# Chatting up a waitress **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 4, 2002, 12:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chatting-up-a-waitress/135155 "2002-11-04T00:36:11Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![koei](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/cdc98d/32.png) [@koei](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/koei)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2002, 12:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chatting-up-a-waitress/135155/1 "2002-11-04T00:36:11Z")
What would be the correct manner to chat up a waitress? ---
**Author:** ![AWB](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/bb73d2/32.png) [@AWB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AWB)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2002, 12:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chatting-up-a-waitress/135155/2 "2002-11-04T00:40:42Z")
“Hi, there. Work here often?” ---
**Author:** ![Silentgoldfish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e36b37/32.png) [@Silentgoldfish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silentgoldfish)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2002, 12:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chatting-up-a-waitress/135155/3 "2002-11-04T00:45:05Z")
“Do you like pie?” ---
**Author:** ![Ringo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/779978/32.png) [@Ringo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ringo)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2002, 12:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chatting-up-a-waitress/135155/4 "2002-11-04T00:46:24Z")
Got one in mind? ---
**Author:** ![Sivalensis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c4cdca/32.png) [@Sivalensis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sivalensis)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2002, 12:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chatting-up-a-waitress/135155/5 "2002-11-04T00:49:18Z")
Depends how busy she is. If she’s pouring sweat and running around like a chicken, I’d recommend just smiling and giving her an easy time of it, otherwise she’s not going to appreciate you taking up a lot of her time because her tips at the other tables will suffer. If it’s not busy, start off with small stuff - weather, mention a movie you just saw or a book you read and if she expresses interest, then you can get more into the conversation. ---
**Author:** ![UncleBill](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/d26b3c/32.png) [@UncleBill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UncleBill)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2002, 1:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chatting-up-a-waitress/135155/6 "2002-11-04T01:11:00Z")
It helps if you are good looking as I am. But if not, then eye contact, smile, and an honest “Thank You” when she brings something. A big tip gets you noticed and remembered. If there is anything in particular she is wearing that you like, perhaps a compliment would be appropriate. Avoid “I love your eyes,” or “Nice Rack!” even if she has those attributes. Keep it in things she has a choice in, her tastes. At the start if she comes in and says, “Hi, my name is Waitress, and I’ll be your server tonight,” then maybe “My name is UncleBill, glad to meet you.” If she says, “How are you doing tonight?” then “Very well, thank you. How are you?” shows you heard her, and see her as a person the engage in conversation, not ignore. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Slant](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c57346/32.png) [@Mr.Slant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Slant)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2002, 1:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chatting-up-a-waitress/135155/7 "2002-11-04T01:14:14Z")
I had a friend talk with the young lady who was serving us, brielfy, and then leave a tip and his business card from work with the tip. He left a note like “Give me a call some time!” on the back of it. He looked kind of good and had a decent job, and she did in fact call. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Slant](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c57346/32.png) [@Mr.Slant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Slant)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2002, 1:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chatting-up-a-waitress/135155/8 "2002-11-04T01:17:28Z")
Oh yeah. And the tip was handsome, but not ridiculuous. Like $20. ---
**Author:** ![Church\_Key\_Kid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Church\_Key\_Kid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Church_Key_Kid)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2002, 1:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chatting-up-a-waitress/135155/9 "2002-11-04T01:45:24Z")
Are you wanting to pick her up? If so, be prepared for YOU TO NEVER EAT THERE AGAIN. Dating your waitstaff is kinda like dating a co-worker. You can do it, but it’s just asking for trouble. ---
**Author:** ![lucwarm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e19adc/32.png) [@lucwarm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lucwarm)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2002, 1:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chatting-up-a-waitress/135155/10 "2002-11-04T01:53:47Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by koei \* > \*\*What would be the correct manner to chat up a waitress? \*\* Well, you need to keep in mind that if the waitress is half-way decent looking, she gets hit on all day by her customers. She’s an expert in brushing people off. So you need to distinguish yourself somehow. For starters, you need to project the correct attitude, which is that you get lots of girls all the time, so you really don’t care if you get this one or not. If you seem the slightest bit desparate, you’re dead. Next, after having introduced yourself, you need to get her attention. The classic way to do this is through the “neg hit” which is a statement about her that isn’t quite a compliment, and isn’t quite an insult. It needs to be negative enough so that you make her just a bit insecure, but not so negative that she thinks you’re a jerk. For example, if she’s a blond, you might say “I really like your hair - is that your natural color?” Hopefully after this, she’ll be willing to have a conversation with you. If so, then you’ll probably be able to get her in the sack if you play things right. Your next job is to get her stimulated (emotionally!). If she feels any kind of strong feeling while around you, she’ll probably think she likes you. So you might ask her about some time when she was really scared. Or you might paint a picture of traveling together to some exotic locale. (You don’t necessarily need to specifically include her in such a fantasy. If you do it right, she’ll be included in her mind). If you’ve gotten this far, she’s practically yours. All you need to do is “close” the deal. Just find some excuse to get together, alone. It should be as soon as possible - don’t be afraid to ask her to leave work early. Once you’re together, alone, I’m sure you can come up with some excuse to get her undressed, she’ll go along with it. After that, you’re pretty much home free. (By the way, I’m totally opposed to casual sex!!) ---
**Author:** ![bibliophage](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bibliophage/32/7615_2.png) [@bibliophage](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bibliophage)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2002, 2:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chatting-up-a-waitress/135155/11 "2002-11-04T02:05:32Z")
The GQ forum is for questions with factual answers. Since this question is a matter of opinion, I’ll move this thread over to IMHO. ---
**Author:** ![don\_t\_ask](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@don\_t\_ask](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/don_t_ask)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2002, 2:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chatting-up-a-waitress/135155/12 "2002-11-04T02:06:23Z")
Use the[Peter Gibbons](http://us.imdb.com/Details?0151804) method. ---
**Author:** ![Achernar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e274bd/32.png) [@Achernar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Achernar)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2002, 5:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chatting-up-a-waitress/135155/13 "2002-11-04T05:48:09Z")
**lucwarm** , if your post is a joke, it’s a little too subtle for me. You need to be careful; you could really get someone into trouble! 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2002, 10:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chatting-up-a-waitress/135155/14 "2002-11-04T10:33:55Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by koei \* > \*\*What would be the correct manner to chat up a waitress? \*\* Don’t. She doesn’t want to be bothered. Unless you’re incredibly good looking **and** incredibly charming - none of this one or the other business - you’ll be just _another_ guy bothering her on the job. If she’s not interested (and she won’t be unless you’re both), you’ll just irritate her and make her uncomfortable. She’ll be forced to smile and pretend like she doesn’t want to reach over and smack you just b/c it’s part of her job. Leave her be. -on behalf of all femmes sick of guys harassing them :o ---
**Author:** ![Urban\_Ranger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/e9c0ed/32.png) [@Urban\_Ranger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Urban_Ranger)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2002, 12:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chatting-up-a-waitress/135155/15 "2002-11-04T12:05:05Z")
Ignore the person above. Treat her like a person. She likes to be a person instead of part of the face-less mass. I bet she likes to smile too, if given the reason. ---
**Author:** ![Giraffe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giraffe/32/129_2.png) [@Giraffe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giraffe)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2002, 11:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chatting-up-a-waitress/135155/16 "2002-11-04T23:19:39Z")
Try to establish some sort of common interest. For example, a lot of people like fucking. ---
**Author:** ![Gozu\_Tashoya](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/7993a0/32.png) [@Gozu\_Tashoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gozu_Tashoya)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2002, 1:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chatting-up-a-waitress/135155/17 "2002-11-05T01:39:51Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Achernar \* > \*\ ***lucwarm** , if your post is a joke, it’s a little too subtle for me. You need to be careful; you could really get someone into trouble! 🙂 \*\* You know, I don’t believe it was. I’ve heard/read this approach elsewhere, and it was dead serious there. I believe the reasoning behind it is one part making yourself memorable, and one part making the girl seem like she has to prove herself to _you_. ---
**Author:** ![c\_carol](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e79b87/32.png) [@c\_carol](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/c_carol)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2002, 2:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chatting-up-a-waitress/135155/18 "2002-11-05T02:43:12Z")
> [@](#): > > For example, if she’s a blond, you might say “I really like your hair - is that your natural color?” Please, please tell me this is a joke. I can’t imagine this working in real life. As for myself, I would assume that he was either blatantly insulting me or making fun of me, and would respond by ignoring his existence as completely as possible. Are there really women who respond to backhanded “compliments” like this by tearing off their clothes? Please tell me this is a joke. ---
**Author:** ![chula](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a4c791/32.png) [@chula](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chula)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2002, 4:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chatting-up-a-waitress/135155/19 "2002-11-05T04:27:04Z")
As a former waitress, I partially agree with (the appropriately named :)) **MeanOldLady**. I got asked out at least a couple times every shift. A lot of the guys seemed decent, but I wouldn’t have had the time to go out with all of them. I had quite a collection of business cards, and I never ever considered calling one of those guys. If the guy doesn’t even have the nerve to let me know he’s interested face-to-face, he doesn’t have a chance. Generally, I felt like the guys who asked me out felt that I was being friendly because I was interested when I was only being friendly because my job required it. My usual response to guys who asked me out was, “Never ask out the waitress.” On the other hand, I disagree with **Mean** ’s sentiment that asking a woman out is harassment. It’s clearly a compliment, and women should stop being so hard on the poor guys who stick their necks out just because they find a woman interesting. ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2002, 6:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chatting-up-a-waitress/135155/20 "2002-11-05T06:50:26Z")
Well okay, maybe _harassment_ is the wrong word, but ladies get hit on every single day all the time. Frankly it’s damn annoying, especially considering 90% of the time we have no interest in the guys harassing - err- _approaching_ us. Now perhaps if every guy who asked us out was 6’1", dark, handsome and successful, being hit on excessively might be kind of nice. 🙂 But how many people fit that description? My advice is to never pick up on women while they’re working. It’s bad enough that a lot of ladies feel awkward telling a man she’s not interested in general, but while she’s working it’s 10 times tougher! Even if it were easy for her to flat out say no, she’s not allowed to express her frustrations on the job. If she wants to keep her pay check, she’s got to suck it up, smile and nod. The friendliness one could ordinarily interpret as interest is just part of her job. She can’t tell you to drop dead and get out of her sight. _yawn_ Just another guy making her work day uncomfortable… :o [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chatting-up-a-waitress/135155.md?page=2)