At the other end of the relationship journey, this article sheds light on the number of absolute frickin’ sociopaths who use ChatGPT to tell them how to con potential partners into thinking they’re someone they’re not.
‘I realised I’d been ChatGPT-ed into bed’: how ‘Chatfishing’ made finding love on dating apps even weirder | Dating | The Guardian
Soon, Rachel and her match were speaking daily, their conversations running the gamut from the ridiculous (favourite memes, ketchup v mayonnaise) to the sublime (expectations in love, childhood traumas). Often they’d have late-night exchanges that left her staring at her phone long after she should have been asleep. “They were like things that you read in self-help books – really personal conversations about who we are and what we want for our lives,” she says.
Which is why the man who greeted her inside the pub – polite, pleasant but oddly flat – felt like a stranger. Gone was the quickfire wit and playful rhythm she’d come to expect from their exchanges. Over pints he stumbled through small talk, checked his phone a little too often, and seemed to wilt under the pressure of her questions. “I felt like I was sitting opposite someone I’d never even spoken to,” she says. “I tried to have the same sort of conversation as we’d been having online, but it was like, ‘Knock, knock, is anyone home?’ – like he knew basically nothing about me. That’s when I suspected he’d been using AI.”
But let’s get the liar’s perspective:
“If I’m using a dating app,” he says, “I want to start a conversation that feels meaningful from the beginning so I can hook the other person in – but also I don’t want to spend too much time on it. Equally, while I want it to be ‘meaningful’, I don’t necessarily want to get super heavy and emotional straight away – it feels like quite a balancing act.” ChatGPT, he says, helps him tread that fine line: offering enough charm to spark a connection, without the investment of time or emotional labour that might otherwise feel wasted if the match fizzles out after a handful of messages.
Jamil had a similar moment of dissonance sitting opposite a woman he’d Chatfished into a date. “Probably within a week of that first message I was using ChatGPT for every dating app exchange,” he says. On Discord, a chat platform popular with gamers and tech communities, he came across channels dedicated to AI where other single men were exchanging tips about how to prompt ChatGPT to generate effective dating messages. “So, for instance, someone said that if you start a chat with a girl by asking her a list of questions – favourite film, dream holiday, that kind of thing – then paste her answers into ChatGPT, it would craft replies that would make you sound like her perfect match.” It proved effective. “It got me a lot more dates than I was getting before.”
The emotional labour and time is the point! That’s how you form a relationship - by finding someone genuinely interesting and investing yourself in getting to know them - and sharing your real self in return! It’s not about hacking some coded system FFS.
From the other end, this is what it looks like:
The problem, as Rachel sees it, is that some people will cross that line deliberately. “Before the advent of AI, it was like, OK, maybe you don’t look like your pictures,” she says, “and that’s annoying but you’d quickly be caught out. Now though, people are putting forward entirely new personas.” She describes being on the receiving end of the kinds of techniques that Jamil uses – being drilled with questions, “like you’re answering an HR questionnaire”, then off the back of those answers “having conversations where it feels as if the other person has a tap on my phone because everything they say is so perfectly suited to me”.
It’s not that men manipulating women into sleeping with them by faking interest and lying about themselves is new behaviour, of course it’s not. But is this behaviour we want to automate and deploy at scale? Probably not!