# Check-in for All Female Newbies **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [June 22, 2000, 2:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-female-newbies/23189 "2000-06-22T14:51:20Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 11
**Author:** ![Michi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c37758/32.png) [@Michi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Michi)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2000, 4:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-female-newbies/23189/201 "2000-06-23T16:56:06Z")
::emerges from exam room and takes another number:: I think I will need a second opinion now! ---
**Author:** ![dook](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/cdc98d/32.png) [@dook](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dook)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2000, 5:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-female-newbies/23189/202 "2000-06-23T17:02:56Z")
> [@](#): > > \*\* > ::emerges from exam room and takes another number:: > > I think I will need a second opinion now! > \*\* Ok, I’ll give you your second exam. Here, take this turkey baster and these ping pong balls. What? The tennis ball? No, you just don’t worry about the tennis ball, we’ll get to that later… ---
**Author:** ![Crunchy\_Frog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ebca7d/32.png) [@Crunchy\_Frog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crunchy_Frog)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2000, 5:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-female-newbies/23189/203 "2000-06-23T17:03:54Z")
> [@](#): > > \*\* > HEY! What does a nice busty redhead have to do to get an exam around here? _tapping foot_ > \*\* Have you stripped down and oiled up? If so, step into my office. ---
**Author:** ![Lauralee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Lauralee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lauralee)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2000, 5:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-female-newbies/23189/204 "2000-06-23T17:04:17Z")
> [@](#): > > Lauralee, I like Kerville, go up often. \ Howdy, neighbor! Howdy! ---
**Author:** ![nashiitashii](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/7c8e57/32.png) [@nashiitashii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nashiitashii)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2000, 5:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-female-newbies/23189/205 "2000-06-23T17:09:15Z")
> [@](#): > > \*\* > ssskuggiii said: > > “Well, I insist you start with an oral exam before you proceed to the actual check-up. I am picky about procedure, and insist you go through all the steps.” > > Oh, I will. I even have a manual - er, um . . . notes to myself here. > > And the complete oral exam will go over some parts in excruciatingly thorough detail. This may take all day. It may take longer. > > The manual exam will also take a loooong time. It may test proficiency with certain objects. > > ssskuggiii, you sure you want to do this here, not in the privacy of your own room? > > \*\* ::steps off into a room:: Look, i found an examining room. Will this do? Now We’ll just be a few hours or so, right? ::steps inside and shuts door behind herslef and iampunha:: ---
**Author:** ![Falcon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/49beb7/32.png) [@Falcon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Falcon)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2000, 5:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-female-newbies/23189/206 "2000-06-23T17:12:54Z")
Why yes I am, BratMan…_walking slwoly into his office_ Haven’t had an exam in 1700 posts…this might take a while. ---
**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2000, 5:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-female-newbies/23189/207 "2000-06-23T17:19:26Z")
ssskuggiii said: “::steps off into a room:: Look, i found an examining room. Will this do? Now We’ll just be a few hours or so, right? ::steps inside and shuts door behind herslef and iampunha::” Maybe you didn’t read all of that post. I said we may be all day, or longer. I meant that. I’m afraid if I’m not thorough enough you may go to another doctor, so I’m not going to leave any part untested. Some of them will require multiple examinations and of increasingly long, intense activity. This alone will take several hours. Maybe we should go find a room with a decent-sized pool. ---
**Author:** ![SouthernStyle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b3f665/32.png) [@SouthernStyle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SouthernStyle)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2000, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-female-newbies/23189/208 "2000-06-23T17:25:19Z")
Hey Bratman, I’m not sure that Falcon’s ready for the complete 1,700 post examination. How about giving her a thorough 1,000 post checkup and I’ll take over next week when you get through. > [@](#): > > Maybe you didn’t read all of that post. I said we may be all day, or longer. I meant that. I’m afraid if I’m not thorough enough you may go to another doctor, so I’m not going to leave any part untested. Some of them will require multiple examinations and of increasingly long, intense activity. This alone will take several hours. > > Maybe we should go find a room with a decent-sized pool. Bratman is going to be tied up … er he’s going to be tying up Falcon until late next week. I’ll be free in about … oh hell … I’m free now. You can me from the rest of those playing doctor because I’m the guy who’s gown opens in the front. It’s really a lab coat. yeah. It’s really a lab coat. Now where is that damned pool… SouthernStyle ---
**Author:** ![Crunchy\_Frog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ebca7d/32.png) [@Crunchy\_Frog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crunchy_Frog)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2000, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-female-newbies/23189/209 "2000-06-23T17:25:21Z")
> [@](#): > > \*\* > Why yes I am, BratMan…_walking slwoly into his office_ > > Haven’t had an exam in 1700 posts…this might take a while. > \*\* Nurse! I’ll need the 12 inch um . . . probe, a box of Troja- I mean latex gloves, and two quarts of Gatorade stat! ---
**Author:** ![SouthernStyle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b3f665/32.png) [@SouthernStyle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SouthernStyle)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2000, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-female-newbies/23189/210 "2000-06-23T17:31:36Z")
Two quarts? Two quarts? This woman is in _desperate_ need of Oh … forgot what I was talking about … a thorough examination. Start with a case and we’ll send out for more. SouthernStyle ---
**Author:** ![Pandora](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/eada6e/32.png) [@Pandora](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pandora)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2000, 6:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-female-newbies/23189/211 "2000-06-23T18:16:24Z")
::wanders in and takes a number:: I am having such a crappy day… maybe there is a “medical reason” ---
**Author:** ![Falcon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/49beb7/32.png) [@Falcon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Falcon)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2000, 6:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-female-newbies/23189/212 "2000-06-23T18:18:42Z")
Oh my…I always dreamed about being “examined” by two doctors at once… BratMan, SouthernStyle (btw, if you have a southern accent, I might just swoon into your arms)…you sure you’re up for this? ---
**Author:** ![Palmyra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/57b2e6/32.png) [@Palmyra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Palmyra)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2000, 8:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-female-newbies/23189/213 "2000-06-23T20:08:50Z")
BratMan, have you ever examined TWO redheads at once? You may have noticed during my previous exam that my hair color is _natural_… 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![SouthernStyle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b3f665/32.png) [@SouthernStyle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SouthernStyle)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2000, 8:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-female-newbies/23189/214 "2000-06-23T20:37:05Z")
> [@](#): > > ::wanders in and takes a number:: > > I am having such a crappy day… maybe there is a “medical reason” I’m sure that there is. Will you excuse me for a few minutes? I’ve not had a break all day and am quite hungry. ::grins devilishly:: Would you care to join me as a “box lunch”? 😉 ---
**Author:** ![hypergirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/49beb7/32.png) [@hypergirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hypergirl)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2000, 10:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-female-newbies/23189/215 "2000-06-23T22:57:33Z")
im a pretty new newbie. i think i need to be examined by the best. and just who, may i ask, is the best here? ---
**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2000, 1:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-female-newbies/23189/216 "2000-06-24T01:44:12Z")
I am. And while you’re waiting, I have a list of everything you’ll be required to do to get in bed - er, pass your physical examination. It will be a very long, thorough exam. Come back tomorrow. Be prepared to go back to your place. ---
**Author:** ![abnormal\_42](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/4af34b/32.png) [@abnormal\_42](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/abnormal_42)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2000, 1:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-female-newbies/23189/217 "2000-06-24T01:52:29Z")
oh, so your the best. hmm…ok, so who…err…i mean, what do you need me to do? ---
**Author:** ![SouthernStyle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b3f665/32.png) [@SouthernStyle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SouthernStyle)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2000, 2:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-female-newbies/23189/218 "2000-06-24T02:01:31Z")
I smell a rat. **hypergirl** and **abnormal 42** , with a combined 9 posts between them, have suspiciously similar e-mail addresses. 😉 One of the reasons why _I_ am the best. 😉 😉 😉 ---
**Author:** ![nashiitashii](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/7c8e57/32.png) [@nashiitashii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nashiitashii)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2000, 2:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-female-newbies/23189/219 "2000-06-24T02:07:50Z")
> [@](#): > > \*\* > I am. And while you’re waiting, I have a list of everything you’ll be required to do to get in bed - er, pass your physical examination. It will be a very long, thorough exam. Come back tomorrow. Be prepared to go back to your place. > \*\* Are you sure this isn’t going to take more than a day? I mean, you did plan on being very thorough, didn’t you? BTW, be careful around her [hypergirl/abnormal 42] ears. It’s her hot spot. ---
**Author:** ![nashiitashii](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/7c8e57/32.png) [@nashiitashii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nashiitashii)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2000, 2:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-female-newbies/23189/220 "2000-06-24T02:10:18Z")
> [@](#): > > \*\* > ssskuggiii said: > > “::steps off into a room:: Look, i found an examining room. Will this do? Now We’ll just be a few hours or so, right? ::steps inside and shuts door behind herslef and iampunha::” > > Maybe you didn’t read all of that post. I said we may be all day, or longer. I meant that. I’m afraid if I’m not thorough enough you may go to another doctor, so I’m not going to leave any part untested. Some of them will require multiple examinations and of increasingly long, intense activity. This alone will take several hours. > > Maybe we should go find a room with a decent-sized pool. > \*\* There’s a hto tub in this one. ::points to a door in stage left:: [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-female-newbies/23189.md?page=10) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-female-newbies/23189.md?page=12)