat-assness is like a “drug.” Fuck you, and your fat-ass. There’s no fucking way I’ll ever let some Jackie Gleason looking motherfucker lecture me on what’s natural and what’s a proper life style. Let’s make pretty thin babies together. > [@DiosaBellissima](#): > > I’m fat and have a gay mom (who is also fat)- I see nothing wrong with the OP. Hey, I have a fat gay mom, too! Well, okay, she’s bi. But close enough. I’m not fat, though. ☹ But we’re like twins! Except not really. > [@](#): > > Let’s not even get started on the fact that he drinks Gatorade because he thinks it’s healthier. But but but electrolytes are _what plants crave!_ > [@Captain\_Midnight](#): > > This is the agenda of the homosexual. The insult. I really wish you’d given this as a speech so I could hand the recording to a friend of mine to sample for their next album. Pure fucking comedy gold. > [@](#): > > mascular women What the fuck is a mascular woman? > [@Captain\_Midnight](#): > > Hello, > > This is the agenda of the homosexual. The insult. And you’re so retarded, you posted it twice. With changes! > [@](#): > > spittle hateful words Spittle’s a noun. > [@](#): > > I would rather be fat that\*\* stick my dick up another man’s ass.\*\* Thank god you bolded that. Also, the lady doth protest too much, methinks–we got ourselves another closetcase, here, kiddoes. > [@](#): > > If you are homosexual, please read slowly… You are mentally ill. **CM** , ladies and gentlemen–knows more than every educated, licensed, and reputable psychiatrist and psychologist in the world. > [@](#): > > Being a homosexual means dying at a younger age from AIDS which is caused and spread by homosexuals. The HIV virus is produced in special Fag Glands, which are located just above the scrotum. ETA: I just skimmed down this last page and **THIS IS MY NEW FAVORITE LINE EVER** : > [@Inner\_Stickler](#): > > He’s so far in the closet he’s halfway to Cair Paravel. ---
**Author:** ![BrightNShiny](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@BrightNShiny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrightNShiny)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2010, 12:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/captain-midnight-is-a-fat-ass/552787/188 "2010-09-11T00:23:01Z")
> [@magellan01](#): > > Gotcha. You’ll continue to do anything to avoid answering questions that naturally flow from your bullshit position and reveal it to be so bullshitty. Can’t say I blame you. I’m not “doing anything” to avoid answering. I’m just not answering. I’m not going to bother debating ethics with an immoral asshole like yourself. ---
**Author:** ![SteveG1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bb73d2/32.png) [@SteveG1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SteveG1)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2010, 12:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/captain-midnight-is-a-fat-ass/552787/189 "2010-09-11T00:55:39Z")
> [@MerryMagdalen](#): > > The Hopmosexual Agenda! It’s right [here](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NafUYrPJK-U), people! (NSFW lyrics!) That was FABULOUS!!! Two snaps up! ---
**Author:** ![SteveG1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bb73d2/32.png) [@SteveG1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SteveG1)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2010, 12:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/captain-midnight-is-a-fat-ass/552787/190 "2010-09-11T00:59:27Z")
> [@Shot\_From\_Guns](#): > > Thank god you bolded that. Also, the lady doth protest too much, methinks–we got ourselves another closetcase, here, kiddoes. No thanks, we dont’ want him either 😛 ---
**Author:** ![descamisado](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e480ec/32.png) [@descamisado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/descamisado)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2010, 1:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/captain-midnight-is-a-fat-ass/552787/191 "2010-09-11T01:18:17Z")
Why not? He’s fat. He might bring pie. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2010, 3:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/captain-midnight-is-a-fat-ass/552787/192 "2010-09-11T03:04:21Z")
> [@BrightNShiny](#): > > Just one more thing, I want to thank **Guin** and **Diosa** for your posts in this thread. I think I’ve learned something from them. At the very least, it might be better for me to try and see the upside of life more often. _takes a bow_ Has anyone seen the Pitee since his original appearance here? Or did he run off, afraid of catching Teh Gay? ---
**Author:** ![BayouHazard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/d78d45/32.png) [@BayouHazard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BayouHazard)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2010, 3:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/captain-midnight-is-a-fat-ass/552787/193 "2010-09-11T03:39:29Z")
> [@Captain\_Midnight](#): > > Hello, > > This is the agenda of the homosexual. The insult. If you disagree with what they have to say, they get all red in the face and starts with the insults. This is all they have in the World.. Um, no. We have jobs. We have lives. Some of us have too many cats. We pay taxes. Some might say that, paying taxes, we deserve the same protection under the law as heteros get when they marry. > [@Captain\_Midnight](#): > > I would rather be fat that stick my dick up another man’s ass. Nobody’s asking you to, and quite frankly, I doubt any gay man would, they’re very appearance-oriented. > [@Captain\_Midnight](#): > > I would rather be fat than accept two men or two women throw their homosexuality in my face and the faces of everyone else. I don’t “throw my sexuality in everyone’s face.” There’s a phase a lot of kids go through when they come out…but most of us settle down and go on to be pretty unlike the queer bogeypeople you have in your head. Most of us are boring. Really boring. The weirdest thing I do is play dungeons and dragons, old-school, pencil-and-paper. The homosexuals have thrown their sodomy, feces eating, carpet munching effiminate men and mascular women shit for so long that most of us just say fuck it and move on. It’s not so much that people are into deviant behavior, I just hate to be lied to. Saying that people are born gay, that people of the same sex can have the same relationship and values as heterosexuals and that hopmosexuals can adopt children and have them be normal is a lie. Honestly, we Americans have been lied to for so long, that we just accept it. [/QUOTE] First off, using what I do in the bedroom as an excuse to deny me equality is bullshit. Secondly, if we’re going to go there, do you think what you presumably are still vaguely able to do with your wife is any more elegant? > [@Captain\_Midnight](#): > > In the 2008 election, when the economy, foreign affairs, the Middle East, jobs going overseas and everything else, it seems that half of the time the issue was if two fags can be legally married. I do think that gay marriage isn’t of overwhelming importance IF YOU’RE NOT GAY. It should be a minor “yes, okay, you can, let’s move on.” So why is it that heterosexual bigots are screaming like castratos about it? We queers see it as equal protection under the law, but it is not going to affect straight people. It’s not going to affect you like higher unemployment, so go do something about your actual problems, straight people. As far as us adopting a child? not saying wifey and I will, but I will flat out tell any hypothetical kids the truth-it’s hella easier being straight. ---
**Author:** ![BayouHazard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/d78d45/32.png) [@BayouHazard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BayouHazard)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2010, 3:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/captain-midnight-is-a-fat-ass/552787/194 "2010-09-11T03:59:45Z")
Oh, by the way, if you think signing paperwork is good enough for us queers: [http://community.livejournal.com/ontd\_political/5949233.html](http://community.livejournal.com/ontd_political/5949233.html) (pardon, trouble linking to original due to work filter) ---
**Author:** ![magellan01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@magellan01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/magellan01)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2010, 4:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/captain-midnight-is-a-fat-ass/552787/195 "2010-09-11T04:38:52Z")
> [@BrightNShiny](#): > > > [@magellan01](#): > > > > Gotcha. You’ll continue to do anything to avoid answering questions that naturally flow from your bullshit position and reveal it to be so bullshitty. Can’t say I blame you. > > I’m not “doing anything” to avoid answering. I’m just not answering. I’m not going to bother debating ethics with an immoral asshole like yourself. Man you’re pathetic. But I think it wise for you to not debate morals with anyone who doesn’t agree with you on everything. Or is it just SSM that is your litmus test? But you and I know that you thought about answering the questions I asked you but you realized that your stance wouldn’t stand up to scrutiny. So, I congratulate you on your accurate calculation. ---
**Author:** ![BrightNShiny](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@BrightNShiny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrightNShiny)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2010, 4:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/captain-midnight-is-a-fat-ass/552787/196 "2010-09-11T04:49:13Z")
> [@magellan01](#): > > Man you’re pathetic. But I think it wise for you to not debate morals with anyone who doesn’t agree with you on everything. Or is it just SSM that is your litmus test? > > But you and I know that you thought about answering the questions I asked you but you realized that your stance wouldn’t stand up to scrutiny. So, I congratulate you on your accurate calculation. Blah, blah, blah. Are you sure you’re not a piece of software rather than a person? Because you keep repeating the same stupid shit over and over. ---
**Author:** ![magellan01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@magellan01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/magellan01)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2010, 5:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/captain-midnight-is-a-fat-ass/552787/197 "2010-09-11T05:18:51Z")
> [@BrightNShiny](#): > > > [@magellan01](#): > > > > Man you’re pathetic. But I think it wise for you to not debate morals with anyone who doesn’t agree with you on everything. Or is it just SSM that is your litmus test? > > > > But you and I know that you thought about answering the questions I asked you but you realized that your stance wouldn’t stand up to scrutiny. So, I congratulate you on your accurate calculation. > > Blah, blah, blah. Are you sure you’re not a piece of software rather than a person? Because you keep repeating the same stupid shit over and over. Actually, you’re the one who posted the stupid. I merely asked to you try to explain it. To justify it. And you will go to any length to not answer. Which, I admit, is probably your best course of action. Hell, you’re not smart enough to ably defend a solid position, never mind one so based on emotion and bias as the one you but forth here. But please, continue to NOT answer the questions. The more posts that you offer simply not answering nor defending the position the YOU offered up, the better. Your non-answers are, as a totality, an answer in themselves. That’s what happens to those with big mouths and weak minds. So keep up yer yapping, punk. ---
**Author:** ![BayouHazard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/d78d45/32.png) [@BayouHazard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BayouHazard)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2010, 5:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/captain-midnight-is-a-fat-ass/552787/198 "2010-09-11T05:44:06Z")
> [@Shot\_From\_Guns](#): > > What the fuck is a mascular woman? I think I’d qualify, because I curl ten-pound dumbbells and don’t like skirts or makeup much. Apparently, **Captain Midnight** finds my biceps and practical clothing somehow frightening. Except he doesn’t know I’m the kind of person who’d try to pry him out of a burning car wreck if I saw him trapped in one, or give him CPR if he had a heart attack in front of me, or that I rescue orphaned kittens, or take injured animals to wildlife rehab, or give to charity when I can(well, now he does). He just knows I’m a dyke, and to him, that’s the only salient point. Which makes me rather sad and angry. ---
**Author:** ![BrightNShiny](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@BrightNShiny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrightNShiny)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2010, 6:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/captain-midnight-is-a-fat-ass/552787/199 "2010-09-11T06:13:57Z")
> [@magellan01](#): > > Actually, you’re the one who posted the stupid. I merely asked to you try to explain it. To justify it. And you will go to any length to not answer. Which, I admit, is probably your best course of action. Hell, you’re not smart enough to ably defend a solid position, never mind one so based on emotion and bias as the one you but forth here. But please, continue to NOT answer the questions. The more posts that you offer simply not answering nor defending the position the YOU offered up, the better. Your non-answers are, as a totality, an answer in themselves. That’s what happens to those with big mouths and weak minds. So keep up yer yapping, punk. It’s really driving you crazy that I won’t play along with your game, isn’t it? ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2010, 8:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/captain-midnight-is-a-fat-ass/552787/200 "2010-09-11T08:21:14Z")
> [@BayouHazard](#): > > > [@Shot\_From\_Guns](#): > > > > What the fuck is a mascular woman? > > I think I’d qualify, because I curl ten-pound dumbbells and don’t like skirts or makeup much. You’re assuming he meant “muscular.” Maybe he meant [“macular,”](http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/macular) and has something against women with freckles. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/captain-midnight-is-a-fat-ass/552787.md?page=9) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/captain-midnight-is-a-fat-ass/552787.md?page=11)