# Celebrities You Really Want to Slap **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [September 15, 2001, 12:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/celebrities-you-really-want-to-slap/81724 "2001-09-15T00:22:05Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![BingoBurringo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/43a26b/32.png) [@BingoBurringo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BingoBurringo)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2001, 12:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/celebrities-you-really-want-to-slap/81724/1 "2001-09-15T00:22:05Z")
Why are these people so annoying? I’ll start: David Arquette Crispin “Hellion” Glover Angelina Jolie Rose McGowan John Stossel, oh GOD, John Stossel Russell Crowe Craig Kilborne ---
**Author:** ![Crunchy\_Frog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ebca7d/32.png) [@Crunchy\_Frog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crunchy_Frog)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2001, 12:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/celebrities-you-really-want-to-slap/81724/2 "2001-09-15T00:59:53Z")
**P Diddy** - just for that ridiculous name **Fabio** - I’m not even sure what the hell he’s ever done to get famous! **Madonna** - she may like it though ---
**Author:** ![The\_Bitterdrunk\_Kid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/278dde/32.png) [@The\_Bitterdrunk\_Kid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Bitterdrunk_Kid)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2001, 1:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/celebrities-you-really-want-to-slap/81724/3 "2001-09-15T01:41:48Z")
John Stewart- He’s so obnoxious. I can stand obnoxiousness to a point, but good grief! Barbra Streisand- She thinks she knows the solution to every problem. She’s tried to tell people how to conserve energy, when I’m pretty sure she ain’t gonna be doin’ it any time soon herself. She also thinks she’s the queen of…something. But she has people walk in front of her telling people “not too look at Ms. Streisand”! Just leave us with your music and get out!(I’m done. I always love a good old fashioned Streisand bashing.) Carrot Top- self expanatory. Jesse Jackson- to sum up almost his entire public life, “Everybody’s racist! Now give me money!” also worth mentioning: Geraldo Rivera, that kid from the Dell commercials, Maury Povich, and John Madden. ---
**Author:** ![CrankyAsAnOldMan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crankyasanoldman/32/11670_2.png) [@CrankyAsAnOldMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CrankyAsAnOldMan)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2001, 2:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/celebrities-you-really-want-to-slap/81724/4 "2001-09-15T02:42:12Z")
Sean Young. Thank god her star is falling. Charo. I’d forgotten about her until the recent commercial Mariah Carey. Oh, wait, she goes on the list of stars you’d like to punch repeatedly. Sorry. Don Johnson. I just feel like it. Al Sharpton. Don’t make me start listing the reasons. Any star who hauls a small dog around with them everywhere. ---
**Author:** ![Tony\_Montana](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/278dde/32.png) [@Tony\_Montana](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tony_Montana)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2001, 3:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/celebrities-you-really-want-to-slap/81724/5 "2001-09-15T03:12:10Z")
plain Jane Fonda-“this is for our vietnam vets”/_SLAP_/ “this is for their families”/_slap_/ ---
**Author:** ![schplebordnik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/91b2a8/32.png) [@schplebordnik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/schplebordnik)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2001, 4:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/celebrities-you-really-want-to-slap/81724/6 "2001-09-15T04:16:32Z")
Anne Heche. Shut up and get nekkid. ---
**Author:** ![Lux\_Fiat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/bc79bd/32.png) [@Lux\_Fiat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lux_Fiat)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2001, 4:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/celebrities-you-really-want-to-slap/81724/7 "2001-09-15T04:20:26Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by CrankyAsAnOldMan \* > Sean Young. Thank god her star is falling. Falling? From where? Has she even done anything since…um… What has she done, anyway? Okay, _Blade Runner_. Oh yeah, and _Dune_. That was a while ago. I don’t think she was ever relevant. ---
**Author:** ![Tony\_Montana](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/278dde/32.png) [@Tony\_Montana](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tony_Montana)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2001, 4:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/celebrities-you-really-want-to-slap/81724/8 "2001-09-15T04:34:40Z")
ohhh ohhh cant forget rosie o’donnel /_slap_/ not only is she annoying. she had to go and tell the wives of america to steal their hubbies guns and toss 'em out.this while her bodyguard carried one!../_slap,slap,slap_/ Jennifer Lopez, I’d slap her on the hieney 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Atreyu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5e9695/32.png) [@Atreyu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Atreyu)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2001, 4:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/celebrities-you-really-want-to-slap/81724/9 "2001-09-15T04:52:58Z")
Jerry Falwell: Technically, he’s a celebrity, since he seems to spend half his life on television. You can go to the Pit and see the threads there that demonstrate why the man is in dire need of some world-class slapping. Pat Robertson: See my note about Falwell. Anna Kournikova: Why is she famous? Has she actually _won_ any Grand Slam tournaments? Britney Spears: Yes, you’re cute. Yes, you’re pretty. No, your music isn’t anything special. I once heard a comparison of two of your songs on a radio show, and they sounded almost exactly the same. Couldn’t take you seriously after that. Boy Band of your Choice: Synchronized calisthenics and pretty looks does not a music band make. I think it was a member of “N’Sync” that I heard compare himself and his band to the Beatles. Puh-leeze. John Edward: Do I really need to explain why this man needs a slapping? I really hate the idea that someone can make so much money from fraud, while there are so many people out there trying to get by, struggling to make a living in an honest fashion. Miss Cleo: See the note about John Edward. Mitch Pileggi: The guy that plays Skinner on **The X-Files**. I want to slap him silly for prostituting himself as the host of that contemptible Moon Landing Hoax special on Fox. George Lucas: You deserve a slapping for the Ewoks. You deserve another slapping for that awful title of Episode II. Ben Affleck: Can you _possibly_ involve yourself in another cinematic stinker? Alex Rodriguez: You leave the Mariners and sign up with the Texas Rangers for a quarter of a _billion_ dollar contract, and then have the nerve to say that it wasn’t about the money. Your cheeks need blistering for that one. Damn, my hand’s going to be _worn out_. ---
**Author:** ![psychogumby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c0e974/32.png) [@psychogumby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/psychogumby)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2001, 10:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/celebrities-you-really-want-to-slap/81724/10 "2001-09-15T22:53:50Z")
I’d be better off posting in a thread titled ‘Celebrities You **Don’t** Want To Slap’. There are too many I want to slap. Repeatedly. On the skull. With a baseball bat. ---
**Author:** ![drm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a88e57/32.png) [@drm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drm)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2001, 11:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/celebrities-you-really-want-to-slap/81724/11 "2001-09-15T23:02:55Z")
**Every Single Bladwin** - I’m not entirely sure if any of them have ever been in anything good. They ruined the name of a perfectly good line of Pianos. **Marilu Henner** - redefines ‘holier than thou’ **Kathy Lee Gifford** - ditto a lesser extent **Jean Claude Van Damme** - slap, perhaps, doesn’t properly define what I"d like to do to him. Maybe accidentallly put a lot of pressure on his head when he’s doing those chair split things… **Andy Dick** - it’d be easier to try and think of a reason why I _shouldn’t_ slap him. Can’t even think of one. **Madonna** - but only because I think she _would_ like it. 😉 (reference to **Crunchy Frog’s** post) ---
**Author:** ![bagkitty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7ab992/32.png) [@bagkitty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bagkitty)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2001, 11:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/celebrities-you-really-want-to-slap/81724/12 "2001-09-15T23:13:41Z")
Tony Blair (do Brit politicians qualify as celebrities?): and not because of his politics (although why the hell is a SDP/Liberal heading the Labour party for Christ’s sake?). There is just something about him. He could be telling me he had just decided to award me a vast sum of money, and I would still feel this urge to slap him. I mentioned this to co-workers while watching him speak on the news at work the other day, and they agreed – just something about him that makes you want to slap him. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d26b3c/32.png) [@Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Blue_Sky)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2001, 11:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/celebrities-you-really-want-to-slap/81724/13 "2001-09-15T23:27:24Z")
I’d like to grab Tom Cruise by the ankles and beat Rosie O’Donnell with him. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Bitterdrunk\_Kid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/278dde/32.png) [@The\_Bitterdrunk\_Kid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Bitterdrunk_Kid)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2001, 12:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/celebrities-you-really-want-to-slap/81724/14 "2001-09-16T00:18:09Z")
If you can talk about politicians, how about these two guys- Dick Gephardt and Tom Daschle: They have the easiest jobs in the world. All they have to do is sit there and wait for the Republicans to propose something, and then they go out and blindly oppose it, no matter what it is. This is not a Democrat/Republican thing, it’s a useless politician thing. Back to celebrities- Shania Twain and Faith Hill: If you want to do pop music, just do pop music. Just please stop calling it country music because it has a steel guitar. Tom Green: I just don’t see what’s so funny. Rip Taylor: Yeah, you throw a lot of confetti and talk with a lisp. HA HA!! Ellen Degeneres: I’M A LESBIAN!!! IF YOU DON’T LIKE IT, THEN YOU’RE WRONG!!! Why won’t you watch my TV show? It can’t be because you quit doing any comprehensible comedy to bomb us with lesbian propaganda, it has to be because everybody is a big, stupid homophobe! ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2001, 1:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/celebrities-you-really-want-to-slap/81724/15 "2001-09-16T01:51:27Z")
Jennifer Love Hewitt-I’m so pretty! I’m so perky! I’m so stupid! Ayn Rand-even though she’s dead. For someone who had massive orgasms over reason and rationality, the woman had no common sense whatsoever. Rush Limbaugh-what’s the difference between Limbaugh and the Hindenberg? One’s a flaming Nazi gasbag and the other’s a blimp. ---
**Author:** ![Drastic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Drastic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drastic)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2001, 2:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/celebrities-you-really-want-to-slap/81724/16 "2001-09-16T02:19:09Z")
Great, now I’ve got a mental image of Nathaniel Brandon whispering hoarsely into The Ayn’s ear, “A is A, baby.” In a week of unpleasant images, that’s just sadistic. But in that same zone of celebrity-statused: Sigmund Freud. I don’t think any cigar was just a cigar to that fellow, and for someone who wanted to treat mental ill-health, his celebrity status if not theories themselves are sure responsible for a lot of nutbars. “Dr.” Laura. I’ll never understand why so many people loved shrill screeching so much. Poor education, perhaps–they don’t realize a harpy is not a siren. And I’ll cheerfully wait in the long line waiting to slap Rosie O’Donnel around. (I’m picturing a certain scene from _Airplane_, which is a much more pleasant mental image than before.) ---
**Author:** ![Ukulele\_Ike](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/df788c/32.png) [@Ukulele\_Ike](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ukulele_Ike)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2001, 2:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/celebrities-you-really-want-to-slap/81724/17 "2001-09-16T02:21:40Z")
**Guin:** The Hindenberg was NOT a blimp…it was a rigid hydrogen-lifed airship. And Ayn Rand NEVER had an orgasm. ---
**Author:** ![ladyfoxfyre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ad7895/32.png) [@ladyfoxfyre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ladyfoxfyre)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2001, 2:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/celebrities-you-really-want-to-slap/81724/18 "2001-09-16T02:24:24Z")
**Chris Wylde** - American version of Tom Greene. Stupid, stupid, stupid. “I am the king of stupid comedy!” No, you’re really not, you’re a clone of Tom Greene which is something I would never take pleasure in admitting. What a freaking moron. **Larry King** - 'nuff said. **Every member of N’Sync** -Your music sucks, please go away. BTW, thanks to **The Bitterdrunk Kid** for my new sig line about Jesse Jackson. ---
**Author:** ![middleman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e9a140/32.png) [@middleman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/middleman)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2001, 2:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/celebrities-you-really-want-to-slap/81724/19 "2001-09-16T02:39:46Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by The Bitterdrunk Kid \* > \*\*John Stewart- He’s so obnoxious. I can stand obnoxiousness to a point, but good grief! > > Barbra Streisand- She thinks she knows the solution to every problem. She’s tried to tell people how to conserve energy, when I’m pretty sure she ain’t gonna be doin’ it any time soon herself. She also thinks she’s the queen of…something. But she has people walk in front of her telling people “not too look at Ms. Streisand”! Just leave us with your music and get out!(I’m done. I always love a good old fashioned Streisand bashing.) > > Carrot Top- self expanatory. > > Jesse Jackson- to sum up almost his entire public life, “Everybody’s racist! Now give me money!” > > also worth mentioning: Geraldo Rivera, that kid from the Dell commercials, Maury Povich, and John Madden. \*\* You really nailed it. I have nothing else to add… The Dell kid…classic! Streisand is the #1 target! ---
**Author:** ![RufusB](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/8491ac/32.png) [@RufusB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RufusB)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2001, 6:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/celebrities-you-really-want-to-slap/81724/20 "2001-09-16T06:17:35Z")
**EVERY MTV VJ** - Is there a larger group of self involved people then those at MTV? [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/celebrities-you-really-want-to-slap/81724.md?page=2)