# Cast Helen of Troy **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [April 16, 2003, 12:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cast-helen-of-troy/168980 "2003-04-16T00:20:56Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Michael\_Ellis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/977dab/32.png) [@Michael\_Ellis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Michael_Ellis)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2003, 12:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cast-helen-of-troy/168980/1 "2003-04-16T00:20:56Z")
There’s a big [Trojan War](http://us.imdb.com/Details?0332452) film due out next year and the cast so far listed is impressive. Achilles: Brad Pitt Odysseus: Sean Bean King Priam: Peter O’Toole Paris: Orlando Bloom Thetis: Julie Christie Agamemnon: Brian Cox Noticibly missing is the war’s McGuffin, Helen. In my mind the biggest casting challenge is to find someone to portray the woman whose face launched a thousand ships. So, in the intrests of being intresting I put it to you all. Who should play Helen of Troy? Personally, I think the best course might be to not include her at all, or only show parts of her. Otherwise I’d go with Julianne Moore. ---
**Author:** ![Orual](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/779978/32.png) [@Orual](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Orual)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2003, 12:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cast-helen-of-troy/168980/2 "2003-04-16T00:45:36Z")
Sean Bean for Odysseus? This pleases me greatly, as does most of the other casting. However, I do _not_ like the looks of the guy they have playing Hector, or the woman playing Andromache. (but I am biased, Hector is my absolute favorite character in the _Iliad_. As for Helen, I don’t think they should show her either. ---
**Author:** ![lilbtagna](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/4491bb/32.png) [@lilbtagna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lilbtagna)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2003, 1:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cast-helen-of-troy/168980/3 "2003-04-16T01:16:43Z")
[Diane Kruger](http://www.online-shrine.com/kruger/) will be Helen in the movie. I’m not sure how big her part will be, but I tend to think that it should be a small role also. I don’t remember if there was a description of Helen in the story, but I’ve always thought of her with dark hair, so Julianne Moore just doesn’t seem quiet right to me. Sean Bean as Odysseus is awesome 🙂 Eric Bana as Hector? Isn’t he also the Hulk? Hmm…I find that one a little questionable, but oh well. I’m excited about the movie. Besides Eric Bana, I find the rest of the casting to be pretty good. And I’d like to be presently surprised by him as Hector. ---
**Author:** ![Glory](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/7cd45c/32.png) [@Glory](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Glory)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2003, 1:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cast-helen-of-troy/168980/4 "2003-04-16T01:38:17Z")
Don’t forget the upcoming USA Helen of Troy miniseries! Rufus Sewell as Agamemnon? YUM!! ---
**Author:** ![wolfman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/a8b319/32.png) [@wolfman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wolfman)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2003, 1:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cast-helen-of-troy/168980/5 "2003-04-16T01:40:40Z")
Who’s gonna be Ajax? If he isn’t sufficiently badass, the whole movie will be wrecked for me. ---
**Author:** ![Kallisti](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/f0a364/32.png) [@Kallisti](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kallisti)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2003, 2:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cast-helen-of-troy/168980/6 "2003-04-16T02:25:26Z")
Mary Fahl as Helen or Cassandra, with Charlize Theron as the other. But how about the \*Gods and Godesses? \* Athena: Carrie Ann Moss Aphrodite: Reese Witherspoon Hera: Marina Sirtis Poseidon: Robbie Coltrane Zeus: Kenneth Brannagh Apollo: ? ---
**Author:** ![Baker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bb73d2/32.png) [@Baker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baker)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2003, 5:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cast-helen-of-troy/168980/7 "2003-04-16T05:35:10Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Kallisti \* > > Poseidon: Robbie Coltrane I agree about Robbie Coltrane being Poseidon. Did you hear what he said about playing Hagrid in the Harry Potter films? Being as he’s played a lot of heavies of various sorts, he said that because of kid’s expectations he’d never be able to play a pimp again. ---
**Author:** ![Fiat\_Lux](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ea666f/32.png) [@Fiat\_Lux](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fiat_Lux)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2003, 11:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cast-helen-of-troy/168980/8 "2003-04-16T11:40:30Z")
Orlando Bloom for Paris! Ha! Perfect. Just the kind of limp-wristed pretty boy I’d see Paris as I’m somewhat disgruntled by the whole pretty elf thing. ---
**Author:** ![Pabitel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/bbce88/32.png) [@Pabitel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pabitel)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2003, 11:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cast-helen-of-troy/168980/9 "2003-04-16T11:47:34Z")
I can’t think of a current actress who rates more than the low triple digits in mili-helens. I certainly think it should be someone who at least looks Mediteranian. It would be kind of cool to cast an actual Greek actress in the part. I say go with an unknown. (mili-helen = the amount of beauty required to launch one ship) ---
**Author:** ![Short\_Guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ee7513/32.png) [@Short\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Short_Guy)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2003, 12:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cast-helen-of-troy/168980/10 "2003-04-16T12:08:42Z")
> [@](#): > > (mili-helen = the amount of beauty required to launch one ship) I will be using that unit from now on, **Degrance**. That may be the single most useful unit of measure I’ve ever heard of. : D Seriously, though, I think not showing Helen is the only way to avoid endless discussions over whether or not the actress was beautiful enough to portray her. ---
**Author:** ![pcarney](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ea5d25/32.png) [@pcarney](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pcarney)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2003, 12:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cast-helen-of-troy/168980/11 "2003-04-16T12:38:21Z")
As much as I think she’s an arrogant twit, I would cast Michelle Pfieffer. Love the mili-helen. ---
**Author:** ![WordMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e8c25b/32.png) [@WordMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WordMan)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2003, 12:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cast-helen-of-troy/168980/12 "2003-04-16T12:40:38Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Short Guy \* > \*\*I will be using that unit from now on, **Degrance**. That may be the single most useful unit of measure I’ve ever heard of. : D > > Seriously, though, I think not showing Helen is the only way to avoid endless discussions over whether or not the actress was beautiful enough to portray her. \*\* I agree with **Short Guy** - **Degrance** ’s mili-helen unit of measure is the best! I swear, some of the girls I dated in high school might be measured in negative mili-helens - which could be useful if you are trying to get ships _back_ into the harbor… (It does appear that they have cast Helen, but I find this topic interesting. As for the “don’t show Helen” bit - I see the point, and might agree, except I don’t think Hollywood would be willing to do that. How about the next best thing? Why not cast a supermodel, like Gisele, and let her have no speaking parts? Her beauty does all the talking and we can leave it to the actors ability to show us what they interpret in her silences. Other than that, I vote for Natalie Portman. Stunningly beautiful and can act (Star Wars movies notwithstanding). If any actor could be picked, I would go with Grace Kelly, hands down. ---
**Author:** ![El\_Elvis\_Rojo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/898d66/32.png) [@El\_Elvis\_Rojo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/El_Elvis_Rojo)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2003, 12:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cast-helen-of-troy/168980/13 "2003-04-16T12:48:02Z")
That’s a good point. Personally, I think someone like Catherine Zeta Jones would work. I’ve always envisioned Helen to be a dark haired woman, and rather curvacious, too, because skinny chicks weren’t really the rage back then, and my personal ideals of incredibly hot women are curvey brunnettes. Others dissagree. A good example of this is I HATE the thought of Brad Pitt as Achilles. Achilles is the War Machine of the Greeks! This guy needs to be HUGE!!! I admit, Brad was impressively manly in **Fight Club** but he’s just too skinny and small for such a big man. ---
**Author:** ![Mycroft\_Holmes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a5b964/32.png) [@Mycroft\_Holmes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mycroft_Holmes)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2003, 2:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cast-helen-of-troy/168980/14 "2003-04-16T14:02:50Z")
To me, the only one with more than six- or sevenhundred milli-helens is Laetitia Casta. So what if she’s not he world’s best actress. She looks Mediterranean, and I think she’d make a great Helen. ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2003, 2:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cast-helen-of-troy/168980/15 "2003-04-16T14:44:03Z")
**MGM version, 1932:** Helen: Greta Garbo Paris, Prince of Troy: Clark Gable Hector, Paris’ brother: Ramon Novarro Agamemnon, King of Mycenae: Lionel Barrymore Menelaus, Helen’s husband: John Gilbert Zeus, Helen’s father: George Arliss Leda, Helen’s mother: Mrs. Patrick Campbell Clytemnestra, Helen’s sister: Joan Crawford Theseus, King of Athens: John Barrymore Castor and Pollux, Helen’s brothers: Phillips Holmes and David Manners **Paramount comedy version, 1932** Helen: Lyda Roberti Paris, Prince of Troy: Groucho Marx Hector, Paris’ brother: Zeppo Marx Agamemnon, King of Mycenae: Jimmy Durante Menelaus, Helen’s husband: Eddie Cantor Zeus, Helen’s father: W.C. Fields Leda, Helen’s mother: Margaret Dumont Clytemnestra, Helen’s sister: Thelma Todd Theseus, King of Athens: Buster Keaton Castor and Pollux, Helen’s brothers: Harpo and Chico Marx ---
**Author:** ![El\_Elvis\_Rojo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/898d66/32.png) [@El\_Elvis\_Rojo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/El_Elvis_Rojo)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2003, 3:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cast-helen-of-troy/168980/16 "2003-04-16T15:10:16Z")
Anyone remember that old **Cleopatra** movie from television a few years back? It stared Leono Varela as the woman herself. She did a great job there, so we know she can act, she’s absolutely gorgeous, and I think she could fit the role. ---
**Author:** ![astorian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ad7895/32.png) [@astorian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astorian)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2003, 3:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cast-helen-of-troy/168980/17 "2003-04-16T15:43:33Z")
Orlando Bloom is ideally cast, both because he looks like a callow, young pretty boy AND because he’s plausible as a master archer (after his stint as Legolas). Thing is, Helen should be both beautful AND substantially older than Bloom. And her husband, Menelaus, should be a large, muscular, none-too-bright brute. That way, 1. When one-on-one combat between Paris and Menelaus is proposed, we see immediately that Paris has NO chance at all of winning. 2. We understand why Helen would find the attentions of a young foreign prince flattering. She should be a beauty who knows that her looks are just starting to fade, and who’s married to a testosterone-driven philistine who doesn’t appreciate any of her finer qualities. It could never happen, but in theory, it would be great to have Sylvester Stallone as Menelaus and Michelle Pfeiffer as Helen. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2003, 3:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cast-helen-of-troy/168980/18 "2003-04-16T15:45:39Z")
I agree that Brad Pitt seems miscast as Achilles. Russell Crowe should be Achilles. Ptitt would make a good Apollo, though. I like **El Elvis Rojo’s** suggestion for CZJ as a Mediterranean Helen, but I also like **pcarny’s** suggestion of Michelle Pfeiffer just for pure beauty. ---
**Author:** ![tiny\_ham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@tiny\_ham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tiny_ham)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2003, 3:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cast-helen-of-troy/168980/19 "2003-04-16T15:50:09Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by wolfman \* > \*\*Who’s gonna be Ajax? If he isn’t sufficiently badass, the whole movie will be wrecked for me. \*\* OH OH OH! VIN DIESEL! Oh god, I’d love to see vin diesel in a loin cloth all gold and gorgeous. Mmmmmrrrrrrrr Will Hades be in it? He’s my fave, and I’d like to cast Adrian Paul ---
**Author:** ![Revtim](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/revtim/32/1042_2.png) [@Revtim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Revtim)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2003, 4:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cast-helen-of-troy/168980/20 "2003-04-16T16:00:48Z")
Helen = Nicole Kidman She rates well over 700 mili-helens, IMO. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cast-helen-of-troy/168980.md?page=2)