# Celibacy or How Long Have YOU Gone Without? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [September 23, 2011, 2:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/celibacy-or-how-long-have-you-gone-without/597329 "2011-09-23T14:34:35Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![groo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ecd19e/32.png) [@groo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/groo)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2011, 10:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/celibacy-or-how-long-have-you-gone-without/597329/41 "2011-09-24T22:20:27Z")
More than ten years at this point; I’m not sure of the date I last had sex, but it was before my fiance broke up with me, which was a month before 9/11. Then I fell into the worst and longest depression of my life. I’m mostly functional and have been for several years, but the breakup put me into a state of internal crisis, and I have yet to exit that state. ---
**Author:** ![jz78817](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jz78817/32/1028_2.png) [@jz78817](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jz78817)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2011, 10:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/celibacy-or-how-long-have-you-gone-without/597329/42 "2011-09-24T22:59:29Z")
my entire life. ---
**Author:** ![Ibanez](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/a4c791/32.png) [@Ibanez](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ibanez)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2011, 11:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/celibacy-or-how-long-have-you-gone-without/597329/43 "2011-09-24T23:54:50Z")
5 years was my longest dry spell. Living with mom to help her out with her mortgage in your early 30’s as a male will do that. Strange thing is I’ve been living on my own for some time now and haven’t dated in years and kind of gotten used to it. ---
**Author:** ![Arden\_Ranger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b487fb/32.png) [@Arden\_Ranger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arden_Ranger)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2011, 1:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/celibacy-or-how-long-have-you-gone-without/597329/44 "2011-09-25T01:21:40Z")
> [@Bloodless\_Turnip](#): > > @Arden Ranger and Becky - I can relate to both of you. But, I think some people are able to find sex partners and just have sex. With no serious relationship involved. > > I don’t seem able to do that. > > I’m not saying that’s good or bad, just the way it is. And that’s all right for some people. But that would still mean some strange man in my house or leaving my son while I go off to get laid. But I lost interest in having sex with someone just for the sake of having sex sometime before my son was born. I need to connect on some level besides the physical. Unless it’s Hugh Jackman. 😃 He can have whatever he wants. ---
**Author:** ![Avarie537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/48db29/32.png) [@Avarie537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Avarie537)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2011, 3:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/celibacy-or-how-long-have-you-gone-without/597329/45 "2011-09-25T15:11:50Z")
> [@papergirl](#): > > Nearly 3 years between when todd33rpm and I broke up and I got back with my first-ever love of my life. But get this… > that first-ever love of my life? I was with him 20some years before we got back together, and he was celibate the whole time. > He love me. 🙂 and he is in some kinda heaven NOW, for certain. [OT]Did you change your username, or has some other Doper Gal dated todd33rpm? [/OT] Just under a year for me between the 1st and 2nd times I had sex. Since then, no more than a couple weeks. ---
**Author:** ![Dahnlor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dahnlor/32/533_2.png) [@Dahnlor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dahnlor)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2011, 3:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/celibacy-or-how-long-have-you-gone-without/597329/46 "2011-09-25T15:26:37Z")
> [@Wilson](#): > > Why? Painfully shy and fear of rejection. These are my reasons, helped along by social awkwardness and clinical depression. For me it’s been a little over 19 years and still counting. Believe it or not, I’m engaged and will be married next year. My fiancee wants to wait until marriage, and I figure I’ve already waited this long… > [@Bloodless\_Turnip](#): > > I think some people are able to find sex partners and just have sex. With no serious relationship involved. > > I don’t seem able to do that. > > I’m not saying that’s good or bad, just the way it is. Whether you mean handling it emotionally or simply finding a willing partner, I can relate on both levels. When I lost my virginity it was almost entirely due to the efforts of a friend of mine…not only did he introduce us, he was also entirely responsible for getting us alone in the same room together. It should have been a one-night stand, but I was unable to detach myself from her for six miserable months after that…but at least I got to have sex. When I finally managed to break it off, I thought I had gained enough experience to get “back in the saddle” again soon without much trouble. That was a little over 19 years ago. A lot of that time was padded by Not Trying, which usually followed much shorter periods of Trying, Failing and Giving Up. About 2 and a half years ago, a random online encounter (involving World of Warcraft and the other person’s fetish for Trolls…you really don’t want to know the rest) traumatically ended a particularly long “Not Trying” phase, giving me the kick in the head that I needed to start dating again. I didn’t do any better than before, never getting beyond a 3rd date, but this time I chose “Try Something Different” over “Giving Up”, and finally managed to find a positive result. ---
**Author:** ![Bloodless\_Turnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@Bloodless\_Turnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bloodless_Turnip)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2011, 7:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/celibacy-or-how-long-have-you-gone-without/597329/47 "2011-09-25T19:37:27Z")
I think I could find a willing partner, though I haven’t tried. As I indicated in the OP - I’m not sure how people go about finding someone for a physical only relationship. When you don’t go to the normal “meat markets” you’re kind of forced to think “try something different”. I’m seriously not that worried about it. I am flabbergasted at the results of the poll though. Lots more folks like me out there than I thought. ---
**Author:** ![Capitaine\_Zombie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e95f7d/32.png) [@Capitaine\_Zombie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Capitaine_Zombie)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2011, 7:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/celibacy-or-how-long-have-you-gone-without/597329/48 "2011-09-25T19:40:42Z")
> [@Bloodless\_Turnip](#): > > I am flabbergasted at the results of the poll though. Lots more folks like me out there than I thought. I’ve GOT to get out of the Dope, It’s seriously affecting my Mojo. ---
**Author:** ![Bloodless\_Turnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@Bloodless\_Turnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bloodless_Turnip)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2011, 7:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/celibacy-or-how-long-have-you-gone-without/597329/49 "2011-09-25T19:48:26Z")
Oh I don’t know Capitaine - I tend to think those of us who are un-involved are living blissfully drama free lives. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Arden\_Ranger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b487fb/32.png) [@Arden\_Ranger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arden_Ranger)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2011, 7:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/celibacy-or-how-long-have-you-gone-without/597329/50 "2011-09-25T19:51:07Z")
> [@Bloodless\_Turnip](#): > > I tend to think those of us who are un-involved are living blissfully drama free lives. 🙂 I know mine has been much more peaceful. ---
**Author:** ![Capitaine\_Zombie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e95f7d/32.png) [@Capitaine\_Zombie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Capitaine_Zombie)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2011, 7:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/celibacy-or-how-long-have-you-gone-without/597329/51 "2011-09-25T19:55:21Z")
> [@Bloodless\_Turnip](#): > > Oh I don’t know Capitaine - I tend to think those of us who are un-involved are living blissfully drama free lives. 🙂 Sounds like a quote from a dead man. Sex is a natural urge and drive. I dont think you can deny it sustenance without some ill effects on your physical or mental health. ---
**Author:** ![Bloodless\_Turnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@Bloodless\_Turnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bloodless_Turnip)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2011, 8:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/celibacy-or-how-long-have-you-gone-without/597329/52 "2011-09-25T20:33:12Z")
My last relationship was bad for my physical and mental health too. Far more dangerous for me than being celibate. ---
**Author:** ![panaccione](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/94ad74/32.png) [@panaccione](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panaccione)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2011, 1:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/celibacy-or-how-long-have-you-gone-without/597329/53 "2011-09-26T01:31:22Z")
> [@billfish678](#): > > Here’s a consideration regarding this question. > > Lets say its been X years. Then you have sex a time or two with someone (and I’d suspect in general that if you only have sex a few times its not going to be that good). Then its another Y years and a time or two. Then another Z years and another time or two. And so on. > > From an enjoyment/doing without point of view thats probably worse than somebody that had a dry spell a bit longer than X,Y, or Z but was humping like rabid monkeys when they were getting it. Yeah, that’s me. I hate it especially since it seems a lot of girls like me but I somehow manage to fuck it up 9 times out of 10. Anyways, It’s been a little over a year now. Before that it was something like 2 years. Before that it was probably another year. Beyond that who knows, but nothing you could call promiscious. I think it’s worse too when most of your friends get ass all the time. But really, I feel like I don’t have anyone else to blame but myself. ---
**Author:** ![BellRungBookShut-CandleSnuffed](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bcef8e/32.png) [@BellRungBookShut-CandleSnuffed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BellRungBookShut-CandleSnuffed)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2011, 2:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/celibacy-or-how-long-have-you-gone-without/597329/54 "2011-09-26T02:18:07Z")
> [@Arden\_Ranger](#): > > I stopped dating and I haven’t been in a relationship since. **That was 12 years ago.** I had said it was going to be until he was old enough to understand the difference between “That’s Mom’s boyfriend” and “Future Dad”. **But after awhile, I just didn’t miss the drama anymore.** Bolding mine. As someone in a drama-free relationship, let me just say without intending criticism: that seems kind of sad for you. It’s not always like that. ---
**Author:** ![as\_u\_wish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/6f9a4e/32.png) [@as\_u\_wish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/as_u_wish)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2011, 2:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/celibacy-or-how-long-have-you-gone-without/597329/55 "2011-09-26T02:46:46Z")
The last 5 or so years I’ve been celibate. My husband got cancer in 2006 and died in 2008. I’m not in a relationship nor am I seeking one. So…there you go. ---
**Author:** ![tumbleddown](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e9bcb4/32.png) [@tumbleddown](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tumbleddown)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2011, 3:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/celibacy-or-how-long-have-you-gone-without/597329/56 "2011-09-26T03:17:07Z")
I went 21 years and had a brief interlude of sex (during which I was never actually touched, by happenstance), now that relationship’s over and I seem poised for another 21 years. ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2011, 3:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/celibacy-or-how-long-have-you-gone-without/597329/57 "2011-09-26T03:24:03Z")
> [@BellRungBookShut-CandleSnuffed](#): > > As someone in a drama-free relationship, let me just say without intending criticism: that seems kind of sad for you. It’s not always like that. I would tend to agree that there are relationships worth pursuing, but if _Arden Ranger_ has found a way of looking at things that brings some solace, I wouldn’t necessarily want to take that away. ---
**Author:** ![JRDelirious](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jrdelirious/32/9531_2.png) [@JRDelirious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JRDelirious)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2011, 3:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/celibacy-or-how-long-have-you-gone-without/597329/58 "2011-09-26T03:48:53Z")
> [@Capitaine\_Zombie](#): > > Sex is a natural urge and drive. I dont think you can deny it sustenance without some ill effects on your physical or mental health. And yet there are many who do succesfully (and my hat’s off to them, I ain’t one). You, mon **Capitaine** , may be _ **over** _estimating how much of a _need_ (as distinct from urge or drive) it is, or how universally it is felt so. I recall many long, involved threads in the past along the lines of defending/refuting that quoted sentiment. (And “being in a relationship” is even less of a “need”, IMO. It is a _good thing to have_ but it is not essential to sustain life and often is only missed when you need to be picked up at the airport late at night, or have to move heavy equipment. _“Mejor solo, que mal acompañado”_ - better to be alone than with the wrong company ) ---
**Author:** ![Sleel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/73ab20/32.png) [@Sleel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sleel)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2011, 6:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/celibacy-or-how-long-have-you-gone-without/597329/59 "2011-09-26T06:53:15Z")
Since I lost my virginity, the longest I’ve been without sex is about 8 months. I was quite frustrated in Japan for a while since I was living in a rural area. It would have been quite obvious if a girl went home with me, and none of them wanted a reputation as the girl who takes foreign guys home. So I got a lot of conversation and flirting, and absolutely no follow-through. ---
**Author:** ![BellRungBookShut-CandleSnuffed](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bcef8e/32.png) [@BellRungBookShut-CandleSnuffed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BellRungBookShut-CandleSnuffed)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2011, 8:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/celibacy-or-how-long-have-you-gone-without/597329/60 "2011-09-26T08:40:25Z")
> [@Robot\_Arm](#): > > I would tend to agree that there are relationships worth pursuing, but if _Arden Ranger_ has found a way of looking at things that brings some solace, I wouldn’t necessarily want to take that away. Sure, and I’m certainly not trying to knock it if she has. But the way she wrote it came off to me as “relationships have too much drama and I’m done dealing with that shit.” I was just pointing out that some have remarkably little drama. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/celibacy-or-how-long-have-you-gone-without/597329.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/celibacy-or-how-long-have-you-gone-without/597329.md?page=4)