# Check-in for All Female Newbies

**URL:** <https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-female-newbies/23189>\
**Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\
**Created:** [June 22, 2000, 2:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-female-newbies/23189 "2000-06-22T14:51:20Z")\
**Posts on this page:** 20\
**Page:** 3

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**Author:** ![Mr.Cynical](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ee59a6/32.png) [@Mr.Cynical](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Cynical)\
**Post date:** [June 22, 2000, 4:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-female-newbies/23189/41 "2000-06-22T16:58:41Z")

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If I hear a single noise coming from this area that sounds remotely like “squick”, I’m outta here for good.

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**Author:** ![Athena](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/35a633/32.png) [@Athena](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Athena)\
**Post date:** [June 22, 2000, 4:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-female-newbies/23189/42 "2000-06-22T16:59:41Z")

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psssst… struuter! Hey struuter! You hold Bratty down, I’ll get the oil. Yeah, like that, on his stomach. C’mon boy, you’ll like this. I’m sure ya will.

Now, who was that who started the thread on glass dildos?

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**Author:** ![Crunchy\_Frog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ebca7d/32.png) [@Crunchy\_Frog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crunchy_Frog)\
**Post date:** [June 22, 2000, 5:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-female-newbies/23189/43 "2000-06-22T17:04:24Z")

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> [@](#):
>
> \*\*  
> psssst… struuter! Hey struuter! You hold Bratty down, I’ll get the oil. Yeah, like that, on his stomach. C’mon boy, you’ll like this. I’m sure ya will.
> 
> Now, who was that who started the thread on glass dildos?  
> \*\*

Oh sure, pick on the guy that opened the thread, pay no attention to the guys who are standing around with the camcorders.

How about a truce, huh ladies? C’mon you know I was just joshing with ya. Now put the dildo down, and back away slowly. Please?

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**Author:** ![struuter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b9e5f3/32.png) [@struuter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/struuter)\
**Post date:** [June 22, 2000, 5:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-female-newbies/23189/44 "2000-06-22T17:07:12Z")

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Brat-  
I pass?! It’s sorta bitter sweet, I gotta tell you. I’m thrilled the Python worked…but I was kinda hoping for the standard “C’mon, just gimmee a little peek” treatment. Now I have no good reason to disrobe…

Can I at least use some of the baby oil or lotion? My elbows are dry. \<heaves a heavy sigh\>

\*bit-  
EXAM! Yes, that was the word! I just couldn’t get my mouth around it. (ugh. did I really say that?)  
struuter

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**Author:** ![struuter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b9e5f3/32.png) [@struuter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/struuter)\
**Post date:** [June 22, 2000, 5:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-female-newbies/23189/45 "2000-06-22T17:13:23Z")

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Athena…(whispering out of the corner of her mouth)…where EXACTLY is the male g-spot? Do I even wanna know?  
struuter

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**Author:** ![Crunchy\_Frog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ebca7d/32.png) [@Crunchy\_Frog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crunchy_Frog)\
**Post date:** [June 22, 2000, 5:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-female-newbies/23189/46 "2000-06-22T17:13:56Z")

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> [@](#):
>
> \*\*  
> Brat-  
> I pass?! It’s sorta bitter sweet, I gotta tell you. I’m thrilled the Python worked…but I was kinda hoping for the standard “C’mon, just gimmee a little peek” treatment. Now I have no good reason to disrobe…  
> \*\*

Well if you _wanna_ show me, I’m sure as hell not stopping anyone.

So c’mon, let me face just a little peril?

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**Author:** ![Mullinator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c2a13f/32.png) [@Mullinator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mullinator)\
**Post date:** [June 22, 2000, 5:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-female-newbies/23189/47 "2000-06-22T17:14:10Z")

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Since Brat seems to have some issues right now I will concede to putting down the camcorder.

However, the pants are going back on because there isn’t a person on this board that is going to do any examining of me. Yeah, just try to start with me. I’ll bust out the whoopin’ stick.

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**Author:** ![struuter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b9e5f3/32.png) [@struuter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/struuter)\
**Post date:** [June 22, 2000, 5:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-female-newbies/23189/48 "2000-06-22T17:23:45Z")

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(Eyes Mully, shocked) Ummm…wow. That’s some stick. I’ll never be able to think of you the same way again.

Brat–  
Face the peril? Okay…but you have to answer three questions first.  
What is your name?  
What is your quest?  
What is the average air-speed velocity of a swallow?  
struuter

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**Author:** ![dook](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/cdc98d/32.png) [@dook](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dook)\
**Post date:** [June 22, 2000, 5:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-female-newbies/23189/49 "2000-06-22T17:26:08Z")

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\<- comes back into the exam room, pulling a mechanical bull.

Hey guys, come on, help me out here. The jumper cables are out in the car along with the batteries and the sheep.

Now, ladies, if you’ll form a single file line in front of me and this bull… yes, that’s right, right here. Those of you who still have pants on, line up on the other side of the bull and I’ll help you out of them.

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**Author:** ![Crunchy\_Frog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ebca7d/32.png) [@Crunchy\_Frog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crunchy_Frog)\
**Post date:** [June 22, 2000, 5:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-female-newbies/23189/50 "2000-06-22T17:27:49Z")

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> [@](#):
>
> \*\*  
> Brat–  
> Face the peril? Okay…but you have to answer three questions first.  
> \*\*

What is your name?  
BratMan007

What is your quest?  
I seek a little somethin-somethin

What is the average air-speed velocity of a swallow?  
What do you mean? An Afircan or European swallow?

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**Author:** ![dook](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/cdc98d/32.png) [@dook](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dook)\
**Post date:** [June 22, 2000, 5:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-female-newbies/23189/51 "2000-06-22T17:29:07Z")

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> [@](#):
>
> \*\*  
> What is your name?  
> What is your quest?  
> What is the average air-speed velocity of a swallow?  
> \*\*

psssst! Brat! The answer is -BLUE-.

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**Author:** ![Crunchy\_Frog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ebca7d/32.png) [@Crunchy\_Frog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crunchy_Frog)\
**Post date:** [June 22, 2000, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-female-newbies/23189/52 "2000-06-22T17:31:51Z")

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> [@](#):
>
> \*\*
> 
> > [@](#):
> >
> > \*\*  
> > What is your name?  
> > What is your quest?  
> > What is the average air-speed velocity of a swallow?  
> > \*\*
> 
> psssst! Brat! The answer is -BLUE-.
> 
> \*\*

What? She never asked me my favorite color! Are you trying to get me thrown over the side of the bridge or something?

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**Author:** ![little\_bit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/258eb7/32.png) [@little\_bit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/little_bit)\
**Post date:** [June 22, 2000, 5:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-female-newbies/23189/53 "2000-06-22T17:32:24Z")

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> [@](#):
>
> \*\*
> 
> What is the average air-speed velocity of a swallow?
> 
> \*\*

An African Swallow or a European Swallow?

& is there a coconut involved?

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**Author:** ![dook](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/cdc98d/32.png) [@dook](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dook)\
**Post date:** [June 22, 2000, 5:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-female-newbies/23189/54 "2000-06-22T17:32:42Z")

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> [@](#):
>
> \*\*
> 
> > [@](#):
> >
> > - 
> > 
> > psssst! Brat! The answer is -BLUE-.
> > 
> > -
> 
> What? She never asked me my favorite color! Are you trying to get me thrown over the side of the bridge or something?
> 
> \*\*

Ummm… no. No, I’d never do that. Never, I swear it!

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**Author:** ![struuter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b9e5f3/32.png) [@struuter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/struuter)\
**Post date:** [June 22, 2000, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-female-newbies/23189/55 "2000-06-22T17:35:15Z")

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Brat–  
You are the MAN! Mmmhhmmm. \<begins unzipping red leather catsuit.\>

dook–  
I’m from the Midwest. We don’t do the machine out here. Besides, with all the baby oil oozing around here, you’ll be lucky to get anyone to even stay in the seat…or was that the idea? Naughty. I like.

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**Author:** ![winky99](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/71c47a/32.png) [@winky99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/winky99)\
**Post date:** [June 22, 2000, 5:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-female-newbies/23189/56 "2000-06-22T17:36:39Z")

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::walks in eating popcorn and binoculars hanging around neck::

Can I still get seats in the observation room??

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**Author:** ![dook](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/cdc98d/32.png) [@dook](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dook)\
**Post date:** [June 22, 2000, 5:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-female-newbies/23189/57 "2000-06-22T17:39:06Z")

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> [@](#):
>
> \*\*  
> dook–  
> I’m from the Midwest. We don’t do the machine out here. Besides, with all the baby oil oozing around here, you’ll be lucky to get anyone to even stay in the seat…or was that the idea? Naughty. I like.  
> \*\*

I am too and yes we do. So there. It’s nothing to be ashamed of, just because there are times where it is infeasible to get to the real thing. Like when you’re completely sloshed and can’t drive out of the parking lot, let alone the city limits 😛

You know, if we could strap them down to the seat so they won’t fall off… man, just think of all that jiggling…

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**Author:** ![CrankyAsAnOldMan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crankyasanoldman/32/11670_2.png) [@CrankyAsAnOldMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CrankyAsAnOldMan)\
**Post date:** [June 22, 2000, 5:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-female-newbies/23189/58 "2000-06-22T17:39:49Z")

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Brat, remove your hand. If you don’t move it, I’m going to scream. I’m giving you 10–no, make that 15–minutes.

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**Author:** ![little\_bit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/258eb7/32.png) [@little\_bit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/little_bit)\
**Post date:** [June 22, 2000, 5:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-female-newbies/23189/59 "2000-06-22T17:41:03Z")

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> [@](#):
>
> \*\*  
> Brat, remove your hand. If you don’t move it, I’m going to scream. I’m giving you 10–no, make that 15–minutes.  
> \*\*

I think you mean if he moves it you’re going to scream. Especially if he moves it for 10 or 15 minutes.

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**Author:** ![struuter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b9e5f3/32.png) [@struuter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/struuter)\
**Post date:** [June 22, 2000, 5:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-female-newbies/23189/60 "2000-06-22T17:42:56Z")

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I’m surprised nobody’s brought in a trampoline…

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