# Casual Sex: Yea, or Nay? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [April 6, 2005, 1:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/casual-sex-yea-or-nay/297962 "2005-04-06T01:27:52Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 16\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![JohnBckWLD](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/d6d6ee/32.png) [@JohnBckWLD](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnBckWLD)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2005, 9:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/casual-sex-yea-or-nay/297962/61 "2005-04-07T21:44:26Z")
[RIGHT]Casual Sex is like a meal at a fast food restaurant. It’s not as desirable, good or enriching as a five course meal at a classy restaurant - but it’s better than going hungry. (Well, I’m in my late 30’s - so let me amend that to a 3 course meal)[/RIGHT] ---
**Author:** ![JRDelirious](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jrdelirious/32/9531_2.png) [@JRDelirious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JRDelirious)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2005, 12:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/casual-sex-yea-or-nay/297962/62 "2005-04-09T00:39:23Z")
Y’know, thinking about it a little… it would seem, to me , that if there is the degree of responsibility, trust and communication that many have mentioned about their “fuckbuddies”, that makes it really not that “casual” after all. It’s not monogamous commitment, and it may not be capital-L quasi-religious-experience _“Luuuvve”_, but it’s not “fast food” either (more like the family-owned corner diner). ---
**Author:** ![meanoldman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@meanoldman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/meanoldman)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2005, 12:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/casual-sex-yea-or-nay/297962/63 "2005-04-09T00:59:17Z")
I am envious of those that seem to be having casual sex. But, in my heart of hearts, I know I could never do it. I mean, even if I weren’t already happily married. Kind of a fanatasy versus reality thing. While it might be fun to imagine having casual sex, I don’t think I’d be able to er,um,ah… perform… if the person meant nothing to me. Maybe I’m just too old. Or not quite old enough. I “came of age” in the mid to late 70’s, in the midwest. So I guess I missed the free love hippie generation as well as the hedonistic ‘me’ generation. Like I said though, I am kinda envious of those that are engaging in what they think is casual sex. But at the same time, my reaction is also…What’s the difference between casual sex and mutual masturbation? With STD’s and pregnancies and all, there absolutely has to be protection! But, it’s just 2 people getting off, coincidentally at the same time. Reminds me of a John Prine song, was that “Donald and Lydia” ? Lydia was in the title somewhere. _sigh_ a mind is a terrible thing to lose _sigh_😕 ---
**Author:** ![Misnomer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/misnomer/32/14897_2.png) [@Misnomer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Misnomer)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2005, 4:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/casual-sex-yea-or-nay/297962/64 "2005-04-09T04:22:08Z")
> [@meanoldman](#): > > But at the same time, my reaction is also…What’s the difference between casual sex and mutual masturbation? I can’t speak to how different a hand job/blow job vs. sex is for men, but for women – at least, this woman – there is _no_ substitute for a penis. Orgasms are great, and the non-penetration stuff is definitely very nice, but I always always always want the penetration. No vibrator or dildo can ever feel like the real thing, or move like the owner of one – even an owner who’s not that great in bed. 😉 > [@](#): > > With STD’s and pregnancies and all, there absolutely has to be protection! How does using a condom/birth control equal mutual masturbation? > [@](#): > > But, it’s just 2 people getting off, coincidentally at the same time. And…? What’s wrong with “just” getting off? _You_ may not be able to have sex for sex’s sake, but that doesn’t mean no one else can. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![JRDelirious](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jrdelirious/32/9531_2.png) [@JRDelirious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JRDelirious)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2005, 5:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/casual-sex-yea-or-nay/297962/65 "2005-04-09T05:06:04Z")
> [@Misnomer](#): > > I can’t speak to how different a hand job/blow job vs. sex is for men, but for women – at least, this woman – there is _no_ substitute for a penis. Orgasms are great, and the non-penetration stuff is definitely very nice, but I always always always want the penetration. No vibrator or dildo can ever feel like the real thing, or move like the owner of one – even an owner who’s not that great in bed. 😉 Well, that certainly gives a whole bunch of us much needed reassurance/hope…😃 > [@](#): > > How does using a condom/birth control equal mutual masturbation? I think he just constructed the paragraph haphazardly. I think he means that **to him** , with all the precautions involved in responsible sex, there had better be some sort of _emotional_ investment. ---
**Author:** ![Large\_Marge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/50afbb/32.png) [@Large\_Marge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Large_Marge)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2005, 5:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/casual-sex-yea-or-nay/297962/66 "2005-04-09T05:16:39Z")
> [@Claudia](#): > > Is casual sex, defined as sexual encounters between people not in a romantic relationship, acceptable in your opinion? Yes. > [@Claudia](#): > > Do you think less of someone if you learn that they occasionally, or even frequently, hook up with people for sex only? It depends on the person, and what their reasons are. For example, if they do it because they don’t know any other way of being intimate, then yes, I might think less of them, or feel sorry for them. But if they do it because they are in a place where that is all they want (i.e., just broken off a long relationship; more interested in the sex than the commitment; etc.) then I wouldn’t think less of them at all. > [@Claudia](#): > > Does the old stereotype of casually sexual people being “dirty” or “nasty” still get any play? Not with me. > [@Claudia](#): > > Conversely, are people who dissaprove of casual sex automatically considered prudish by most? Not at all. Casual sex is NOT for everyone. > [@Claudia](#): > > Do you think casual sexual encounters are inherently worse than those between romantic partners? Define “worse.” I have found some casual encounters to be far more satisfying and less complicated than some with romantic partners. But often, I get more emotional satisfaction from romantic partners than with casual encounters. But it really depends what you mean by worse. ---
**Author:** ![NajaNivea](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/22d042/32.png) [@NajaNivea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NajaNivea)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2005, 7:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/casual-sex-yea-or-nay/297962/67 "2005-04-09T07:13:23Z")
> [@Loopydude](#): > > HIV transmission can be virtually eliminated by dual use of condoms and spermicide; Condoms, yes, but if you’re having casual sex, please avoid spermicides if at all possible, as [frequent use of nonoxynol-9 can induce lesions and ulcerations to genital mucosa, thereby increasing the probability of transmitting infectious agents.](http://www.phac-aspc.gc.ca/publicat/epiu-aepi/hiv-vih/nonoxynol_e.html) After my first week at Planned Parenthood, I decided that I will never be single again, as I can never have sex with anyone else for the rest of my life 😛 Ignorance is bliss… ☹ ---
**Author:** ![NajaNivea](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/22d042/32.png) [@NajaNivea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NajaNivea)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2005, 7:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/casual-sex-yea-or-nay/297962/68 "2005-04-09T07:14:32Z")
pretend the hyperlinked bit is also in a quote box, please. ---
**Author:** ![Nocturne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/9fc348/32.png) [@Nocturne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nocturne)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2005, 7:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/casual-sex-yea-or-nay/297962/69 "2005-04-09T07:24:57Z")
Casual sex: I’ve never really done it, but I don’t judge others who have. If my friends have confided in me about it, I’ve just asked them to be careful and enjoy themselves. It’s just not something I can do. ---
**Author:** ![foolsguinea](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/foolsguinea/32/14751_2.png) [@foolsguinea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/foolsguinea)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2005, 9:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/casual-sex-yea-or-nay/297962/70 "2005-04-09T09:20:00Z")
Stuff you really didn’t want to know: I was conceived in what was definitely not a serious relationship. More of a one-off. My mother didn’t tell my father about me, so he wouldn’t try to marry her. She really didn’t like him. Then she raised me in a religiously conservative environment. After all that, while the idea of casual sex in theory may have some fantasy appeal, the idea of actually doing it, in reality, gives me the wiggin’s somethin’ fierce. ---
**Author:** ![Rashak\_Mani](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ea666f/32.png) [@Rashak\_Mani](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rashak_Mani)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2005, 2:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/casual-sex-yea-or-nay/297962/71 "2005-04-11T14:30:47Z")
> [@UrbanChic](#): > > The immature ones would always say something along the lines of they wanted me all to themselves. Whatever you do, don’t take that approach. Don’t worry I won’t take that approach… 😛 I hate “possesive” atitudes even within regular relationships. Naturally it wouldn’t be easy seeing her with someone else… but its her choice and its not my business of course. The funny thing is your mentioning immature ones… I certainly am immature in a lot of things except this. I hope women aren’t avoiding me due to that ! hehe > [@overlyverbose](#): > > Do you guys do a lot of stuff that’s not related to sex? If not, that might be a good place to start. Take her to a nice restaurant first or just encourage more conversation between the two of you. This other stuff would mean more comitment and less casual no ? Isn’t that worse ? I think I’m misreading something… ---
**Author:** ![overlyverbose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/9dc877/32.png) [@overlyverbose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/overlyverbose)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2005, 3:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/casual-sex-yea-or-nay/297962/72 "2005-04-11T15:28:41Z")
> [@Rashak Mani](#): > > This other stuff would mean more comitment and less casual no ? Isn’t that worse ? I think I’m misreading something… :smack: I’m sorry - I misread _your_ post. For some reason, I was thinking you wanted to make it more serious, but perhaps she didn’t. Forget anything I said in my last post. You’re right - that would imply it was more serious. I’d just say that you should talk about it. It’s kind of an awkward conversation, but it could certainly be worthwhile so you both know where you stand. Make sure both of you are into making this just an occasional, no-strings thing instead of a longer-term relationship. That’s what I did and it worked out quite well, though I guess it’s easier for a girl to ask that of a guy than vice-versa. Sorry 'bout the misunderstanding. Just goes to show I shouldn’t be posting when I’m trying to cut back on caffeine. ---
**Author:** ![wonderwench](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/35a633/32.png) [@wonderwench](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonderwench)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2005, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/casual-sex-yea-or-nay/297962/73 "2005-04-11T15:30:40Z")
Not immoral - as long as both parties share the perspective of the import of the encounter. ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2005, 4:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/casual-sex-yea-or-nay/297962/74 "2005-04-11T16:36:03Z")
I think that the right casual encounter can be as mindblowing and fulfilling as the right sex in a relationship. It’s great to have dinner with your love thang, but it’s great to have dinner with a sparkling, witty, personable individual you just met, too. ---
**Author:** ![Rashak\_Mani](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ea666f/32.png) [@Rashak\_Mani](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rashak_Mani)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2005, 7:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/casual-sex-yea-or-nay/297962/75 "2005-04-11T19:45:22Z")
> [@overlyverbose](#): > > :smack: I’m sorry - I misread _your_ post. Sorry 'bout the misunderstanding. Your post was so much the opposite… that I figured you’d mixed stuff up !! Well I guess I should avoid outside the bed activities in order to keep it casual ? 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![kidchameleon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/898d66/32.png) [@kidchameleon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kidchameleon)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2005, 9:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/casual-sex-yea-or-nay/297962/76 "2005-04-11T21:25:35Z")
> [@Johnny L.A.](#): > > But Fucking (as defined) has always left me feeling a bit empty and unsatisfied. You might have wanted to use another conjunction there… I’m not opposed to casual sex, it’s just never worked out for me and I’d prefer a romantic connection. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/casual-sex-yea-or-nay/297962.md?page=3)