# Cast the SDMB movie **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 3, 2001, 4:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cast-the-sdmb-movie/74747 "2001-08-03T04:59:17Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![Tequila\_Mockingbird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/41988e/32.png) [@Tequila\_Mockingbird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tequila_Mockingbird)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2001, 4:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cast-the-sdmb-movie/74747/101 "2001-08-04T16:26:13Z")
Okay, here’s my list(sorry if there’s any repeats from previous posters): Scylla- Sean Connery Fenris- Jackie Chan Coldfire- Owen Wilson UncleBeer- Dennis Hopper Eutychus- Bruce Dern Lynn Bodoni- Geena Davis Odieman- John Cusack Eve- Nicole Kidman Hamadryad- Gillian Anderson Weirddave- Anthony Edwards ExTank- Kurt Russell UncleBill- Conan O’Brian TurboDog- Val Kilmer Mercutio- Jon Cryer thinksnow- Gary Oldman racinchikki- Neve Campbell CrankyAsAnOldMan- Helen Hunt jarbabyj- Angelina Jolie LindyHopper- Harry Connick Jr Qadgop the Mercotan- Gabriel Byrne Elenfair- Jamie Lee Curtis Wildest Bill- Gotta be Billy Bob Thornton Me? Why I think I’d cast Dana Delaney as myself. ---
**Author:** ![Ross](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e274bd/32.png) [@Ross](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ross)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2001, 4:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cast-the-sdmb-movie/74747/102 "2001-08-04T16:42:50Z")
Dunno who’d play anyone but what exactly is the plot of this flick? Can we have a war movie? If so can I be the loud religious one who eventually goes crazy? Anybody mentions Merchant Ivory and I’m buying a flamethrower. ---
**Author:** ![GingerOfTheNorth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/cdc98d/32.png) [@GingerOfTheNorth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GingerOfTheNorth)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2001, 5:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cast-the-sdmb-movie/74747/103 "2001-08-04T17:37:29Z")
It’s gotta be a Coen Brothers movie. Aw yeahhh. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![MamaHen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c89c15/32.png) [@MamaHen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MamaHen)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2001, 5:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cast-the-sdmb-movie/74747/104 "2001-08-04T17:42:20Z")
I see **Tiggeril** as a cheerful Jesica Alba 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Protesilaus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/82dd89/32.png) [@Protesilaus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Protesilaus)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2001, 6:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cast-the-sdmb-movie/74747/105 "2001-08-04T18:11:00Z")
**Cervaise** - A young George Carlin. I can picture Carlin doing the telemarketer rant perfectly. **tomndebb** - A young Peter Cushing, from his Van Helsing days **Alphagene** - Norm MacDonald **LNO** - Matthew Perry **Scylla** and **Fenris** \* - Steve Martin and Tom Hanks (from when he was still doing comedies), although I’m not sure which should be which As for myself, I’m thinking Seth Green in a Oz-from-_Buffy_-like role. And for the comic relief villany: **fatherjohn** - Rick Moranis or French Stewart **jally** - Rachel Dratch [sub]\*I flipped a coin.[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![detop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/bcef8e/32.png) [@detop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/detop)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2001, 6:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cast-the-sdmb-movie/74747/106 "2001-08-04T18:12:04Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by GingerOfTheNorth \* > \*\*It’s gotta be a Coen Brothers movie. Aw yeahhh. > 😃 \*\* What title ? Chicago ? or The StraightDoper Proxy ? or O Doper Where Art Thou ? ---
**Author:** ![Enderw24](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ba9def/32.png) [@Enderw24](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enderw24)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2001, 9:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cast-the-sdmb-movie/74747/107 "2001-08-04T21:16:28Z")
**Zenster** - Tom Berenger. OK, hear me out on this one. Ever seen Rustler’s Rhapsody? Tom plays Rex O’Herlihan a good guy. I mean a parody on a good guy in a spoof about Westerns. This guy is kind to the ladies, always wears white, always a perfect gentleman, and, when in a fight, shoots the guns out of the enemy’s hands. He never shoots the enemy because he’s the good guy and good guys don’t do that. Yup, that’s Zenster all right. **TVeblen** – Meg Ryan. Why? Because it’s my list and I can choose any damn person I want to play Veb and I choose Meg. So deal with it! Oh, and one of my female friends said Meg is hot and if she could have a lesbian affair with anyone, it would be with Meg. This has nothing to do with Veb, but I thought I’d share. Well, OK, fine, I’m thinking of Veb with my friend but you have to understand it’s all for the good of the board. **Wildest Bill** – Randy Quaid as Cousin Eddie from the Vacation series. **Ed Zotti** – Ralph Richardson. He played the Supreme Being in Time Bandits. You know, that giant head that followed everyone around and every word was echoed and reverberated The Law? **Silent Bob** – Kevin Smith. Must I? **Chief Scott** – Gary Shandling in What Planet Are You From? The alien was suave, intelligent, vastly superior to all of humankind. But he never got much done because he took orders from his vibrating penis. **Eutychus55** – David Learner/Stephen Moore. They played Marvin the Robot from Hitchiker’s Guide. He’s cute and cuddly and everyone can’t help but fall in love with him even when he’s feeling depressed. “Move this thread, Marvin.” That’s what they say to me. “Warn this troll, Marvin.” "Marvin, can you read this flirt thread and see if its appropriate? Here I am, brain the size of a planet, and they ask me to read a flirt thread.” **Jeremy’s Evil Twin** – Kevin Spacey from Se7en. ---
**Author:** ![SkeptiJess](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ea666f/32.png) [@SkeptiJess](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SkeptiJess)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2001, 9:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cast-the-sdmb-movie/74747/108 "2001-08-04T21:54:35Z")
Thanks, **magdalene**! I never get mentioned in these threads, and then to be mentioned so flatteringly. But now I’m left wondering whether I’m coming off as Kim-Delany-as-sweet-Jenny-on-AMC or Tough-cop-Kim-Delany-boinking Jimmy-Smit. I’ll leave you to guess which I prefer. Jess (Jimmy Smit – yum) ---
**Author:** ![Totoro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/65b543/32.png) [@Totoro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Totoro)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2001, 10:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cast-the-sdmb-movie/74747/109 "2001-08-04T22:20:58Z")
Of course, I’m not mentioned (again, _sigh_), but I’d be played by the actual Totoro from My Neighbor Totoro (Tonari No Totoro). Duh. Oh, and **Nocturne** = Katie Holmes (drool) and **Indigo** gets to sit on my lap. And should be played by… I’m sorry, I can’t come up with anything, I’m thinking about Katie Holmes. Someone help me with this one. ---
**Author:** ![gobear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/8dc957/32.png) [@gobear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gobear)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2001, 10:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cast-the-sdmb-movie/74747/110 "2001-08-04T22:23:51Z")
Kevin Spacey? Joaquin Phoenix? I like! **Eve** -Louise Brooks **PLDennison** -John Goodman **Esprix** -Cary Elwes **MattMcl** -John Cameron Mitchell **MrVisible** -Gene Hackman **Magdalene** -Julia Stiles **Coldfire** -Michael York **Iampunha** -Josh Hartnett **LynnBodoni** -Eve Arden **Wildest Bill** -Junior Samples **Manhattan** -John Garfield **Jarbabyj** -Zasu Pitts **Stoid** -Joan Blondell **Thinksnow** -Steve Reeves **SuaSponte** -Gregory Peck **Euty** -Ben Stiller **Minty Green** -Grace Kelly **Fenris** -Danny Kaye ---
**Author:** ![Spider\_Woman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/cdc98d/32.png) [@Spider\_Woman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spider_Woman)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2001, 10:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cast-the-sdmb-movie/74747/111 "2001-08-04T22:40:14Z")
Jodi Foster as **chique**. Jim Belushi as **Joey Hemlock** , Jennifer Anniston as **racerx** , Johnny Depp as **Nuvo Dada** , John Cusack as **LNO** , Sigourney Weaver as **wring** , Greg Kinnear as **Rysdad** , Susan Sarandon as **screech-owl** , Ben Affleck as **Jeremy’s Evil Twin** , Antonio Banderas as **imthjckaz** , Richard Gere as **Dr. Matrix** , Liev Schreiber as **Cajun Man** , Kevin Bacon as **Zenster** , Julia Roberts as **Silver Fire** , and that’s all I could think of for now. If anyone would prefer someone else to play their part, please feel free to let casting know. (I couldn’t think of many actors and actresses, so some of these may be way off). Do we have a plot? ---
**Author:** ![hardygrrl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a3d4f5/32.png) [@hardygrrl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hardygrrl)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2001, 11:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cast-the-sdmb-movie/74747/112 "2001-08-04T23:43:16Z")
With Special Guest Star… **Jeff Hardy** as **Stinky Paws** [sub]This movie is not yet rated[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2001, 1:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cast-the-sdmb-movie/74747/113 "2001-08-05T01:14:28Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by hardygrrl \* > This movie is not yet rated Not yet rated??? Let’s review who we’ve got: 1. Triplet Vixens 2. A person who writes porn to help pay the bills (I think?) 3. Someone with a prosthetic penile attachment (which would be a GREAT name for a band) 4. At least three sexually liberal people 5. outrageously flirty people 6. HOTT GIRLZ If this isn’t R, it’s NC17:D ---
**Author:** ![Monster104](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c6cbf5/32.png) [@Monster104](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Monster104)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2001, 1:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cast-the-sdmb-movie/74747/114 "2001-08-05T01:31:16Z")
Not to mention I’m in the movie… ---
**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2001, 1:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cast-the-sdmb-movie/74747/115 "2001-08-05T01:37:34Z")
Really, Monster? Who are you playing?😉 ---
**Author:** ![hardygrrl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a3d4f5/32.png) [@hardygrrl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hardygrrl)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2001, 1:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cast-the-sdmb-movie/74747/116 "2001-08-05T01:43:06Z")
::Mentally goes through iampunha’s checklist to see what catergories besides Triplet Vixen she falls into:: ---
**Author:** ![Monster104](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c6cbf5/32.png) [@Monster104](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Monster104)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2001, 1:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cast-the-sdmb-movie/74747/117 "2001-08-05T01:45:00Z")
Well, so far I’ve been nominated as Matt Damon and someone else. So, you tell me… 😉 ---
**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2001, 1:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cast-the-sdmb-movie/74747/118 "2001-08-05T01:52:25Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by hardygrrl \* > \*\*::Mentally goes through iampunha’s checklist to see what catergories besides Triplet Vixen she falls into:: \*\* Two. I’ll let you torture yourself trying to figure out which ones they are:D [sub]Or you could, you know, email me. Not like you haven’t done so today like 25 times . . .[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![woodstockbirdybird](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/woodstockbirdybird/32/7905_2.png) [@woodstockbirdybird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/woodstockbirdybird)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2001, 2:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cast-the-sdmb-movie/74747/119 "2001-08-05T02:46:49Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Ross \* > \*\*Dunno who’d play anyone but what exactly is the plot of this flick? Can we have a war movie? If so can I be the loud religious one who eventually goes crazy? > > Anybody mentions Merchant Ivory and I’m buying a flamethrower. \*\* I was thinking the plot could be something along the lines of “The Cannonball Run” or “Americathon”. Maybe we could get **Fenris** or **wring** or somebody similarly creative to bang out a treatment. Then we get **Anamorphic** to film it. I’ll put in $5 of my own money to get the budget going. Who wants to pitch it to Miramax? ---
**Author:** ![BiblioCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ed8c4c/32.png) [@BiblioCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BiblioCat)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2001, 2:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cast-the-sdmb-movie/74747/120 "2001-08-05T02:59:45Z")
wring…I was thinking Susan Sarandon for you! Great minds think alike… 😉 For Cartooniverse I was thinking George Carlin. Who would Carrot Top play? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cast-the-sdmb-movie/74747.md?page=5) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cast-the-sdmb-movie/74747.md?page=7)