# Cheap fucking thrills on the red line train **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [November 21, 2002, 4:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cheap-fucking-thrills-on-the-red-line-train/137963 "2002-11-21T16:30:30Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![tiny\_ham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@tiny\_ham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tiny_ham)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2002, 4:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cheap-fucking-thrills-on-the-red-line-train/137963/1 "2002-11-21T16:30:30Z")
I have lived in Chicago for almost seven years now, and I take public transportation to work every single day. I enjoy it. It’s jiggly. It thrills me. Apparently, though, not quite as much as it thrills YOU, shitfist. Answer me this real quick: Do you think I’m some sort of fucking half lucid coma patient, that I don’t see, feel or indeed SMELL you leaning against me on the not very crowded train? Do you think I’m so unfamiliar with male anatomy that I don’t realize that that is your two inches of rock hard fury pressing into the small of my back? Guess what? The jig is up, Boo Radley. Do me a big giant gooey favor and keep your fucking Bob Evan’s Sausage Link fingers off of my thigh, lest I turn the tables and shove your own foot up your meatus. What is your plan there, inch high private eye? That I’ll get all sticky wet with arousal like the gals you read about in Club and jack you off with my thumb and forefinger on the way to North and Clybourn? Sorry, pal, I’ve got this sort of hygiene fetish…color me picky. And if I could just nitpick your performance for a moment here, you’re not exactly The Talented Mr. Ripley. When I yell out, “Get your fucking hands off me”, no one’s buying the Alfred E. Newman look of amazement on your faulknerian idiot face. We all know the facts, or perhaps FACT: You are gross. It’s just that simple. DON’T TOUCH ME AGAIN. ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2002, 4:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cheap-fucking-thrills-on-the-red-line-train/137963/2 "2002-11-21T16:37:12Z")
Buy a car. ---
**Author:** ![EchoKitty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f4b2a3/32.png) [@EchoKitty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EchoKitty)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2002, 4:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cheap-fucking-thrills-on-the-red-line-train/137963/3 "2002-11-21T16:37:55Z")
Beautiful rant! I’m from the Chicago area and I know how obnoxious transit pervs can be. Great use of the demasculization tactic. I would implore you to use the “cocktail hotdog” and the “smoky link” insults next time you confront one of these knuckle-draggers. Carry on. ---
**Author:** ![beagledave](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/6de8d8/32.png) [@beagledave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/beagledave)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2002, 4:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cheap-fucking-thrills-on-the-red-line-train/137963/4 "2002-11-21T16:38:27Z")
The red line, huh? Well see there’s your problem. mrs beagledave used to commute from Oak Park. All the freshly bathed gropers ride the Green Line. ---
**Author:** ![Siemsi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b19c9b/32.png) [@Siemsi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siemsi)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2002, 4:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cheap-fucking-thrills-on-the-red-line-train/137963/5 "2002-11-21T16:44:41Z")
Good rant. Loved it! ---
**Author:** ![Giraffe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giraffe/32/129_2.png) [@Giraffe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giraffe)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2002, 5:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cheap-fucking-thrills-on-the-red-line-train/137963/6 "2002-11-21T17:03:28Z")
“The jig is up, Boo Radley.” That’s gold, **jarbabyj**. Gold! ---
**Author:** ![Dinsdale](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/97f17d/32.png) [@Dinsdale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dinsdale)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2002, 5:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cheap-fucking-thrills-on-the-red-line-train/137963/7 "2002-11-21T17:04:42Z")
On the oh-so-civilized Metra train, sitting up top has allowed me to see guys down below discretely (or so they think) “making the scene with a magazine.” At 6:30 in the morning? ---
**Author:** ![tiny\_ham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@tiny\_ham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tiny_ham)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2002, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cheap-fucking-thrills-on-the-red-line-train/137963/8 "2002-11-21T17:08:03Z")
I have a car. It’s just the 18.50 a day for parking that I can’t seem to swing. So I guess I have to put up with being so subtley violated by someone who looks like a slightly less savory version of Pinhead. ---
**Author:** ![Zoff](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/6de8d8/32.png) [@Zoff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zoff)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2002, 5:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cheap-fucking-thrills-on-the-red-line-train/137963/9 "2002-11-21T17:10:24Z")
> [@](#): > > _Originally posted by Giraffe_ > “The jig is up, Boo Radley.” > > That’s gold, jarbabyj. Gold! I have to respectfully disagree. What did poor Boo Radley do to deserve a comparison with a pervert who gets a hardon leaning against women on a train. Boo was a little awkward, sure, but he was A-OK in the end. ---
**Author:** ![dorkusmalorkusmafia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dorkusmalorkusmafia/32/7266_2.png) [@dorkusmalorkusmafia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dorkusmalorkusmafia)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2002, 5:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cheap-fucking-thrills-on-the-red-line-train/137963/10 "2002-11-21T17:10:45Z")
Different strokes for different folks. Some people get bored of vanilla. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Miskatonic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mr.miskatonic/32/310_2.png) [@Mr.Miskatonic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Miskatonic)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2002, 5:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cheap-fucking-thrills-on-the-red-line-train/137963/11 "2002-11-21T17:11:46Z")
Buy a cattle prod. ---
**Author:** ![MikeG](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mikeg/32/4329_2.png) [@MikeG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MikeG)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2002, 5:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cheap-fucking-thrills-on-the-red-line-train/137963/12 "2002-11-21T17:12:46Z")
Gotta love the Purple line, all them Evanston hotties know how to bathe on a regular basis and the weirdos are more the granola hippie type 🙂 OT; I just found out we are planning on moving from the Merchandise Mart this year so my days of easy commutes are numbered:( ---
**Author:** ![tiny\_ham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@tiny\_ham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tiny_ham)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2002, 5:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cheap-fucking-thrills-on-the-red-line-train/137963/13 "2002-11-21T17:15:07Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Zoff \* > \*\*I have to respectfully disagree. What did poor Boo Radley do to deserve a comparison with a pervert who gets a hardon leaning against women on a train. Boo was a little awkward, sure, but he was A-OK in the end. \*\* I’d like to clear this up, Zoff, as Boo Radley is one of my fave Literary Characters. This guy LOOKED like Boo Radley, but was certainly lacking in the endearing quiet tenderness. ---
**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2002, 5:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cheap-fucking-thrills-on-the-red-line-train/137963/14 "2002-11-21T17:16:50Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Dinsdale \* > On the oh-so-civilized Metra train, sitting up top has allowed me to see guys down below discretely (or so they think) “making the scene with a magazine.” At 6:30 in the morning? :eek: What line do you take to work? I take the Burlington Northern, but maybe those weirdos don’t ride after 7 am… _shudder_ ---
**Author:** ![Enderw24](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ba9def/32.png) [@Enderw24](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enderw24)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2002, 5:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cheap-fucking-thrills-on-the-red-line-train/137963/15 "2002-11-21T17:18:48Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by dorkusmalorkusmafia \* > \*\*Different strokes for different folks. Some people get bored of vanilla. \*\* Now this is great, if only because I just came from your thread where I can appreciate all the nuances. ---
**Author:** ![dantheman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dantheman/32/9421_2.png) [@dantheman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dantheman)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2002, 5:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cheap-fucking-thrills-on-the-red-line-train/137963/16 "2002-11-21T17:19:24Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by dorkusmalorkusmafia \* > \*\*Different strokes for different folks. Some people get bored of vanilla. \*\* **vanilla** is nothing if not exciting. ---
**Author:** ![Zoff](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/6de8d8/32.png) [@Zoff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zoff)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2002, 5:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cheap-fucking-thrills-on-the-red-line-train/137963/17 "2002-11-21T17:23:59Z")
Oh, OK. I just wasn’t sure if you were making a “weird” comparison, so I thought I’d rise in Boo’s defense. By the way, if the guy on the train asks you to check his tree for a present, I’d pass. ---
**Author:** ![belladonna](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/9fc29f/32.png) [@belladonna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/belladonna)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2002, 6:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cheap-fucking-thrills-on-the-red-line-train/137963/18 "2002-11-21T18:18:54Z")
Oh, have you ever felt the weenie of a pervert on the train, as it pressed against your fanny and left a sticky stain? Have you ever smelt the weirdo who leans against you with a wink, and befouls the air you’re breathing with his ever-loving stink? Have you ever held your head high while some stunted little freak, tries to get his jollies off the timid and the meek? Well don’t fear, my dear, for there’s hope to be found– just hit the Windy City And drag **jarbaby** around! She’ll gladly turn and lash right out at dirty pinching hands; She’ll announce to fellow passengers that This lech is not a MAN. And when the smelly, sticky punk Denies that he’s to blame She’ll simply punch him in the nose And go about her day! ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2002, 7:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cheap-fucking-thrills-on-the-red-line-train/137963/19 "2002-11-21T19:18:28Z")
Aaaah, you’ve met Abe Froman. ---
**Author:** ![tiny\_ham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@tiny\_ham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tiny_ham)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2002, 7:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cheap-fucking-thrills-on-the-red-line-train/137963/20 "2002-11-21T19:25:37Z")
He IS the sausage king of chicago [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cheap-fucking-thrills-on-the-red-line-train/137963.md?page=2)