# Cats Are.... **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 8, 2000, 11:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cats-are/44700 "2000-12-08T23:41:58Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Ad\_Noctum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b19c9b/32.png) [@Ad\_Noctum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ad_Noctum)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2000, 11:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cats-are/44700/1 "2000-12-08T23:41:58Z")
- Cats do what they want, when they want. - They rarely listen to you. - They’re totally unpredictable. - They whine when they are not happy. - When you want to play they want to be left alone. - When you want to be alone, they want to play. - They expect you to cater to their every whim. - They’re moody. - They leave their hair everywhere. - They drive you nuts. Conclusion: Cats are little, tiny women in cheap fur coats. ---
**Author:** ![chique](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/4491bb/32.png) [@chique](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chique)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2000, 11:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cats-are/44700/2 "2000-12-08T23:54:00Z")
You’re lucky I like you, kid. Oh, and you’re lucky I can’t flame worth a damn, either 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Medea\_s\_Child](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8baadc/32.png) [@Medea\_s\_Child](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Medea_s_Child)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2000, 12:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cats-are/44700/3 "2000-12-09T00:23:59Z")
Those are not cheap coats! My cats have very nice fur, thankyouverymuch. Excuse me I have some shedding and whining to do. ---
**Author:** ![DAVEW0071](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e19b73/32.png) [@DAVEW0071](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DAVEW0071)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2000, 12:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cats-are/44700/4 "2000-12-09T00:58:25Z")
They also consider themselves to be deities and objects of worship. Hey! They really are little, tiny women in cheap fur coats! ::ducks and runs:: ---
**Author:** ![nashiitashii](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/7c8e57/32.png) [@nashiitashii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nashiitashii)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2000, 1:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cats-are/44700/5 "2000-12-09T01:07:49Z")
Balls of fur with claws. ---
**Author:** ![casdave](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c6cbf5/32.png) [@casdave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/casdave)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2000, 1:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cats-are/44700/6 "2000-12-09T01:08:07Z")
They do a rubbish job at removing wallpaper too, hey you’re right they really are like wimmins in cheap fur coats. ---
**Author:** ![Dark\_Lord\_Davidson](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/bc8723/32.png) [@Dark\_Lord\_Davidson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dark_Lord_Davidson)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2000, 1:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cats-are/44700/7 "2000-12-09T01:22:56Z")
Cats have an elitist mentality. I know this because I frequently speak with them. Through thought. Cool, no? ---
**Author:** ![Gr8Kat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gr8kat/32/18668_2.png) [@Gr8Kat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gr8Kat)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2000, 1:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cats-are/44700/8 "2000-12-09T01:24:50Z")
> [@](#): > > - They whine when they are not happy. I’ve never heard my cats whine. The dog, however, whines almost as loud as my husband when he’s not happy! Help me out here (add some more): Dogs are… - They whine when they are not happy. - They are always either sleeping, eating, or playing. - They scratch in public. - They don’t wipe their feet before coming in the house. - They sport wood at the slightest provocation. - When they are hungry, they expect you to feed them NOW! - They are completely unselfconscious about bodily functions Conclusion: Dogs are big, slobbery men in smelly fur coats. Ok, I’m a softy, I admit I love my dog and my man, but turnabout is fair play 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Monster104](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c6cbf5/32.png) [@Monster104](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Monster104)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2000, 1:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cats-are/44700/9 "2000-12-09T01:33:53Z")
Cat’s suck! …another correlation to women! (Ducks, runs like hell, dodging high-heels all the way) ---
**Author:** ![DRY](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a87d85/32.png) [@DRY](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DRY)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2000, 12:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cats-are/44700/10 "2000-12-09T12:46:25Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Medea’s Child \* > \*\*Excuse me I have some shedding and whining to do. \*\* Fair enough, but why did I have to pay for the call? 😃 Ad Noctum, I think you’ve been hanging around (via ICQ) a certain degenerate poster too much. (The one that wanted bondage equipment from her Secret Santa) Moreover, you’ve confused her with a puss…cat. See how much better this reads: \*\*\* Medea’s Child does what she wants, when she wants. - She rarely listens to you. - She’s totally unpredictable. - She whines when she’s not happy. - When you want to play she wants to be left alone. - When you want to be alone, she wants to play. - She expects you to cater to her every whim. - She’s moody. - She leaves her hair everywhere (and starts threads in GQ and MPSIMS about it). - She drives you nuts. Conclusion: Medea’s Child is a cat!\*\* [/QUOTE] :fleeing: ---
**Author:** ![Medea\_s\_Child](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8baadc/32.png) [@Medea\_s\_Child](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Medea_s_Child)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2000, 5:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cats-are/44700/11 "2000-12-09T17:39:05Z")
Hey! I listen! ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2000, 5:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cats-are/44700/12 "2000-12-09T17:44:12Z")
Scooze me, gotta go lick myself and lay out some new pukes on the carpet. ---
**Author:** ![DRY](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a87d85/32.png) [@DRY](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DRY)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2000, 8:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cats-are/44700/13 "2000-12-10T08:28:00Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Medea’s Child \* > \*\*Hey! > > I listen! \*\* AWWW!! Poor kitty!! _pet, pet_ I know what’ll make you feel better (listen to _this_, then): “ **Come** on your ways; **open your mouth** ; here is that which will give language to you, **cat** : **open your mouth** ; this will shake your shaking” 😃 –The Tempest, Act 2, Scene ii (emphasis added) ---
**Author:** ![Zenster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/cdc98d/32.png) [@Zenster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zenster)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2000, 10:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cats-are/44700/14 "2000-12-10T10:42:22Z")
All I know is that they really like getting stroked. ---
**Author:** ![blastfurnace](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/5e9695/32.png) [@blastfurnace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/blastfurnace)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2000, 11:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cats-are/44700/15 "2000-12-10T11:36:13Z")
The children of Satan, as you can see here: [http://homepage.mac.com/wiselp/morti.htm](http://homepage.mac.com/wiselp/morti.htm) But, much like the children of Satan, how can you not love them with all your heart? ---
**Author:** ![Booker57](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Booker57](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Booker57)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2000, 12:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cats-are/44700/16 "2000-12-10T12:12:12Z")
I did not know Satan had children? Does Drain Bead know? ---
**Author:** ![Tripler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripler/32/21807_2.png) [@Tripler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tripler)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2000, 5:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cats-are/44700/17 "2000-12-10T17:12:42Z")
Cats are a pain in my ass. Some jackass in the neighborhood has decided that she’ll feed all of the strays in town, so I constantly have anywhere between 6 - 66 cats around my house. Two got _into_ my house once, so I plunked them with various household items and a BB gun. Damn cats. . . Ever wondered why they call it a cat-apult? It’s for skeet and trap practice using the damn animals. Tripler “Pull!” ---
**Author:** ![lurkernomore](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/d6d6ee/32.png) [@lurkernomore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lurkernomore)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2000, 7:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cats-are/44700/18 "2000-12-10T19:29:52Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Medea’s Child \* > \*\*Those are not cheap coats! > > My cats have very nice fur, thankyouverymuch. > > Excuse me I have some shedding and whining to do. \*\* ``` Well, now we know why she pounces on people in threads, and her name fits... ``` …maybe we should call her Big Kat? ---
**Author:** ![Mockingbird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c68b51/32.png) [@Mockingbird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mockingbird)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2000, 7:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cats-are/44700/19 "2000-12-10T19:36:31Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Ad Noctum \* > \*\*\* Cats do what they want, when they want. > > - They rarely listen to you. > - They’re totally unpredictable. > - They whine when they are not happy. > - When you want to play they want to be left alone. > - When you want to be alone, they want to play. > - They expect you to cater to their every whim. > - They’re moody. > - They leave their hair everywhere. > - They drive you nuts. > > Conclusion: Cats are little, tiny women in cheap fur coats. \*\* And this is a misogynist statement supposedly make by a biped. My cats DO listen and come when I call for them. When I want to play, they play and are affectionate. My cats are NOT moody. They do NOT drive me nuts. Perhaps you just aren’t a cat person and thus they DON’T LIKE YOU. And with the nastiness in this OP as well as the misogyny, this should be in the PIT. ---
**Author:** ![Ad\_Noctum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b19c9b/32.png) [@Ad\_Noctum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ad_Noctum)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2000, 8:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cats-are/44700/20 "2000-12-10T20:06:31Z")
ummm… Hastur?- uh, heh, that was meant for humorous value. I’ve got 2 cats, a 12 year old, and a 12 week old. I love them dearly, but I thought that everyone here would think that it was funny too. Most people did. seems like you didn’t. sorry you didn’t. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cats-are/44700.md?page=2)