# Catastrophic culinary cockups **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [March 6, 2020, 1:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/catastrophic-culinary-cockups/848987 "2020-03-06T01:04:41Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 17\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2020, 12:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/catastrophic-culinary-cockups/848987/21 "2020-03-07T00:27:53Z")
> [@FairyChatMom](#): > > I made a meatloaf once using crushed cornflakes instead of breakcrumbs. The only reason I ate it was because I was a poor college student and I couldn’t afford to toss it. Even ketchup couldn’t save it. I’d think plain cornflakes wouldn’t make that big a difference, but sugar-coated cornflakes? Yeah, that might not work so well. “All Things Considered” has a running piece on Thanksgiving and/or Christmas, where they go to the Butterball Hotline office and talk to the home economists who staff the phone bank (and now answer online questions). One thing that’s consistent is that most people would think that the callers are mostly bachelors, college students, etc. but that’s not the case. It’s mostly middle-aged women who have never roasted a whole turkey before, and are embarrassed to admit to their husbands, guests, etc. that they have a question. My own personal favorite? “I know you’re supposed to thaw a turkey in cold water, but the sink is full, so I put it in the toilet. How often should I flush it?” :smack: You can’t make things like that up. ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2020, 12:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/catastrophic-culinary-cockups/848987/22 "2020-03-07T00:31:42Z")
Using corn flakes in meatloaf is not too unusual.Plenty of recipes on the net with it, and I’m pretty sure a cookbook growing up had it. Or maybe it was even on the back of the cornflakes box. ---
**Author:** ![Spud](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spud/32/347_2.png) [@Spud](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spud)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2020, 12:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/catastrophic-culinary-cockups/848987/23 "2020-03-07T00:32:00Z")
> [@KneadToKnow](#): > > Misread an ingredient amount when making green bean casserole for Thanksgiving. > > Ingredient: Butter. Correct amount: 2 tbs. > > My error: misread as “2 lbs.” > > Not joking. That isn’t a screw up… it is the “Midwest Adjustment.” ---
**Author:** ![Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/qadgop_the_mercotan/32/83_2.png) [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qadgop_the_Mercotan)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2020, 12:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/catastrophic-culinary-cockups/848987/24 "2020-03-07T00:48:41Z")
My worst disaster was making fresh crabcakes from crabs we’d caught and steamed and picked that very morning. Over 2 pounds of delicious, delicious Chesapeake Bay crabmeat! I had a recipe calling for baking powder, but used baking soda. Damn things tasted like alka-seltzer. Unsalvageable. ---
**Author:** ![Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/qadgop_the_mercotan/32/83_2.png) [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qadgop_the_Mercotan)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2020, 12:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/catastrophic-culinary-cockups/848987/25 "2020-03-07T00:50:24Z")
> [@Spud](#): > > That isn’t a screw up… it is the “Midwest Adjustment.” That’s the amount of butter that went into my [Solly’s Original Butter Burger](https://www.sollysbutterburgers.com/) the other day. It was delicious! ---
**Author:** ![Patx2](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/73ab20/32.png) [@Patx2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Patx2)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2020, 1:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/catastrophic-culinary-cockups/848987/26 "2020-03-07T01:21:42Z")
Not mine, but my MIL, she’s actually a good cook. However, one time she had us over, she was making homemade pizza. She put her rolled out crust in the oven to precook it. When she opened the oven to check, it had puffed up like a huge pillow. ---
**Author:** ![needscoffee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/needscoffee/32/1076_2.png) [@needscoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/needscoffee)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2020, 1:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/catastrophic-culinary-cockups/848987/27 "2020-03-07T01:30:05Z")
> [@Folacin](#): > > My dad’s mother was visiting, and for some reason she got her dessert (chocolate cake) while everyone else was still working through dinner. > > Mom served the rest of us, and it was unanimous that the cake tasted strongly of soap and we wouldn’t eat. Grandma, determined to be a good guest and not ‘that’ mother-in-law had managed to eat almost half of hers before she was rescued. > > Still no explanation of why - mom’s theory was that it had been stored next to soap, but it was a mix (Duncan Hines or Betty Crocker or somesuch) so that doesn’t make much sense. > > Thinking on it, I may need to get the siblings drunk and see if someone will confess to sabotage (inadvertent or otherwise) after all these years. I’ve brought home bags of groceries in the distant past where the smelly fabric softener sheet box was pressed up against a box of food (can’t remember just what kind of food it was anymore) and the perfumey soapy odor completely permeated the food, despite it being in an inner bag inside its box. I had to throw it away. Your siblings might be in the clear. ---
**Author:** ![carrps](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carrps/32/2957_2.png) [@carrps](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carrps)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2020, 2:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/catastrophic-culinary-cockups/848987/28 "2020-03-07T02:29:13Z")
When I was a kid, like six years old, I thought I’d “improve” the milk we were going to have with dinner. There was only a little left, so my mom had poured it out into glasses for us to make sure it was evenly divided. I “improved” it by adding the juice from the jar of maraschino cherries to each glass. It tasted _awful_. I was punished by having to drink all four glasses. I learned my lesson. ---
**Author:** ![Projammer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/projammer/32/559_2.png) [@Projammer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Projammer)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2020, 4:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/catastrophic-culinary-cockups/848987/29 "2020-03-07T04:36:15Z")
> [@KneadToKnow](#): > > Misread an ingredient amount when making green bean casserole for Thanksgiving. > > Ingredient: Butter. Correct amount: 2 tbs. > > My error: misread as “2 lbs.” > > Not joking. Zat you Paula Dean? You want my recipe for deep fried butter? Most of my badly turned out dishes have to do with excesses of ground pepper. For some reason I either go light or heavy on pepper. Then there was the time my niece asked me to put some chicken on the grill that she had marinated overnight in something. Turned out that something was flammable so when I went for the 10 minute check, they were extra crispy. But tasty once you cut off the char. ---
**Author:** ![needscoffee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/needscoffee/32/1076_2.png) [@needscoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/needscoffee)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2020, 4:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/catastrophic-culinary-cockups/848987/30 "2020-03-07T04:41:53Z")
> [@carrps](#): > > When I was a kid, like six years old, I thought I’d “improve” the milk we were going to have with dinner. There was only a little left, so my mom had poured it out into glasses for us to make sure it was evenly divided. I “improved” it by adding the juice from the jar of maraschino cherries to each glass. It tasted _awful_. > > I was punished by having to drink all four glasses. > > I learned my lesson. This actually sounds tasty, but I’m a big maraschino cherry lover. ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2020, 4:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/catastrophic-culinary-cockups/848987/31 "2020-03-07T04:43:06Z")
> [@Noelq](#): > > The\*\* Pineapple Meatloaf Incident of 1977\*\* will never be forgotten in our family. > > Eaten the night before a large family vacation. > > No intestinal systems were left unscathed. Please do tell! My first job was at Perkins, which is known for pancakes, and they hired a guy from Saudi Arabia who was in the U.S. for the summer and he was bored. He spoke good English, but couldn’t read it, and one day, while mixing up the batter, he dumped the whole bag of powdered food coloring into the mixing bowl, instead of the teaspoonful or so that was part of the recipe. :eek: Those pancakes were the color of those orange triangles you see on the back of farm equipment, and probably tasted about as good; I definitely remember that they shattered when thrown on the floor. And our idiot manager made us serve them. :smack: The restaurant closed not long afterwards. ---
**Author:** ![Shoeless](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/shoeless/32/7099_2.png) [@Shoeless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shoeless)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2020, 8:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/catastrophic-culinary-cockups/848987/32 "2020-03-07T20:49:42Z")
Thanksgiving screw-ups are kind of a tradition in our family. Like the time my wife put cinnamon instead of black pepper in the turkey gravy. Or the time she decided at the last minute that I should make mashed cauliflower instead of mashed potatoes, except that I had never tried to make mashed cauliflower before, and she couldn’t find the recipe that she had seen online. I have a blueberry muffin recipe that I make so often that I barely even look at the recipe anymore. Except maybe I should, instead of trying to do it from memory. One time, I forgot to put in the baking powder, so they came out looking like hockey pucks. Another time I forgot to put the sugar in. They looked OK when they came out of the oven (except not as brown as usual) but when I took a bite I thought “Yuck, these are awfully salty.” Then I figured out why. ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2020, 8:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/catastrophic-culinary-cockups/848987/33 "2020-03-07T20:55:18Z")
> [@needscoffee](#): > > This actually sounds tasty, but I’m a big maraschino cherry lover. Yeah, I’m actually a little surprised that it turned out awful. Those flavors seem to go well together and I seem to find a number of maraschino cherry milk type recipes on the net, including this [maraschino cherry shake](https://www.food.com/recipe/maraschino-cherry-shake-132220). ---
**Author:** ![That\_Don\_Guy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/that_don_guy/32/538_2.png) [@That\_Don\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/That_Don_Guy)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2020, 9:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/catastrophic-culinary-cockups/848987/34 "2020-03-07T21:06:27Z")
Making meatballs, but replacing the breadcrumbs with ground flaxseeds. To quote Phoebe from _Friends_: “Now I know what evil tastes like!” ---
**Author:** ![aruvqan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aruvqan/32/2891_2.png) [@aruvqan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aruvqan)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2020, 9:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/catastrophic-culinary-cockups/848987/35 "2020-03-07T21:20:04Z")
> [@HeyHomie](#): > > Last spring, I harvested some wild onions (“munions,” as they’re called around here), then took to YouTube to find a recipe for them. Found a guy whose shtick is making 1700s-1800s recipes using period-specific equipment and techniques (and even costumes), and he had a wild onion recipe. So I copied his (but with Williams/Sonoma pie pan instead of a handmade stone one, electric oven instead of brick, etc.). > > Everything about it was wrong. The smell, the visual presentation, the texture, the taste. Even Oliver Twist would have passed on this shit. It was that disgusting. > > Munion season will be up & running in a couple of weeks, I’ll need to find another recipe soon… Start another thread specifically, and post the recipe and I will see what I can do with it. It may simply be that the recipe is not to your taste. I have made a fair number of pre-historic, ROman, Medieval, REnaissance and COlonial recipes [food history is somewhat of a hobby with me] and sometimes it is simply that the macaroni and cheese recipe you grew up with is just enough differnt from faire macrouns that you simply don’t like them. > [@gotpasswords](#): > > I made banana muffins a couple weeks ago, not realizing my baking soda expired in October. Still tasty but chewy and dense. I was at least able to save them by dicing them up and making banana muffin bread pudding. That sounds amazing. mrAru once decided to make chocolate cake, but forgot to put in leavening and came up with a rectangular, thin brownish sheet that he claims was amazingly like hull coating material from a submarine. I do know the dog wouldn’t even try it after sniffing it, and she was a real garbage hound. [we didn’t get the lid clamped down tightly enough, she was happily licking the chicken drippins off but leafing the non-cake.] ---
**Author:** ![needscoffee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/needscoffee/32/1076_2.png) [@needscoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/needscoffee)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2020, 10:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/catastrophic-culinary-cockups/848987/36 "2020-03-07T22:11:52Z")
> [@gotpasswords](#): > > I made banana muffins a couple weeks ago, not realizing my baking soda expired in October. Still tasty but chewy and dense. I was at least able to save them by dicing them up and making banana muffin bread pudding. Chemically, baking soda (bicarbonate of soda) doesn’t really lose potency in a matter of months past some random expiry date (if at all). Maybe you meant baking _powder_, which does lose potency over time. I’ve got baking soda here that’s over 20 years old that still reacts strongly to vinegar. ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2020, 10:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/catastrophic-culinary-cockups/848987/37 "2020-03-07T22:22:23Z")
> [@needscoffee](#): > > Chemically, baking soda (bicarbonate of soda) doesn’t really lose potency in a matter of months past some random expiry date (if at all). Maybe you meant baking _powder_, which does lose potency over time. I’ve got baking soda here that’s over 20 years old that still reacts strongly to vinegar. I was wondering about that as well, as I have use baking soda years past its expiry date to no issue. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/catastrophic-culinary-cockups/848987.md?page=1)