# Caught a homeless guy hiding in my office (and doing something unpleasant) **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 10, 2010, 4:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/caught-a-homeless-guy-hiding-in-my-office-and-doing-something-unpleasant/549836 "2010-08-10T16:13:01Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Kyla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/eada6e/32.png) [@Kyla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kyla)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2010, 6:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/caught-a-homeless-guy-hiding-in-my-office-and-doing-something-unpleasant/549836/21 "2010-08-10T18:18:52Z")
I interned with a small NGO in India last summer. Since shoes were banned in the office, we had a small nook outside of the office with a rack to leave our shoes. One day I went to get my shoes and there was a dude sleeping in the nook! I went and told my boss. He went to talk to the dude. In the end, the dude was allowed to stay. He slept there on the hard tile floor for several hours. He wasn’t jerking off, though. ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2010, 6:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/caught-a-homeless-guy-hiding-in-my-office-and-doing-something-unpleasant/549836/22 "2010-08-10T18:20:12Z")
Once, just once I’d like to see one of these guys sneak in, clean the place up, fluff some throw pillows and fill the vase with fresh flowers. But noooooo… ---
**Author:** ![Wile\_E](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c37758/32.png) [@Wile\_E](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wile_E)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2010, 6:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/caught-a-homeless-guy-hiding-in-my-office-and-doing-something-unpleasant/549836/23 "2010-08-10T18:39:05Z")
We had a drunk homeless come into our lobby and pass out on our nice comfy benches where he proceeded to piss himself. One of my coworkers discovered him when she went to the water cooler. She wanted to try and wake him up but we wouldn’t let her and called the police. They came and roused the guy, which wasn’t easy, and sent him on his way. I don’t think they wanted to put him in their car. A couple days later one of the cops came by for some other reason and mentioned the guy stopped at a 24 hour pharmacy a couple blocks away and finished excreting his waste products. We now have a lock with a buzzer. ---
**Author:** ![descamisado](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e480ec/32.png) [@descamisado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/descamisado)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2010, 6:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/caught-a-homeless-guy-hiding-in-my-office-and-doing-something-unpleasant/549836/24 "2010-08-10T18:40:04Z")
> [@Beadalin](#): > > Wondering if there’s a connection between the thong porn and the one flip-flop he had off. Ew. > [@BottledBlondJeanie](#): > > Wait…thong porn, and he had his _flip flop_ off? Maybe he was looking for foot fetish porn? If for some reason **Beadalin** can’t fulfill the duties of Winner of the Thread, **BottledBlondJeanie** shall . . . . ---
**Author:** ![GrandWino](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grandwino/32/67_2.png) [@GrandWino](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GrandWino)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2010, 6:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/caught-a-homeless-guy-hiding-in-my-office-and-doing-something-unpleasant/549836/25 "2010-08-10T18:44:05Z")
Ok, I’m back to my desk and can finally post some proper replies. > [@Bob Ducca](#): > > > [@Beware\_of\_Doug](#): > > > > Google Imaging _thong porn_ doesn’t bring up anything I wouldn’t just call “porn.” It doesn’t seem to be a highly developed fetish segment. > > The search was for a specific website w/ “Thong” in the title. I’m out at lunch but when I get back I’ll look at it again and hook you up w/ the.proper URL. There were two Yahoo searches. They look like website names. One was “thongdreams” and the other was “xspicyworld.” > [@Beware\_of\_Doug](#): > > > [@Meatros](#): > > > > I don’t know why, but when I read the title, I instantly imagined the guy taking a dump in the office (like in a trash bin). > > > > I think that says something about me…I’m not sure what… > > In some cultures, it’s a point of pride for housebreakers to shit on a rug, or in some hard-to-find place. Those housebreakers aren’t very housebroken. > [@Skammer](#): > > You guys need to lock your office! Agreed. We have a lock and a doorbell, we’ve just never kept it locked during the day. From now on we’re keeping it locked at all times. > [@descamisado](#): > > Who the hell takes their clothes off to masturbate in an office they’ve sneaked into? Yeah, I agree it’s very odd (as is the whole situation.) I was just trying to figure out why he was holding one shoe when I found him. When I found him, the computer was off and he was standing w/ the shoe. My other theory, which is as likely (or more so), is that he didn’t know I was here. Heard me, and freaked out. Turned off the computer and thought he could sneak out better if he took his shoes off. > [@Mr Bus Guy](#): > > I used to manage commercial buildings right downtown by you. In fact, used to get my haircut on the 10th floor. Say hi to Leo for me if he’s still there, would ya? > > A) That bastard should never have been in your building. > B) I agree with whoever said you need to keep your door locked. Invest in a buzzer. > C) Once the guy leaves, call security from your newly locked office, give them a description and insist he be held for trespassing. > > About 20 years ago or so, there was a guy all the security people in the city knew, because he’d been arrested for doing pretty much what your guy did at about 7-8 different buildings. > > One day, he escalated by raping and beating the crap out of a night cleaning lady at the Sears Tower. I’ve heard similar scary stories about building intruders. A few years back at the 401 N Michigan building, they had problems w/ guys going into the public ladies restroom and peaking in at them over the top of the stalls. > [@Beadalin](#): > > Wondering if there’s a connection between the thong porn and the one flip-flop he had off. Ew. > [@BottledBlondJeanie](#): > > Wait…thong porn, and he had his _flip flop_ off? Maybe he was looking for foot fetish porn? I miss the old days when thongs meant a type of sandal. I still say thong when I mean flip-flop and always end up having to clarify. > [@Arnold\_Winkelried](#): > > > [@Bob Ducca](#): > > > > … I went back to my boss’s office where I found the guy. … I decided to check out the Internet Explorer history… Sure enough, under “Monday” in the history was about a dozen different porn links along w/ records of Yahoo searches for certain porn sites (one was something involving Thongs.) > > I’m sure I’m not the only one thinking this, but before you mention this to anyone in the office, make sure that you weren’t looking at your boss’s browser history! 😉 Heh, no worries. She’s usually works from home or on the road from her laptop. She’s in Oakland and so any browsing history from Monday is all this guy. > [@Wilbo523](#): > > What did your boss say when you told her? She has a pretty good sense of humor so while she’s suitably creeped out and feeling icky about it, she made some fun jokes as well. She asked me if “there was any jizz on her keyboard” to which I replied, “I didn’t notice any jizz, maybe we need a blacklight.” > [@Oakminster](#): > > Glad you weren’t hurt, but getting on the elevator with this guy was…not wise. I’ve got decent size and some knowledge/experience in self defense, plus I look like I can handle myself, but there’s no way in Hell I would have done that. If the guy is willing to leave peaceably, by all means let him go. Lock the door behind him, and call down to security. Whatever they pay you, it ain’t enough to go MMA with random homeless folks. Yeah, I’m kind of a dummy. Between this and some things I did after I discovered the break-in to my apartment a few weeks back, I’m realizing that I don’t make the best decisions when in stressful situations. ---
**Author:** ![Malthus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/85f322/32.png) [@Malthus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malthus)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2010, 6:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/caught-a-homeless-guy-hiding-in-my-office-and-doing-something-unpleasant/549836/26 "2010-08-10T18:49:39Z")
> [@Meatros](#): > > > [@DiosaBellissima](#): > > > > When I read the “unpleasant” in the title, I immediately thought to myself: “Oh man, I hope that homeless guy was masturbating like a mother fuck.” And he was. And it was good. > > I don’t know why, but when I read the title, I instantly imagined the guy taking a dump in the office (like in a trash bin). > > I think that says something about me…I’m not sure what… You know, there _are_ websites specializing in that … 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Mk\_VII](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Mk\_VII](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mk_VII)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2010, 7:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/caught-a-homeless-guy-hiding-in-my-office-and-doing-something-unpleasant/549836/27 "2010-08-10T19:36:10Z")
They ought to fire that useless doofus, on the door. What are they employed for, if not to stop this sort of stuff? ---
**Author:** ![GrandWino](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grandwino/32/67_2.png) [@GrandWino](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GrandWino)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2010, 7:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/caught-a-homeless-guy-hiding-in-my-office-and-doing-something-unpleasant/549836/28 "2010-08-10T19:45:42Z")
> [@Mk\_VII](#): > > They ought to fire that useless doofus, on the door. What are they employed for, if not to stop this sort of stuff? Yeah, I agree. They normally have a 2nd security person standing in the center of the lobby to watch who is coming in, but they had nobody in that role yesterday apparently. Most buildings around here have a system where you have a keycard that you wave to get into your elevator bank, or past a security desk. If you don’t have a keycard, you have to sign in. I asked our building manager why they don’t do something like this and he said that there are two reasons… 1) A good number of the tenants in the building are older and have been here for many many years, old attorneys, accountants, etc. He said that they wouldn’t be very happy w/ that sort of system. (WEAK excuse) and 2) The Civic Opera actually runs two of the floors in the building and so it’s really hard to set up a security system when you basically have two separate “owners” operating the building. (Also weak, but less so than reason #1). ---
**Author:** ![Stormcrow](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/0ea827/32.png) [@Stormcrow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stormcrow)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2010, 7:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/caught-a-homeless-guy-hiding-in-my-office-and-doing-something-unpleasant/549836/29 "2010-08-10T19:58:05Z")
The challenge with that building also (IIRC) is that there are public businesses - I used to go to a deli that I think was on the 4th floor. You can’t badge people in in that situation. It would close those businesses. I work in a big building in downtown Chicago, and its open access during the day, including elevators. Security watches but doesn’t challenge everyone that comes in. That still doesn’t excuse this situation - the building management should at the least be telling you that they’re keeping a close eye on things. ---
**Author:** ![Tom\_Tildrum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e95f7d/32.png) [@Tom\_Tildrum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tom_Tildrum)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2010, 9:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/caught-a-homeless-guy-hiding-in-my-office-and-doing-something-unpleasant/549836/30 "2010-08-10T21:03:15Z")
He was shopping online for a new pair of thongs, because one keeps falling off. Unfortunately, those search terms bring up a lot of unrelated pr0n sites. Poor guy’s probably worried that you’re going to steal his credit card number. Seriously, though, glad you weren’t hurt. ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2010, 9:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/caught-a-homeless-guy-hiding-in-my-office-and-doing-something-unpleasant/549836/31 "2010-08-10T21:07:56Z")
> [@DiosaBellissima](#): > > When I read the “unpleasant” in the title, I immediately thought to myself: “Oh man, I hope that homeless guy was masturbating like a mother fuck.” And he was. And it was good. Ha ha! Me too! Why? Why do your minds always go to the bad place? ---
**Author:** ![Death\_of\_Rats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a6a055/32.png) [@Death\_of\_Rats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Death_of_Rats)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2010, 9:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/caught-a-homeless-guy-hiding-in-my-office-and-doing-something-unpleasant/549836/32 "2010-08-10T21:10:22Z")
> [@DiosaBellissima](#): > > When I read the “unpleasant” in the title, I immediately thought to myself: “Oh man, I hope that homeless guy was masturbating like a mother fuck.” And he was. And it was good. I am not sure if I should be worried or aroused that you were that excited about some homeless dude yanking it in **Bob** ’s boss’s office. i think a little of both…🙂 ---
**Author:** ![joebuck20](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/74df32/32.png) [@joebuck20](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/joebuck20)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2010, 9:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/caught-a-homeless-guy-hiding-in-my-office-and-doing-something-unpleasant/549836/33 "2010-08-10T21:15:51Z")
> [@Mk\_VII](#): > > They ought to fire that useless doofus, on the door. What are they employed for, if not to stop this sort of stuff? They’re probably not allowed to do anything physical. It all comes down to liability (i.e. the security contractors don’t want to get their asses sued off if someone gets hurt). I have a friend that used to work security and unless someone’s life is in danger you’re basically not allowed to lay a finger on anyone. And even then they strongly encourage you to just call the cops instead of trying to be a hero. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2010, 9:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/caught-a-homeless-guy-hiding-in-my-office-and-doing-something-unpleasant/549836/34 "2010-08-10T21:24:43Z")
> [@Oakminster](#): > > Glad you weren’t hurt, but getting on the elevator with this guy was…not wise. I’ve got decent size and some knowledge/experience in self defense, plus I look like I can handle myself, but there’s no way in Hell I would have done that. If the guy is willing to leave peaceably, by all means let him go. Lock the door behind him, and call down to security. Whatever they pay you, it ain’t enough to go MMA with random homeless folks. We’re buds, **Oak** , so I myself will not be reporting this heresy to Old One-Eye. But I cannot guarantee that no one else will do so, and if that happens it will count against you on The Day. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2010, 9:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/caught-a-homeless-guy-hiding-in-my-office-and-doing-something-unpleasant/549836/35 "2010-08-10T21:27:55Z")
> [@descamisado](#): > > Who the hell takes their clothes off to masturbate in an office they’ve sneaked into? This sounds like somebody who has a lowered threshold of consequences. What’s the worst case scenario for him? He’s arrested? For you or me, being arrested for breaking in to an office and getting caught masturbating would be a major disgrace. For him, it’s a chance to sleep indoors in a warm cell and get some free meals. ---
**Author:** ![GHO57](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/df788c/32.png) [@GHO57](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GHO57)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2010, 9:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/caught-a-homeless-guy-hiding-in-my-office-and-doing-something-unpleasant/549836/36 "2010-08-10T21:29:36Z")
> [@lieu](#): > > Once, just once I’d like to see one of these guys sneak in, clean the place up, fluff some throw pillows and fill the vase with fresh flowers. But noooooo… Breaking and decorating 😃 ---
**Author:** ![KneadToKnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kneadtoknow/32/3999_2.png) [@KneadToKnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KneadToKnow)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2010, 9:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/caught-a-homeless-guy-hiding-in-my-office-and-doing-something-unpleasant/549836/37 "2010-08-10T21:39:17Z")
> [@GHO57](#): > > > [@lieu](#): > > > > Once, just once I’d like to see one of these guys sneak in, clean the place up, fluff some throw pillows and fill the vase with fresh flowers. But noooooo… > > Breaking and decorating 😃 Goes well with a charge of assault and flattery. ---
**Author:** ![Man\_With\_a\_Cat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/cab0a1/32.png) [@Man\_With\_a\_Cat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Man_With_a_Cat)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2010, 10:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/caught-a-homeless-guy-hiding-in-my-office-and-doing-something-unpleasant/549836/38 "2010-08-10T22:24:48Z")
> [@Stormcrow](#): > > The challenge with that building also (IIRC) is that there are public businesses - I used to go to a deli that I think was on the 4th floor. You can’t badge people in in that situation. It would close those businesses. > > I work in a big building in downtown Chicago, and its open access during the day, including elevators. Security watches but doesn’t challenge everyone that comes in. > > That still doesn’t excuse this situation - the building management should at the least be telling you that they’re keeping a close eye on things. Right, I remember the place you mean. Also, the barber shop I mentioned. Still, if you call and say ‘hey I just threw this guy out’ they ought to at least be heads up enough to grab him. ---
**Author:** ![Oakminster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/77aa72/32.png) [@Oakminster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oakminster)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2010, 10:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/caught-a-homeless-guy-hiding-in-my-office-and-doing-something-unpleasant/549836/39 "2010-08-10T22:56:08Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > We’re buds, **Oak** , so I myself will not be reporting this heresy to Old One-Eye. But I cannot guarantee that no one else will do so, and if that happens it will count against you on The Day. I think he’d understand. If the battle is joined, then I’m in it to win it. If the battle is pointless and avoidable, even he’d rather have another ale and oggle a wench or three. Besides which he pretty much has to take me. Heaven don’t want me, and Hell’s\* afraid I’ll take over. \*Hel has similar concerns, as does Osiris. Nirvana bars the gate whenever I’m in the neighborhood. Kali thinks I’m kinda cute, but c’mon…she’s Kali. Shiva already has an avatar. ---
**Author:** ![kambuckta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/53a042/32.png) [@kambuckta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kambuckta)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2010, 12:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/caught-a-homeless-guy-hiding-in-my-office-and-doing-something-unpleasant/549836/40 "2010-08-11T00:53:12Z")
Did the guy have an Australian accent? 'Cos, y’know, down here, flip-flops are actually called **thongs**. 😉 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/caught-a-homeless-guy-hiding-in-my-office-and-doing-something-unpleasant/549836.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/caught-a-homeless-guy-hiding-in-my-office-and-doing-something-unpleasant/549836.md?page=3)