# Casual "How's it going?" --\> Do you just say "Good, thanks" or do you COMPLAIN? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [October 31, 2012, 4:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/casual-hows-it-going-do-you-just-say-good-thanks-or-do-you-complain/639450 "2012-10-31T16:09:05Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Shark\_Sandwich](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f04885/32.png) [@Shark\_Sandwich](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shark_Sandwich)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2012, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/casual-hows-it-going-do-you-just-say-good-thanks-or-do-you-complain/639450/21 "2012-10-31T19:23:37Z")
My standard response to this is the same one Chris Elliott used in “There’s Something About Mary.” I just cheerfully respond, “Each day is better than the next!” No one ever calls me on it. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2012, 7:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/casual-hows-it-going-do-you-just-say-good-thanks-or-do-you-complain/639450/22 "2012-10-31T19:27:33Z")
> [@Little\_Nemo](#): > > Generally I’ll respond with something like _“Good. How’s your day going?”_ > > But it is acceptable to respond otherwise as long as you don’t make a story out of it. > > Acceptable: > _“How’s it going?” > “Not so good. I got a flat tire this morning and had to change it in the rain.”_ > > I mean what do you say to somebody at that point? On the other hand if you did just have some major tragedy, you’re not going to want to say something like _“Fine, thanks.”_ I guess the best answer is to say something non-specific like _“Not very good. I’ve had a difficult day.”_ That lets the other person know you’re not in a light-hearted mood without putting the burden of an awkward conversation on them. Yes and yes. I was trying to figure out how to say this before. But basically, no one expects you to be super upbeat and cheerful all the time. BUT not everyone needs or wants to hear your complaints, either. Time them judiciously and tell people who care - it’s actually better for you, than just to vent to anyone who will just be bored. You can absolutely say your day is not going so good, thus launching into further conversation. This is Ok at the office. This is not OK at the checkout line. ---
**Author:** ![Rachellelogram](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rachellelogram/32/8689_2.png) [@Rachellelogram](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rachellelogram)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2012, 7:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/casual-hows-it-going-do-you-just-say-good-thanks-or-do-you-complain/639450/23 "2012-10-31T19:33:01Z")
Yeah my standard catchphrase is “Hanging in there, you?” That doesn’t mean I can’t find the convention irritating. For instance, I know a guy who always says, “What’s up?” and when I answer back, “Not much, you?” he never says anything back. I would like to drop-kick his head into Lake Michigan. ---
**Author:** ![DSeid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dseid/32/20194_2.png) [@DSeid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DSeid)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2012, 7:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/casual-hows-it-going-do-you-just-say-good-thanks-or-do-you-complain/639450/24 "2012-10-31T19:34:47Z")
“Oh I’m okay. But the day is young.” “Meh. You?” “Okilodokily!” Don’t you by now know who that handful are? Why not just greet them with a “Good Morning” or “Hi!” instead? And only express interest in how they are when you really want to know? (Which likely is never.) ---
**Author:** ![jabiru](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/bbce88/32.png) [@jabiru](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jabiru)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2012, 11:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/casual-hows-it-going-do-you-just-say-good-thanks-or-do-you-complain/639450/25 "2012-10-31T23:23:41Z")
It’s a social nicety not really a request for information. Usually I say, “well, and you?” Depending on who it is, I might say, “Can’t complain - no one will listen!” I became rather wary of asking people how they are many years ago when a neighbour took the greeting as an invitation to earbash me for up to 20 minutes about her every ache, pain and complaint. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2012, 11:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/casual-hows-it-going-do-you-just-say-good-thanks-or-do-you-complain/639450/26 "2012-10-31T23:33:59Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > Yes and yes. I was trying to figure out how to say this before. But basically, no one expects you to be super upbeat and cheerful all the time. BUT not everyone needs or wants to hear your complaints, either. I’m reminded of this exchange from _Pulp Fiction_: Butch: _“You okay?”_ Marsellus: _“Naw man. I’m pretty fuckin’ far from okay!”_ ---
**Author:** ![InternetLegend](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/internetlegend/32/13154_2.png) [@InternetLegend](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/InternetLegend)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2012, 11:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/casual-hows-it-going-do-you-just-say-good-thanks-or-do-you-complain/639450/27 "2012-10-31T23:54:00Z")
We don’t work in the same place, do we? I long ago figured out who not to ask - I’ll just say, “Good morning!” to those people. That doesn’t stop them from bitching about their lives to me, though. The worst complainers in the place can get pretty tricky. Now that I don’t ask how they are as a greeting, they’ll ask me how I am first, and because my mother brought me up right, my instinct is to reply, “Fine, and you?” BIG mistake. ---
**Author:** ![SCAdian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/scadian/32/3292_2.png) [@SCAdian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SCAdian)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2012, 12:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/casual-hows-it-going-do-you-just-say-good-thanks-or-do-you-complain/639450/28 "2012-11-01T00:10:40Z")
I usually just snarl at people who ask that… ---
**Author:** ![CanvasShoes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/74df32/32.png) [@CanvasShoes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CanvasShoes)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2012, 12:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/casual-hows-it-going-do-you-just-say-good-thanks-or-do-you-complain/639450/29 "2012-11-01T00:18:09Z")
I hate this question, but I don’t answer it in a negative way, I’ll usually simply sidestep the question and say something to the effect of “…and how are you”? Or something like that. If it’s a fairly close friend or acquaintance I’ll generally use a friendly slang saying like “fair to middlin” or some other silliness. ---
**Author:** ![you\_with\_the\_face](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/ecccb3/32.png) [@you\_with\_the\_face](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/you_with_the_face)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2012, 12:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/casual-hows-it-going-do-you-just-say-good-thanks-or-do-you-complain/639450/30 "2012-11-01T00:19:39Z")
Easy solution to this first world problem. Just say “hi” and keep it moving. ---
**Author:** ![JackieLikesVariety](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackielikesvariety/32/296_2.png) [@JackieLikesVariety](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JackieLikesVariety)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2012, 12:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/casual-hows-it-going-do-you-just-say-good-thanks-or-do-you-complain/639450/31 "2012-11-01T00:21:33Z")
having worked in nursing homes and gotten the Real Story more than once, I only ask “how are you” in any way if I have time to listen to their answer. because they might say “fine, how are you” but they might want to tell me a lot of other stuff. to this day, I mostly say something else. Hi, or Hello! - that works. when people say “how are you” to me in greeting, I saw “hi” back. seems to work. ---
**Author:** ![Rhiannon8404](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rhiannon8404/32/17929_2.png) [@Rhiannon8404](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rhiannon8404)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2012, 12:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/casual-hows-it-going-do-you-just-say-good-thanks-or-do-you-complain/639450/32 "2012-11-01T00:25:25Z")
I generally say “Hey there!” ---
**Author:** ![Yllaria](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yllaria/32/3452_2.png) [@Yllaria](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yllaria)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2012, 12:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/casual-hows-it-going-do-you-just-say-good-thanks-or-do-you-complain/639450/33 "2012-11-01T00:29:36Z")
> [@TruCelt](#): > > . . .Why above your station? I don’t understand that. I heard it well into my twenties, from most everybody. . . was it considered hoity-toity or something? I may be mistaken, but I don’t think “How do you do?” was ever a working class convention. ---
**Author:** ![zweisamkeit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zweisamkeit/32/4360_2.png) [@zweisamkeit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zweisamkeit)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2012, 2:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/casual-hows-it-going-do-you-just-say-good-thanks-or-do-you-complain/639450/34 "2012-11-01T02:28:47Z")
> [@TruCelt](#): > > Precisely. This si what I grew up with and it was just so much easier. There was no real question there, as if it were a nonsense phrase. I guess what people here are saying is that “How are you?” shoudl be treate int he same manner? 😕 I can’t understand why you like “how do you do?” and dislike “how are you?” _when they are asking the same damn thing!_ WTF? And variations of this question\* have been used as a greeting (not a true inquiry requiring an answer) since the 18th century; some of you are a bit slow on the uptake, eh? 😛 - how do you do, how are you, how’s it going, how’s life treating you, what’s up, how’s it hanging, 'sup, whatcha been up to… ---
**Author:** ![Tom\_Tildrum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e95f7d/32.png) [@Tom\_Tildrum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tom_Tildrum)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2012, 3:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/casual-hows-it-going-do-you-just-say-good-thanks-or-do-you-complain/639450/35 "2012-11-01T03:11:39Z")
> [@Ill-aria](#): > > I may be mistaken, but I don’t think “How do you do?” was ever a working class convention. There’s a scene in _Bonfire of the Vanities_, set in New York, where the main character introduces his old-line WASP neighbor to his downtown criminal lawyer. The neighbor says, “How d’j’do?” and the lawyer responds, “Howaya?” ---
**Author:** ![Cinnamon\_Imp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/58956e/32.png) [@Cinnamon\_Imp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cinnamon_Imp)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2012, 9:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/casual-hows-it-going-do-you-just-say-good-thanks-or-do-you-complain/639450/36 "2012-11-01T09:24:49Z")
> [@TruCelt](#): > > I have settled on things like a cheery “Still verticle!” or “Every day above ground is a good day!” or “Hanging in there, how about you?” Anything to put it back on the other person without actually lying outright. At work, in a bad situation, I’d just answer “Surviving!” and keep walking. It got the message across that I was too busy to stop, but not in a good enough place to lie and say everything was fine. > [@Ill-aria](#): > > I know someone who always replies: “Better than I was yesterday, but not as good as I’ll be tomorrow.” It’s cute the first few times. After awhile it just seems too long. I knew a guy who answered “all the better for seeing you!”. It was charming the first time, till you saw him use it on everyone he met. Or at least every female someone he met 😛 > [@Little Screamo](#): > > More difficult is when something really bad happened and it’s too overwhelming to bring up in casual conversation. But at the same time, you don’t want to have to pretend everything’s fine when it isn’t. > > Example: > _“How’s it going?” > “Pretty bad. I’ve just been to my wife’s funeral.”_ > > I mean what do you say to somebody at that point? “Condolences” - you can’t go wrong with that. ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2012, 11:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/casual-hows-it-going-do-you-just-say-good-thanks-or-do-you-complain/639450/37 "2012-11-01T11:23:48Z")
I often wonder how rude my standard response is: Some guy: Hey how ya doing? Me: I’m doing good. The point is, I don’t return the “How are you doing” bit. My justification for this is I’m a fast walker. If I’m passing some one in the hallway, I’m already going to be way past them by the time I blurt out “How you doing?” And then what? Am I supposed to slow down to wait for a response? Screw that! 😃 Personally, I just like to do the polite head nod as I’m passing people in the hallway. ---
**Author:** ![DrFidelius](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drfidelius/32/3447_2.png) [@DrFidelius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrFidelius)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2012, 11:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/casual-hows-it-going-do-you-just-say-good-thanks-or-do-you-complain/639450/38 "2012-11-01T11:51:48Z")
People at work ahve stopped greeting me with “How are you?” or “How’s it going?” since my standard response has always been “Not too bad, so far. But it’s still early.” (This is better than the “It is a good day to die” I was using in college after watching Little Big Man too many times.) ---
**Author:** ![Cinnamon\_Imp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/58956e/32.png) [@Cinnamon\_Imp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cinnamon_Imp)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2012, 12:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/casual-hows-it-going-do-you-just-say-good-thanks-or-do-you-complain/639450/39 "2012-11-01T12:02:08Z")
In response to the OP, I’m probably a complainer, or an over-sharer. But I blame the person asking - generally if I answer “oh, fine thanks!”, they smile and look at me expectantly. Even if I ask how they are, and they answer fine, they still wait for me to volunteer the next snippet of conversation. Which given my caffeine over-consumption, is generally a rant or a moan about something or other 😛 Maybe I just have a reputation as a gossip though, so they’re waiting to see what I come out with this time! ---
**Author:** ![Floater](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/dc4da7/32.png) [@Floater](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Floater)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2012, 12:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/casual-hows-it-going-do-you-just-say-good-thanks-or-do-you-complain/639450/40 "2012-11-01T12:07:48Z")
My standard response is “I haven’t killed myself yet today, so I suppose I’m OK”. I just hate it when people ask empty questions, which they can’t be bothered to understand the literal meaning of. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/casual-hows-it-going-do-you-just-say-good-thanks-or-do-you-complain/639450.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/casual-hows-it-going-do-you-just-say-good-thanks-or-do-you-complain/639450.md?page=3)