# Check-in for All Female Newbies **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [June 22, 2000, 2:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-female-newbies/23189 "2000-06-22T14:51:20Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 12
**Author:** ![SouthernStyle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b3f665/32.png) [@SouthernStyle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SouthernStyle)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2000, 2:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-female-newbies/23189/221 "2000-06-24T02:17:07Z")
:: examines pool :: This just won’t do. The tub is big enough for eight. Twelve if we’re really friendly. (And I’m certainly the friendly type.) What say we get into the tub and start soaking you in the warm, stimulating water. The soft gurgling of the jets will help to relax you. One you’ve soaked sufficiently, we can administer the champagne, er… anesthetic. ---
**Author:** ![abnormal\_42](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/4af34b/32.png) [@abnormal\_42](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/abnormal_42)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2000, 2:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-female-newbies/23189/222 "2000-06-24T02:24:07Z")
ok, looks like im caught, so i confess. hypergirl and i are one and the same. however, neither of us smell like rats. i usually smell like herbal essences or country apple. but Southern Style, you are pretty good for figuring that out, and since i am still a newbie, do you wanna do my exam? and yes, ssskuggiii is right, my ears are a hot spot, IS THERE ANYTHING WRONG WITH THAT!!! pant pant…calm down hypergirl/abnormal 42. ok, im ok. now to be examined. ---
**Author:** ![SouthernStyle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b3f665/32.png) [@SouthernStyle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SouthernStyle)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2000, 2:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-female-newbies/23189/223 "2000-06-24T02:30:47Z")
There’s nothing at all wrong with having hot ears. Part of the exam requires that they be cooled first. I find that slowly licking up the back of the ear, starting near the lobe will bring it’s temperature down a few degrees. Or is it up? I never can remember. I was in the lab doing research the day they discussed it in school. For trying to pull a scam on _the **Style** _ your punishment is that I’m only gonna cool down one of your ears. But I do have a heart. You can choose the ear. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Falcon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/49beb7/32.png) [@Falcon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Falcon)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2000, 2:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-female-newbies/23189/224 "2000-06-24T02:33:47Z")
_Waving her hands_ Hmpf. Tossed aside for a newbie. ---
**Author:** ![SouthernStyle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b3f665/32.png) [@SouthernStyle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SouthernStyle)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2000, 2:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-female-newbies/23189/225 "2000-06-24T02:39:22Z")
My apologies oh ficket and tartly **Falcon** , I thought that I was already dumped for **tradesilicon**. 😉 Or have you come crawling back asking for forgiveness? ---
**Author:** ![Falcon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/49beb7/32.png) [@Falcon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Falcon)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2000, 2:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-female-newbies/23189/226 "2000-06-24T02:43:30Z")
_tries to get on knees but slides around a little due to the oil_ Didn’t you see my post in the other thread??? I was sitting waiting for you when he came along and swept me away! Honest! _bats eyelashes at SS_ So…wanna examine me? ---
**Author:** ![SouthernStyle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b3f665/32.png) [@SouthernStyle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SouthernStyle)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2000, 2:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-female-newbies/23189/227 "2000-06-24T02:54:34Z")
::aside - **Falcon** we gotta get in one thread!:: Of course I’ll examine you. Bend over the hood… I mean table. ::excuses self to attend to important matter:: **Welcome to the fun and games hypergirl. And your alter-ego. Apologies for blowing your cover (wink wink nod nod) earlier.** ::returns to the task before him:: ::stunned that Falcon has actually bent over the table:: Excuse me, but this is an examination. Your jeans appear healthy. That’ll br $65.00. Now if we’re going to continue with _your_ examination we’re going to have to revisit the discussion about those silly green gowns. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Falcon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/49beb7/32.png) [@Falcon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Falcon)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2000, 3:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-female-newbies/23189/228 "2000-06-24T03:10:47Z")
aside - Well choose a thread, hon! Wait a second…what jeans! I was nekkid! And covered in oil! As a veteran poster, I think I need a long, thorough exam. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2000, 3:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-female-newbies/23189/229 "2000-06-24T03:26:04Z")
Tasha said: “Are you sure this isn’t going to take more than a day? I mean, you did plan on being very thorough, didn’t you? BTW, be careful around her [hypergirl/abnormal 42] ears. It’s her hot spot.” When I said I was going to be very thorough, I wasn’t lying. If nothing, I like to make sure nothing is left unchecked. And I like to make sure some things are checked more than once to ensure proper function. One can never be too careful or thorough. I’d cancel all your appointments for the next day, Tasha 😉 BTW, I’m going to have my hands full with Tasha, so someone else can do - er, take hypergirl. ---
**Author:** ![Brunetter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/839c29/32.png) [@Brunetter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Brunetter)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2000, 5:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-female-newbies/23189/230 "2000-06-24T05:08:52Z")
> [@](#): > > \*\* > Due to the large number of newbies here, we need to make sure you meet our high standards of cleavage - I mean intellect. I have in the past been a wandering examiner, finding the newbies where they are, but this has become too tiring and stressful. I need all nude - I mean new - female posters to post here, so we can go about the standard immigration examination. > > \*\* Ok, let’s see if I can post this link: [http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=27929](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=27929) You want em BratMan? Find 'em here … Brunetter, signing in. Warm up those instruments for me baby! ---
**Author:** ![handy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b5a626/32.png) [@handy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handy)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2000, 3:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-female-newbies/23189/231 "2000-06-24T15:18:31Z")
Im shocked by all the sexism that the men are showing the new women members of the board. Especially when we all know that the guy with the most posts gets dibs on examinations. ---
**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2000, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-female-newbies/23189/232 "2000-06-24T17:35:31Z")
Brunetter, as far as I can see it, you have two options: 1. Wait in line behind abnormal/hypergirl 42/whatever and amuse yourself with her for a while and wait for me to get done with Tasha. 2. Go find someone who you know will not do as thorough a job with you, and who does not know you as I do 😉 Remember I can do tricks with my tongue. ---
**Author:** ![FreakFreely](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/48db29/32.png) [@FreakFreely](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FreakFreely)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2000, 5:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-female-newbies/23189/233 "2000-06-24T17:39:22Z")
Really!? I can do tricks with my tongue too! Look! No hands! ---
**Author:** ![Brunetter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/839c29/32.png) [@Brunetter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Brunetter)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2000, 5:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-female-newbies/23189/234 "2000-06-24T17:42:03Z")
Well iampunha and freakfreely, looks like y’all are gonna have to compete for my attentions … then again, maybe you could both do me --er, EXAMINE me – at once? _wink wink_ ---
**Author:** ![FreakFreely](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/48db29/32.png) [@FreakFreely](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FreakFreely)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2000, 5:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-female-newbies/23189/235 "2000-06-24T17:43:45Z")
Hmm, I dunno if that would be a good idea. I mean, getting tongue-tied is one thing, but… ---
**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2000, 5:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-female-newbies/23189/236 "2000-06-24T17:48:33Z")
FreakFreely, you alluded to the fact that you don’t use your hands. This is not something you want to brag about. I am proud of what I can make my hands do. And they can work together with my tongue. Brunetter, take one of those manuals that explain the processes I use. Yes, I know it’s the size of a phone book for New York City. I am nothing if not thorough. ---
**Author:** ![Brunetter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/839c29/32.png) [@Brunetter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Brunetter)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2000, 5:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-female-newbies/23189/237 "2000-06-24T17:55:42Z")
Hee hee the fight begins … ---
**Author:** ![FreakFreely](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/48db29/32.png) [@FreakFreely](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FreakFreely)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2000, 5:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-female-newbies/23189/238 "2000-06-24T17:58:01Z")
No, I alluded to the fact that I wasn’t using hands _at the time_. I am nothing if not hand-tongue coordinated. And I ask you this, can you touch your nose with your tongue? I can. I can also tie a string with it, pull out hairs with it, and… ummmm… I’m not gonna go there… ---
**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2000, 6:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-female-newbies/23189/239 "2000-06-24T18:09:15Z")
FreakFreely said: “No, I alluded to the fact that I wasn’t using hands at the time. I am nothing if not hand-tongue coordinated. And I ask you this, can you touch your nose with your tongue? I can. I can also tie a string with it, pull out hairs with it, and… ummmm… I’m not gonna go there…” Why wouldn’t you use your hands? I ask you this: Can you use your tongue as a drill? I can, given a pointy metal thing. My tongue is very strong, stemming from my instruction in French for a decade or so. I can lift several pounds with my tongue and still form understandable words. And I still don’t have proof that you can match me physically. I know for a fact that Brunetter thinks I have the body of a Greek God. ---
**Author:** ![FreakFreely](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/48db29/32.png) [@FreakFreely](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FreakFreely)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2000, 7:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-female-newbies/23189/240 "2000-06-24T19:04:44Z")
Which greek god? Dionysos? \ Hey-hey! Just kidding! No need to get all riled up, I’ll just move along. There’s plenty of fish in the sea, and while I ain’t no troller, I’ve got a pretty big net! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-female-newbies/23189.md?page=11) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-female-newbies/23189.md?page=13)