# Celibacy or How Long Have YOU Gone Without? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [September 23, 2011, 2:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/celibacy-or-how-long-have-you-gone-without/597329 "2011-09-23T14:34:35Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 7
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2018, 10:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/celibacy-or-how-long-have-you-gone-without/597329/121 "2018-07-15T22:39:45Z")
> [@Baker](#): > > I’m not going to win for the longest period of celibacy, based on some statements here, but I’ll bet I’m in the top 5%. You have an interesting definition of the word ‘win’. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2018, 10:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/celibacy-or-how-long-have-you-gone-without/597329/122 "2018-07-15T22:48:03Z")
> [@clairobscur](#): > > You can only have blue balls if you have sex. > > You honestly can’t see the difference between masturbation and having sex with another human being, or you are deliberatly obtuse? First off, blue balls are total nonsense. Secondly, yes i do see the difference between masturbation and actual sex with another person. My comment was based on the idea that blue balls is a myth. With that in mind, why wouldn’t masturbation relieve blueballs in lieu of sex? Its the idea that you’ve gone so long without orgasming that your balls become blue with pent up need. ---
**Author:** ![HoneyBadgerDC](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/honeybadgerdc/32/1033_2.png) [@HoneyBadgerDC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HoneyBadgerDC)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2018, 11:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/celibacy-or-how-long-have-you-gone-without/597329/123 "2018-07-15T23:44:22Z")
I got divorced at 40 and for a few months had no desire for sex, I attempted to have sex during that period but it just wouldn’t work. My girlfriend died a few weeks ago and I have no idea when I will feel like having sex again. I am 70 now and we were having sex about twice a week which seemed about right for me. I have quite a few women friends on facebook sending me private messages if I would like to talk. I really have no desire right now. 3 months was my longest since adulthood, I might beat that this time. ---
**Author:** ![Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/qadgop_the_mercotan/32/83_2.png) [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qadgop_the_Mercotan)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2018, 12:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/celibacy-or-how-long-have-you-gone-without/597329/124 "2018-07-16T00:22:06Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > First off, blue balls are total nonsense. Congestive epididymitis (aka epididymal hypertension or _blue balls_) is not total nonsense. It’s a real thing. A trivial real thing without risk to life or health or fertility, which will be improved by ejaculation from self or other stimulation, but real nonetheless. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2018, 2:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/celibacy-or-how-long-have-you-gone-without/597329/125 "2018-07-16T02:15:13Z")
> [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](#): > > Congestive epididymitis (aka epididymal hypertension or _blue balls_) is not total nonsense. It’s a real thing. A trivial real thing without risk to life or health or fertility, which will be improved by ejaculation from self or other stimulation, but real nonetheless. Well now im eating my words. 😬 ignorance fought! ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2018, 2:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/celibacy-or-how-long-have-you-gone-without/597329/126 "2018-07-16T02:31:43Z")
Thanks, Doc, I never knew that could really happen to a man. I thought they all lied about it being painful. Them rascally teenage boys. They never convinced me. ---
**Author:** ![CelticKnot](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/celticknot/32/3392_2.png) [@CelticKnot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CelticKnot)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2018, 4:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/celibacy-or-how-long-have-you-gone-without/597329/127 "2018-07-16T04:43:44Z")
> [@silenus](#): > > My record is 17 years. Of course, most of that was as a child. Mine was 26 years, until I got married. ---
**Author:** ![clairobscur](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/839c29/32.png) [@clairobscur](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/clairobscur)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2018, 6:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/celibacy-or-how-long-have-you-gone-without/597329/128 "2018-07-16T06:11:10Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > First off, blue balls are total nonsense. Secondly, yes i do see the difference between masturbation and actual sex with another person. My comment was based on the idea that blue balls is a myth. With that in mind, why wouldn’t masturbation relieve blueballs in lieu of sex? Its the idea that you’ve gone so long without orgasming that your balls become blue with pent up Nope. Blueballs happen when you (maybe not you specifically, it doesn’t happen to all men) have been very aroused without a release, not when you have gone for a long time without sex. And despite the name balls don’t become blue. It’s instead an acute testicular (and sometimes abdominal) pain. And of course it’s not a myth. And people (not necessarily men, mind you) feeling miserable because they didn’t have sex for years (which is what this thread is about) has of course nothing to do with blueballs. I’m not sure why you felt that your derisive comment (“let’s them have ca…sorry…let’s them masturbate”) was useful. ---
**Author:** ![clairobscur](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/839c29/32.png) [@clairobscur](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/clairobscur)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2018, 6:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/celibacy-or-how-long-have-you-gone-without/597329/129 "2018-07-16T06:20:58Z")
> [@Beckdawrek](#): > > Thanks, Doc, I never knew that could really happen to a man. I thought they all lied about it being painful. Them rascally teenage boys. They never convinced me. It’s highly variable. Some always experience it, some sometimes, some never. And the level of pain (from the equivalent to being kicked in the balls to mere discomfort), its duration and how long after the arousal it happens vary a lot too. In my case, it’s always, really painful but not as bad as being kicked in the balls, extends to the abdomen (apparently it’s the vas deferens being congested), slowly builds up and typically at its worst the next morning. Why did you make the assumption that they were all lying? ---
**Author:** ![pkbites](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pkbites/32/204_2.png) [@pkbites](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pkbites)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2018, 8:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/celibacy-or-how-long-have-you-gone-without/597329/130 "2018-07-16T08:27:04Z")
After I broke up with the girl I had lost my virginity with (we were each others firsts) it was over a year before I got another girl to do it with me (I was in high school). I went from having it almost every day to not getting it at all for over a year. I thought I was going to go nuts. My wife and I have been married 38 1/2 years. We’re still bumping ugs 2-3 times a week. The longest we ever went was about a month because of bad fight we had. ---
**Author:** ![DesertDog](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/desertdog/32/11503_2.png) [@DesertDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DesertDog)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2018, 2:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/celibacy-or-how-long-have-you-gone-without/597329/131 "2018-07-16T14:35:55Z")
Depends on how strict your definition of celibate is. Years since my penis has been in someone, 26; two weeks before **DesertWife** died. Years since I have given and received erotic pleasure with someone (not involving coitus), 5; with an old friend. ---
**Author:** ![zimaane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/a3d4f5/32.png) [@zimaane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zimaane)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2018, 3:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/celibacy-or-how-long-have-you-gone-without/597329/132 "2018-07-17T15:13:19Z")
About two years. Being socially awkward and not particularly good looking made for a long dry spell at one point in my twenties. ---
**Author:** ![Eclipse\_Chaser](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@Eclipse\_Chaser](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eclipse_Chaser)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2018, 4:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/celibacy-or-how-long-have-you-gone-without/597329/133 "2018-07-17T16:33:13Z")
Since I lost my virginity - only a month or so (my partner and I don’t live together). But it took me a Long, Long time to lose my virginity. Crippling shyness, lack of self confidence, too picky … ---
**Author:** ![StusBlues](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dc4da7/32.png) [@StusBlues](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StusBlues)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2018, 4:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/celibacy-or-how-long-have-you-gone-without/597329/134 "2018-07-17T16:56:59Z")
My longest dry spell was 1997-1999. Oddly enough, that was when I was in my 20s and would have been, presumably, more attractive. For some reason, women have approached me much more readily since I turned 35, though I still don’t have too much luck initiating. I suspect that my social skills have gotten a little better, social mores have changed a bit, or that I’ve finally found my tribe. It’s probably some combination of these. ---
**Author:** ![StusBlues](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dc4da7/32.png) [@StusBlues](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StusBlues)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2018, 5:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/celibacy-or-how-long-have-you-gone-without/597329/135 "2018-07-17T17:13:33Z")
> [@clairobscur](#): > > It’s highly variable. Some always experience it, some sometimes, some never. And the level of pain (from the equivalent to being kicked in the balls to mere discomfort), its duration and how long after the arousal it happens vary a lot too. In my case, it’s always, really painful but not as bad as being kicked in the balls, extends to the abdomen (apparently it’s the vas deferens being congested), slowly builds up and typically at its worst the next morning. > > Why did you make the assumption that they were all lying? Probably because it’s such an individual thing. I’ve only had them a few times in my life, and never to the “next day” levels you’re describing. Truth be told, I can only remember one instance clearly, and that was well over 20 years ago. My wife and I were making love when she was seized with some kind of horrible pain that took her completely out of the moment; I think it was leg cramps or something. A few hours later, she noticed my obvious discomfort, and I explained blue balls to her. A bit later, she took pity on me and helped me to orgasm, which eliminated the issue. If I’ve been aroused at a low level for a long time without release, I’m more likely to get what I call “crazy horny” where it is difficult to think of anything else. It is kind of like bad ADHD, but it’s not painful at all. ---
**Author:** ![Pabitel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/bbce88/32.png) [@Pabitel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pabitel)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2018, 5:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/celibacy-or-how-long-have-you-gone-without/597329/136 "2018-07-17T17:47:34Z")
Well, I’m not sure how to answer because you aren’t counting childhood. The first thirty years of my life was without “intimate contact” as you put it. So, I guess, even counting from voting age that would be 12 years. ---
**Author:** ![pohjonen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pohjonen/32/423_2.png) [@pohjonen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pohjonen)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2018, 9:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/celibacy-or-how-long-have-you-gone-without/597329/137 "2018-07-17T21:34:43Z")
I came back to this because I had to come and post Jane Fonda’s comment that at 80 she no longer dates. She says, “I’ve closed up shop down there.” I had a going out of business closeout in about 1983. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![begbert2](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/begbert2/32/3357_2.png) [@begbert2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/begbert2)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2018, 9:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/celibacy-or-how-long-have-you-gone-without/597329/138 "2018-07-17T21:44:58Z")
It’s been, oh, a decade and a half, thereabouts? I don’t keep track of time. Why? Because I’m single and don’t date. Why? Because I’ve given up. Why? Because after having one girlfriend, one fiancee, and one lifelong friend all dump me because I’m an atheist, I’ve accepted that there are irreconcilable differences that cannot be surmounted. If it’s not religion it’ll be something else. It’s too thorny a maze to navigate. (Plus everyone around here is a theist anyway.) Too depressing? Okay, just roll it back two questions. I’ve been single for a long time because it takes two to tango, and the only game I play is solitaire. ---
**Author:** ![katgirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/6de8d8/32.png) [@katgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/katgirl)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2018, 10:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/celibacy-or-how-long-have-you-gone-without/597329/139 "2018-07-17T22:46:58Z")
four and a half years, sigh waiting for someone to come along who is not a dork ---
**Author:** ![begbert2](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/begbert2/32/3357_2.png) [@begbert2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/begbert2)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2018, 10:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/celibacy-or-how-long-have-you-gone-without/597329/140 "2018-07-17T22:55:42Z")
> [@katgirl](#): > > four and a half years, sigh > > waiting for someone to come along who is not a dork Funnily enough, I’m waiting for someone to come along who _is_ a dork. Serious sensible persons wouldn’t know what to do with me. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/celibacy-or-how-long-have-you-gone-without/597329.md?page=6) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/celibacy-or-how-long-have-you-gone-without/597329.md?page=8)