# Carnac the Magnificent game **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 29, 2004, 10:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/carnac-the-magnificent-game/237180 "2004-03-29T22:44:05Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 7
**Author:** ![The\_Llama](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a698b9/32.png) [@The\_Llama](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Llama)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2004, 6:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/carnac-the-magnificent-game/237180/121 "2004-04-08T18:56:58Z")
Envelope: What does Rosanne Barr’s husband say every night before sex Carnac: Over the river, and through the woods ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2004, 8:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/carnac-the-magnificent-game/237180/122 "2004-04-08T20:00:43Z")
Envelope: Where are you going with that Geritol? Carnac: Her Windsong stays on my mind. ---
**Author:** ![Just\_Happy\_to\_Be\_Here](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/b3f665/32.png) [@Just\_Happy\_to\_Be\_Here](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Just_Happy_to_Be_Here)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2004, 2:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/carnac-the-magnificent-game/237180/123 "2004-04-09T14:22:36Z")
Envelope: I wonder why I never called that flatulent girl back for a second date? - (Still waiting for an envelope on my last posting.) - Carnac: Extreme makeover ---
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2004, 3:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/carnac-the-magnificent-game/237180/124 "2004-04-09T15:51:06Z")
> [@](#): > > Carnac: Extreme makeover Envelope: What the heck happened to Farrah Fawcett’s face? Carnac: Four score and seven years. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Mad\_Hermit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b5ac83/32.png) [@The\_Mad\_Hermit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Mad_Hermit)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2004, 4:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/carnac-the-magnificent-game/237180/125 "2004-04-09T16:13:03Z")
Envelope: What was the Cincinnati Bengals’ recent offensive production? Carnac: Sandpaper. ---
**Author:** ![ChordedZither](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e9c0ed/32.png) [@ChordedZither](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ChordedZither)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2004, 4:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/carnac-the-magnificent-game/237180/126 "2004-04-09T16:31:37Z")
> [@Steelerphan](#): > > Envelope: What was the Cincinnati Bengals’ recent offensive production? > Carnac: Sandpaper. Envelope: What should you do if you want really, really smooth paper? Carnac: At an undisclosed location ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2004, 6:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/carnac-the-magnificent-game/237180/127 "2004-04-09T18:49:53Z")
Envelope: Where can one find an undisclosed? Carnac: Carpet burns. ---
**Author:** ![ChordedZither](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e9c0ed/32.png) [@ChordedZither](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ChordedZither)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2004, 6:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/carnac-the-magnificent-game/237180/128 "2004-04-09T18:57:32Z")
> [@lieu](#): > > Envelope: Where can one find an undisclosed? > Carnac: Carpet burns. Envelope: What do you get if you rub your cat against an automobile? Carnac: Where angels fear to tread ---
**Author:** ![Saltire](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/saltire/32/553_2.png) [@Saltire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Saltire)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2004, 7:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/carnac-the-magnificent-game/237180/129 "2004-04-09T19:04:07Z")
> [@lieu](#): > > Carnac: Carpet burns. Envelope: What did the wigmaker do when George the elderly comedian asked for a toupee? Carnac: Letterman, Leno, and O’Brian. ---
**Author:** ![Just\_Happy\_to\_Be\_Here](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/b3f665/32.png) [@Just\_Happy\_to\_Be\_Here](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Just_Happy_to_Be_Here)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2004, 8:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/carnac-the-magnificent-game/237180/130 "2004-04-09T20:16:09Z")
Envelope: Weapons of mass destruction??! Who gives Dubya his intelligence briefings? (ChordedZither’s envelope: How would you describe Marilyn Manson’s dressing room?) - Carnac: They’re both small enough to flush down a toilet. ---
**Author:** ![nocturnal\_tick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/3d9bf3/32.png) [@nocturnal\_tick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nocturnal_tick)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2004, 8:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/carnac-the-magnificent-game/237180/131 "2004-04-09T20:40:57Z")
> [@Just Happy To Be Here](#): > > Carnac: They’re both small enough to flush down a toilet. Envelope: How is the pardon rate in Texas prisons like Dubya’s political success? Carnac: John Lennon, John F Kennedy and John Kerry ---
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2004, 9:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/carnac-the-magnificent-game/237180/132 "2004-04-09T21:05:20Z")
> [@](#): > > Carnac: John Lennon, John F Kennedy and John Kerry Envelope: Three Johns that George Bush does not want to see in a White House bathroom. May your bed be infested by a thousand sand fleas. Carnac: 3000 miles from Graceland. ---
**Author:** ![dnooman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/839c29/32.png) [@dnooman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dnooman)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2004, 9:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/carnac-the-magnificent-game/237180/133 "2004-04-09T21:08:14Z")
Envelope: Men whose wives end up with all the money. Carnac: That which doesn’t kill me, can only make me stronger. ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2004, 10:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/carnac-the-magnificent-game/237180/134 "2004-04-09T22:02:12Z")
Carnac: 3000 miles from Graceland. Envelope: Where would Elvis like Michael Jackson to stay? * * * Carnac: That which doesn’t kill me, can only make me stronger. Envelope: What were his last words? * * * Carnac: Four on the floor. ---
**Author:** ![meek](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ce73a5/32.png) [@meek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/meek)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2004, 11:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/carnac-the-magnificent-game/237180/135 "2004-04-09T23:27:07Z")
Envelope: What is Paris Hilton’s preferred position? _ **Silence** _Pause\*\*\* May a crazed weightlifter clean and jerk your sister. ```auto Carnac: Emeril, Charlize Theron & Heidi Fliess... ``` ---
**Author:** ![TellMeI\_mNotCrazy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tellmei_mnotcrazy/32/3419_2.png) [@TellMeI\_mNotCrazy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TellMeI_mNotCrazy)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2004, 12:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/carnac-the-magnificent-game/237180/136 "2004-04-10T00:55:47Z")
> [@meek](#): > > Envelope: What is Paris Hilton’s preferred position? > _ **Silence** _Pause\*\*\* > May a crazed weightlifter clean and jerk your sister. > > ```auto > > Carnac: Emeril, Charlize Theron & Heidi Fliess... > > ``` Envelope: Name a cooker, a looker and a hooker. * * * Carnac: To get to the other side. ---
**Author:** ![Sternvogel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bc79bd/32.png) [@Sternvogel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sternvogel)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2004, 1:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/carnac-the-magnificent-game/237180/137 "2004-04-12T01:22:54Z")
> [@TellMeI'mNotCrazy](#): > > Carnac: To get to the other side. Why did the restaurant customer stop eating his cole slaw? Carnac: Hit me with your best shot. ---
**Author:** ![Greenback](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/2bfe46/32.png) [@Greenback](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Greenback)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2004, 1:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/carnac-the-magnificent-game/237180/138 "2004-04-12T13:41:59Z")
> [@Sternvogel](#): > > Carnac: Hit me with your best shot. Envelope: What are the last words shouted by Daffy Duck as he flew past a sniper school on a hunting field trip. Carnac: Without a doubt. ---
**Author:** ![Dragwyr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dragwyr/32/2855_2.png) [@Dragwyr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dragwyr)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2004, 2:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/carnac-the-magnificent-game/237180/139 "2004-04-12T14:55:52Z")
> [@Greenback](#): > > Carnac: Without a doubt. Envelope: What did Anna Nichole Smith answer under oath when asked if she was a gold digger? Carnac: Fifth Wheel. ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2004, 8:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/carnac-the-magnificent-game/237180/140 "2004-04-12T20:09:32Z")
Envelope: What’s a _Lazy Susan_ for liquor? Carnac: A Renaissance Man [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/carnac-the-magnificent-game/237180.md?page=6) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/carnac-the-magnificent-game/237180.md?page=8)