# Check-in for All Female Newbies **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [June 22, 2000, 2:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-female-newbies/23189 "2000-06-22T14:51:20Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 11\ **Page:** 14
**Author:** ![winky99](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/71c47a/32.png) [@winky99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/winky99)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2000, 5:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-female-newbies/23189/261 "2000-06-27T17:54:41Z")
Hamadryad: Please step into my office. I handle all complaints. No no, bring the handcuffs. NURSE!! Hold my calls! ---
**Author:** ![nashiitashii](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/7c8e57/32.png) [@nashiitashii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nashiitashii)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2000, 5:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-female-newbies/23189/262 "2000-06-27T17:56:17Z")
> [@](#): > > \*\* > awww. come on southernstyle, i need both ears cooled down. i know you guys can do fun stuff with your tongue. hmm…i have choices now do i? well maybe i can be examined by southernstyle now and iampunha when he is done with tasha. im sure ssskuggiii wouldt mind being “examined” by steve, would she? 😉 > \*\* Jessica, you’re evil. And besides, Steve isn’t here, so he can’t do any “examining.” That reminds me, you got his # or SN to give to me? O\_o Just for that comment, you shouldn’t have either of your ears cooled down. so there! ---
**Author:** ![magdalene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/df788c/32.png) [@magdalene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/magdalene)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2000, 6:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-female-newbies/23189/263 "2000-06-27T18:02:23Z")
“I hope I’m not too late for my check-up” said the new girl with the brown hair, brown eyes, and whiplash curves. She quickly stripped down to nothing but her evil grin. “I promise I’ll stop talking about myself in the third person,” she said as she bent over and began smoothing baby oil on her legs. ( + )( + ) ---
**Author:** ![Hamadryad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/6de8d8/32.png) [@Hamadryad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hamadryad)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2000, 7:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-female-newbies/23189/264 "2000-06-27T19:00:53Z")
Oh, come on… I mean, if I WANTED to, I could write like this as well, in first-person OR third-person… “Sasha Sashay glided into the room wearing stiletto heels and a smile, with three ounces of silk between the two for ballast. ‘Where do I put my things?’ she asked, a salacious smile playing across her feline-esque features. ‘Why, anywhere you like,’ answered Phineas Horndog, proprietor. She slowly leaned forward, allowing all a tantalizing glimpse of her flawless decolletage, and slipped first one long, silky leg, then the other, from her delicate lace-trimmed panties. With a slow, deliberate stride, she made her way to the examination table. As she leaned forward, she throatily purred, ‘I’m ready for you to begin…’ She closed her eyes and relaxed, anticipation playing across her already glowing face.” I mean, come on. “I come in and strip and grab the oil”?? Where’s the TENSION?? Honestly…I’m just SAYIN’. ---
**Author:** ![magdalene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/df788c/32.png) [@magdalene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/magdalene)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2000, 7:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-female-newbies/23189/265 "2000-06-27T19:03:34Z")
hahahahaha… you win! ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Cynical](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ee59a6/32.png) [@Mr.Cynical](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Cynical)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2000, 7:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-female-newbies/23189/266 "2000-06-27T19:11:11Z")
“Oooh! Mr. Cynical likes third person narratives!” He said, resting on all three legs contentedly. ---
**Author:** ![SouthernStyle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b3f665/32.png) [@SouthernStyle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SouthernStyle)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2000, 1:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-female-newbies/23189/267 "2000-06-28T01:40:52Z")
> [@](#): > > by \*\*hypergirl[/] > > awww. come on southernstyle, i need both ears cooled down. i know you guys can do fun stuff with your tongue. hmm…i have choices now do i? well maybe i can be examined by southernstyle now and iampunha when he is done with tasha. im sure ssskuggiii wouldt mind being “examined” by steve, would she? 😉 I simply _must_ get out of this racket of examining women on the weekend and working during the week. Ok now – new job, new rules. I’m going to fondle… I mean examine women during the week and ignore… I mean fondle them during the weekend. So hypergirl, if you’ll tell where your week-end is, I’ll warm up both of your ears. All the rest of you, line up ?behind? hypergirl. Clothing is optional, as are appliances. Batteries not included. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![\_slythe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/_/da6949/32.png) [@\_slythe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/_slythe)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2000, 2:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-female-newbies/23189/268 "2000-06-28T02:35:49Z")
Count me in. ---
**Author:** ![neuro-trash\_grrrl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/3ab097/32.png) [@neuro-trash\_grrrl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/neuro-trash_grrrl)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2000, 2:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-female-newbies/23189/269 "2000-06-28T02:43:52Z")
I’ll second that. Give the squicked one a full cavity search, if you can stand the rancid stench. ---
**Author:** ![Falcon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/49beb7/32.png) [@Falcon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Falcon)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2000, 3:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-female-newbies/23189/270 "2000-06-28T03:41:28Z")
Southern! You never finished examining me! _Wanders off, naked and oily, into the corner_ ---
**Author:** ![dpr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/8797f3/32.png) [@dpr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dpr)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2000, 3:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-female-newbies/23189/271 "2000-06-28T03:51:28Z")
_the overworked and underpaid relief examiner wanders back in_ Anyone need help? _spots a very cute red-head in the corner_ Hey Falcon… how YOU doin’? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-female-newbies/23189.md?page=13)