# "cheating" at sex...paranoid

**URL:** <https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cheating-at-sex-paranoid/410892>\
**Category:** Factual Questions\
**Created:** [July 7, 2007, 7:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cheating-at-sex-paranoid/410892 "2007-07-07T19:40:22Z")\
**Posts on this page:** 20\
**Page:** 8

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**Author:** ![Beaucarnea](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/c0e974/32.png) [@Beaucarnea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beaucarnea)\
**Post date:** [July 9, 2007, 11:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cheating-at-sex-paranoid/410892/141 "2007-07-09T23:14:34Z")

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[QUOTE=unbrok3npp]  
im sure they are fine, but i feel really uncomfortable about spending $1 on a test…plus ebay is more private…  
[/QUOTE]

I understand, but they work, I can prove it. With pics, if necessary. (They are name brand tests that are close to the expiration date.)

Well, I think we have hit all the talking points, so I’m out unless you need for me to make any phone calls for you. Please remember to update, then immediately start a new thread about a different subject. We don’t want to always think of you as the Impulsive Reproductive Questions Guy. 😉

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**Author:** ![aerodave](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/f08c70/32.png) [@aerodave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aerodave)\
**Post date:** [July 9, 2007, 11:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cheating-at-sex-paranoid/410892/142 "2007-07-09T23:27:38Z")

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eBay is slow, expensive, and not really any more private than heading to the discount store. A cash sale at the Dollar Tree has no traceability, which same can’t be said for eBay. And if they’re brand name, they’re brand name. Price is not to be used as a measure of merit.

Remember, the clerk at the store coudln’t care less about you. And you have something in your hand today, and for a good price. Go to the store…I think you can’t sanely refuse **Beaucarnea** ’s help in this case. He/she has gone way out on a limb for you.

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**Author:** ![Khampelf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Khampelf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Khampelf)\
**Post date:** [July 9, 2007, 11:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cheating-at-sex-paranoid/410892/143 "2007-07-09T23:37:01Z")

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[QUOTE=mr. jp]  
So the OP is 17, and he has not masturbated in his life? Is it just me, or is that the weirdest thing you have ever heard of?  
[/QUOTE]

Post #66.

Some of us were just behind the curve.

Masturbation != ejaculation, necessarily.

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**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\
**Post date:** [July 9, 2007, 11:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cheating-at-sex-paranoid/410892/144 "2007-07-09T23:38:45Z")

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[QUOTE=unbrok3npp]  
im sure they are fine, but i feel really uncomfortable about spending $1 on a test…plus ebay is more private…  
[/QUOTE]

Wouldn’t eBay be less private? (I.e., more chance of your parents seeing the package and opening it.)

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**Author:** ![unbrok3npp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/c68b51/32.png) [@unbrok3npp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/unbrok3npp)\
**Post date:** [July 9, 2007, 11:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cheating-at-sex-paranoid/410892/145 "2007-07-09T23:59:23Z")

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Ok, dollar tree it is! How close to expiration? If i get them soon will they still work in a month??

Beaucarnea, I just want to say how appreciative I am of all your generosity and help. You have no idea how much it means. Im sorry if I havnt been very responsive or appreciative…i just have waaaay too much on my mind, but know that you have really helped me through this a lot, and I cant thank you enough.

I received the info on PP. I will do what I can. I will get the tests asap. We will get educated, and we will be protected if we ever do this again. Thank you everyone. I absorbed all the information here.

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**Author:** ![Beaucarnea](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/c0e974/32.png) [@Beaucarnea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beaucarnea)\
**Post date:** [July 10, 2007, 12:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cheating-at-sex-paranoid/410892/146 "2007-07-10T00:06:29Z")

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No problem, Squirt. 😉 Next time you seen an opportunity to help a stranger, step up and we’ll call it even.

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**Author:** ![E.Thorp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/898d66/32.png) [@E.Thorp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/E.Thorp)\
**Post date:** [July 10, 2007, 12:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cheating-at-sex-paranoid/410892/147 "2007-07-10T00:30:22Z")

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[QUOTE=Beaucarnea]  
No problem, Squirt.  
[/QUOTE]

And the Most Unfortunate Nickname Award goes to…

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**Author:** ![aerodave](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/f08c70/32.png) [@aerodave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aerodave)\
**Post date:** [July 10, 2007, 12:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cheating-at-sex-paranoid/410892/148 "2007-07-10T00:32:33Z")

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**E. Thorp** , can you give me an address where I can send the bill for getting Jones Soda out of my keyboard?

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**Author:** ![Kozmik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/8dc957/32.png) [@Kozmik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kozmik)\
**Post date:** [July 10, 2007, 12:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cheating-at-sex-paranoid/410892/149 "2007-07-10T00:40:38Z")

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Jones Soda?! Is that what you were drinking?

Squirt Soda is the best. And it’s fizzy, too. 😉

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**Author:** ![bbs2k](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e495f1/32.png) [@bbs2k](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bbs2k)\
**Post date:** [July 10, 2007, 1:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cheating-at-sex-paranoid/410892/150 "2007-07-10T01:35:03Z")

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[QUOTE=unbrok3npp]  
Ok, dollar tree it is! How close to expiration? If i get them soon will they still work in a month??  
[/QUOTE]

As long as they are FDA approved, they will be good for a long time. Even accurate past the expiration date (think: when does aspirin expire?) I AM NOT endorsing the use of expired pregnancy tests. I’m just saying don’t worry, lil’ squirt.

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**Author:** ![Rilchiam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/2bfe46/32.png) [@Rilchiam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rilchiam)\
**Post date:** [July 10, 2007, 2:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cheating-at-sex-paranoid/410892/151 "2007-07-10T02:22:59Z")

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[QUOTE=E. Thorp]  
He may be part of a small minority, but it’s not unheard of.  
[/QUOTE]

Yes, but if he’s part of the small minority that has never masturbated, or not to ejaculation, how did he get into this predicament? I should think he would have vapor-locked long before he got to the point of “sticking it in her.”

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**Author:** ![Kozmik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/8dc957/32.png) [@Kozmik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kozmik)\
**Post date:** [July 10, 2007, 2:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cheating-at-sex-paranoid/410892/152 "2007-07-10T02:36:08Z")

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And how could he know he was “about to ejaculate”?

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**Author:** ![Khampelf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Khampelf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Khampelf)\
**Post date:** [July 10, 2007, 5:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cheating-at-sex-paranoid/410892/153 "2007-07-10T05:17:18Z")

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[QUOTE=Kozmik]  
And how could he know he was “about to ejaculate”?  
[/QUOTE]

Wide variety in experiences here, but you don’t?? Perhaps a vas deferens of opinion, but I can feel little sperm balloon getting ready to contract.

You are male, right?

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**Author:** ![E.Thorp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/898d66/32.png) [@E.Thorp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/E.Thorp)\
**Post date:** [July 10, 2007, 5:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cheating-at-sex-paranoid/410892/154 "2007-07-10T05:23:38Z")

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[QUOTE=Rilchiam]  
Yes, but if he’s part of the small minority that has never masturbated, or not to ejaculation, how did he get into this predicament? I should think he would have vapor-locked long before he got to the point of “sticking it in her.”  
[/QUOTE]  
I’m not sure what you mean by “vapor lock,” but as an earlier poster indicated, some males experience their first waking ejaculation in the presence of another person. Not the majority experience, of course.

> [@Kosmik](#):
>
> And how could he know he was “about to ejaculate”?

Analogous experience while dreaming?

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**Author:** ![DesertDog](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/desertdog/32/11503_2.png) [@DesertDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DesertDog)\
**Post date:** [July 10, 2007, 6:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cheating-at-sex-paranoid/410892/155 "2007-07-10T06:10:28Z")

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[QUOTE=Kozmik]  
And how could he know he was “about to ejaculate”?  
[/QUOTE]  
I was younger than 17 when I first masturbated and it surprised the hell out of me when I ejaculated. I’d had wet dreams several times but didn’t awaken until after it was all over, and I’d played with my penis for a minute or two a couple times but not to the point of orgasm. Then one afternoon I got serious about it and was thinking, “Boy, this feels good . . . Now it’s even better,” as I rubbed away, then \>pow\< there’s all this stuff on my hand and belly. I stared at it a minute, then all those vague things I’d gleaned from the books in the 612 section in the library made sense.

In my defense, this was back in the day when ‘sex education’ mainly dealt with dread diseases and “don’t do it.” The library books were very dry and had phrases like “the man puts his penis in the woman and deposits semen” and were very vague about some rather important details. But the point is, had I been with a partner that first time, I wouldn’t have had a clue about what those sensations inside were trying to tell me and I undoubtedly would have ‘deposited’ a lot more than **unbrok3npp** did.

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<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![Rilchiam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/2bfe46/32.png) [@Rilchiam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rilchiam)\
**Post date:** [July 10, 2007, 6:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cheating-at-sex-paranoid/410892/156 "2007-07-10T06:58:50Z")

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**E. Thorp** : By “vapor lock,” I meant panic. A mental block that prevents deliberate action beyond, say, unzipping. The physical reactions (erection, etc.) may take care of themselves, but I would have thought conscious choices leading to intercourse would take more than one session.

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**Author:** ![Slacker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/6bbea6/32.png) [@Slacker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slacker)\
**Post date:** [July 10, 2007, 12:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cheating-at-sex-paranoid/410892/157 "2007-07-10T12:59:24Z")

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[QUOTE=The Sonoran Lizard King]  
Wide variety in experiences here, but you don’t?? Perhaps a vas deferens of opinion, but I can feel little sperm balloon getting ready to contract.

You are male, right?  
[/QUOTE]

And I assume you’ve experienced that feeling many times. Kozmik’s point is that if it was brokepp’s first time, which led to his question about how he knew it was about to happen. I would imagine most first time experiences are closer to what **DesertDog** posted.

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**Author:** ![unbrok3npp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/c68b51/32.png) [@unbrok3npp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/unbrok3npp)\
**Post date:** [July 10, 2007, 4:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cheating-at-sex-paranoid/410892/158 "2007-07-10T16:27:53Z")

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[QUOTE=Kozmik]  
And how could he know he was “about to ejaculate”?  
[/QUOTE]

Ok, not sure how many times i have to say it. Whether im the minority or whatever, that was the FIRST TIME I EVER EJACULATED. I didnt freeze up…it just came…and i dont what happens when you ejacluate, but you know its comming… whether its your first or 100th time.

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<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\
**Post date:** [July 10, 2007, 4:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cheating-at-sex-paranoid/410892/159 "2007-07-10T16:34:46Z")

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[QUOTE=Kozmik]  
And how could he know he was “about to ejaculate”?  
[/QUOTE]

Are you a male or a female?

It’s kind of like how you know you’re about to sneeze. It doesn’t exactly sneak up on you.

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**Author:** ![Sapo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ec9cab/32.png) [@Sapo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sapo)\
**Post date:** [July 10, 2007, 6:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cheating-at-sex-paranoid/410892/160 "2007-07-10T18:38:49Z")

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[QUOTE=The Sonoran Lizard King]  
Wide variety in experiences here, but you don’t??\*\* Perhaps a vas deferens of opinion\*\*, but I can feel little sperm balloon getting ready to contract.

You are male, right?  
[/QUOTE]

😃

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