# Chainsaws: Good **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 29, 2004, 1:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chainsaws-good/237077 "2004-03-29T13:00:13Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![slortar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/6bbea6/32.png) [@slortar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/slortar)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2004, 5:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chainsaws-good/237077/81 "2004-03-31T17:40:38Z")
> [@lieu](#): > > Good grief **Lissla**! Your uncle is one tough dude. > > I always wondered what it would be like to lose an appendage. What if his hand had been unretrievable? What if they’d had to sew someone else’s hand back on? What if it had been a woman’s hand? > > Hey… That reminds me of one of the running gags in **Bill the Galactic Hero**. The main character keeps losing body parts and getting them replaced with increasingly more improbable transplants, due to the inefficiency of military bureaucracy. First he loses an arm…and gets a new one, from the wrong side and with a mismatched color…then he loses a foot…and winds up with a chicken foot…he loses the foot again, gets a crocodile foot…ad nauseum. ---
**Author:** ![Rue\_DeDay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/41988e/32.png) [@Rue\_DeDay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rue_DeDay)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2004, 12:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chainsaws-good/237077/82 "2004-04-01T12:40:51Z")
If you want to hang long things on your wall **Ex** , you might want to look into a few cutain rod brackets. The kind that you bolt into the wall (all mounting hardware included!) and it’s a curved wooden bracket-y thing. You can find them at Target or even hardware stores. It would be better to go look at the hardware stores though. You know how you get in Target, what with their fluffy throw pillows and lacey… undergarments. I’m not sure why you’d want to hang your balls on the wall though. Even in the bag. But if it impresses your Girlfriend… Also, your shoes are untied. Ha ha! April Fools! (Just about your shoes.) ---
**Author:** ![Exgineer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a88e4f/32.png) [@Exgineer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Exgineer)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2004, 1:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chainsaws-good/237077/83 "2004-04-01T13:20:49Z")
I have to install mounting brackets in my pants? ---
**Author:** ![Rue\_DeDay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/41988e/32.png) [@Rue\_DeDay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rue_DeDay)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2004, 2:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chainsaws-good/237077/84 "2004-04-01T14:23:21Z")
In your pants, you _could_ use duct tape. ---
**Author:** ![welby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/d78d45/32.png) [@welby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/welby)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2004, 2:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chainsaws-good/237077/85 "2004-04-01T14:44:21Z")
> [@Exgineer](#): > > I have to install mounting brackets in my pants? He said _long_, not dong. Geez, what a perv. ---
**Author:** ![welby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/d78d45/32.png) [@welby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/welby)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2004, 3:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chainsaws-good/237077/86 "2004-04-01T15:11:52Z")
Ought to be interesting for you people who make fun of my table cloth and foam weapons. This is a promo for a documentary that is being made about the group I fight in. You need Quicktime to view it. [http://www.postmillennium.com/clients/neel/darkonhigh.html](http://www.postmillennium.com/clients/neel/darkonhigh.html) My country are the guys in black with the red girffon. ---
**Author:** ![Exgineer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a88e4f/32.png) [@Exgineer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Exgineer)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2004, 3:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chainsaws-good/237077/87 "2004-04-01T15:20:46Z")
…“you people who make fun of my table cloth and foam weapons”… I think I’m the only one. ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21825_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2004, 3:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chainsaws-good/237077/88 "2004-04-01T15:24:09Z")
You guys are just soooo cute with your weapon talk and stuff. Makes me all tingly inside! 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Rue\_DeDay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/41988e/32.png) [@Rue\_DeDay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rue_DeDay)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2004, 3:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chainsaws-good/237077/89 "2004-04-01T15:28:03Z")
The rest of us have the decency to talk about **Welbs** behind his back like _civilized_ people. ---
**Author:** ![Kallessa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/7993a0/32.png) [@Kallessa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kallessa)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2004, 5:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chainsaws-good/237077/90 "2004-04-01T17:49:43Z")
> [@FairyChatMom](#): > > You guys are just soooo cute with your weapon talk and stuff. > > Makes me all tingly inside! 😛 Um, based on a couple of my posts on this thread, apparently, I’ve helped make **FCM** go all tingly inside. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. ---
**Author:** ![welby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/d78d45/32.png) [@welby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/welby)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2004, 7:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chainsaws-good/237077/91 "2004-04-01T19:51:20Z")
Psh. There’s no limit to the number of things that get **FCM** all tingly inside. ---
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2004, 9:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chainsaws-good/237077/92 "2004-04-01T21:50:57Z")
> [@](#): > > _Originally Posted by Exgineer:_ > I propose a Heritage Wall, which shall both look really cool and contain toys that I can take down and play with. For this I will require: > > \*A rifle. Not just any rifle (I already have two, and I’m much more of a shotgun type of guy), but what is commonly known as a Pennsylvania or Ketucky rifle. An upstate New York, long octagonal barreled, small caliber (.45 or so) ,brass-fitted flintlock rifle. It has to be a shooter, mind you, because I’m not going to just put it on the wall and leave it there. We’re talking quality repro here. > > - Powder flask. > > \*Possibles bag, with beadwork, containing Irish linen (for patches), patch knife, worm, jag, and scraper tips for the rod, a jar of grease, spare flints, and other stuff. > > \*Shot bag. With ball, duh. > > - A flintlock pistol the same caliber as the rifle. > > - A tomahawk. This is crucial. > > \*A really big knife. And a smaller knife > > \*Possibly a second pistol. And maybe a third. > > \*A smallsword. I’m unsure, might be overkill. Ok, before I get down to the finer points of decorating **Ex’s** manly wall: Belated Happy Birthday **welby**! I hope you got cake and ice cream and pin the tail on the donkey and manly things with which to fix and/or blow up stuff. I’ve been gone. Y’all miss me? My father had surgery at Emory University Hospital in Atlanta so I’ve been up there. He’s in intensive care getting monitored but is doing surprisingly well. He may even get to go home this weekend. Now, [overthetopgaydecorator] **Ex** , I suggest racks for the guns and pistols. They make a much better display for firearms. For the other stuff I suggest small shelves. This makes for a much better organized display and makes it easier to take stuff down for cleaning, polishing and such. I propose this because **Angelpants the First** may be more willing for you to have a manly wall display if you state that you will be responsible for all cleaning, dusting etc., including the racks and shelves. Then you must demonstrate to **ATF** that you are more than willing to do so, by perhaps dusting and/or cleaning something else in your habitat voluntarily. It shows committment to caring for the proposed manly wall. Now as for the jar of grease, be willing to compromise on that. I can imagine it would be hard for **ATF** to understand just why a jar of grease needs displaying. Remember, racks and shelves. [/overthetopgaydecorator] _It’ll be f- **aaaaaaab** -u-lous!_ -swampbear (overthetopgaydecorator to the manly and womanly among us) ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21825_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2004, 10:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chainsaws-good/237077/93 "2004-04-01T22:13:54Z")
> [@welby](#): > > Psh. There’s no limit to the number of things that get **FCM** all tingly inside. To the contrary, there _is_ a limit, but being a woman of mystery, I can’t divulge what that limit is. I must maintain the mystique… ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21825_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2004, 10:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chainsaws-good/237077/94 "2004-04-01T22:15:55Z")
**swampy** , darlin’, hope your dad gets all better soon! ---
**Author:** ![tanookie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/48db29/32.png) [@tanookie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tanookie)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2004, 10:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chainsaws-good/237077/95 "2004-04-01T22:21:23Z")
Just letting y’all know this thread gave me nightmares! Somehow I ended up dreaming that I was chatting with FCM over IM and I had to go. So FCM left to go out at the wrong time and was chainsaw murdered! All because I couldn’t keep chatting with her! It was all my fault. Eeek! ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21825_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2004, 10:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chainsaws-good/237077/96 "2004-04-01T22:35:34Z")
As you can see, I’m quite alive. And this really is me posting. It’s not a chainsaw murderer pretending to be me. Really. Would I lie? ---
**Author:** ![Magickly\_Delicious](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/4491bb/32.png) [@Magickly\_Delicious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Magickly_Delicious)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2004, 11:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chainsaws-good/237077/97 "2004-04-01T23:01:42Z")
Okay, I came back, just because **Exgineer** told me to. If you really wanna make your heritage wall, I suggest to do it the way my grandfather did his gun room. (Yes, he has a gun room. Yes, we call it “the gun room.” 🆒 ) He put up some of those boards with holes uniformly punched in them in rows and columns, and put brackets in them and hung the guns vertically. He doesn’t have any knives on display, so I can’t help you with that. But he does have bows and arrows all up on the opposite wall from the guns, way high up close to the ceiling. And Ex is at least the second person to address me as a guy. And here I thought I went and found one of the girliest screen names in existence, just to make it easy for y’uns. I don’t smoke and have never drank port, unfortunately. But I am feeling piratey today, so rum all 'round the table! ~Magickly (is it just me or did I use an obscene amount of words that end in ‘y’ in this post?) ---
**Author:** ![Kallessa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/7993a0/32.png) [@Kallessa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kallessa)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2004, 11:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chainsaws-good/237077/98 "2004-04-01T23:36:53Z")
**Magickly** , the proper formula to determine how many “y” words you may use in one post is to: -multiply the total thread post number by your zip code, -subtract the year (all four digits), -add your age minus the number of pets you have ever owned, and -divide by your post count. An alternate method involves the total hits the thread has recieved and the atomic weight of several elements and needs to be calculated on a slide rule, so I’d recommend using the above method for ease and accuracy. ---
**Author:** ![Lissla\_Lissar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8491ac/32.png) [@Lissla\_Lissar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lissla_Lissar)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2004, 11:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chainsaws-good/237077/99 "2004-04-01T23:46:43Z")
I just want to point out that I am drinking the best hot chocolate in existence. I melted an ounce of Valrhona dark chocolate in some heavy cream, then stirred it into hot milk. Even whipped cream couldn’t improve it. Envy me. ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21825_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2004, 11:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chainsaws-good/237077/100 "2004-04-01T23:53:31Z")
I just finished some low-sugar, low-fat pseudo chocolate ice cream substance. No one need envy me. ick. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chainsaws-good/237077.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chainsaws-good/237077.md?page=6)