# Changing your mind the night after sex = rape (Does this ever happen?) **URL:** \ **Category:** Great Debates\ **Created:** [November 10, 2008, 6:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/changing-your-mind-the-night-after-sex-rape-does-this-ever-happen/472082 "2008-11-10T18:54:35Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 1\ **Showing post:** 36
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2008, 7:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/changing-your-mind-the-night-after-sex-rape-does-this-ever-happen/472082/36 "2008-11-11T07:45:39Z")
> [@Lamia](#): > > Oh come on. Being accused of a crime you did not commit is a terrible thing, but somehow people who’ve suffered that and even worse manage to carry on. That doesn’t mean that they don’t suffer from it for the rest of their lives. That doesn’t mean that their reputation and livelihood isn’t destroyed. > [@Lamia](#): > > I don’t see what’s so difficult about 1) making sure that one’s potential sexual partner gives a clear indication of consent That’s not only difficult, it’s impossible. Even if you record her, she can just claim she was under threat. She isn’t expected to prove he raped her; he’s expected to prove he didn’t. > [@Lamia](#): > > and 2) avoiding sex with people who seem unstable, untrustworthy, or unconscious. And what does that have to do with anything ? You are again slamming men; insisting that it’s all THEIR fault, that they should be able to telepathically tell how trustworthy a woman is. > [@Lamia](#): > > Unless you think _all_ women lie about consenting to sex, then I can see where you’d find it tricky. All ? No, nor did I say they did. But quite a few will, especially since there are no consequences. > [@Lamia](#): > > I very much doubt that most men go their whole lives without meeting one woman who actually wants to have sex with them and isn’t crazy or vindictive enough to pretend otherwise the next morning. But if you can’t find one decent, honest, and sober woman willing to sleep with you then you’re better off staying home and watching a porno. Objectively speaking, yes, men are better off avoiding women. But men are irrationally attracted to women, to the point of self destructiveness, and a great many women take advantage of that any number of ways. And I never said that all women were the sort to falsely accuse a man, or even most; that’s your strawman not mine. But men have no way to tell which will, and which won’t. > [@Lamia](#): > > That is a very interesting interpretation of the situation. I’m not sure which part of it is more interesting, that bit where you assume that I would consent to sex and then lie about it, or where you assume that my very drunk and very confused acquaintance was a man. Because you come across as the sort of person who could do anything no matter how awful to a man and convince yourself it’s his fault; and because most women are attracted to men. > [@Lamia](#): > > But if there’s nothing wrong with suggesting to a woman that it’s unwise to leave her drink unattended, drink to excess while among people she doesn’t trust, allow a strange man to carry her groceries in or give her a ride home, walk alone at night, or do any of the other things women are advised not to do in order to reduce their risk of being raped, then I don’t see what’s so terrible about suggesting to men that they can reduce their risk of being _accused_ of rape by being observant, careful, and using good judgment. Because men can’t. Again; you keep insisting that men are supposed to telepathically determine a woman’s attitude before going to bed with her, and that won’t work. > [@Lamia](#): > > Being accused of rape is just one of many bad things that could happen to a man who has sex with a crazy or otherwise untrustworthy woman. But it’s one of the worst, and the one he has the least means to prevent. > [@Lamia](#): > > But maybe someone else has a better suggestion for how to protect innocent men. If so, let’s hear it. What is the best, practical way to help men avoid being falsely accused of rape by women with whom they have had consensual sex? Hold the women who lie responsible. And treat sex crimes as if evidence mattered, and not as if accusation was conviction. --- _[View the full topic](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/changing-your-mind-the-night-after-sex-rape-does-this-ever-happen/472082)._