# Change A Letter (Or: the films they SHOULD have made...) **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 1, 2004, 8:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/change-a-letter-or-the-films-they-should-have-made/253101 "2004-07-01T20:11:34Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Colophon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f05b48/32.png) [@Colophon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colophon)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2004, 8:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/change-a-letter-or-the-films-they-should-have-made/253101/1 "2004-07-01T20:11:34Z")
[This thread](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=264378) reminds me of a game played briefly on another message board I frequent. The idea is, you change (or add or remove) one letter from the title of a film, and provide a brief synopsis of the new work. Some of them were true genius, so much so that I copied and pasted the thread to myself on email. I have just rediscovered it, so I’m including a few gems here to give you the idea (some my own work, many from other people) **Pie Hard:** Big-budget pastry chef disaster flick. **Mingin’ in the Rain:** A bunch of Welsh girls spend a summer in Rhyl. **It’s a Wonderful Lift:** James Stewart stars in this promotional video for Otis. **Ectopussy:** 007 is up to his usual exploits as he hunts down this evil villainess. His only clue to her identity is the green manifestation that is rumoured to emanate from her knickers. **Maxi Driver:** A feature-length parody of the classic 70s family car. **Finnegan’s Hake:** …whole day roaming Dublin looking for a decent chippie is the story of a man who spent a… **21 Grans:** a strangely jumbled arty film in which the lives of an ex-con, a professor, and a host of elderly ladies become intertwined. **Pilates Of The Caribbean:** Buccanneers improve their physique through physical and mental conditioning. **Sleeping with the Enema:** Julia Roberts with a tube up her arse. **Alpen:** Sigourney Weaver finds herself battling against the terror of muesli in outer space. (Some of these may be a bit Brit-centric) So… you’ve got the idea… sorry if it’s been done before. Off you go! ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d26b3c/32.png) [@Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Blue_Sky)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2004, 8:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/change-a-letter-or-the-films-they-should-have-made/253101/2 "2004-07-01T20:28:50Z")
Stat Wars: 57% of the Empire wants to take over the Galaxy. Or do they? Silence of the Lamps: two hours of nothing but those touch base lights Glade Runner: ex-cop goes around spraying “Country Garden” aerosol Spader-man: James Spader in tights. you decide if this is a good or bad thing Star Cars: What the celebs are driving these days The Empire Strikes Sack: Vader goes around kicking his enemies in the nuts Shred: about a skateboarding monster Sing Kong: a musical about big apes King Dong: you figure it out ---
**Author:** ![Kilt-wearin\_man](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/82dd89/32.png) [@Kilt-wearin\_man](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kilt-wearin_man)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2004, 8:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/change-a-letter-or-the-films-they-should-have-made/253101/3 "2004-07-01T20:31:45Z")
OK, I’ll bite…but shouldn’t this be in Cafe Society? **The Dull Monty** : A bunch of out of work British guys dance naked, but nobody’s particularly interested…rather boring, really… Frank Herbert’s **Dude** : Paul Artreides wonders where his car is… No time to think of more, gotta get back to work… ---
**Author:** ![Colophon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f05b48/32.png) [@Colophon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colophon)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2004, 8:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/change-a-letter-or-the-films-they-should-have-made/253101/4 "2004-07-01T20:38:17Z")
> [@Kilt-wearin' man](#): > > OK, I’ll bite…but shouldn’t this be in Cafe Society? Maybe… I never know what is and isn’t Cafe material. **Last in Translation:** Fans of Polish literature wait anxiously for the English edition of Piotr Zyzliosky’s latest work. **Shaving Private Ryan:** A crack unit of barbers is despatched to France to track down the last remaining bearded member of a family destroyed by war. **Reservoir Dons:** A group of perfect strangers, assembled to pull off the perfect crime. Their simple robbery explodes into a bloody ambush, and the ruthless Oxbridge professors realise one of them is a police informer. But which one? ---
**Author:** ![rockle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/73ab20/32.png) [@rockle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rockle)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2004, 8:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/change-a-letter-or-the-films-they-should-have-made/253101/5 "2004-07-01T20:42:42Z")
**Spider-Dan** : A documentary about someone’s pet tarantula. **Gulp Fiction** : Short films by the guys who work at the 7-Eleven. **Jays** : Killer baseball players from Toronto attack! **Attack on the Killer Tomatoes** : Angry farmers with acid reflux disease strike back! ---
**Author:** ![Colophon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f05b48/32.png) [@Colophon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colophon)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2004, 9:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/change-a-letter-or-the-films-they-should-have-made/253101/6 "2004-07-01T21:03:39Z")
**Apocalypse, Not!:** The Wayne’s World team are back with a controversial remake! **2001: A Spice Odyssey:** Geri, Victoria and the girls are trapped on a Jupiter-bound spaceship with only a malfunctioning computer for company… ---
**Author:** ![Regory](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/3ab097/32.png) [@Regory](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Regory)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2004, 9:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/change-a-letter-or-the-films-they-should-have-made/253101/7 "2004-07-01T21:10:22Z")
**Around the World in 80 Ways** : First by car, then by plane, then by pogo stick… **A Beautiful Wind** : Mother Earth discovers equilibrium. **Casper the Friendly \_Host** : A guy named Casper holds a dinner party. **The Named Gun** : Man names his rifle. Hilarity ensues. ---
**Author:** ![Kilt-wearin\_man](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/82dd89/32.png) [@Kilt-wearin\_man](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kilt-wearin_man)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2004, 9:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/change-a-letter-or-the-films-they-should-have-made/253101/8 "2004-07-01T21:23:21Z")
**Sheepless in Seattle** : Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan as luckless shepherds in the Pacific Northwest. **The Man Who Would Be Bing** Michael Caine and Sean Connery star in this story of a ruthless celebrity lookalike…and I’ll let you decide if it’s Matthew Perry or Bing Crosby! **The Crew** : Brandon Lee plays a man who returns from the dead to avenge his and his wife’s murders…and he has a _really bad haircut_! **Cheech and Chung’s Next Movie** : Cheech Marin and Connie Chung get stoned a lot. **Shanghai Moon** : Owen Wilson and Jackie Chan star in this drama about the early days of the space program… ---
**Author:** ![Snooooopy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ee7513/32.png) [@Snooooopy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snooooopy)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2004, 12:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/change-a-letter-or-the-films-they-should-have-made/253101/9 "2004-07-02T00:43:13Z")
**Schindler’s Lisp** : He thaved the Jewth. ---
**Author:** ![Antigen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/848f3c/32.png) [@Antigen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antigen)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2004, 1:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/change-a-letter-or-the-films-they-should-have-made/253101/10 "2004-07-02T01:55:47Z")
Damn, **Snooooopy** , I don’t know if I can beat _that_! Here’s what I’ve got: **Tree Amigos** - Mexicans in big sombreros chain themselves to trees in order to save the rainforest. **Cold Fountain** - The story of the little water cooler that could. **Barman** - Our hero uses swizzle sticks to take down his enemies and make the world safe again… but for how long? **Con Hair** - Comedy based on the juicy gossip in a prison barbershop. **Master Band Commander - The Far Side of the World** - Militant maestro leads his highschool marching band to fame and fortune at an international showdown. **The Sock** - Nicholas Cage is called in to save the world from the chemical threat posed by a rancid gym sock. ---
**Author:** ![Rufus\_Xavier](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/eada6e/32.png) [@Rufus\_Xavier](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rufus_Xavier)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2004, 2:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/change-a-letter-or-the-films-they-should-have-made/253101/11 "2004-07-02T02:08:52Z")
Coming soon: Kin **d** Arthur: the story of a very nice man… **B** atwoman: Bruce Wayne becomes Jayne Bruce. All-time greats: The **M** odfather: Square dad Al Pacino tries to be cool to help relate to his kids. Citizen **L** ane: Nathan Lane plays himself as the richest egomaniac on Broadway **B** ear Window: Jimmy Stewart spies on his Ursine neighbors. Hilarity does not ensue. Raiders of the Lost Ar **m** : Indy tries to get his arm back from the Nazis M **o** mento: Spanish-language film that holds the record for shortest film ever made. The **F** ood, the Bad and the Ugly: Clint Eastwood is your worst nightmare - the guy who serves lunch in the High School cafeteria. ---
**Author:** ![monica](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a183cd/32.png) [@monica](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monica)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2004, 2:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/change-a-letter-or-the-films-they-should-have-made/253101/12 "2004-07-02T02:22:18Z")
The Princess Pride: There was once a princess with so much pride that she spent the entire movie walking around telling all the people how wonderful she was. The moviegoers were so bored they got up and left. ---
**Author:** ![SanibelMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a88e4f/32.png) [@SanibelMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SanibelMan)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2004, 2:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/change-a-letter-or-the-films-they-should-have-made/253101/13 "2004-07-02T02:33:03Z")
**The Wig Lebowski:** “That rug really tied your scalp together, did it not?” ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d26b3c/32.png) [@Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Blue_Sky)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2004, 2:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/change-a-letter-or-the-films-they-should-have-made/253101/14 "2004-07-02T02:40:19Z")
Yawn of the Dead: Zombies rise from the grave and just sit around for two hours. Mellow Submarine: A cartoon in which four musicians get stoned and…hey, wait a minute… Dirty Hairy: a look at the San Francisco hippie scene in 1967 Wombstone: horror movie about a pregnancy…FROM HELL Take the Honey and Run: Winnie the Pooh gone wrong The Green Bile: A violent killer who uses bodily fluids as a weapon Ghostdusters: about a maid in the afterlife ---
**Author:** ![if6was9](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/e47c2d/32.png) [@if6was9](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/if6was9)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2004, 4:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/change-a-letter-or-the-films-they-should-have-made/253101/15 "2004-07-02T04:14:36Z")
Just waiting on the Dope to load… **Mr. Blue Sky** already scooped me on the Harry/Hairy joke… your subscription dollars at work. :rolleyes: **Caddystack** - A bunch of caddies play poker all day. **Gone With The Mind** - Scarlet descends into alzheimer’s. **When Hairy Met Sally** - This time she cums for real… **Ricky!** - Ricky Ricardo persues his life-long dream… BOXING! **Lord Of The Pings** - Gandalf becomes a professional golfer. **The Stink** - Newman and Redford are foiled this time as their con is discovered at the last moment. **Endless Bummer** - Two surfers travel the world and never find any waves. **Ben Her** - Ben’s “skirt” flies up while chariot racing and it’s discovered that he is a she. **Sweet Creams** - Patsy Cline gives up on her singing career and opens a candy shop. **Planet Of The Abes** - Heston and crew find a planet of sinister Abe Lincoln look-a-likes. **Point Bleak** - Johnny Utah learns to surf, wipes out and drowns on his first try. **Johnny Nemonic** - just because it’s a stupid damn word… **Foodfellas** - a bunch of italian guys eat a lot of pasta. ---
**Author:** ![Captain\_Amazing](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/6de8d8/32.png) [@Captain\_Amazing](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Captain_Amazing)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2004, 4:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/change-a-letter-or-the-films-they-should-have-made/253101/16 "2004-07-02T04:41:05Z")
**Gone With the Wimp** Scarlett ends up with Ashley after all. ---
**Author:** ![picker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/picker/32/13969_2.png) [@picker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/picker)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2004, 5:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/change-a-letter-or-the-films-they-should-have-made/253101/17 "2004-07-02T05:16:54Z")
**The Wife of Brian** - one woman’s adventure in the Holy Land **Trudy** - All she ever wanted to do was play for the Irish **The Perfect Stork** - once in a thousand years the conditions are right **Poolander** - Hijkinks and misadventure in the elite world of septic maintenance **Return of the Kink** - an erotic Tolkien remake **Up in S’more** - Cheech and Chong go camping **Tommy Bot** - Chris Farley’s back…and this time he’s a robot! **Requiem For A Dram** - They didn’t mean to spill it… ---
**Author:** ![Dryfreeze](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/dec6dc/32.png) [@Dryfreeze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dryfreeze)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2004, 7:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/change-a-letter-or-the-films-they-should-have-made/253101/18 "2004-07-02T07:08:54Z")
**Hogma** : A Michael Moore Documentary on Bush is trying to end the slaughtering of pigs in the Midwest. It’s all G.W.'s fault! **He-Lovely** : Those whackie guys from Queer Eye for the Straight Guy go for the silver screen. **White \_Hicks** : The crazy Wayans Brothers take on white trash America. **The Germinal** : A fresh take on the man in a bubble staring the ever-loved Ashton Kutcher ---
**Author:** ![Colophon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f05b48/32.png) [@Colophon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colophon)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2004, 11:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/change-a-letter-or-the-films-they-should-have-made/253101/19 "2004-07-02T11:00:28Z")
**The Cook, the Thief, His Wife & Her Liver:** Cirrhosis-themed violence-fest. **About a Box:** Movie version of Nick Hornby’s little-known first novel on the joys of cricket equipment. **The Italian Jab:** Michael Caine catches up on his vaccinations before heading to Turin. **Lord of the Rings: The Two Towels:** Damn hobbits have reserved all the sun-loungers again. **American Poe:** Edgar Allan and his contemporaries try to get laid before prom night. **You’ve Got Jail:** Nora Ephron is sentenced to life imprisonment, thus preventing her from making any more sick-making romantic comedies. (I wish.) ---
**Author:** ![Jpeg\_Jones](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/4bbf92/32.png) [@Jpeg\_Jones](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jpeg_Jones)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2004, 5:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/change-a-letter-or-the-films-they-should-have-made/253101/20 "2004-07-02T17:11:44Z")
For the record, we did one of these [back in November](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=220923). [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/change-a-letter-or-the-films-they-should-have-made/253101.md?page=2)