# Cats are not people! **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 2, 2003, 11:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cats-are-not-people/192617 "2003-08-02T23:04:14Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2003, 11:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cats-are-not-people/192617/1 "2003-08-02T23:04:14Z")
They’re canny little predators with brains the size of a walnut, and their real world horizon of concern about your personal well being extends to your ability to deliver their next bowl of catfood and that’s about it. If they were the same size as you they’d try and eat you. So stop kidding yourself. They’re just _cats_ not children or little babies. ---
**Author:** ![Q.E.D](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/51bf81/32.png) [@Q.E.D](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Q.E.D)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2003, 11:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cats-are-not-people/192617/2 "2003-08-02T23:05:20Z")
Eh? What brought this on? ---
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2003, 11:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cats-are-not-people/192617/3 "2003-08-02T23:11:15Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Q.E.D. \* > \*\*Eh? What brought this on? \*\* I blame society. ---
**Author:** ![KAndre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/5f8ce5/32.png) [@KAndre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KAndre)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2003, 11:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cats-are-not-people/192617/4 "2003-08-02T23:13:11Z")
But that’s what we _love_ about them; bless their furry little murderous minds! ---
**Author:** ![Zeldar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b77776/32.png) [@Zeldar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zeldar)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2003, 11:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cats-are-not-people/192617/5 "2003-08-02T23:18:25Z")
They also sleep more than they’re awake, way more. They wake up to eat and leave little presents on furniture. They also enjoy shredding things like rugs and chairs and clothing. They also like to find fabrics to lie on and leave massive amounts of their fur attached; the more expensive and difficult to clean the better. They enjoy looking at you with that “are you kidding?” look no matter what it is you’re trying to explain or cajole or wheedle the cat into doing. All in all, cats own people; not vice versa. ---
**Author:** ![mojave66](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/5f9b8f/32.png) [@mojave66](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mojave66)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2003, 11:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cats-are-not-people/192617/6 "2003-08-02T23:19:34Z")
It’s more than the catfood. We’re also: – Large, warm mattresses with attachments that scratch where paws don’t reach; – Purveyors of large, lushly carpeted objects excellent for sharpening claws; – Servants that keep their toxic waste dump spotlessly clean; – Magicians that handily vanish those pesky hairballs urped up. Believe me, size is no object. If we were tasty enough, we’d be an endangered species by now. ---
**Author:** ![elfbabe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b782af/32.png) [@elfbabe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfbabe)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2003, 11:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cats-are-not-people/192617/7 "2003-08-02T23:33:23Z")
My cat bites my boyfriend for no reason. (Didn’t even bother to move off of boyfriend’s lap or otherwise express displeasure.) My cat kills and eats baby bunnies. (According to my mother, they’re crunchy.) My cat most definitely did NOT miss me when I left for college. My cat has only slightly more affection for me as a snuggle-thing than he has for my laptop. (It’s warmer, but I’m softer and provide grooming.) But I WUV my little kittums, oh yes. Unfortunately, I think this is the same thought process people go through when deciding to have a baby. And you can’t make a baby live outside. ---
**Author:** ![Caprigenus\_Chevre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/34f0e0/32.png) [@Caprigenus\_Chevre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Caprigenus_Chevre)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2003, 11:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cats-are-not-people/192617/8 "2003-08-02T23:39:28Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Zeldar \*\*\* > > All in all, cats own people; not vice versa. \*\* what is the saying… Dogs have masters, Cats have servents :D:D ---
**Author:** ![5-HT](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/5/f19dbf/32.png) [@5-HT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/5-HT)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2003, 11:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cats-are-not-people/192617/9 "2003-08-02T23:44:54Z")
I’m not sure cat’s are even mammals. There’s definately something cold-blooded about an animal that will sit on your lap purring while you scratch its ears, only to suddenly claw your hand without warning. The worst part about them is their absolute inability to take a hint. I’ve never given my roomate’s cat any reason to think I’m his friend, sometimes I’m downright hostile towards him. Yet he persists in jumping up on my lap everytime I sit down. Cat’s are either extremely stupid or they’re just complete assholes. Maybe both. ---
**Author:** ![Bugnorton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e19b73/32.png) [@Bugnorton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bugnorton)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2003, 11:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cats-are-not-people/192617/10 "2003-08-02T23:50:21Z")
The way I heard it was: When a dog moves in, he becomes part of a family; when a cat moves in, he aquires a staff. Same sentiment either way and totally true, IMO ---
**Author:** ![monstro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@monstro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monstro)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2003, 11:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cats-are-not-people/192617/11 "2003-08-02T23:59:30Z")
They’re friends with special needs. I’m not sure if my cats love me more than they just tolerate me. When I dance with my cats, I know they don’t like it. But the fact that they don’t bite or scratch me to get away makes me feel…I dunno…special. Also, they could kill me if they really wanted to. Or at least badly hurt me. But they haven’t. Who could ask for anything more, really? ---
**Author:** ![Blonde](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3be4f8/32.png) [@Blonde](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blonde)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2003, 12:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cats-are-not-people/192617/12 "2003-08-03T00:02:03Z")
“A cat’s eyes are windows enabling us to see into another world.” - Irish Legend “Now I have a cat. Well, that’s not quite accurate. A cat and I have each other.” Friedman, Kinky (1993), When the cat’s away. New York (Wings Books), 421 🆒 ---
**Author:** ![Mockingbird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c68b51/32.png) [@Mockingbird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mockingbird)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2003, 12:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cats-are-not-people/192617/13 "2003-08-03T00:05:12Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by astro \* > \*\*They’re canny little predators with brains the size of a walnut, and their real world horizon of concern about your personal well being extends to your ability to deliver their next bowl of catfood and that’s about it. If they were the same size as you they’d try and eat you. So stop kidding yourself. They’re just _cats_ not children or little babies. \*\* Dogs are not man’s best friend. They only show you affection because you feed them and allow them to hump your leg. They are unprocessed beef jerky with fur and an intellect that wouldn’t challenge an ant. ---
**Author:** ![Achernar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e274bd/32.png) [@Achernar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Achernar)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2003, 12:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cats-are-not-people/192617/14 "2003-08-03T00:06:11Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by astro \* > If they were the same size as you they’d try and eat you. I had an astronomy professor who tried to explain Relativity that way. It made absolutely no sense, of course. I think he just felt the same angst that **astro** does. ---
**Author:** ![Mockingbird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c68b51/32.png) [@Mockingbird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mockingbird)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2003, 12:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cats-are-not-people/192617/15 "2003-08-03T00:07:07Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by elfbabe \* > \*\* > > Unfortunately, I think this is the same thought process people go through when deciding to have a baby. And you can’t make a baby live outside. \*\* Sure you can. You just will be ruined if you get caught raising free range babies. ---
**Author:** ![Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/qadgop_the_mercotan/32/83_2.png) [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qadgop_the_Mercotan)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2003, 12:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cats-are-not-people/192617/16 "2003-08-03T00:11:33Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by elfbabe \* > \*\* My cat kills and eats baby bunnies. (According to my mother, they’re crunchy.) \*\* Your mother, **Mrs. Mercotan** wishes to make it known that she got her knowledge of baby bunny crunchiness by _observing_ your cat eating a baby bunny’s head, and _hearing_ the resultant noise. Not from true firsthand experience. Write for _clarity_, hon. **Dadgop** BTW, the computer is making a funny noise. It goes away for a little bit when I hit it, then recurs. You’ll be home when? ---
**Author:** ![tanookie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/48db29/32.png) [@tanookie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tanookie)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2003, 12:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cats-are-not-people/192617/17 "2003-08-03T00:14:36Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Zeldar \* > \*\*They also sleep more than they’re awake, way more. They wake up to eat and leave little presents on furniture. They also enjoy shredding things like rugs and chairs and clothing. They also like to find fabrics to lie on and leave massive amounts of their fur attached; the more expensive and difficult to clean the better. They enjoy looking at you with that “are you kidding?” look no matter what it is you’re trying to explain or cajole or wheedle the cat into doing. > > All in all, cats own people; not vice versa. \*\* With the exception of leaving massive amounts of fur attached part you could be describing my daughter completely, yes my human daughter. We also have 4 cats and a dog. They are all part of the family even if I cannot claim them all as dependants on my taxes! What does it hurt if someone fills their life with animal children? And how does it affect anyone if someone calls their kitty their baby? ---
**Author:** ![kambuckta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/53a042/32.png) [@kambuckta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kambuckta)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2003, 12:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cats-are-not-people/192617/18 "2003-08-03T00:23:34Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Qadgop the Mercotan \* > \*\* > > BTW, the computer is making a funny noise. It goes away for a little bit when I hit it, then recurs. You’ll be home when? \*\* Mine too, and I just tap the little panel under the floppy drive. I feel very clever that I am able to solve a computer problem. Woman masters machine and all of that. Now, if I could just thump the heater to stop the incessant humming as well…😃 Can’t offer any advice about cats though. Except they make nice hats to keep your head warm in winter. 'Bout the only use for a cat really. 😉 [[http://www.walkabout.com.au/locations/SAMylor.shtml](http://www.walkabout.com.au/locations/SAMylor.shtml)](Scroll to Warrawong Sanctuary) ---
**Author:** ![kambuckta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/53a042/32.png) [@kambuckta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kambuckta)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2003, 12:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cats-are-not-people/192617/19 "2003-08-03T00:26:57Z")
Oops…wrong way around!! [Scroll down for Warrawong Sanctuary](http://www.walkabout.com.au/locations/SAMylor.shtml) Woman still hasn’t mastered THIS machine. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Shaolinrabbit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e0b2c6/32.png) [@Shaolinrabbit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shaolinrabbit)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2003, 12:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cats-are-not-people/192617/20 "2003-08-03T00:49:53Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Qadgop the Mercotan \* > Your mother, **Mrs. Mercotan** wishes to make it known that she got her knowledge of baby bunny crunchiness by _observing_ your cat eating a baby bunny’s head, and _hearing_ the resultant noise. Not from true firsthand experience. > > Write for _clarity_, hon. Did anyone else originally have the picture of her mother sitting down next to the cat and tearing the bunny’s head off with her teeth? I know I did. Thanks for ruining for me **Quadgop** 😃 [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cats-are-not-people/192617.md?page=2)