# Cats Are.... **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 8, 2000, 11:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cats-are/44700 "2000-12-08T23:41:58Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 15\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Medea\_s\_Child](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8baadc/32.png) [@Medea\_s\_Child](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Medea_s_Child)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2000, 10:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cats-are/44700/21 "2000-12-10T22:46:39Z")
DRY. _purrrrrr…_ Hastur, Ad Noctum really is a good guy with a healthy fondness for both cats and women and I will vouch that no disrespect toward either was meant. _pounces on lurker and shreads his drapes_ _ignores him and begins cleaning her claws with an aristocratic air_ ---
**Author:** ![nashiitashii](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/7c8e57/32.png) [@nashiitashii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nashiitashii)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2000, 11:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cats-are/44700/22 "2000-12-10T23:07:12Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Monster104 \* > \*\*Cat’s suck! > …another correlation to women! > > (Ducks, runs like hell, dodging high-heels all the way) \*\* Oh Dave, you say it like it’s a _bad_ thing. ::wraps arms around his waist and starts playing with his belt:: ---
**Author:** ![lurkernomore](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/d6d6ee/32.png) [@lurkernomore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lurkernomore)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2000, 11:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cats-are/44700/23 "2000-12-10T23:46:08Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Medea’s Child \* > \*\*DRY. _purrrrrr…_ > _pounces on lurker and shreads his drapes_ > _ignores him and begins cleaning her claws with an aristocratic air_ \*\* ``` Gee, I tried to be nice and she's wrecking the place! ``` I didn’t even make the “How do you like cats? Slow roasted on a spit.” or “You like cats? Me too. Let’s trade recipes!” comments… maybe Ad Noctum has a point… (j/k, cat people) One good point about a dog. Your idiot B-I-L starts yelling, it looks him in the eye and growls, he shuts up. raw intimidation is good at times. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2000, 1:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cats-are/44700/24 "2000-12-11T01:12:47Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Tripler \* > \*\*Cats are a pain in my ass. > > Some jackass in the neighborhood has decided that she’ll feed all of the strays in town, so I constantly have anywhere between 6 - 66 cats around my house. Two got _into_ my house once, so I plunked them with various household items and a BB gun. Damn cats. . . > > Ever wondered why they call it a cat-apult? It’s for skeet and trap practice using the damn animals. > > Tripler > “Pull!” \*\* HHHHIIISSS!!! Mroooowww! _scratches Tripler’s leg_ ---
**Author:** ![Tripler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripler/32/21807_2.png) [@Tripler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tripler)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2000, 2:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cats-are/44700/25 "2000-12-11T02:12:51Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Guinastasia \* > > HHHHIIISSS!!! > > Mroooowww! > > _scratches Tripler’s leg_ > > \*\* OW! Damn cats, where’s my dog?!? Cassie!! Go git 'em! Tripler My border collie can chase your cat, but she wouldn’t know what to do with it when she caught it. ---
**Author:** ![OpalCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/8edcca/32.png) [@OpalCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OpalCat)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2000, 3:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cats-are/44700/26 "2000-12-11T03:40:22Z")
Hastur? Mellow out. It’s a joke. It isn’t even a _new_ joke. It’s funny though, and I say that as both a woman and a cat person. ---
**Author:** ![DRY](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a87d85/32.png) [@DRY](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DRY)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2000, 8:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cats-are/44700/27 "2000-12-11T08:40:12Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Medea’s Child \* > \*\*DRY. _purrrrrr…_ > \*\* **Kat** (should that be “Kipling’s Kat”? :p)–I really adore you, but why do you have to be in heat so damned often? (If you weren’t so much fun, I think I’d have you fixed.) _sigh_…The things we do for love. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Lynn\_Bodoni](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e47c2d/32.png) [@Lynn\_Bodoni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lynn_Bodoni)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2000, 1:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cats-are/44700/28 "2000-12-11T13:14:09Z")
OK, here’s the one from MY humor file…I’ve got to clean it up from AOL’s markings, though: About Cats & Dogs What is a cat? Cats do what they want. They rarely listen to you. They are totally unpredictable. When you want to play, they want to be alone. When you want to be alone, they want to play. They expect you to cater to their every whim. They are moody. They leave hair everywhere. They drive you nuts and cost an arm and a leg. ## Conclusion: They are tiny women in fur coats. What is a dog? Dogs lie around all day, sprawled on the most comfortable piece of furniture in the house. They can hear a package of food opening half a block away, but they don’t hear you when you are in the same room. They growl when they are not happy. When you want to play, they want to play. When you want to be alone, they want to play. They are great at begging. They will love you forever if you rub their tummies. They leave their toys everywhere. They do disgusting things with their mouths and then try to give you a kiss. Conclusion: They are little men in fur coats. ---
**Author:** ![Doctor\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doctor_jackson/32/32_2.png) [@Doctor\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doctor_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2000, 3:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cats-are/44700/29 "2000-12-11T15:56:20Z")
Add this to the “cats\<–\>women” list: They’re both good eatin’. ---
**Author:** ![Medea\_s\_Child](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8baadc/32.png) [@Medea\_s\_Child](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Medea_s_Child)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2000, 7:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cats-are/44700/30 "2000-12-15T07:08:29Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by DRY \* > \*\ ***Kat** (should that be “Kipling’s Kat”? \*\* > [@](#): > > _Originally published by Rudyard Kipling_ > Hear and attend and listen; for this befell and behappened and became and was, O my Best Beloved, when the tame animals were wild. The Dog was wild, and the Horse was wild, and the Cow was wild, and the Sheep was wild, and the Pig was wild-as wild as wild could be-and they walked in the Wet Wild Woods by their wild lones. **But the wildest of all the wild animals was the Cat. {She} walked by {her}self and all places were alike to {her}.** And don’t call me Kat. My name is Kathryn. ---
**Author:** ![DRY](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a87d85/32.png) [@DRY](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DRY)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2000, 10:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cats-are/44700/31 "2000-12-16T10:18:11Z")
[QUOTE] \*Originally posted by Medea’s Child \* > [@](#): > > _Originally published by Rudyard Kipling_ > **But the wildest of all the wild animals was the Cat. {She} walked by {her}self and all places were alike to {her}.** “such a life, with such a wife, were strange! But if you have a stomach, to’t i’ God’s name: You shall have me assisting you in all. But will you woo this wild-cat?” –The Taming of the Shrew, Act 1, Scene ii \*\* > [@](#): > > And don’t call me Kat. My name is Kathryn. \*\* “You lie, in faith; for you are call’d plain Kate, And bonny Kate and sometimes Kate the curst” 😛 –The Taming of the Shrew, Act 2, Scene i ---
**Author:** ![Crack\_dOff](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a4c791/32.png) [@Crack\_dOff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crack_dOff)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2000, 5:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cats-are/44700/32 "2000-12-16T17:09:55Z")
I used to hate cats. I’m extremely allegic to them, they make me itch and have difficulty breathing. That said, when my wife and I bought our one bedroom condo, she ‘persuaded’ me to get a cat (no cat=no sex). So, the next day I went to the Humane Society and brought home Sasha. She evolved from a relatively unfriendly but cute grey kitten into a giant psychotic ball of grey fur with claws. She likes me, though. I think. If that wasn’t enough, I dropped my wife off for her haircut one day. When I returned, she was holding this tiny VERY cute tiger striped kitty. Her mom had been killed, so I relented to my wife’s pleading ‘But she’s SOOOO cute!’ We was so small we had to bottle feed her. That’s how Natalia came into my house. Her nickname is FuckNut. There’s no real explanation for it, but it fits. She’s like Satan wrapped up in the cutest little package. Her sole purpose in life is to eat treats and torment Sasha to make her even more psychotic, if possible. If that still wasn’t enough, I came into possesion of Outside Kitty. She was a stray that someone who lived here abandoned when they moved. I took her to the vet and had her checked up to make sure she was healthy. My original plan was to give her a temporary home until I could find a place for her. The problem is that Outside Kitty is pretty much…I guess ugly is the word (I was trying to put it delicately, but there’s no getting around it). Imagine Bill the Cat. But uglier. She’s got a really BIG chin. On a cat, this is simply weird looking. I quickly found out that my house was going to be her house. The interesting thing is that she is the most loveable of the freaks in my house (me included). 🙂 So, there I was - one bedroom condo, one wife, and three cats. Now I have - one bedroom condo, no wife, three cats, and oldscratchie. No wonder I need meds… ---
**Author:** ![Welfy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e56c9b/32.png) [@Welfy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Welfy)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2000, 6:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cats-are/44700/33 "2000-12-16T18:01:50Z")
Great minds must think alike! In speaking about Welfy: > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Ad Noctum \* > \*\*\* Welfy does what she wants, when she wants. > > - She rarely listens to you. _(Well, I guess this would be wrong since I do like to listen)_ > - She’s totally unpredictable. > - Welfy whines when she is not happy. > - When you want to play Welfy wants to be left alone. > - When you want to be alone, she wants to play. > - She expects you to cater to her every whim. > - Welfy is moody. > - Welfy leaves her hair everywhere. > - Welfy drives you nuts. > > Conclusion: Welfy is a beautiful, mysterious cat wishing she had a fur coat (It’s cold in Pennsylvania, isn’t it, Medea?) \*\* Seriously, I think when looking at a cat as if looking at it for the first time, it is one of the most beautiful creatures in the world. And what I wouldn’t give to be able to make the cute sounds that they do, and to purr! ☹ _sigh_ ---
**Author:** ![Ad\_Noctum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b19c9b/32.png) [@Ad\_Noctum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ad_Noctum)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2000, 6:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cats-are/44700/34 "2000-12-16T18:10:27Z")
Ad Noctum can meow like a cat 🙂 only because that’s the only way my cat will come when I’m about to feed him, I meow at him, and he comes and eats, no matter where he is in the house… hmm… he’s a moron… (but so am I, seeing as I meow at my cat…) ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2000, 9:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cats-are/44700/35 "2000-12-16T21:57:51Z")
I meow at my cats. I also bark back at my dog when she barks at me…just for the hell of it. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cats-are/44700.md?page=1)