# Caution: possibly offensive topic, but need advice! **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 22, 2003, 3:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/caution-possibly-offensive-topic-but-need-advice/176827 "2003-05-22T15:33:16Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 8\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![UncleBill](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/d26b3c/32.png) [@UncleBill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UncleBill)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2003, 3:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/caution-possibly-offensive-topic-but-need-advice/176827/41 "2003-05-23T03:08:24Z")
A K-Y ULTRA gel man, here. You’ve been there three months, not to be gross, but those undies could have been there longer than that. Replace the Vaseline with a better lube, and leave a note, telling him “This might feel better.” May spark some fun between the two of you. ---
**Author:** ![El\_Cid\_Viscoso](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/41988e/32.png) [@El\_Cid\_Viscoso](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/El_Cid_Viscoso)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2003, 4:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/caution-possibly-offensive-topic-but-need-advice/176827/42 "2003-05-23T04:14:21Z")
UncleBill, you are the MAN! Very nice – uhh – job with that last post. \ ---
**Author:** ![Heart\_On\_My\_Sleeve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/77aa72/32.png) [@Heart\_On\_My\_Sleeve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Heart_On_My_Sleeve)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2003, 5:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/caution-possibly-offensive-topic-but-need-advice/176827/43 "2003-05-23T05:33:29Z")
I don’t think it’s a big deal. Maybe someone walked in on him and he had to “hide the evidence” as quickly as possible. But if he isn’t initiating sex as much as you would like, then you need to talk, about that. I would hope that you can accept that it’s normal for men (and women, more should do it) to masturbate, no matter what relationship situation they’re in. As others have said, sometimes it’s just a convenient form of stress relief. As far as the “moving in” thing, I don’t know why that’s a big deal, either. If you want to move in with him, you should ask him if you can move in with him. As far as those saying “leave him”, “dump him”, etc., etc. Have some compassion. It’s not really fair if you don’t express your concerns directly in a mature and open-minded manner, is it? ---
**Author:** ![El\_Cid\_Viscoso](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/41988e/32.png) [@El\_Cid\_Viscoso](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/El_Cid_Viscoso)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2003, 5:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/caution-possibly-offensive-topic-but-need-advice/176827/44 "2003-05-23T05:50:30Z")
Please, I implore you, look to UncleBill’s post. Man, that’s sexy. ---
**Author:** ![ReBusEniGma](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/d9b06d/32.png) [@ReBusEniGma](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ReBusEniGma)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2003, 6:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/caution-possibly-offensive-topic-but-need-advice/176827/45 "2003-05-23T06:36:25Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Casey1505 \* > \*\*Sounds like **Bittersweet’s** boyfriend is letting _his_ peak slip right through his fingers. \*\* …er…yes, and he’s using vaseline to reduce chafing his peak as it passes through his fingers. Seriously, if this guy means anything to you, talk to him about it in a gentle, non-confrontational way. If _you_ mean anything to _him_, you’ll get a reasonable response back and you’ll be able to work through it. ---
**Author:** ![CrazyCatLady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dfb087/32.png) [@CrazyCatLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CrazyCatLady)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2003, 7:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/caution-possibly-offensive-topic-but-need-advice/176827/46 "2003-05-23T07:19:23Z")
Yes, people in relationships look at porn and masturbate, and that’s normal and healthy. Up to a point. Past that point it’s a problem. When the porn and wanking are a problem in the relationship, it’s time to either cut back on the wanking and porn, or get out of the relationship. If a man is masturbating more than he’s having sex with a readily available, willing partner, he is indeed pouring all his horniness into his shorts. His stained, crusty, sticky shorts he keeps in his desk. Ick. Where was I? Oh, right. At that point, the wanking is a problem in the relationship, and needs to be addressed. She’s already tried to address the problem, and he’s made it clear he’s not interested in fixing said problem. Couple that with fact that he’s _hiding_ the wanking from her (well, and the fact that he’s vilely lacking in hygiene) and you’ve got a big flashing red light. If he’s not willing to work on problems in the relationship, there’s no future for the relationship. I’d try to talk to him about it one more time, then I’d haul ass back to my own place. ---
**Author:** ![nuke8](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/bbce88/32.png) [@nuke8](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nuke8)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2006, 3:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/caution-possibly-offensive-topic-but-need-advice/176827/47 "2006-01-08T15:22:40Z")
Just leave the ass face and be done with it! ---
**Author:** ![Frank](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Frank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frank)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2006, 3:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/caution-possibly-offensive-topic-but-need-advice/176827/48 "2006-01-08T15:35:21Z")
Zombie. Closed. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/caution-possibly-offensive-topic-but-need-advice/176827.md?page=2)