# Casual sex: should I put it on hold? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 1, 2002, 9:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/casual-sex-should-i-put-it-on-hold/106737 "2002-05-01T21:41:40Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 15\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![jools](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/b3f665/32.png) [@jools](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jools)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2002, 6:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/casual-sex-should-i-put-it-on-hold/106737/21 "2002-05-02T18:37:16Z")
Well then Scott… i hope you have a good… nah scratch that… great evening… and hopefully some action 😃 ---
**Author:** ![seawitch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a587f6/32.png) [@seawitch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/seawitch)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2002, 7:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/casual-sex-should-i-put-it-on-hold/106737/22 "2002-05-02T19:18:14Z")
Well, not to be devil’s advocate… First of all, let me congratulate you on amazing emotional resilience. I did read the other thread, and you sounded like things were really tough. Belated hugs… if they aren’t needed today, they freeze well. Just pop one in the toaster when it’s needed. Now then. Given how low you were feeling such a short time ago, perhaps you should give yourself a little time. Or at least be honest with your friends, and let them know what you’re going through. A little comfort sex can be a wonderful thing, but IMextremelyHO, it can be even more comforting when your partner understands what your exact needs are. So maybe not give up sex, but alter the emphasis somewhat? Keep us posted on how you’re doing. ---
**Author:** ![gobear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/8dc957/32.png) [@gobear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gobear)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2002, 7:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/casual-sex-should-i-put-it-on-hold/106737/23 "2002-05-02T19:22:37Z")
**Scott** , hang in there, man. you’re a genuinely good guy who deserves some love and attention. In the meantime, some of the clueless posters here have inspired a Pit thread to open shortly. ---
**Author:** ![scott\_evil](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/91b2a8/32.png) [@scott\_evil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scott_evil)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2002, 7:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/casual-sex-should-i-put-it-on-hold/106737/24 "2002-05-02T19:26:32Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by gobear \* > **Scott** , hang in there, man. you’re a genuinely good guy who deserves some love and attention. Aw, thanks, buddy. But I’m getting love from my platonic friends and aforementioned work faghag (and you guys, too, of course). I’ll be getting “attention,” as it were, from twink hottie boy. 😉 (And someone to hang with for a few hours…) > [@](#): > > In the meantime, some of the clueless posters here have inspired a Pit thread to open shortly. Ooh, I can’t wait. I sensed something like that would be forthcoming after some of the replies I got. 🆒 - s.e. ---
**Author:** ![scott\_evil](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/91b2a8/32.png) [@scott\_evil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scott_evil)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2002, 7:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/casual-sex-should-i-put-it-on-hold/106737/25 "2002-05-02T19:34:13Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by scott evil \* > **(And someone to hang with for a few hours…)** Come to think about it, we won’t be “hanging” the whole time… :eek: 😃 Damn, I wish we could edit our own posts… - s.e. ---
**Author:** ![Belrix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ed655f/32.png) [@Belrix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Belrix)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2002, 9:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/casual-sex-should-i-put-it-on-hold/106737/26 "2002-05-02T21:13:00Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by scott evil \* > **… and the groundrules have been clearly set. None of us is actively pursuing anything more, but we’re open to the possibility of something happening. We’re also free to meet others…** Boy, I remember this agreement when I was “casually” dating two girls at the same time. Each knew I was post-divorce and not ready for committment. Each knew they were not the only person in my life, etc., etc., etc… What I’ve alway called the “just friends talk”. Anyway, when the relationship ended, following the beginnings of a third relationship with the woman who is now my wife, one of the two was pouty for a while while the other bugged out big time. Death threats, police report, and all sorts of fun. Personal experience tells me that the “ground rules” are not always followed, despite what people say to each other about them. IMO - B ---
**Author:** ![scott\_evil](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/91b2a8/32.png) [@scott\_evil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scott_evil)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2002, 9:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/casual-sex-should-i-put-it-on-hold/106737/27 "2002-05-02T21:25:50Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Belrix \* > **Personal experience tells me that the “ground rules” are not always followed, despite what people say to each other about them.** Well, I don’t want to seem like I’m perpetuating a stereotype, and love is love, and sex is basically sex, and intimacy between two people is the same whether they’re gay or str8, but I’ve always found things can be quite different among (some) gay men. Just MHO. I’m not “dating” either of these two guys… I’ve already explained the nature of our get-togethers. Anyway, I’m looking forward to tonight. 🙂 - s.e. ---
**Author:** ![DMark](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@DMark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DMark)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2002, 9:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/casual-sex-should-i-put-it-on-hold/106737/28 "2002-05-02T21:34:50Z")
Invite both guys over at the same time and turn down the lights? Two’s company and three’s a party. …at a certain time in a guy’s life, the more sex the better…go for it. You are obviously not stupid, so play safe and just do it. I know this is not exactly “fatherly” advice, but I can’t think of anyone who regrets having had too much sex. However, it might be good to get to know both guys (together or individually) in a different environment. Any lone cabins nearby? Or a tent? Or a sleeping bag by the lake? But get away and walk in the woods/by the lake and relax. Clear your heads, use your heads, give…well, you got the picture. Have a great time! ---
**Author:** ![ShelliBean](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f9ae1b/32.png) [@ShelliBean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShelliBean)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2002, 10:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/casual-sex-should-i-put-it-on-hold/106737/29 "2002-05-02T22:06:05Z")
Do you think that if you told them what you are going through that it would open the door to the “something else” that you are open to happening? I am guessing you mean emotional commitment. Do you think that opening yourself up to them for emotional support will take you from being “fun hot guy to party with” to “potential/actual boyfriend”? I ask because I have been in the same situation before asking myself these questions. I opted to keep everything to myself and stay the party girl for my weekend party-mates (that’s a nice way of putting it, huh?) and although we kept everythink light and casual, I think I could have used some emotional support at the time and probably would have gotten it had I just asked. Of course, here is the obligatory: you just have to do what is right for you. Let us know how it went, kay? ---
**Author:** ![scott\_evil](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/91b2a8/32.png) [@scott\_evil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scott_evil)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2002, 10:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/casual-sex-should-i-put-it-on-hold/106737/30 "2002-05-02T22:13:59Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Rez \* > Do you think that if you told them what you are going through that it would open the door to the “something else” that you are open to happening? I am guessing you mean emotional commitment. Do you think that opening yourself up to them for emotional support will take you from being “fun hot guy to party with” to “potential/actual boyfriend”? No. I’m getting support from others and am doing surprisingly well. I’ve had a great day, even. > [@](#): > > Let us know how it went, kay? Oh, believe me, I will. 😃 But in the meantime, I still welcome comments, as I’ll be online for an hour or two before the guy comes over. - s.e. ---
**Author:** ![JThunder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e95f7d/32.png) [@JThunder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JThunder)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2002, 11:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/casual-sex-should-i-put-it-on-hold/106737/31 "2002-05-02T23:58:27Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by scott evil \* > \*\*I am aware of that, and I’ve been lucky (knock wood) that I haven’t picked up anything over the past 13 years I’ve been sexually active with men. \*\* Well just to be fair, you could be asymptomatic. People can have an STD for years before the symptoms become noticeable. ---
**Author:** ![scott\_evil](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/91b2a8/32.png) [@scott\_evil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scott_evil)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2002, 12:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/casual-sex-should-i-put-it-on-hold/106737/32 "2002-05-03T00:13:55Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by JThunder \* > \*\*Well just to be fair, you could be asymptomatic. People can have an STD for years before the symptoms become noticeable. \*\* Point taken, but that’s why we have tests, and not just HIV tests. The only thing I’ve ever gotten was crabs. That’s another story. _shudder_ :eek: - s.e. ---
**Author:** ![Flamsterette\_X](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/41988e/32.png) [@Flamsterette\_X](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flamsterette_X)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2002, 1:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/casual-sex-should-i-put-it-on-hold/106737/33 "2002-05-03T01:04:39Z")
Well, now i"m just itching (no pun ontended from the last post) to go to the Pit and see what kind of flamewar is developing there. Got your email, and I hope you have an awesome time tonight! :)Let us know how it went, okay? ---
**Author:** ![Tansu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/67e7ee/32.png) [@Tansu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tansu)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2002, 1:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/casual-sex-should-i-put-it-on-hold/106737/34 "2002-05-03T13:06:55Z")
Scott, only you know how sex and emotions are related in your mind, both in general and with respect to these sexy young adventure-partners of yours. Everyone has different ties between sex and emotions. So, I can’t give you firm advice, except this(which you probably already know, being a bright young Teemster) - be honest with yourself at all times, and if you think you need more me-time than shared sex-adventure time, then go with that. If you’re afraid that you’ll be using physical intimacy as an emotional crutch, then think carefully and weigh up the emotional consequences both ways. And be honest with your partners, too. I’m guessing that as friends they’d rather hear you say that you’re feeling a bit weirded out for sex than get a weirded out vibe from you during/after sex. Or, in other words, I don’t bloody know. ---
**Author:** ![scott\_evil](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/91b2a8/32.png) [@scott\_evil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scott_evil)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2002, 1:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/casual-sex-should-i-put-it-on-hold/106737/35 "2002-05-03T13:38:25Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Tansu \* > **I’m guessing that as friends they’d rather hear you say that you’re feeling a bit weirded out for sex than get a weirded out vibe from you during/after sex.** No, no, everything was great, and I feel good. 😃 - s.e. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/casual-sex-should-i-put-it-on-hold/106737.md?page=1)