# Caveman vs. Astronaut **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [January 8, 2016, 3:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/caveman-vs-astronaut/742502 "2016-01-08T15:34:32Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Scumpup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce73a5/32.png) [@Scumpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scumpup)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2016, 5:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/caveman-vs-astronaut/742502/21 "2016-01-08T17:17:32Z")
> [@RobDog](#): > > and what if the astronaut’s a woman? She’ll go make the caveman a sandwich? ---
**Author:** ![dracoi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/90db22/32.png) [@dracoi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dracoi)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2016, 5:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/caveman-vs-astronaut/742502/22 "2016-01-08T17:23:39Z")
For this hypothetical, I assume that Caveman and Astronaut are superheroes in the comics. Their big double-issue versus crossover means they fight to a draw and are then forced to team up to defeat Evil Dinosaur together. ---
**Author:** ![drewder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/57b2e6/32.png) [@drewder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drewder)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2016, 5:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/caveman-vs-astronaut/742502/23 "2016-01-08T17:27:25Z")
> [@RobDog](#): > > and what if the astronaut’s a woman? Why would the astronaut’s gender affect her ability to be Ninja? ---
**Author:** ![RobDog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/f07891/32.png) [@RobDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RobDog)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2016, 5:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/caveman-vs-astronaut/742502/24 "2016-01-08T17:29:45Z")
> [@drewder](#): > > Why would the astronaut’s gender affect her ability to be Ninja? Fair point. OK then, what if the caveman identifies as female? ---
**Author:** ![drewder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/57b2e6/32.png) [@drewder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drewder)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2016, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/caveman-vs-astronaut/742502/25 "2016-01-08T17:31:51Z")
> [@RobDog](#): > > Fair point. OK then, what if the caveman identifies as female? well he probably lacks any hormone replacement therapies so I doubt it will affect his ability to engage in combat. ---
**Author:** ![Dendarii\_Dame](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/bbce88/32.png) [@Dendarii\_Dame](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dendarii_Dame)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2016, 5:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/caveman-vs-astronaut/742502/26 "2016-01-08T17:33:18Z")
Here’s a link showing how strongly people can feel about this very issue: > **[Quotes from "Angel: A Hole in the World"](https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0512821/quotes)** > > Spike: It's bollocks, Angel! It's your brand of bollocks from first to last. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2016, 5:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/caveman-vs-astronaut/742502/27 "2016-01-08T17:38:19Z")
> [@madsircool](#): > > Like an astronaut with a tribeam plasma rifle? A caveman would be stronger but he would be unarmed. Why do you think the Cro-Magnon (I refuse to use the other CM word) would be stronger? The astronaut is virtually certain to be better fed, to have fewer parasites and other disease-causing organisms in her system, and so forth. Probably taller. ---
**Author:** ![Riemann](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/riemann/32/3133_2.png) [@Riemann](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Riemann)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2016, 5:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/caveman-vs-astronaut/742502/28 "2016-01-08T17:43:09Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > Why do you think the Cro-Magnon (I refuse to use the other CM word)… You start by _fighting the hypothetical_ caveman? ---
**Author:** ![Drunky\_Smurf](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drunky_smurf/32/449_2.png) [@Drunky\_Smurf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drunky_Smurf)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2016, 5:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/caveman-vs-astronaut/742502/29 "2016-01-08T17:53:04Z")
Since the caveman has never played a video game before and doesn’t know how to use the controller the spaceman will beat him every time at crossword puzzles. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2016, 7:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/caveman-vs-astronaut/742502/30 "2016-01-08T19:32:34Z")
> [@Riemann](#): > > You start by _fighting the hypothetical_ caveman? My dear sir. Rhymers only engage in combat when we have an obvious and unfair advantage. CroMag comes at me with a stick, I’m either coming back at him with my shotgun or running away crying like a little girl. I was only fighting the term “cave-man.” I don’t use words with a diphthong in the first syllable. ---
**Author:** ![iiandyiiii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/iiandyiiii/32/7924_2.png) [@iiandyiiii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iiandyiiii)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2016, 7:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/caveman-vs-astronaut/742502/31 "2016-01-08T19:43:38Z")
What kind of caveman? If it’s a Neanderthal, then the Neanderthal wins in a walk – he’s probably twice as strong. If it’s a Cro-Magnon, I’d still probably bet on the caveman – he’s certainly killed lots of animals up close before, and likely has fought humans hand-to-hand (and if he’s still around and healthy it may mean that he won those fights!). A caveman wouldn’t shirk from going all out at all – an astronaut might, even just for a moment, which could be enough to lose. I don’t think I buy the nutrition argument – adult hunter-gatherers in a healthy environment (meaning a forest or whatever that hasn’t been damaged and sickened by industry) will probably be very healthy themselves… roots, tubers, berries, fish, and meat – that’s a pretty healthy diet. ---
**Author:** ![Just\_Asking\_Questions](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba9def/32.png) [@Just\_Asking\_Questions](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Just_Asking_Questions)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2016, 8:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/caveman-vs-astronaut/742502/32 "2016-01-08T20:35:16Z")
History has shown that in this exact conflict, with the contest adjusted once midway through so that each side had a “home field” advantage, that they both lost. [Cancelled after one season.](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/It%27s_About_Time_%28TV_series%29) ---
**Author:** ![swampspruce](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampspruce/32/261_2.png) [@swampspruce](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampspruce)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2016, 9:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/caveman-vs-astronaut/742502/33 "2016-01-08T21:48:52Z")
While they may be equally intelligent, the astronaut has the advantage of a couple of thousand years of other’s experiences to draw on. Astronaut FTW. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2016, 9:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/caveman-vs-astronaut/742502/34 "2016-01-08T21:50:58Z")
> [@iiandyiiii](#): > > What kind of caveman? If it’s a Neanderthal, then the Neanderthal wins in a walk – he’s probably twice as strong. If it’s a Cro-Magnon, I’d still probably bet on the caveman – he’s certainly killed lots of animals up close before, and likely has fought humans hand-to-hand (and if he’s still around and healthy it may mean that he won those fights!). A caveman wouldn’t shirk from going all out at all – an astronaut might, even just for a moment, which could be enough to lose. > > I don’t think I buy the nutrition argument – adult hunter-gatherers in a healthy environment (meaning a forest or whatever that hasn’t been damaged and sickened by industry) will probably be very healthy themselves… roots, tubers, berries, fish, and meat – that’s a pretty healthy diet. I wasn’t comparing the CroMag to a random hoser. I was comparing him or her to an astronaut, who is probably in better condition than average. Or to me, who will insist on using a firearm. ---
**Author:** ![Thudlow\_Boink](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thudlow_boink/32/320_2.png) [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2016, 10:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/caveman-vs-astronaut/742502/35 "2016-01-08T22:12:03Z")
Astronaut… if he’s prepared. ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2016, 10:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/caveman-vs-astronaut/742502/36 "2016-01-08T22:58:33Z")
> [@Just\_Asking\_Questions](#): > > History has shown that in this exact conflict, with the contest adjusted once midway through so that each side had a “home field” advantage, that they both lost. > > [Cancelled after one season.](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/It%27s_About_Time_%28TV_series%29) Ooh, ooh, Gronk know who win! ---
**Author:** ![Quimby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/22d042/32.png) [@Quimby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quimby)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2016, 11:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/caveman-vs-astronaut/742502/37 "2016-01-08T23:09:41Z")
> [@Dendarii\_Dame](#): > > Here’s a link showing how strongly people can feel about this very issue: > > ["Angel" A Hole in the World (TV Episode 2004) - Quotes - IMDb](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0512821/quotes) FWIW my vague recollection of this coming up on Angel was the inspiration for this thread 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![madsircool](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/madsircool/32/3432_2.png) [@madsircool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/madsircool)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2016, 11:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/caveman-vs-astronaut/742502/38 "2016-01-08T23:13:00Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > Why do you think the Cro-Magnon (I refuse to use the other CM word) would be stronger? The astronaut is virtually certain to be better fed, to have fewer parasites and other disease-causing organisms in her system, and so forth. Probably taller. Because cavemen had to do everything through sheer physical force. Imagine the strength one would develop just surviving. And a her? Really? He or she would have no answer for the physical power, aggression and fighting experience of a caveman. ---
**Author:** ![iiandyiiii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/iiandyiiii/32/7924_2.png) [@iiandyiiii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iiandyiiii)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2016, 11:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/caveman-vs-astronaut/742502/39 "2016-01-08T23:36:37Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > I wasn’t comparing the CroMag to a random hoser. I was comparing him or her to an astronaut, who is probably in better condition than average. Or to me, who will insist on using a firearm. Assuming unarmed (or environment-armed) combat, I’d still bet heavily on the caveman. The CroMag is already a killer – he’s killed before to survive, and he has no problem with it. He’s probably kicked ass too, just to survive in the tribe. Every day is a fight for his life, and he’ll have no compunction from the start about doing whatever it takes to survive. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2016, 12:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/caveman-vs-astronaut/742502/40 "2016-01-09T00:30:11Z")
> [@iiandyiiii](#): > > Assuming unarmed (or environment-armed) combat, I’d still bet heavily on the caveman. The CroMag is already a killer – he’s killed before to survive, and he has no problem with it. He’s probably kicked ass too, just to survive in the tribe. Every day is a fight for his life, and he’ll have no compunction from the start about doing whatever it takes to survive. You think the Cro-Mag’s stick is gonna be a match for even my REVOLVER? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/caveman-vs-astronaut/742502.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/caveman-vs-astronaut/742502.md?page=3)