# Cheap jokes about Americans **URL:** \ **Category:** Factual Questions\ **Created:** [May 18, 2005, 1:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cheap-jokes-about-americans/304342 "2005-05-18T01:42:53Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Princhester](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3e96dc/32.png) [@Princhester](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Princhester)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2005, 10:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cheap-jokes-about-americans/304342/61 "2005-05-19T22:59:44Z")
I thought the following was indicative of the way Australians joke about Americans. It was sent to me by a friend earlier today. There were other questions and answers from non-Americans, but I’ve taken them out as being off-topic: [quote] The questions below about Australia, are from potential visitors. They were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a sense of humour. Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA) A: Depends how much you’ve been drinking. Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia? (USA) A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not… oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked. Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA) A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we’ll send the rest of the directions. Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys’ Choir schedule? (USA) A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is…oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked. Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA) A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets. Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It’s a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA) A: It’s called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking. Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA) A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather. Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help? (USA) A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour. Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA) A: Yes, but you’ll have to learn it first ---
**Author:** ![Cunctator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/43a26b/32.png) [@Cunctator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cunctator)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2005, 11:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cheap-jokes-about-americans/304342/62 "2005-05-19T23:00:49Z")
> [@DrDeth](#): > > The British get all upset when we confuse “British” with “English” and the Australians same with them & NZ. Not so much upset as bemused. Australians and New Zealanders have very different accents and the two countries are separated by more than 2,000 km. It’s hard to see how they could be confused. ---
**Author:** ![Princhester](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3e96dc/32.png) [@Princhester](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Princhester)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2005, 11:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cheap-jokes-about-americans/304342/63 "2005-05-19T23:01:35Z")
And yes, you may now joke about Australians being unable to code, now. ---
**Author:** ![Princhester](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3e96dc/32.png) [@Princhester](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Princhester)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2005, 11:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cheap-jokes-about-americans/304342/64 "2005-05-19T23:02:39Z")
And our overuse of the word “now”. ---
**Author:** ![KGS](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/90ced4/32.png) [@KGS](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KGS)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2005, 11:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cheap-jokes-about-americans/304342/65 "2005-05-19T23:43:53Z")
> [@Princhester](#): > > Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA) > A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All > Australian snakes are perfectly > harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets. Umm, isn’t this part a bit irresponsible, considering SIX of the TEN deadliest snakes live in Australia? Understood that they’re being snarky, but it just takes one stupid American petting a taipan to bring on a massive lawsuit…(or is it true that other countries don’t worry as much about lawsuits as Merr’kins do?) P.S. If I ever get to Australia, I’m definitely dropping by Kings Cross on Tuesday night. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![mittu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ecd19e/32.png) [@mittu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mittu)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2005, 11:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cheap-jokes-about-americans/304342/66 "2005-05-19T23:48:47Z")
America does have a reputation for being highly litigious, I used to laugh at how ridiculous it all was until the “Have you been injured at work?” adverts started popping up over here. I don’t think we have become as lawsuit happy as America yet but darn it we are having a good crack at catching up. Not sure how things are in Australia though. ---
**Author:** ![Cunctator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/43a26b/32.png) [@Cunctator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cunctator)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2005, 11:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cheap-jokes-about-americans/304342/67 "2005-05-19T23:51:31Z")
> [@mittu](#): > > America does have a reputation for being highly litigious, I used to laugh at how ridiculous it all was until the “Have you been injured at work?” adverts started popping up over here. I don’t think we have become as lawsuit happy as America yet but darn it we are having a good crack at catching up. Not sure how things are in Australia though. We’ve been told on more than one occasion at university (where I’m studying law) that New South Wales is the second most litigious jurisdiction after California. I’ve not seen any hard evidence to justify this statement though - I suspect it’s all anecdotal. ---
**Author:** ![Princhester](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3e96dc/32.png) [@Princhester](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Princhester)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2005, 12:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cheap-jokes-about-americans/304342/68 "2005-05-20T00:02:08Z")
> [@KGS](#): > > Umm, isn’t this part a bit irresponsible, considering SIX of the TEN deadliest snakes live in Australia? Understood that they’re being snarky, but it just takes one stupid American petting a taipan to bring on a massive lawsuit…(or is it true that other countries don’t worry as much about lawsuits as Merr’kins do?) Yes it’s irresponsible. But let’s face it, however much it cost if such a lawsuit arose, the chuckles we’d get out of an American who actually believed the above and petted a taipan would be _worth it_. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![elfkin477](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a9a28c/32.png) [@elfkin477](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfkin477)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2005, 12:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cheap-jokes-about-americans/304342/69 "2005-05-20T00:36:00Z")
> [@smiling bandit](#): > > Aside from the accent thing (anyone who believes Americans, yes, including the president) could miss the accent is nuts) we do have about 50 bazillion towns named London, Athens, Wales, whatever. Indeed. If I had a mind to, I could go to York, Poland, Paris, Berlin, Dover, Manchester, Nottingham, Plymouth, Lebanon, Portsmouth, Chelmsford, Leicester, Athens, Swansea, Newbury, Newport, Braintree, Belfast, Cambridge, Ipswich, Naples, Exeter, Dublin etc by merely going through my own state and the states bordering it north and south. Apparently, after you run out of nifty names like “Unity”, “Freedom” and “Orange,” and run through all the interesting sounding Native American words, you borrow from the familiar names back home 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Princhester](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3e96dc/32.png) [@Princhester](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Princhester)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2005, 12:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cheap-jokes-about-americans/304342/70 "2005-05-20T00:55:30Z")
Ahh, yes, but do you have villages named “Nasty” or “Pratt’s Bottom”? Only the frickin’ Poms, I tell you. ---
**Author:** ![CookingWithGas](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cookingwithgas/32/485_2.png) [@CookingWithGas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CookingWithGas)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2005, 1:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cheap-jokes-about-americans/304342/71 "2005-05-20T01:06:15Z")
> [@Princhester](#): > > Ahh, yes, but do you have villages named “Nasty” or “Pratt’s Bottom”? > > Only the frickin’ Poms, I tell you. We’ve got Blue Ball and Intercourse. Both in Pennsylvania. ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2005, 2:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cheap-jokes-about-americans/304342/72 "2005-05-20T02:11:16Z")
> [@Princhester](#): > > In American English. In Australian English, you are all Yanks. > > Sorry, but you don’t get to decide your own nickname, others do that for you. 😉 Call a unReconstructed Deep Southener a “Yank”, and you’ll see who gets to pick the nicknames… 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Imasquare](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Imasquare](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Imasquare)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2005, 2:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cheap-jokes-about-americans/304342/73 "2005-05-20T02:22:05Z")
> [@Cunctator](#): > > Not so much upset as bemused. Australians and New Zealanders have very different accents and the two countries are separated by more than 2,000 km. It’s hard to see how they could be confused. The accents aren’t that different at all. I was in Australia for many years before I could tell a NZ accent from an Australian one. Similarly I still can’t pick a Canadian accent from an American one. They sound exactly the same to me. ---
**Author:** ![Jeff\_Lichtman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jeff_lichtman/32/1531_2.png) [@Jeff\_Lichtman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jeff_Lichtman)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2005, 2:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cheap-jokes-about-americans/304342/74 "2005-05-20T02:33:59Z")
> [@Princhester](#): > > In American English. In Australian English, you are all Yanks. > > Sorry, but you don’t get to decide your own nickname, others do that for you. 😉 I wish I could remember where I first heard this: To people outside the U.S., a Yankee is an American. To people in the southern states, a Yankee is a northerner. To people in the north, a Yankee is someone from New England. To New Englanders, a Yankee is someone from Vermont. To Vermonters, a Yankee is someone who eats pie for breakfast. ---
**Author:** ![Princhester](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3e96dc/32.png) [@Princhester](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Princhester)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2005, 3:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cheap-jokes-about-americans/304342/75 "2005-05-20T03:17:33Z")
> [@DrDeth](#): > > Call a unReconstructed Deep Southener a “Yank”, and you’ll see who gets to pick the nicknames… 😛 Assuming said Southerner is not in a position to physically enforce his likes and dislikes on others, being annoyed about the nickname one is “awarded” is, in Australia, a _gauranteed_ way to ensure the nickname is used religiously from that point forward. ---
**Author:** ![antechinus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/fbc32d/32.png) [@antechinus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/antechinus)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2005, 3:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cheap-jokes-about-americans/304342/76 "2005-05-20T03:20:55Z")
Has noone pulled out irony yet? e.g. > [@cheap joke](#): > > An American is walking in London on a rainy day and a passing Brit says to him “Great weather”. > > The American is somewhat bemused by this: it’s clearly not great weather, it’s a horrible day. And then light dawns, the Brit is being _ironic_. “Hey” he thinks, “this is great, I understand irony. Who says we Americans don’t do irony? I’ll have to remember to use this in future”. > > So the following week he goes to a restaurant with some British friends. The food is awful so the American draws himself up and says … > > “Hey, great weather”. ---
**Author:** ![GorillaMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/50afbb/32.png) [@GorillaMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GorillaMan)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2005, 7:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cheap-jokes-about-americans/304342/77 "2005-05-20T07:56:20Z")
> [@antechinus](#): > > Has noone pulled out irony yet? > e.g. … Excellent - although I’m not sure it demonstrates what you intended it to… 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2005, 8:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cheap-jokes-about-americans/304342/78 "2005-05-20T08:03:18Z")
> [@Princhester](#): > > Assuming said Southerner is not in a position to physically enforce his likes and dislikes on others, being annoyed about the nickname one is “awarded” is, in Australia, a _gauranteed_ way to ensure the nickname is used religiously from that point forward. Wow, all these years and I never knew I went to school in Australia. :eek: –the artist formerly known as “Knobby”. ---
**Author:** ![betenoir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/258eb7/32.png) [@betenoir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/betenoir)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2005, 11:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cheap-jokes-about-americans/304342/79 "2005-05-20T11:14:27Z")
> [@CookingWithGas](#): > > We’ve got Blue Ball and Intercourse. Both in Pennsylvania. You forgot Climax (north of Blue Balls, just go straight through Intercourse). ---
**Author:** ![betenoir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/258eb7/32.png) [@betenoir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/betenoir)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2005, 11:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cheap-jokes-about-americans/304342/80 "2005-05-20T11:17:51Z")
> [@Princhester](#): > > In American English. In Australian English, you are all Yanks. > > Sorry, but you don’t get to decide your own nickname, others do that for you. 😉 And beyond that, it _started out_ British as a name for ALL Americans…so I’d say y’all have dibs. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cheap-jokes-about-americans/304342.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cheap-jokes-about-americans/304342.md?page=5)