# Catching a serial shitter **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 28, 2010, 1:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/catching-a-serial-shitter/551751 "2010-08-28T01:58:17Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Superhal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b4bc9f/32.png) [@Superhal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Superhal)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2010, 1:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/catching-a-serial-shitter/551751/1 "2010-08-28T01:58:17Z")
We have a serial shitter living in our dormitory. So far, there’s been 5 incidents in the past month. Today, it’s been escalated. The person(s) took a shit on a teacher’s car. Please help me to make a profile of this person to help catch him/her. 1. What kind of mental illness would this be classified under? 2. What other symptoms would be noticeable? 3. If I wanted to aggravate this person to lure them into a trap, what would be a likely trigger? ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2010, 2:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/catching-a-serial-shitter/551751/2 "2010-08-28T02:05:11Z")
> [@Superhal](#): > > 1. What kind of mental illness would this be classified under? College. > [@Superhal](#): > > 1. What other symptoms would be noticeable? Binge drinking, sex with sorority girls, may or may not wear a baseball cap backwards. Both the fact that he (it’s almost certainly a male) is in college and he took a dump on a teacher’s car indicates a hatred of authority. > [@Superhal](#): > > 1. If I wanted to aggravate this person to lure them into a trap, what would be a likely trigger? A teacher who swears that he/she will capture this dispenser of poopy justice is likely to have his or her car fall victim to defecation vigilantism. ---
**Author:** ![Magiver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/4491bb/32.png) [@Magiver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Magiver)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2010, 2:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/catching-a-serial-shitter/551751/3 "2010-08-28T02:05:23Z")
If the teacher’s car isn’t a random act then start with students from that class. Anybody living nearby? Camera’s are cheap. Get some old VCR’s together and record the area in question. ---
**Author:** ![History\_Geek](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b19c9b/32.png) [@History\_Geek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/History_Geek)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2010, 3:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/catching-a-serial-shitter/551751/4 "2010-08-28T03:02:03Z")
Take a map of your campus, put pins in the locations of the incidents. Then use string to connect the points until the strings all crisscross - that’s where your shitter is operating from. What? It worked for Major Hochstetter on _Hogan’s Heroes_ once! Seriously though - the locations are probably a good place to start looking for patterns. ---
**Author:** ![Dallas\_Jones](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dallas_jones/32/3277_2.png) [@Dallas\_Jones](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dallas_Jones)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2010, 6:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/catching-a-serial-shitter/551751/5 "2010-08-28T06:06:02Z")
To ‘eliminate’ suspects you could start feeding selected individuals corn, for specimin identification purposes. ---
**Author:** ![Airman\_Doors\_USAF](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e36b37/32.png) [@Airman\_Doors\_USAF](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Airman_Doors_USAF)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2010, 6:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/catching-a-serial-shitter/551751/6 "2010-08-28T06:07:42Z")
Navy veteran. [Seriously](http://www.google.com/search?q=phantom+shitter+navy&ie=utf-8&oe=utf-8&aq=t&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&client=firefox-a). ---
**Author:** ![Superhal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b4bc9f/32.png) [@Superhal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Superhal)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2010, 6:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/catching-a-serial-shitter/551751/7 "2010-08-28T06:21:39Z")
> [@AClockworkMelon](#): > > A teacher who swears that he/she will capture this dispenser of poopy justice is likely to have his or her car fall victim to **defecation vigilantism**. The Scarlet Poopernel? Robin Dood? ---
**Author:** ![kidneyfailure](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/9f8e36/32.png) [@kidneyfailure](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kidneyfailure)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2010, 12:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/catching-a-serial-shitter/551751/8 "2010-08-28T12:51:31Z")
He took a shit on a teacher’s car? WTF? Like, he crawled up, squatted on the hood, and then dropped a deuce right there? Wow, that guy has got balls. ---
**Author:** ![RickJay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/bb73d2/32.png) [@RickJay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RickJay)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2010, 2:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/catching-a-serial-shitter/551751/9 "2010-08-28T14:18:55Z")
> [@kidneyfailure](#): > > He took a shit on a teacher’s car? WTF? Like, he crawled up, squatted on the hood, and then dropped a deuce right there? Wow, that guy has got balls. If they got in the way, maybe the perpetrator will smell bad. ---
**Author:** ![Surly\_Chick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ec9cab/32.png) [@Surly\_Chick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Surly_Chick)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2010, 3:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/catching-a-serial-shitter/551751/10 "2010-08-28T15:15:49Z")
> [@Airman\_Doors\_USAF](#): > > Navy veteran. [Seriously](http://www.google.com/search?q=phantom+shitter+navy&ie=utf-8&oe=utf-8&aq=t&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&client=firefox-a). Or an Army veteran. I worked with a West Point grad in Kosovo and this same sort of thing went on when he was there. Once the guy pooped **under** some couch cushions. Sometimes I just don’t get guys… ---
**Author:** ![pseudotriton\_ruber\_ruber](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a9a28c/32.png) [@pseudotriton\_ruber\_ruber](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pseudotriton_ruber_ruber)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2010, 3:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/catching-a-serial-shitter/551751/11 "2010-08-28T15:16:57Z")
If I could shit serial, that would cut down on my food costs a lot… ---
**Author:** ![Tranquilis](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tranquilis/32/3639_2.png) [@Tranquilis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tranquilis)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2010, 3:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/catching-a-serial-shitter/551751/12 "2010-08-28T15:34:31Z")
Phantom Shitters are damn near impossible to catch. Often they will shit into a bag or onto a piece of cardboard, then ‘deposit’ their cargo elsewhere. ---
**Author:** ![TreacherousCretin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/treacherouscretin/32/476_2.png) [@TreacherousCretin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TreacherousCretin)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2010, 5:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/catching-a-serial-shitter/551751/13 "2010-08-28T17:45:50Z")
The Mad Crapper lives! (See: National Lampoon’s High School Yearbook Parody) ---
**Author:** ![TreacherousCretin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/treacherouscretin/32/476_2.png) [@TreacherousCretin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TreacherousCretin)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2010, 5:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/catching-a-serial-shitter/551751/14 "2010-08-28T17:47:20Z")
> [@Airman\_Doors\_USAF](#): > > Navy veteran. [Seriously](http://www.google.com/search?q=phantom+shitter+navy&ie=utf-8&oe=utf-8&aq=t&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&client=firefox-a). I see a “poopdeck” joke here, but good taste and discretion prevail. . ---
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2010, 6:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/catching-a-serial-shitter/551751/15 "2010-08-28T18:35:48Z")
> [@Surly\_Chick](#): > > > [@Airman\_Doors\_USAF](#): > > > > Navy veteran. [Seriously](http://www.google.com/search?q=phantom+shitter+navy&ie=utf-8&oe=utf-8&aq=t&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&client=firefox-a). > > Or an Army veteran. I worked with a West Point grad in Kosovo and this same sort of thing went on when he was there. Once the guy pooped **under** some couch cushions. > > Sometimes I just don’t get guys… [Anal-sadistic](http://www.merriam-webster.com/medical/anal-sadistic), whatever else may be said for it, is a very manly thing to be. ---
**Author:** ![Rex\_Goliath](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/bcef8e/32.png) [@Rex\_Goliath](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rex_Goliath)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2010, 7:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/catching-a-serial-shitter/551751/16 "2010-08-28T19:52:47Z")
A couple of years before I moved into my dorm, one resident waited for a bit dorm-wide meeting to crawl atop the piano and take a shit upon a piece of paper that read “Beethoven’s Last Movement.” ---
**Author:** ![Jackknifed\_Juggernaut](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/9de053/32.png) [@Jackknifed\_Juggernaut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackknifed_Juggernaut)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2010, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/catching-a-serial-shitter/551751/17 "2010-08-28T20:13:04Z")
That’s absolutely disgusting. That person should be shot. ---
**Author:** ![BigBertha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/d78d45/32.png) [@BigBertha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigBertha)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2010, 8:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/catching-a-serial-shitter/551751/18 "2010-08-28T20:27:24Z")
I thought dna tests could prove who it came from? ---
**Author:** ![kidneyfailure](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/9f8e36/32.png) [@kidneyfailure](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kidneyfailure)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2010, 12:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/catching-a-serial-shitter/551751/19 "2010-08-29T00:51:00Z")
> [@Rex\_Goliath](#): > > A couple of years before I moved into my dorm, one resident waited for a bit dorm-wide meeting to crawl atop the piano and take a shit upon a piece of paper that read “Beethoven’s Last Movement.” I woulda chosen “Beethoven’s No. 2,” but to each their own! ---
**Author:** ![Fear\_Itself](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fear_itself/32/19637_2.png) [@Fear\_Itself](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fear_Itself)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2010, 12:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/catching-a-serial-shitter/551751/20 "2010-08-29T00:56:42Z")
> [@pseudotriton\_ruber\_ruber](#): > > If I could shit serial, that would cut down on my food costs a lot… And if you could shit parallel, you could save a lot of time on the crapper. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/catching-a-serial-shitter/551751.md?page=2)