Patrick Swayze as Rick Blaine
Brooke Shields as Ilsa Lund
Tony Danza as Victor Lazlo
William Shatner as Captain Louis Renault
Peter McNicol as Major Heinrich Strasser
Drew Carey as Signor Ferrari
Joe Piscapo (Hey he’s making a comeback ) as Ugarte
Eminem as Sam
Theu ultimate Casablanca, bad acting combined with miscasting creates the ultimate Hollywood Classic. Of Course “As time Goes By” would be replaced by"Leave the Weenie Bitch" and ten other classic Eminem songs.
A lot of interesting casting choices. But Hollywood already cast David Soul in the role of Rick Blaine and how are you gonna top that?
I’m going to do an end run and hire Chris Columbus and Joe Eszterhas to collaborate on our script. I figure their screenplay will guarantee us a bomb even if we screw up and cast decent actors.
What do you mean, say it? It will be like a catchphrase, and all the characters will get a chance to use at least once (even if there’s nobody else around).
HenrySpencer
Folks, you’re missing the big picture (although the terrorist angle is good…) We have to think BLOCKBUSTER!!!
So…
Rick Blaine: Arnold Schwarzenegger (“Uff all ze gin joints in all ze tounz in all ze world, she walks into miene.”)
Ilsa Lund: Sophie Marceau
Victor Lazlo: Liam Neeson
Captain Louis Renault: Steve Buscemi
Major Heinrich Strasser: Clint Eastwood
Signor Ferrari: Billy Dee Williams
Sam: Ray Charles (ya gotta admit, this last choice ain’t so bad…)
Fists of Casablanca
Set in 1939 Beijing, with Japanese soldiers instead of Nazis.
Rick: Jackie Chan
Ilsa: Michelle Yeoh
Sam: Jet Li
Strasser: Sho Kosugi
For all I know, this may very well have already been done.
–sublight.
Spike Lee does Casblanca
The cast of “Compton” will include:
Rick: Denzel Washington
Ilsa: Halle Berry or Vanessa Williams
Victor: Morgan Freeman (too old? Samuel L. Jackson)
Strasser: Ving Rames
Renault: Spike Lee
Ferrai: James Earl Jones
Ugarti: Chris Rock
Sam: Marvin Hamlisch
No, no, no! You got it all wrong!
In the Millenium version of Casablanca the real reason that Rick tells Ilsa to get on the plane with Victor is 'cause he and Louie are in a torrid love affair!
NOW the ending makes sense!
Strangley, not a bad description of “Fists of Legend,” the classic Japanese occupation film starring Yeun-Fat Chow.
Great cast suggestions. All I can offer is instead of Mr. Greenstreet, Mr. Loaf.
I think a hip hop musical would also have possibilities.
And let’s not forget the most important element of modern moviemaking – product placement!
“Play it again, Sam on your Casio 5000 Digital Tunemeister.”
Here is Paramount’s effort, design to burn up a little more of that $150 million, twenty picture deal with a certain actor:
Rick: Eddie Murphy
Ilsa: Eddie Murphy
Victor: Eddie Murphy
Strasser: Eddie Murphy
Renault: Eddie Murphy
Ferrai: Eddie Murphy
Ugarti: Eddie Murphy
Sam: Eddie Murphy
Foreget the youth market, we want the nostalgic adults who never go to movies anymore. Accordingly, there’s only one choice for our star-crossed couple
Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan.
Casablanca - a movie for guys who like movies
Rick…Steven Seagal
Ilsa…Erika Eleniak
Laszlo…Dolph Lungren
Renault…Chuck Norris
Ferrari…Charles Bronson
Ugarte…Rob Schneider
Sam…Shaquille O’Neal
All remakes have to be set in L.A. or Manhattan.
(Coincidence? Or Dolly Grip union rules?)
The war has to become the war on drugs, with the Colombian drug lords as the heavies.
Two Words:
Mup
Pets
JB
Here’s lookin’ at you Pig.
I’ll have a go, with the casting of the 50s/60s B-movie version, Beach Blanket Casablanca…
Rick…Frankie Avalon
Ilsa…Annette Funicello
Victor Lazlo…Pat Boone
Louis…Pepe Le Peu
Signor Ferrari…Zero Mostel
Ugarte…John Banner
Sam…Arch Hall Jr.
Muppets…yeah, I can see it…Jbenz, you are a GENIUS!!!
“Play it again, Animal…”
I thought that was the real reason.
“Ricky is the sort of man… well, if I were a woman, and I were not around, I should be in love with Rick.”
Yep, that’s why I chose the name, although IIRC, it starred Jet Li, not Yeun-Fat Chow.
–sublight.