# Cast the evil-twin CASABLANCA! **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [September 21, 2000, 4:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cast-the-evil-twin-casablanca/34014 "2000-09-21T16:45:13Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 18\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Odieman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/a87d85/32.png) [@Odieman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Odieman)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2000, 11:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cast-the-evil-twin-casablanca/34014/21 "2000-09-21T23:01:25Z")
Patrick Swayze as Rick Blaine Brooke Shields as Ilsa Lund Tony Danza as Victor Lazlo William Shatner as Captain Louis Renault Peter McNicol as Major Heinrich Strasser Drew Carey as Signor Ferrari Joe Piscapo (Hey he’s making a comeback ) as Ugarte Eminem as Sam Theu ultimate Casablanca, bad acting combined with miscasting creates the ultimate Hollywood Classic. Of Course “As time Goes By” would be replaced by"Leave the Weenie Bitch" and ten other classic Eminem songs. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2000, 4:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cast-the-evil-twin-casablanca/34014/22 "2000-09-22T04:33:49Z")
A lot of interesting casting choices. But Hollywood already cast David Soul in the role of Rick Blaine and how are you gonna top that? I’m going to do an end run and hire Chris Columbus and Joe Eszterhas to collaborate on our script. I figure their screenplay will guarantee us a bomb even if we screw up and cast decent actors. ---
**Author:** ![Junior\_Spaceman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/eb8c5e/32.png) [@Junior\_Spaceman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Junior_Spaceman)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2000, 4:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cast-the-evil-twin-casablanca/34014/23 "2000-09-22T04:38:44Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by manhattan \* > \*\*It should go without saying that in the remake, Rick will actually say, “Play it again, Sam.” \*\* What do you mean, say it? It will be like a catchphrase, and all the characters will get a chance to use at least once (even if there’s nobody else around). HenrySpencer ---
**Author:** ![Kilt-wearin\_man](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/82dd89/32.png) [@Kilt-wearin\_man](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kilt-wearin_man)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2000, 7:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cast-the-evil-twin-casablanca/34014/24 "2000-09-22T07:47:54Z")
Folks, you’re missing the big picture (although the terrorist angle is good…) We have to think BLOCKBUSTER!!! So… Rick Blaine: Arnold Schwarzenegger (“Uff all ze gin joints in all ze tounz in all ze world, she walks into miene.”) Ilsa Lund: Sophie Marceau Victor Lazlo: Liam Neeson Captain Louis Renault: Steve Buscemi Major Heinrich Strasser: Clint Eastwood Signor Ferrari: Billy Dee Williams Sam: Ray Charles (ya gotta admit, this last choice ain’t so bad…) ---
**Author:** ![Sublight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/439d5e/32.png) [@Sublight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sublight)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2000, 8:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cast-the-evil-twin-casablanca/34014/25 "2000-09-22T08:27:08Z")
Fists of Casablanca Set in 1939 Beijing, with Japanese soldiers instead of Nazis. Rick: Jackie Chan Ilsa: Michelle Yeoh Sam: Jet Li Strasser: Sho Kosugi For all I know, this may very well have already been done. –sublight. ---
**Author:** ![plnnr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7ea924/32.png) [@plnnr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/plnnr)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2000, 12:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cast-the-evil-twin-casablanca/34014/26 "2000-09-22T12:52:04Z")
Spike Lee does Casblanca The cast of “Compton” will include: Rick: Denzel Washington Ilsa: Halle Berry or Vanessa Williams Victor: Morgan Freeman (too old? Samuel L. Jackson) Strasser: Ving Rames Renault: Spike Lee Ferrai: James Earl Jones Ugarti: Chris Rock Sam: Marvin Hamlisch ---
**Author:** ![Freyr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/freyr/32/5763_2.png) [@Freyr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freyr)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2000, 3:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cast-the-evil-twin-casablanca/34014/27 "2000-09-22T15:54:26Z")
No, no, no! You got it all wrong! In the **Millenium** version of _Casablanca_ the real reason that Rick tells Ilsa to get on the plane with Victor is 'cause he and Louie are in a torrid love affair! **NOW** the ending makes sense! ---
**Author:** ![JosephFinn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/3bc359/32.png) [@JosephFinn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JosephFinn)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2000, 4:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cast-the-evil-twin-casablanca/34014/28 "2000-09-22T16:12:34Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Sublight \* > \*\*Fists of Casablanca > > Set in 1939 Beijing, with Japanese soldiers instead of Nazis. > > Rick: Jackie Chan > Ilsa: Michelle Yeoh > Sam: Jet Li > Strasser: Sho Kosugi > > For all I know, this may very well have already been done. > > –sublight. > \*\* Strangley, not a bad description of “Fists of Legend,” the classic Japanese occupation film starring Yeun-Fat Chow. ---
**Author:** ![Dinsdale](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/97f17d/32.png) [@Dinsdale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dinsdale)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2000, 4:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cast-the-evil-twin-casablanca/34014/29 "2000-09-22T16:19:45Z")
Great cast suggestions. All I can offer is instead of Mr. Greenstreet, Mr. Loaf. I think a hip hop musical would also have possibilities. And let’s not forget the most important element of modern moviemaking – product placement! “Play it again, Sam on your Casio 5000 Digital Tunemeister.” ---
**Author:** ![Fear\_Itself](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fear_itself/32/19637_2.png) [@Fear\_Itself](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fear_Itself)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2000, 4:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cast-the-evil-twin-casablanca/34014/30 "2000-09-22T16:31:06Z")
Here is Paramount’s effort, design to burn up a little more of that $150 million, twenty picture deal with a certain actor: Rick: Eddie Murphy Ilsa: Eddie Murphy Victor: Eddie Murphy Strasser: Eddie Murphy Renault: Eddie Murphy Ferrai: Eddie Murphy Ugarti: Eddie Murphy Sam: Eddie Murphy ---
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2000, 8:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cast-the-evil-twin-casablanca/34014/31 "2000-09-22T20:29:04Z")
Foreget the youth market, we want the nostalgic adults who never go to movies anymore. Accordingly, there’s only one choice for our star-crossed couple Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan. ---
**Author:** ![kawliga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ea666f/32.png) [@kawliga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kawliga)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2000, 6:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cast-the-evil-twin-casablanca/34014/32 "2000-09-23T06:57:41Z")
Casablanca - a movie for guys who like movies Rick…Steven Seagal Ilsa…Erika Eleniak Laszlo…Dolph Lungren Renault…Chuck Norris Ferrari…Charles Bronson Ugarte…Rob Schneider Sam…Shaquille O’Neal ---
**Author:** ![Easy\_Tokyo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/71c47a/32.png) [@Easy\_Tokyo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Easy_Tokyo)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2000, 5:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cast-the-evil-twin-casablanca/34014/33 "2000-09-24T05:42:09Z")
All remakes have to be set in L.A. or Manhattan. (Coincidence? Or Dolly Grip union rules?) The war has to become the war on drugs, with the Colombian drug lords as the heavies. ---
**Author:** ![JBENZ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/b77776/32.png) [@JBENZ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JBENZ)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2000, 8:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cast-the-evil-twin-casablanca/34014/34 "2000-09-24T20:46:22Z")
Two Words: Mup Pets JB Here’s lookin’ at you Pig. ---
**Author:** ![Scribe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Scribe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scribe)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2000, 9:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cast-the-evil-twin-casablanca/34014/35 "2000-09-24T21:11:00Z")
I’ll have a go, with the casting of the 50s/60s B-movie version, Beach Blanket Casablanca… Rick…Frankie Avalon Ilsa…Annette Funicello Victor Lazlo…Pat Boone Louis…Pepe Le Peu Signor Ferrari…Zero Mostel Ugarte…John Banner Sam…Arch Hall Jr. ---
**Author:** ![Kilt-wearin\_man](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/82dd89/32.png) [@Kilt-wearin\_man](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kilt-wearin_man)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2000, 6:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cast-the-evil-twin-casablanca/34014/36 "2000-09-25T06:27:37Z")
Muppets…yeah, I can see it…Jbenz, you are a GENIUS!!! “Play it again, Animal…” ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2000, 6:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cast-the-evil-twin-casablanca/34014/37 "2000-09-25T06:41:59Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Freyr \* > \*\*No, no, no! You got it all wrong! > > In the **Millenium** version of _Casablanca_ the real reason that Rick tells Ilsa to get on the plane with Victor is 'cause he and Louie are in a torrid love affair! > > **NOW** the ending makes sense! \*\* I thought that _was_ the real reason. “Ricky is the sort of man… well, if I were a woman, and I were not around, I should be in love with Rick.” ---
**Author:** ![Sublight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/439d5e/32.png) [@Sublight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sublight)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2000, 8:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cast-the-evil-twin-casablanca/34014/38 "2000-09-26T08:46:11Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by JosephFinn \* > \*\* > > > [@](#): > > > > \*Originally posted by Sublight \* > > \*\*Fists of Casablanca > > > > Set in 1939 Beijing, with Japanese soldiers instead of Nazis. > > > > Rick: Jackie Chan > > Ilsa: Michelle Yeoh > > Sam: Jet Li > > Strasser: Sho Kosugi > > > > For all I know, this may very well have already been done. > > \*\* > > Strangley, not a bad description of “Fists of Legend,” the classic Japanese occupation film starring Yeun-Fat Chow. \*\* Yep, that’s why I chose the name, although IIRC, it starred Jet Li, not Yeun-Fat Chow. –sublight. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cast-the-evil-twin-casablanca/34014.md?page=1)