# Captain Midnight is a Fat-Ass! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [September 6, 2010, 12:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/captain-midnight-is-a-fat-ass/552787 "2010-09-06T12:53:43Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2010, 3:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/captain-midnight-is-a-fat-ass/552787/101 "2010-09-07T03:05:06Z")
I’m not gay, but can I still support the Homosexual Agenda? What about the “Hopmosexual Agenda?” > [@Captain Midnight](#): > > hopmosexuals 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Inner\_Stickler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inner_stickler/32/318_2.png) [@Inner\_Stickler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inner_Stickler)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2010, 3:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/captain-midnight-is-a-fat-ass/552787/102 "2010-09-07T03:07:03Z")
> [@DiosaBellissima](#): > > I have a question, fabulous one. > > I believe we all know that teh ghey is contagious _and_ genetic. So, clearly I’m just in a phase where I’m denying the homo I caught from my mother’s milk. In the mean time, though, can I get me one of those sparkly agendas? > > Thanks > _does fabulous gay secret handshake_ _giggles_ I can’t do the gay secret handshake with a GIRL! But a sparkly agenda? I can do that! Sparkly agendas for everyone! ---
**Author:** ![SteveG1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bb73d2/32.png) [@SteveG1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SteveG1)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2010, 3:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/captain-midnight-is-a-fat-ass/552787/103 "2010-09-07T03:09:20Z")
> [@Chessic\_Sense](#): > > Dudes, like, OK…which is grosser? Two queers making out in public or two tubbies? > > Aw man, I know, right? Tell it right, and that could be one hell of a joke. ---
**Author:** ![DiosaBellissima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a8b319/32.png) [@DiosaBellissima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DiosaBellissima)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2010, 3:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/captain-midnight-is-a-fat-ass/552787/104 "2010-09-07T03:17:33Z")
> [@DSeid](#): > > > [@DiosaBellissima](#): > > > > This is just not true. I am my cite. Anyone who has interacted with me on the board will back me up on this. > > Ah but you are less dysfunctional than all the other dysfunctionals on this board. And the posts in this thread back me up on this. > > 🙂 Damnit! Foiled again by the. . . straight. . . agenda? 😕 > [@Inner\_Stickler](#): > > > [@DiosaBellissima](#): > > > > I have a question, fabulous one. > > > > I believe we all know that teh ghey is contagious _and_ genetic. So, clearly I’m just in a phase where I’m denying the homo I caught from my mother’s milk. In the mean time, though, can I get me one of those sparkly agendas? > > > > Thanks > > _does fabulous gay secret handshake_ > > _giggles_ I can’t do the gay secret handshake with a GIRL! But a sparkly agenda? I can do that! Sparkly agendas for everyone! If it helps at all: I’m a fat, brown haired fruit fly. I feel like that should make it ok. While I’m not one of you guys(1 too few penises), the gay club has taught me that my kind are just as welcome. I dunno. . . ---
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2010, 3:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/captain-midnight-is-a-fat-ass/552787/105 "2010-09-07T03:18:57Z")
> [@DiosaBellissima](#): > > > [@silenus](#): > > > > Bullshit. > > Na, I’m definitely fat. Trust me. You had to pay him for that setup, didn’t you? ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2010, 3:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/captain-midnight-is-a-fat-ass/552787/106 "2010-09-07T03:19:27Z")
> [@SteveG1](#): > > > [@Chessic\_Sense](#): > > > > Dudes, like, OK…which is grosser? Two queers making out in public or two tubbies? > > > > Aw man, I know, right? > > Tell it right, and that could be one hell of a joke. Two queer tubbies. DUH. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![DiosaBellissima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a8b319/32.png) [@DiosaBellissima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DiosaBellissima)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2010, 3:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/captain-midnight-is-a-fat-ass/552787/107 "2010-09-07T03:21:09Z")
> [@astro](#): > > > [@DiosaBellissima](#): > > > > Na, I’m definitely fat. Trust me. > > You had to pay him for that setup, didn’t you? I’m not paying for that. The correct set up would have been, “How fat are you, Diosa?” Then I could have really made magic. _Alas._ ---
**Author:** ![DSeid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dseid/32/20194_2.png) [@DSeid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DSeid)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2010, 3:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/captain-midnight-is-a-fat-ass/552787/108 "2010-09-07T03:24:15Z")
> [@DiosaBellissima](#): > > If it helps at all: I’m a fat, brown haired fruit fly. I feel like that should make it ok. While I’m not one of you guys(1 too few penises) … I dunno. Even the kinkiest gay guys might find a fruit fly penis a [bit too kinky](http://io9.com/5442323/the-mystery-of-the-fruit-fly-penis-solved-with-lasers). > [@](#): > > the penises of Drosophilia feature a dizzying assortment of sharp hooks and spines. Not unlike snowflakes, no two sets of penile accessories are alike, meaning an expert biologist could tell which species a particular fruit fly belonged to based only on its genitalia. > > Biologists have put forth a number of possible explanations as to why fruit fly penises possess these features, and none of these theories are for the squeamish. Some have suggested the males use the razor-sharp points on their penises as weapons, scrubbing out the sperm of any rivals that might have also tried to impregnate its mate. Another idea holds that the fruit fly uses the barbs to pierce a shortcut through the female’s genitals, allow its sperm speedier access to the ova. A third theory is that the sharp points are just meant to injure the female, although no one can come up with a sensible reason why that would be advantageous. Read the link to see what happens when scientists shave the sharp kinks off. Fun fruit fly [fact](http://www.independent.co.uk/news/science/the-sex-life-of-a-fruit-fly-514573.html). > [@](#): > > A male fruit fly sensibly leaves the mind control to their sperm, which contains a cocktail of chemicals that helps to make the fly’s mate more compliant and lower her libido for other males. He also goes for quality over quantity, with a single, massive 5cm-long sperm, 20 times longer than himself, which takes three days to make. ---
**Author:** ![thirdname](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/d07c76/32.png) [@thirdname](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thirdname)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2010, 3:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/captain-midnight-is-a-fat-ass/552787/109 "2010-09-07T03:28:43Z")
**astro** may have been deceived by **DiosaBellissima** ’s [Fat Girl Angle Shot](http://encyclopediadramatica.com/Fat_Girl_Angle_Shot) [warning, NSFW ads there] profile pic. ---
**Author:** ![SteveG1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bb73d2/32.png) [@SteveG1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SteveG1)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2010, 3:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/captain-midnight-is-a-fat-ass/552787/110 "2010-09-07T03:32:49Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > > [@SteveG1](#): > > > > Tell it right, and that could be one hell of a joke. > > Two queer tubbies. DUH. 😉 Don’t get me wrong, I think he’s a fucking tool. I just feel that a smart ass remark was all the whole damn subject was worth. Here’s a deal for Midnight… Eat all the fuck you want, I don’'t give a rat’s ass if you eat til you explode. Meanwhile mind your own fucking business about my personal shit and who I live with. I typed that slow, for the stupid ones. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Tao\_s\_Revenge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/73ab20/32.png) [@The\_Tao\_s\_Revenge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Tao_s_Revenge)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2010, 3:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/captain-midnight-is-a-fat-ass/552787/111 "2010-09-07T03:36:01Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > > [@SteveG1](#): > > > > Tell it right, and that could be one hell of a joke. > > Two queer tubbies. DUH. 😉 nana and poe? ---
**Author:** ![DiosaBellissima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a8b319/32.png) [@DiosaBellissima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DiosaBellissima)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2010, 3:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/captain-midnight-is-a-fat-ass/552787/112 "2010-09-07T03:44:20Z")
> [@thirdname](#): > > **astro** may have been deceived by **DiosaBellissima** ’s [Fat Girl Angle Shot](http://encyclopediadramatica.com/Fat_Girl_Angle_Shot) [warning, NSFW ads there] profile pic. Ha. See, now I know you’re just making shit up- my profile picture right now is my dog. Though. . .oh. . . my. . . GOD! The picture is from above and an angle. Alright. You win this round. ---
**Author:** ![thirdname](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/d07c76/32.png) [@thirdname](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thirdname)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2010, 3:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/captain-midnight-is-a-fat-ass/552787/113 "2010-09-07T03:55:04Z")
> [@DiosaBellissima](#): > > > [@thirdname](#): > > > > **astro** may have been deceived by **DiosaBellissima** ’s [Fat Girl Angle Shot](http://encyclopediadramatica.com/Fat_Girl_Angle_Shot) [warning, NSFW ads there] profile pic. > > Ha. See, now I know you’re just making shit up- my profile picture right now is my dog. Though. . .oh. . . my. . . GOD! The picture is from above and an angle. > > Alright. You win this round. I guess I meant your gallery picture. [This one.](http://www.nouilles.info/sdpix/44854.html) I don’t see a picture of your dog anywhere. Also there’s another FGAS on your site: [http://diosabellissima.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/08/IMG\_1103.jpg](http://diosabellissima.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/08/IMG_1103.jpg) ---
**Author:** ![The\_Tao\_s\_Revenge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/73ab20/32.png) [@The\_Tao\_s\_Revenge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Tao_s_Revenge)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2010, 3:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/captain-midnight-is-a-fat-ass/552787/114 "2010-09-07T03:58:26Z")
> [@DiosaBellissima](#): > > > [@thirdname](#): > > > > **astro** may have been deceived by **DiosaBellissima** ’s [Fat Girl Angle Shot](http://encyclopediadramatica.com/Fat_Girl_Angle_Shot) [warning, NSFW ads there] profile pic. > > Ha. See, now I know you’re just making shit up- my profile picture right now is my dog. ] So what you’re saying is he screwed the pooch? ---
**Author:** ![DiosaBellissima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a8b319/32.png) [@DiosaBellissima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DiosaBellissima)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2010, 3:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/captain-midnight-is-a-fat-ass/552787/115 "2010-09-07T03:58:45Z")
> [@thirdname](#): > > > [@DiosaBellissima](#): > > > > Ha. See, now I know you’re just making shit up- my profile picture right now is my dog. Though. . .oh. . . my. . . GOD! The picture is from above and an angle. > > > > Alright. You win this round. > > I guess I meant your gallery picture. [This one.](http://www.nouilles.info/sdpix/44854.html) I don’t see a picture of your dog anywhere. > > Also there’s another FGAS on your site: [http://diosabellissima.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/08/IMG\_1103.jpg](http://diosabellissima.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/08/IMG_1103.jpg) Well, I was making a joke based on my Facebook default photo right now, because I assumed you were- you know- just making a random joke and that is what folks generally mean when they refer to someone’s profile. That said, since you’re a creeper, yes, I am indeed fat. Heck, my website has pictures of my full body, including what size I wear and how much I weigh (so my fellow fat friends can find clothes- it’s something us fat girls do). I understand that you feel like I have deceived you, but I’ve been rather up front with my fatness, despite abuse of various camera angles. Now, I’m off to cyber stalk you so I can see what a sexy beast you are. ---
**Author:** ![Myrnalene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c4cdca/32.png) [@Myrnalene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Myrnalene)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2010, 4:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/captain-midnight-is-a-fat-ass/552787/116 "2010-09-07T04:02:34Z")
> [@thirdname](#): > > Also there’s another FGAS on your site: [http://diosabellissima.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/08/IMG\_1103.jpg](http://diosabellissima.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/08/IMG_1103.jpg) What the fuck is wrong with you? ---
**Author:** ![DiosaBellissima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a8b319/32.png) [@DiosaBellissima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DiosaBellissima)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2010, 4:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/captain-midnight-is-a-fat-ass/552787/117 "2010-09-07T04:05:23Z")
> [@Myrnalene](#): > > > [@thirdname](#): > > > > Also there’s another FGAS on your site: [http://diosabellissima.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/08/IMG\_1103.jpg](http://diosabellissima.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/08/IMG_1103.jpg) > > What the fuck is wrong with you? I bet **thirdname** has two daddies. ---
**Author:** ![thirdname](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/d07c76/32.png) [@thirdname](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thirdname)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2010, 4:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/captain-midnight-is-a-fat-ass/552787/118 "2010-09-07T04:11:45Z")
> [@Myrnalene](#): > > > [@thirdname](#): > > > > Also there’s another FGAS on your site: [http://diosabellissima.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/08/IMG\_1103.jpg](http://diosabellissima.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/08/IMG_1103.jpg) > > What the fuck is wrong with you? I didn’t even go to her site (which is linked to in her profile) until she said something about a dog and I was wondering what she was talking about. Christ, I just stumbled on a thread where she was openly debating someone who didn’t believe she was fat. I’d be happy to remove the links if anybody is offended, but it’s too late for that. ---
**Author:** ![DiosaBellissima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a8b319/32.png) [@DiosaBellissima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DiosaBellissima)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2010, 4:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/captain-midnight-is-a-fat-ass/552787/119 "2010-09-07T04:15:49Z")
> [@thirdname](#): > > > [@Myrnalene](#): > > > > What the fuck is wrong with you? > > I didn’t even go to her site (which is linked to in her profile) until she said something about a dog and I was wondering what she was talking about. Christ, I just stumbled on a thread where she was openly debating someone who didn’t believe she was fat. I’d be happy to remove the links if anybody is offended, but it’s too late for that. You really thought that was an open debate, eh? Sure, that makes sense- you stumbled upon that very serious exchange and wanted to defend my fat honor, so you posted pictures showing that if anyone thinks I’m thin, it’s merely an illusion. Thank you, **thirdname**. You are a white knight on this board of negativity. ---
**Author:** ![Polycarp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/82dd89/32.png) [@Polycarp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Polycarp)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2010, 4:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/captain-midnight-is-a-fat-ass/552787/120 "2010-09-07T04:19:44Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > I’m not gay, but can I still support the Homosexual Agenda? What about the “Hopmosexual Agenda?” > > > [@Captain Midnight](#): > > > > hopmosexuals > > 😉 “Can you explain the whole of sexual relationships while hopping on one foot?” -Hillelm, slightly modified 😉 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/captain-midnight-is-a-fat-ass/552787.md?page=5) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/captain-midnight-is-a-fat-ass/552787.md?page=7)