# Captain Midnight is a Fat-Ass! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [September 6, 2010, 12:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/captain-midnight-is-a-fat-ass/552787 "2010-09-06T12:53:43Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 9
**Author:** ![The\_Flying\_Dutchman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/9fc348/32.png) [@The\_Flying\_Dutchman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Flying_Dutchman)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2010, 2:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/captain-midnight-is-a-fat-ass/552787/161 "2010-09-08T02:46:41Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > > [@The\_Flying\_Dutchman](#): > > > > Just where did you get that quote from? I can’t find it in this thread. > > _face palm_ > > Maybe should have looked harder. You know, read the [OP](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=12882295&postcount=1), maybe? > > Jesus Christ. Here’s the [original link](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=12788876&postcount=94). Gee, If I knew it was that much trouble for you, I wouldn’t have asked. Anyhow, that changes my perception of **Shagnasty**. ---
**Author:** ![Kyla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/eada6e/32.png) [@Kyla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kyla)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2010, 3:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/captain-midnight-is-a-fat-ass/552787/162 "2010-09-08T03:38:53Z")
Has anyone else read this thread and come away with the suspicion that **Captain Midnight** is like one of those Republican anti-gay closet cases who spends their whole lives screeching about TEH GAYS, only to be later discovered taking a trip to Europe with a rentboy? Dude, it’s okay to be gay. Come out of the closet! We all know you’re obsessed with dicks in asses. Maybe you too, can one day get someone to put his dick in your ass. I mean, you’d have to be less of an asshole to find someone to want to fuck you without getting paid, but there’s always room for personal growth. You can do it, dude. ---
**Author:** ![Inner\_Stickler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inner_stickler/32/318_2.png) [@Inner\_Stickler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inner_Stickler)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2010, 3:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/captain-midnight-is-a-fat-ass/552787/163 "2010-09-08T03:41:09Z")
Oh yeah. He’s so far in the closet he’s halfway to Cair Paravel. ---
**Author:** ![zweisamkeit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zweisamkeit/32/4360_2.png) [@zweisamkeit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zweisamkeit)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2010, 3:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/captain-midnight-is-a-fat-ass/552787/164 "2010-09-08T03:44:14Z")
**Kyla** , yeah. It’s like the homophobic ministers who will deliver LONG sermons about eeeevil homosexuals trying to TEMPT MEN INTO SIN and how you must RESIST blahblah… but, I mean, if you were a straight guy, you wouldn’t… be… _tempted_ by schlong. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2010, 4:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/captain-midnight-is-a-fat-ass/552787/165 "2010-09-08T04:06:57Z")
Maybe **Captain Midnight** is t[this guy](http://www.theonion.com/articles/why-do-all-these-homosexuals-keep-sucking-my-cock,11150/) (Onion article). ---
**Author:** ![Kyla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/eada6e/32.png) [@Kyla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kyla)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2010, 4:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/captain-midnight-is-a-fat-ass/552787/166 "2010-09-08T04:09:17Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > Maybe **Captain Midnight** is t[this guy](http://www.theonion.com/articles/why-do-all-these-homosexuals-keep-sucking-my-cock,11150/) (Onion article). Oh jesus, I know that article is five years old now, but it still makes me laugh as much as it did the first time I read it. ---
**Author:** ![capybara](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/capybara/32/202_2.png) [@capybara](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/capybara)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2010, 12:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/captain-midnight-is-a-fat-ass/552787/167 "2010-09-08T12:19:37Z")
Can we pit him for being a good example of the very most tedious and useless kind of “university student” yet? ---
**Author:** ![heatmiserfl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/df705f/32.png) [@heatmiserfl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/heatmiserfl)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2010, 1:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/captain-midnight-is-a-fat-ass/552787/168 "2010-09-08T13:35:13Z")
> [@BrightNShiny](#): > > So, **Captain Midnight** , you are a fat disgusting piece of shit. Every day, it’s fat this and fat that. I mean, really, what do you hosebeasts want? No, I don’t want to watch some fat-asses kiss and hold hands in public. No, i don’t want my children seeing your fat-ass or being indoctrinated by your fat-ass lifestyle. I want fat-asses like you to quit lying to us and stating obviously wrong things like that your fat-assness is like a “drug.” Fuck you, and your fat-ass. There’s no fucking way I’ll ever let some Jackie Gleason looking motherfucker lecture me on what’s natural and what’s a proper life style. Hope you get a heart attack soon asshole! Oh golly gosh, **BNS**. You’re saying all those mean words about the obese people. **CM** never said a naughty word about the gays like you’re saying about the obeses. Obese people are not disgusting. Heck, I have a few obese friends. I just question why they have to show off their, uh, condition in front of my daughter. How am I supposed to teach her to eat right and exercise when we see one of them on the beach wearing bikinis or speedos? Anyone with a BMI over 30 should not be uncovered in public. Then there’s the public eating. Every festival or amusement park, well, there they are shoving unseemly things into their faces with no regard to my sensitivities. They bounce around in parades, jiggling their flesh at us. They’re on TV. They even have models. Underwear models!!! You can see their folds!!! Everywhere my daughter sees them and I know she wonders, “Maybe it’s not morally wrong to be fat. Maybe it’s alright to eat french fries every day instead of carrots.” If we started applying obscenity laws against obese people, I might feel a little uncomfortable. Then again, I’m sure someone would argue that the laws have a rational basis and my guilty feelings will dissipate. I’m not saying I support these laws or anything. Heavens! I’ll just continue to vote for politicians who pass the laws and use anti-obese rhetoric to get elected, cuz, it’s really not all that important. ---
**Author:** ![Second\_Star\_to\_the\_Right](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3bc359/32.png) [@Second\_Star\_to\_the\_Right](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Second_Star_to_the_Right)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2010, 5:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/captain-midnight-is-a-fat-ass/552787/169 "2010-09-08T17:14:39Z")
> [@Inner\_Stickler](#): > > Oh yeah. He’s so far in the closet he’s halfway to Cair Paravel. Love. I also got the “self hating gay” vibe from the fellow addressed in the OP. ---
**Author:** ![rhubarbarin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/eb9ed0/32.png) [@rhubarbarin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rhubarbarin)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2010, 8:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/captain-midnight-is-a-fat-ass/552787/170 "2010-09-08T20:57:29Z")
> [@Second\_Star\_to\_the\_Right](#): > > > [@Inner\_Stickler](#): > > > > Oh yeah. He’s so far in the closet he’s halfway to Cair Paravel. > > Love. > I also got the “self hating gay” vibe from the fellow addressed in the OP. I heard nearly the same statement (with a little less venom) from a close friend in high school. He’s now out-and-proud, flamboyant, and doesn’t hesitate to cuddle or kiss on the lips in public with boyfriends. ---
**Author:** ![DiosaBellissima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a8b319/32.png) [@DiosaBellissima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DiosaBellissima)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2010, 9:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/captain-midnight-is-a-fat-ass/552787/171 "2010-09-08T21:13:01Z")
> [@rhubarbarin](#): > > > [@Second\_Star\_to\_the\_Right](#): > > > > Love. > > I also got the “self hating gay” vibe from the fellow addressed in the OP. > > I heard nearly the same statement (with a little less venom) from a close friend in high school. He’s now out-and-proud, flamboyant, and doesn’t hesitate to cuddle or kiss on the lips in public with boyfriends. In front of **Captain Midnight** ’s little straight soldiers? Wow, _disgusting_. Next thing you know, his son’s going to be a teenager engaging in all kinds of sodomy— and it’ll all be because of the lessons your friend taught him. I hope you’re happy, you fucking sick freak. ---
**Author:** ![SmellMyWort](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ea5d25/32.png) [@SmellMyWort](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SmellMyWort)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2010, 9:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/captain-midnight-is-a-fat-ass/552787/172 "2010-09-08T21:16:11Z")
The question that still remains is whether **CM** would blow **BNS** for a Twinkie. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2010, 9:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/captain-midnight-is-a-fat-ass/552787/173 "2010-09-08T21:23:58Z")
**Dutchman** – that was **Captain Midnight** who said that. Not **Shagnasty** – although his comments were pretty disgusting as well. > [@SmellMyWort](#): > > The question that still remains is whether **CM** would blow **BNS** for a Twinkie. Don’t you mean a Klondike Bar? > [@MeanOldLady](#): > > I don’t have one of me wearing the necklace. ☹ I have one of a bee, though. See, [bee](http://i41.photobucket.com/albums/e266/WryOnRye/bee1.jpg). Oooh, that one’s cute too! I have a copy of the _Titanic_ necklace that’s not QUITE as fancy, and I put it on a plain silver chain. Then when I wear it with a plain black top, I get soooo many compliments on it. 😃 But my favorite jewelry comes from [1928](http://www.1928.com/). (Only on the SD could a thread about homophobia and fat people be hijacked to talk about jewelry) ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2010, 12:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/captain-midnight-is-a-fat-ass/552787/174 "2010-09-09T00:57:17Z")
> [@SmellMyWort](#): > > The question that still remains is whether **CM** would blow **BNS** for a Twinkie. Or would **CM** blow a twinkie for **BNS**. ---
**Author:** ![descamisado](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e480ec/32.png) [@descamisado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/descamisado)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2010, 1:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/captain-midnight-is-a-fat-ass/552787/175 "2010-09-09T01:21:52Z")
deleted. ---
**Author:** ![descamisado](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e480ec/32.png) [@descamisado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/descamisado)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2010, 1:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/captain-midnight-is-a-fat-ass/552787/176 "2010-09-09T01:24:23Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > I’m not gay, but can I still support the Homosexual Agenda? What about the “Hopmosexual Agenda?” > > > [@Captain Midnight](#): > > > > hopmosexuals > > 😉 How do think we fuck like rabbits so well. ---
**Author:** ![MerryMagdalen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c2a13f/32.png) [@MerryMagdalen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MerryMagdalen)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2010, 5:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/captain-midnight-is-a-fat-ass/552787/177 "2010-09-09T05:03:00Z")
The Hopmosexual Agenda! It’s right [here](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NafUYrPJK-U), people! (NSFW lyrics!) ---
**Author:** ![BrightNShiny](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@BrightNShiny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrightNShiny)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2010, 4:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/captain-midnight-is-a-fat-ass/552787/178 "2010-09-10T04:09:56Z")
Oh, man, you guys ruined my thread by making it funny and light-hearted (and how can I still be mad when confronted with stylish necklaces). I’ll just round up a few posts here: > [@Shagnasty](#): > > I didn’t really think of it that way. Damn, this one LSU cheerleader had a great rack and wasn’t afraid to show it off. She could make a Catholic priest pop a boner. Best parade spot ever. The sun could rise and set in the blink of a t-shirt. Wait, what were we talking about again? Oh, heterosexual people do stuff like that too sometimes. Agreed but that is frowned upon as well. Come on, dude. It’s so frowned upon that you decided to ogle some cheerleader’s breasts in public? And then reminisce fondly about it? The next time you want to lecture gay people about being perverse or acting in bad taste, I think you need to reflect on all the stuff you’ve gotten up to in your life. Straight people do this kind of stuff all the time, and they’re not even that shy about it. Stop applying different standards to gay people. ---
**Author:** ![BrightNShiny](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@BrightNShiny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrightNShiny)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2010, 4:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/captain-midnight-is-a-fat-ass/552787/179 "2010-09-10T04:12:26Z")
> [@magellan01](#): > > Even if that were all true, all you’ve offered is an ad hominem fallacy. > > Now how about you answering the serious questions in my first post to you. Or do you prefer to just keep digging? I’m not going to engage you, because you shown in thread after thread that you have no intention of debating honestly. I’m sure you have something that you think is a clever “gotcha” rattling around in your brain, so why don’t you just spit it out already? ---
**Author:** ![BrightNShiny](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@BrightNShiny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrightNShiny)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2010, 4:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/captain-midnight-is-a-fat-ass/552787/180 "2010-09-10T04:41:40Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > > [@SmellMyWort](#): > > > > The question that still remains is whether **CM** would blow **BNS** for a Twinkie. > > Or would **CM** blow a twinkie for **BNS**. Ok, you know I got all upset about twinkies in that thread about [George Rekers](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?p=12429195). Why does everyone want to ruin twinkies for me? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/captain-midnight-is-a-fat-ass/552787.md?page=8) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/captain-midnight-is-a-fat-ass/552787.md?page=10)