# Casual Sex: Yea, or Nay? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [April 6, 2005, 1:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/casual-sex-yea-or-nay/297962 "2005-04-06T01:27:52Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![kimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/f0a364/32.png) [@kimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kimera)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2005, 5:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/casual-sex-yea-or-nay/297962/21 "2005-04-06T05:55:46Z")
I’m all for casual sex!! However, I only have casual sex with individuals after they’ve had a recent STI test, I know they aren’t having sex with anyone else and while I am on birth control. I think that people who have sex with people they just met are engaging in stupid and risky behaviors, but I regard it the same as people who drive recklessly or drink too much alcohol. I’ll be friends with them, but if they try to convince me that I should do what they are doing, I will give them a stern talking-to. ---
**Author:** ![Yookeroo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yookeroo/32/323_2.png) [@Yookeroo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yookeroo)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2005, 6:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/casual-sex-yea-or-nay/297962/22 "2005-04-06T06:10:06Z")
Hell yeah. ---
**Author:** ![Muad\_Dib](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/35a633/32.png) [@Muad\_Dib](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muad_Dib)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2005, 6:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/casual-sex-yea-or-nay/297962/23 "2005-04-06T06:13:05Z")
I vote nay. For humans 90% of the pleasure of sex is the intimicy between two people. To go about having sex with random people and no meaning behind it strikes me as a little sick. ---
**Author:** ![Muad\_Dib](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/35a633/32.png) [@Muad\_Dib](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muad_Dib)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2005, 6:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/casual-sex-yea-or-nay/297962/24 "2005-04-06T06:17:06Z")
BTW, it may be helpful if you stated your gender in this thread. I am male. ---
**Author:** ![davenportavenger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/5f8ce5/32.png) [@davenportavenger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/davenportavenger)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2005, 6:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/casual-sex-yea-or-nay/297962/25 "2005-04-06T06:26:01Z")
> [@Agent Foxtrot](#): > > You don’t enjoy sex? Not when it’s divorced from a relationship, no. What I mean is… I like sex, but I’m not so crazy about it that I’ll seek out partners just to do it with. If it happens, it’s nice, but I really can’t see myself liking it if I didn’t really like my partner. It’s more like enjoying the totality of the romantic/emotional/sexual experience, as opposed to just the deed itself. If all the elements aren’t there, I can’t get into it. Which can be kind of a handicap sometimes. ---
**Author:** ![Catalyst](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e47774/32.png) [@Catalyst](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Catalyst)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2005, 8:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/casual-sex-yea-or-nay/297962/26 "2005-04-06T08:39:44Z")
Tried it once, didn’t like how I felt about myself afterwards. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t lose a little respect for people who make a habit of it. It’s not that I have some moral or religious opposition; it’s just a visceral reaction that I don’t have any particularly good reason for and won’t attempt to rationalize. ---
**Author:** ![Jervoise](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/d2c977/32.png) [@Jervoise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jervoise)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2005, 9:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/casual-sex-yea-or-nay/297962/27 "2005-04-06T09:37:16Z")
> [@UrbanChic](#): > > An emphatic yea. > > Before I was married, I was all about casual sex. If I ever get divorced, I plan–quite hastily, too–to return to my roots. I can’t stand all the fuss and rules and burdens and crap of being in a relationship, but I _really_ like sex. I love and am in love with my hubby, so neither one of us is going anywhere anytime soon. A gal can dream, though. A gal can dream. Ditto. (Except substitute gal for man, and hubby for boyfriend.) > [@Muad'Dib](#): > > For humans 90% of the pleasure of sex is the intimicy between two people. Well that and the enormous crushing orgasam. ---
**Author:** ![don\_t\_ask](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@don\_t\_ask](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/don_t_ask)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2005, 10:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/casual-sex-yea-or-nay/297962/28 "2005-04-06T10:15:11Z")
I am confused by the question. What does “not in a romantic relationship” mean? My last marriage? I have been having fairly regular sex with a woman that I don’t think I will ever live with but we go out and do other stuff because our tastes are similar. A while ago she thought that she had met a guy she could get serious with and we stopped the sexual part of our relationship. I was happy for her good luck because I like her very much and care about her well being. I feel the same way about every woman I have had sex with but the times it turned out to be a one night stand would, I guess, not qualify as “a romantic relationship”. I approach any sex in the same way. It’s a really intimate expression and the only way I could consider it “casual” would be to know absolutely nothing about my partner. Even the briefest encounters I have felt a connection by the time we got to bed. And the sense of gratitude alone is enough to make me appreciative of my partner. ---
**Author:** ![plnnr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7ea924/32.png) [@plnnr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/plnnr)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2005, 12:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/casual-sex-yea-or-nay/297962/29 "2005-04-06T12:20:16Z")
Sport fucking has its place. ---
**Author:** ![UnwrittenNocturne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/6de8d8/32.png) [@UnwrittenNocturne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UnwrittenNocturne)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2005, 12:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/casual-sex-yea-or-nay/297962/30 "2005-04-06T12:45:39Z")
Before getting married I was a proponent of casual sex. I always wondered why it was looked down on in some circles. I see it on a par with any other activity you can enjoy with another person or group of persons ---
**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2005, 1:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/casual-sex-yea-or-nay/297962/31 "2005-04-06T13:14:00Z")
It isn’t for me, but then it joins a long list of things I think are perfectly fine (standard disclaimers apply, of course)🙂 ---
**Author:** ![UrbanChic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/9dc877/32.png) [@UrbanChic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UrbanChic)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2005, 1:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/casual-sex-yea-or-nay/297962/32 "2005-04-06T13:21:11Z")
> [@Muad'Dib](#): > > I vote nay. For humans 90% of the pleasure of sex is the intimicy between two people. To go about having sex with random people and no meaning behind it strikes me as a little sick. I disagree with this statement. If you’ll allow me to grossly oversimplify, sex is strictly for procreation. As with any species, the body’s goal is to propegate, propegate, propegate. As an incentive to spawn, our bodies are designed to make sex feel good–make that frickin’ _awesome_. I don’t think it’s sick to have fuckbuddies (and that’s what I think of when I think of casual sex). As long as the sex is safe and all parties involved understand the rules, it’s all good. ---
**Author:** ![AngelicGemma](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/439d5e/32.png) [@AngelicGemma](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AngelicGemma)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2005, 1:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/casual-sex-yea-or-nay/297962/33 "2005-04-06T13:29:58Z")
Casual sex is not for me, but if that’s what someone else wants to do then then its up to them. I don’t think it’s ‘wrong’. ---
**Author:** ![badbadrubberpiggy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/57b2e6/32.png) [@badbadrubberpiggy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/badbadrubberpiggy)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2005, 1:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/casual-sex-yea-or-nay/297962/34 "2005-04-06T13:31:50Z")
I’ve no problem with it, and in fact have done it before. However, I think it’s something I basically grew out of - the risks aren’t worth it to me. I’m in a committed relationship now anyway, but even if I wasn’t I probably wouldn’t be having casual sex. I don’t look down on people who sleep around, provided they’re safe (ie, condoms, not just BC!). I’m sorry to say, I have little respect for people who sleep around and aren’t using condoms. If they were only putting themselves in danger, I’d be less inclined to have an opinion, but they’re also exposing others to what they may have. Granted, the other person should be concerned as well, and needs to be responsible, but people can (and I’m sure do) lie about having been tested when really they’re just assuming they’re clean b/c they don’t have symptoms or just want to get laid. Also, there’s the risk of pregnancy. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2005, 1:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/casual-sex-yea-or-nay/297962/35 "2005-04-06T13:48:04Z")
> [@squeegee](#): > > I think it’s none of my damned business. Agreed! For myself, I would most definitely be for it if I wasn’t in a committed relationship, but these days the risks are so high I’d be veeery careful… ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2005, 2:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/casual-sex-yea-or-nay/297962/36 "2005-04-06T14:22:39Z")
I haven’t read the thread, but I’ll post my opinion. I see three basic levels of sex: Fucking, Having Sex, and Making Love. Fucking is just what it sounds like. Doesn’t matter who she is; you just fo it. Having Sex is what you might do with a fuck-buddy. That is, your partner isn’t just a random person, but more like a friend or acquaintance. In this case, you actually like the person instead of the person being ‘any port in a storm’. Making Love adds the component of a love. that is, you really, really care about the person. I’m pretty much celibate; not that I want to be, but I just never seem to ‘hook up’. (I’m very unlucky that way. ☹ ) I haven’t had any play since December, and I’m embarrassed to say how long it had been before that. So if I were to encounter a woman who just ants to fuck, there’s no way I’d turn her down! (As long as she didn’t have any STDs, of course.) I mean, I’m a _guy!_ But Fucking (as defined) has always left me feeling a bit empty and unsatisfied. Casual sex (i.e., Having Sex) is better. In this case, it’s more like playing with a friend than just ‘mating’. There’s the possibility of it turning into a romantic relationship. (There are some Doper Wimmins I’d like to ‘play with’; but I’m not saying who! 😉 ) Making Love is the best. Pardon the glurge, but it’s like the joining of two souls. I have nothing against casual sex, and don’t think the less of people who engage in it. I’d do it myself, given the opportunity. ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2005, 2:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/casual-sex-yea-or-nay/297962/37 "2005-04-06T14:51:17Z")
> [@UrbanChic](#): > > If you’ll allow me to grossly oversimplify, sex is strictly for procreation. As with any species, the body’s goal is to propegate, propegate, propegate. \*\*My \*\*sex is definitely not for procreation, and \*\*my \*\*body’s goal . . . well, my body doesn’t actually have any goals of its own. I met my partner in an almost random, anonymous sexual encounter, and we’ve been together, monogamously, ever since. If we hadn’t been engaged in casual sex at the time, it’s very unlikely that we would have ever met. We’re both happier now than we ever were before, but how can we be judgmental about our “casual” past that brought us together in the first place. ---
**Author:** ![overlyverbose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/9dc877/32.png) [@overlyverbose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/overlyverbose)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2005, 3:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/casual-sex-yea-or-nay/297962/38 "2005-04-06T15:08:43Z")
> [@Claudia](#): > > Is casual sex, defined as sexual encounters between people not in a romantic relationship, acceptable in your opinion? I think it’s acceptable. I’ve actually had casual sex a couple of times (with the same person), and while it didn’t work for me, it was fun, we both enjoyed ourselves and managed to part ways with no emotional problems. But I don’t think I’d do it again because, while I didn’t have any regrets or problems, it’s not the safest thing to do. I’m also married and I’d never cheat, but if I weren’t married, I don’t think I’d do it again. > [@](#): > > Do you think less of someone if you learn that they occasionally, or even frequently, hook up with people for sex only? This could be someone they meet at a bar, or just around town, find online, or even a more organized “fuck buddy” type of relationship. I’ve got no problems with someone who hooks up occaisionally for casual sex. With someone who has sex a lot with people he/she doesn’t know, I might worry more simply because I’d wonder if there was something other than the desire for physical satisfaction driving them to have sex with strangers or people they don’t know very well. For example, I had a friend who absolutely could not sleep alone. So she’d sleep with just about anyone so she didn’t have to. She destroyed a lot of relationships that way, including several friendships. She calmed down after a while and she’s happily married now, but the behavior she exhibited was pretty self-destructive for a while. I’d worry about both people equally for their safety and health, particularly if they were just picking up people in bars. > [@](#): > > Does the old stereotype of casually sexual people being “dirty” or “nasty” still get any play? Conversely, are people who dissaprove of casual sex automatically considered prudish by most? I don’t consider people who disapprove of casual sex prudish at all. I can certainly see why casual sex is not the best way to go; however, I also think that someone else’s sexual encounters aren’t anyone else’s business, so whether someone approves or disapproves is irrelevant. > [@](#): > > Do you think casual sexual encounters are inherently worse than those between romantic partners? I think that depends on the encounter and what you’re hoping to get out of it. If all you’re looking for is an orgasm, casual sex is an easy way to achieve that. Of course, your hands provide ample opportunity for orgasm, too, but that’s beside the point. Still, I think it’s easier for casual sex to get “sticky,” so relationship sex might be better simply because both partners are ideally already emotionally connected, thereby decreasing the chances of one person having feelings that the other doesn’t share. But relationships can also offer their own set of issues, so I’m brought back to my original statement that it depends what you’re looking for. ---
**Author:** ![whiterabbit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/cab0a1/32.png) [@whiterabbit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/whiterabbit)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2005, 3:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/casual-sex-yea-or-nay/297962/39 "2005-04-06T15:31:33Z")
It’s none of my business what other people do, but it’s not for me at all. I do love sex, but not outside an actual relationship (waited a month with this guy, for example, though some of that was just waiting until the pills had kicked in properly, I admit, it had been a looooong time and he’s a great guy). The risks are too big for me to feel comfortable with, and I have this nagging feeling that for me, at least, sex is bigger than just getting off. ---
**Author:** ![Pushkin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ee59a6/32.png) [@Pushkin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pushkin)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2005, 3:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/casual-sex-yea-or-nay/297962/40 "2005-04-06T15:54:25Z")
I couldn’t possibly comment based my own personal experience. My casual encounters with girls happened when I was a virgin and quite drunk, I didn’t loose it till I met my first (and current) girlfriend. So I’ve no idea what casual sex is like at all 🙂 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/casual-sex-yea-or-nay/297962.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/casual-sex-yea-or-nay/297962.md?page=3)