# Chatting up a waitress **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 4, 2002, 12:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chatting-up-a-waitress/135155 "2002-11-04T00:36:11Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 9\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![lucwarm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e19adc/32.png) [@lucwarm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lucwarm)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2002, 12:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chatting-up-a-waitress/135155/21 "2002-11-05T12:23:44Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by c\_carol \* > \*\* > > Please, please tell me this is a joke.\*\* Sorry, it’s not a joke. \*\* > [@](#): > > I can’t imagine this working in real life. As for myself, I would assume that he was either blatantly insulting me or making fun of me, and would respond by ignoring his existence as completely as possible. Are there really women who respond to backhanded “compliments” like this by tearing off their clothes? Please tell me this is a joke. \*\* Keep in mind that this sort of strategy is necessary only for women who get hit on constantly, like attractive waitresses. For ordinary girls, it’s not necessary and in fact counter-productive. ---
**Author:** ![lucwarm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e19adc/32.png) [@lucwarm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lucwarm)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2002, 12:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chatting-up-a-waitress/135155/22 "2002-11-05T12:32:55Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by MeanOldLady \* > \*\* Frankly it’s damn annoying, especially considering 90% of the time we have no interest in the guys harassing - err- _approaching_ us. Now perhaps if every guy who asked us out was 6’1", dark, handsome and successful, being hit on excessively might be kind of nice. 🙂 \*\* The thing is, it’s difficult or impossible to know in advance if someone will be interested in you or not. The reality is that many women don’t care if a guy is short or tall, handsome or plain, thin or fat. ---
**Author:** ![lucwarm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e19adc/32.png) [@lucwarm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lucwarm)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2002, 1:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chatting-up-a-waitress/135155/23 "2002-11-05T13:03:19Z")
Errr, I’d like to amend that last paragraph of mine to read: The thing is, it’s difficult or impossible to know in advance if someone will be interested in you or not. The reality is that many women **including many beautiful women** don’t care if a guy is short or tall, handsome or plain, thin or fat. ---
**Author:** ![WordMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e8c25b/32.png) [@WordMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WordMan)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2002, 2:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chatting-up-a-waitress/135155/24 "2002-11-05T14:01:39Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by MeanOldLady \* > \*\*My advice is to never pick up on women while they’re working. \*\* The common sense of what you are saying, **MeanOldLady** is spot on, but then we, as guys (or to make it even more generic - someone doing the pursuing, guy or girl) are struck by two things: - If we did everything based on common sense and respect, we would never break through to the other person - Sometimes your line works Because humans are weird and complex, stuff happens that shouldn’t. If a guy or girl hits on 100 people and 99 tell them to fuck off, but one says “okay” - to many people that is a decent return… In my mind, timing and sincerity of the moment matters. You never know when a person you are trying to hit on is just at the right place. Also, you have to give it your best shot - sometimes they can tell you are sincere (or, at least, sincere at that moment) and that is enough to break through. So, with a waitress, sure you can try it - but try something like “hello, my name is \_\_\_\_” and try to talk with them in a genuine way. If they blow you off, so be it. ---
**Author:** ![RickJay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/bb73d2/32.png) [@RickJay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RickJay)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2002, 2:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chatting-up-a-waitress/135155/25 "2002-11-05T14:39:33Z")
RickJaySis is an actress, which means she waits tables. She tells me she can be chatted up, but the chatter has to be aware of _how busy she is._ Just be aware of how the waitress responds, and do not assume if she brushes you off she hates you. A waitress’s workload varies enormously from shift to shift; today they could be busy as hell, and tomorrow she could have just two tables on a slow day. ---
**Author:** ![bleach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bleach/32/3106_2.png) [@bleach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bleach)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2002, 10:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chatting-up-a-waitress/135155/26 "2002-11-05T22:35:06Z")
**lucwarm** ’s post is from the chatting up technique called “Speed Seduction.” It’s orgins are in neuro-linguistic programming. It doesn’t work on me or anyone else I can think of who doesn’t want to be chatted up. ---
**Author:** ![lucwarm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e19adc/32.png) [@lucwarm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lucwarm)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2002, 4:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chatting-up-a-waitress/135155/27 "2002-11-06T04:39:50Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by bleach \* > \*\*. It doesn’t work on me or anyone else I can think of who doesn’t want to be chatted up. \*\* Well, it does work on a certain percentage of women. And the reality is that most people are shockingly vulnerable to techniques of persuasion. ---
**Author:** ![Shera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/7ba0ec/32.png) [@Shera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shera)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2002, 7:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chatting-up-a-waitress/135155/28 "2002-11-06T07:24:02Z")
I want to second the “Be prepared to never eat there again” suggestion. It would be very akward for the both of you if she turned you down. I say this as a waitress, so you know your getting the good stuff. I have had a few guys ask me you while I was on the job. I am very thankful that none of them have showed their faces in the restuarant again. It would be very distracting. I would also suggest that you wait until the end of her shift to actually ask her out. She probably won’t be as busy then and you may even get to go out that night. ---
**Author:** ![Gartog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/22d042/32.png) [@Gartog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gartog)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2002, 10:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chatting-up-a-waitress/135155/29 "2002-11-06T10:59:54Z")
> [@](#): > > It’s orgins are in neuro-linguistic programming. It doesn’t work on me or anyone else I can think of who doesn’t want to be chatted up I thought I recognised the style. I have seen this technique work for some people but it requires a lot of skill, and also usually adjustment based on the person you are talking too. But I have seen it work. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chatting-up-a-waitress/135155.md?page=1)