# Care and Feeding of a goatee. **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [October 15, 2013, 3:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/care-and-feeding-of-a-goatee/671282 "2013-10-15T03:39:57Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 8\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![D.E.S.K.Top668](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/f07891/32.png) [@D.E.S.K.Top668](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/D.E.S.K.Top668)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2013, 3:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/care-and-feeding-of-a-goatee/671282/1 "2013-10-15T03:39:57Z")
For the last (about) thirty years, I’ve usually had a goatee. I’ve always kept it short (#2 on a trimmer.) Now, I want to Dumbledore/Gandalf the f out of it. What suggestions do you have to keep it looking groomed and neat? Right now, it’s well shaped but, within the borders, it’s wild as F. I’d like to keep it tidy and welcome all suggestions. Thanks in advance - DESK ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2013, 3:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/care-and-feeding-of-a-goatee/671282/2 "2013-10-15T03:46:09Z")
A boar’s hair brush and jojoba oil is probably going to be your best bet for keeping it under control. There was someone on my beard board that had a way of tying his up so it didn’t look like it was much longer then about a #2, but it was actually several inches long. Of course, I think it took him a few minutes to ‘put it up’ and took a bunch of rubber bands and bobby pins to do it. ---
**Author:** ![Dendarii\_Dame](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/bbce88/32.png) [@Dendarii\_Dame](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dendarii_Dame)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2013, 6:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/care-and-feeding-of-a-goatee/671282/3 "2013-10-15T18:51:41Z")
Take up archery? In the comic books, Oliver Queen’s always looks neat. ---
**Author:** ![actualliberalnotoneofthose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e79b87/32.png) [@actualliberalnotoneofthose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/actualliberalnotoneofthose)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2013, 5:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/care-and-feeding-of-a-goatee/671282/4 "2013-10-16T05:05:34Z")
Grow a beard. ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2013, 12:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/care-and-feeding-of-a-goatee/671282/5 "2013-10-16T12:47:01Z")
_misread the title_ …and I am SO glad that this has nothing to do with wheelchairs. ---
**Author:** ![thelurkinghorror](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7c8e57/32.png) [@thelurkinghorror](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thelurkinghorror)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2013, 2:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/care-and-feeding-of-a-goatee/671282/6 "2013-10-17T02:52:26Z")
My misread: you don’t feed a goatse. The goatse consumes whatever gets near it. _shudder_ ---
**Author:** ![control-z](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/eada6e/32.png) [@control-z](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/control-z)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2013, 4:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/care-and-feeding-of-a-goatee/671282/7 "2013-10-17T16:44:36Z")
So your problem is wild beard/goatee hairs? Well mine at least are wiry and curly, not unlike certain other hair further down. The only way I could see to tame that is a straightener or possibly some sort of gel. Or the longer it is the straighter it will be. ---
**Author:** ![thatguyjeff](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/6de8d8/32.png) [@thatguyjeff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thatguyjeff)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2013, 4:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/care-and-feeding-of-a-goatee/671282/8 "2013-10-17T16:50:11Z")
I once tried what you’re doing - got to about 4 inches before I got rid of it. The one thing I had to do different from keeping everything short is keeping moisturized or whatever. I’m a #2 guy myself, both on the chin and on my head. With short hair, you don’t have to worry about split ends, hair drying out etc. I started using conditioner (regular hair conditioner, whatever the wife has in the shower) every day and then also “deep” conditioning once per week. Deep conditioning involved washing the face, glopping on a bunch of conditioner and then a hot towel over it for about 5 mins, then rinsing. Reason I got rid of it after about 4 inches was that it just wasn’t a good look for me. I have too much grey and it just didn’t suit me. Good luck.