# Cecil Adams, you bastard!! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 9, 2006, 11:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cecil-adams-you-bastard/375853 "2006-10-09T23:10:29Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 19\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Baker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bb73d2/32.png) [@Baker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baker)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2006, 2:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cecil-adams-you-bastard/375853/21 "2006-10-10T02:36:23Z")
[QUOTE=kunilou] He told me he was going on a top secret mission, very hush-hush. He might not even come back alive, and due to the nature of the mission, the authorities would not only deny everything, **they would deny that Cecil Adams even exists.** [/QUOTE] _“Good morning, Mr. Adams. Your mission, should you decide to accept it…this tape will self destruct in five seconds…sssssss”_ ---
**Author:** ![Kat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b19c9b/32.png) [@Kat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kat)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2006, 2:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cecil-adams-you-bastard/375853/22 "2006-10-10T02:46:46Z")
[QUOTE=Beware of Doug] …he’s lying about his age. I happen to know that due to a clerical error, he was born April 31, 1939. [/QUOTE] I didn’t know that clerical errors brought on labor… ---
**Author:** ![Askance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/askance/32/8281_2.png) [@Askance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askance)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2006, 5:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cecil-adams-you-bastard/375853/23 "2006-10-10T05:32:57Z")
[QUOTE=Kat] I didn’t know that clerical errors brought on labor… [/QUOTE] They _are_ supposed to be celibate, you know … ---
**Author:** ![Tripler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripler/32/21807_2.png) [@Tripler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tripler)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2006, 5:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cecil-adams-you-bastard/375853/24 "2006-10-10T05:43:24Z")
::ahem:: **I** AM SPARTA. . . [sub][cough cough] I mean, er . . .[/sub] CECIL ADAMS! Tripler And I’m much better looking than **Ed Zotti** or Kirk Douglas. ---
**Author:** ![Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e480ec/32.png) [@Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Least_Original_User_Name_Ever)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2006, 9:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cecil-adams-you-bastard/375853/25 "2006-10-10T09:26:20Z")
[QUOTE=Tripler] ::ahem:: **I** AM SPARTA. . . [sub][cough cough] I mean, er . . .[/sub] CECIL ADAMS! Tripler And I’m much better looking than **Ed Zotti** or Kirk Douglas. [/QUOTE] No, I’m Sparta-cough-cough! ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2006, 2:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cecil-adams-you-bastard/375853/26 "2006-10-10T14:41:59Z")
[QUOTE=WhyNot] I swear, I just heard that needle-skidding-across-the-record-music-stopped sound effect in my head. There may even have been a Scooby-Doo “Rwah?” after it. Cecil Adams is the dude who “writes” The Straight Dope. Y’know, that column in The Reader (et al) answering dumb (and a few smart) questions that we all followed in here one day? Look up, it’s on the masthead. [/QUOTE] Whoosh ---
**Author:** ![chowder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/977dab/32.png) [@chowder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chowder)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2006, 3:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cecil-adams-you-bastard/375853/27 "2006-10-10T15:07:54Z")
[QUOTE=Beware of Doug] …he’s lying about his age. I happen to know that due to a clerical error, he was born April 31, 1939. [/QUOTE] Which merely confirms what I always knew…_he does not exist_ we have been conned. I demand a refund plus interest ---
**Author:** ![Bear\_Nenno](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bear_nenno/32/3358_2.png) [@Bear\_Nenno](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bear_Nenno)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2006, 3:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cecil-adams-you-bastard/375853/28 "2006-10-10T15:10:21Z")
Sorry to break it to ya, but Cecil isn’t real. He’s like the Tooth Fairy, Santa, and Jesus. ---
**Author:** ![Slypork](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9fc29f/32.png) [@Slypork](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slypork)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2006, 3:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cecil-adams-you-bastard/375853/29 "2006-10-10T15:18:51Z")
[QUOTE=Bear\_Nenno] Sorry to break it to ya, but Cecil isn’t real. He’s like the Tooth Fairy, Santa, and Jesus. [/QUOTE] Nooooooo!!! There has to be an Unca Cecil!! It was hard enough when I found out there wasn’t a Tooth Fairy. Then the heartbreak about the Santa Claus thing. I tell you, 2005 was a rough year. Next you’ll tell me there is no Easter Bunny!! No. I refuse to believe you. [fingers in ears] La la la la la. I’m not listening, I’m not listening![/fie] ---
**Author:** ![Man\_With\_a\_Cat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/cab0a1/32.png) [@Man\_With\_a\_Cat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Man_With_a_Cat)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2006, 3:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cecil-adams-you-bastard/375853/30 "2006-10-10T15:27:08Z")
[QUOTE=Bear\_Nenno] Sorry to break it to ya, but Cecil isn’t real. He’s like the Tooth Fairy, Santa, and Jesus. [/QUOTE] Ha. That’s funny, how you said there’s no Tooth Fairy. Just like you meant it. It WAS a joke. Right? Right? Cuz, I always got these quarters, and who else would have done that, Jesus? ---
**Author:** ![Freddy\_the\_Pig](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/a587f6/32.png) [@Freddy\_the\_Pig](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freddy_the_Pig)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2006, 3:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cecil-adams-you-bastard/375853/31 "2006-10-10T15:55:58Z")
[QUOTE=XJETGIRLX] My guess is he couldn’t afford the subscription fee. 😃 [/QUOTE] He could afford it; he just didn’t think it was worth it, and let his membership expire. ---
**Author:** ![Rigamarole](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/77aa72/32.png) [@Rigamarole](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rigamarole)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2006, 4:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cecil-adams-you-bastard/375853/32 "2006-10-10T16:22:24Z")
[QUOTE=Mr Bus Guy] Cuz, I always got these quarters, and who else would have done that, Jesus? [/QUOTE] I hate to break it to you, but that was Mohammed. ---
**Author:** ![Smeghead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f1d935/32.png) [@Smeghead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smeghead)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2006, 4:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cecil-adams-you-bastard/375853/33 "2006-10-10T16:36:11Z")
[QUOTE=Least Original User Name Ever] No, I’m Sparta-cough-cough! [/QUOTE] I’m Sparta-cough-cough!! Seriously, though, these threads that exist only to allow people to say they posted to the same thread as Cecil always mildly annoy me. I continue to maintain that Cecil should be starting threads asking _me_ to post to them. ---
**Author:** ![simster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/simster/32/1047_2.png) [@simster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/simster)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2006, 4:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cecil-adams-you-bastard/375853/34 "2006-10-10T16:39:51Z")
Perhaps, the [culture works](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=391028)… ---
**Author:** ![PunditLisa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/4af34b/32.png) [@PunditLisa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PunditLisa)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2006, 4:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cecil-adams-you-bastard/375853/35 "2006-10-10T16:53:54Z")
Give him a break. He’s old and he’s tired. He’s been fighting ignorance for over 30 years and look how far he’s gotten. He should have taken on a more realistic goal, like draining Lake Michigan one tablespoon at a time. ---
**Author:** ![chowder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/977dab/32.png) [@chowder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chowder)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2006, 5:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cecil-adams-you-bastard/375853/36 "2006-10-10T17:09:51Z")
[QUOTE=Bear\_Nenno] Sorry to break it to ya, but Cecil isn’t real. He’s like the Tooth Fairy, Santa, and Jesus. [/QUOTE] What **Mr Bus Guy** said :dubious: Plus…kindly explain to me who eats the cookies and drinks the milk then? Go on who??? ---
**Author:** ![Mindfield](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mindfield/32/19759_2.png) [@Mindfield](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mindfield)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2006, 5:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cecil-adams-you-bastard/375853/37 "2006-10-10T17:16:07Z")
[QUOTE=chowder] What **Mr Bus Guy** said :dubious: Plus…kindly explain to me who eats the cookies and drinks the milk then? Go on who??? [/QUOTE] Cookie gnomes. They actually dislike milk, but absent alternatives they’ll drink just about anything to wash down the cookies with. (Don’t tell me nobody told you about the cookie gnomes…) ---
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2006, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cecil-adams-you-bastard/375853/38 "2006-10-10T19:23:16Z")
[QUOTE=Bear\_Nenno] Sorry to break it to ya, but Cecil isn’t real. He’s like the Tooth Fairy, Santa, and Jesus. [/QUOTE] SEE? I told you they’d deny it! ---
**Author:** ![Gary\_Robson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gary_robson/32/3448_2.png) [@Gary\_Robson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gary_Robson)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2006, 8:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cecil-adams-you-bastard/375853/39 "2006-10-10T20:04:05Z")
[QUOTE=Bear\_Nenno] Sorry to break it to ya, but Cecil isn’t real. He’s like the Tooth Fairy, Santa, and Jesus. [/QUOTE] Actually, Unca Cecil and Jesus are pretty good buddies. I heard they’ve been hanging out with Mohammed this last year trying to figure out how to fix this muddle in the middle east, and that’s why nobody’s heard from either one of them. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cecil-adams-you-bastard/375853.md?page=1)