# Check-in for All Female Newbies

**URL:** <https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-female-newbies/23189>\
**Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\
**Created:** [June 22, 2000, 2:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-female-newbies/23189 "2000-06-22T14:51:20Z")\
**Posts on this page:** 20\
**Page:** 5

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**Author:** ![little\_bit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/258eb7/32.png) [@little\_bit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/little_bit)\
**Post date:** [June 22, 2000, 6:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-female-newbies/23189/81 "2000-06-22T18:16:16Z")

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> [@](#):
>
> \*\*  
> Who said you can’t be naked and dignified?  
> \*\*

It’s not the naked did it. It’s the AC Delco run, jumpercable wearing, Johnson & Johnson lubed sport that did it.

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**Author:** ![Crunchy\_Frog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ebca7d/32.png) [@Crunchy\_Frog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crunchy_Frog)\
**Post date:** [June 22, 2000, 6:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-female-newbies/23189/82 "2000-06-22T18:19:02Z")

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> [@](#):
>
> \*\*  
> Brat-So which one do you like best? The African or the European? I think the African is a little bigger than the European.  
> \*\*

Just like a woman, bringing size into it. I thought size wasn’t supposed to matter.

(I _knew_ they were all lying!)

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**Author:** ![little\_bit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/258eb7/32.png) [@little\_bit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/little_bit)\
**Post date:** [June 22, 2000, 6:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-female-newbies/23189/83 "2000-06-22T18:19:41Z")

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> [@](#):
>
> \*\*  
> It’s not the naked did it. It’s the AC Delco run, jumpercable wearing, Johnson & Johnson lubed sport that did it.  
> \*\*

Did I make that sound like a bad thing???

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**Author:** ![struuter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b9e5f3/32.png) [@struuter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/struuter)\
**Post date:** [June 22, 2000, 6:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-female-newbies/23189/84 "2000-06-22T18:23:18Z")

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Brat–Honey, if you don’t mind, I don’t. I wasn’t talking your parts anyhow. I was referring to mine. I’ve just always thought the left was a little bigger. Maybe you didn’t get a good enough look?

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**Author:** ![dook](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/cdc98d/32.png) [@dook](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dook)\
**Post date:** [June 22, 2000, 6:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-female-newbies/23189/85 "2000-06-22T18:26:24Z")

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> [@](#):
>
> \*\*  
> Brat–Honey, if you don’t mind, I don’t. I wasn’t talking your parts anyhow. I was referring to mine. I’ve just always thought the left was a little bigger. Maybe you didn’t get a good enough look?
> 
> \*\*

Wait… so the left is african and the right is european?

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**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\
**Post date:** [June 22, 2000, 6:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-female-newbies/23189/86 "2000-06-22T18:28:26Z")

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I’ve been somewhat occupied these past few days, what with driving various family members to the moon and back, among other places.

IOW, I haven’t had time to check on this thread, and thought I’d offer my services to however many men there are in here doing newbie (and oldbie) checkups.

My medical training is extensive. I’ve watched dozens of surgeries on TLC. My father is a nurse, and my parents, being liberal, hve educated me well on the human body. So I think I know how to do a check-up.

I don’t have a trampoline, but I do have a slip ‘n’ slide. And a pencil.

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**Author:** ![Crunchy\_Frog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ebca7d/32.png) [@Crunchy\_Frog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crunchy_Frog)\
**Post date:** [June 22, 2000, 6:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-female-newbies/23189/87 "2000-06-22T18:31:21Z")

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> [@](#):
>
> \*\*
> 
> > [@](#):
> >
> > \*\*  
> > I’ve just always thought the left was a little bigger. Maybe you didn’t get a good enough look?
> > 
> > \*\*
> 
> Wait… so the left is african and the right is european?  
> \*\*

Maybe that’s what she’s named them.

But you’re right struuter, I didn’t get a good enough look, maybe we’ll need to do this exam again. I’ll need my calipers, scales, and tape measure. I’ll probe the depths of this mystery and finger it out.

Dammit! I meant _figure_, I’ll figure it out.

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**Author:** ![Crunchy\_Frog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ebca7d/32.png) [@Crunchy\_Frog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crunchy_Frog)\
**Post date:** [June 22, 2000, 6:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-female-newbies/23189/88 "2000-06-22T18:36:46Z")

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> [@](#):
>
> \*\*  
> My medical training is extensive. I’ve watched dozens of surgeries on TLC. My father is a nurse, and my parents, being liberal, hve educated me well on the human body. So I think I know how to do a check-up.  
> \*\*

Come on! Your father? There’s a whole generation of medical knowledge missing there. Since my sister is a nurse, my info is from this generation and therefore more up to date, so I am still the best qualified to examine these fine ladies.

I also watch ER a lot, and have seen Chicago Hope a couple times.

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**Author:** ![struuter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b9e5f3/32.png) [@struuter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/struuter)\
**Post date:** [June 22, 2000, 6:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-female-newbies/23189/89 "2000-06-22T18:37:29Z")

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Brat & dook-- I guess I threw you off at first with the whole ‘swallow’ thing. I can see where you’d get mixed up. Maybe geographical locations is not such a hot idea? But ‘Leftie’ and ‘Rightie’ is just so passe.  
And you can do whatever you like…but I have to say that if you’re going to use scales, just don’t put a carrot on my nose. (vague Python allusion) Say! That’s not a carrot at all! Well, I knew I liked you guys for a good reason…

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**Author:** ![Crunchy\_Frog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ebca7d/32.png) [@Crunchy\_Frog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crunchy_Frog)\
**Post date:** [June 22, 2000, 6:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-female-newbies/23189/90 "2000-06-22T18:41:38Z")

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> [@](#):
>
> \*\*  
> …but I have to say that if you’re going to use scales, just don’t put a carrot on my nose. (vague Python allusion)  
> \*\*

I doubt you’re going to find a Python allusion that’s too vague for me to pick up on. But don’t worry, we won’t ask permission to burn you after the scales, as long as you promise not to turn me into a newt.

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**Author:** ![dook](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/cdc98d/32.png) [@dook](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dook)\
**Post date:** [June 22, 2000, 6:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-female-newbies/23189/91 "2000-06-22T18:41:47Z")

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You know… my teeth are as accurate of a measuring tool as you’re going to get… might want to consider that.

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**Author:** ![JavaMaven1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/cab0a1/32.png) [@JavaMaven1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JavaMaven1)\
**Post date:** [June 22, 2000, 6:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-female-newbies/23189/92 "2000-06-22T18:44:12Z")

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::: hopping in on one foot :::

er… Doctor Brat? I was wondering if you could help…  
I was in yoga class this morning, and I can’t seem to get my foot back from putting it behind my neck…

uh, what’s that mechanical bull and the 50 gallon tub of baby oil doing over there…?

::: frantically hopping for the exit, still on one foot :::

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**Author:** ![little\_bit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/258eb7/32.png) [@little\_bit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/little_bit)\
**Post date:** [June 22, 2000, 6:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-female-newbies/23189/93 "2000-06-22T18:46:09Z")

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> [@](#):
>
> \*\*  
> I also watch ER a lot, and have seen Chicago Hope a couple times.  
> \*\*

It appears your medical knowledge is fairly recent. Perhaps you should do some more research. I suggest M_A_S\*H & St. Elsewhere.

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**Author:** ![winky99](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/71c47a/32.png) [@winky99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/winky99)\
**Post date:** [June 22, 2000, 6:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-female-newbies/23189/94 "2000-06-22T18:48:59Z")

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> [@](#):
>
> little\*bit  
> Member
> 
> Registered: May 2000  
> Posts: 69

[beavis and butthead]he he he, 69. Thats cool![/beavis and butthead]

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**Author:** ![Tally-Ho](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e495f1/32.png) [@Tally-Ho](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tally-Ho)\
**Post date:** [June 22, 2000, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-female-newbies/23189/95 "2000-06-22T18:50:02Z")

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Just wanted to tell you thanks for starting this thread.  
It has kept me chuckling my way through an otherwise boring day at work.

Keep it, er, up. 😉

Chrisbar

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**Author:** ![struuter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b9e5f3/32.png) [@struuter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/struuter)\
**Post date:** [June 22, 2000, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-female-newbies/23189/96 "2000-06-22T18:50:28Z")

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Teeth? \<pauses, with eyebrows raised and jaw dropped\> Oh, my. \<places back of hand dramatically over eyes\> If you feel you must…\<peeks through fingers\>

Brat–how fitting that this is turning into the Python-sex romp thread. There’s the pipe organ…anybody know how to play…nude?

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**Author:** ![Sue\_Duhnym](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/91b2a8/32.png) [@Sue\_Duhnym](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sue_Duhnym)\
**Post date:** [June 22, 2000, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-female-newbies/23189/97 "2000-06-22T18:50:30Z")

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Somebody here order a dozen games of Twister?

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**Author:** ![Merlot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/3e96dc/32.png) [@Merlot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Merlot)\
**Post date:** [June 22, 2000, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-female-newbies/23189/98 "2000-06-22T18:50:47Z")

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Maybe it’s a bad day to join this board…my s/o says i’m adequate, but…

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**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\
**Post date:** [June 22, 2000, 6:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-female-newbies/23189/99 "2000-06-22T18:53:04Z")

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Bratman said:

\<Come on! Your father? There’s a whole generation of medical knowledge missing there. Since my sister is a nurse, my info is from this generation and therefore more up to date, so I am still the best qualified to examine these fine ladies.  
I also watch ER a lot, and have seen Chicago Hope a couple times."

Dude, the guy just took a refresher course to get his state certification back. I also have a cousin who’s a doctor and I watch MASH basically whenever it’s on. And I watch those other hospital shows somewhat frequently.

If nothing else, I’ll be glad to assist you. I do have a slip ‘n’ slide.

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**Author:** ![Crunchy\_Frog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ebca7d/32.png) [@Crunchy\_Frog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crunchy_Frog)\
**Post date:** [June 22, 2000, 6:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-female-newbies/23189/100 "2000-06-22T18:54:47Z")

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> [@](#):
>
> \*\*  
> Just wanted to tell you thanks for starting this thread.  
> It has kept me chuckling my way through an otherwise boring day at work.  
> \*\*

That’s why I’m here.

I’ve been at work since 3:45 this morning, and I’ll be here till 4:15 this afternoon. It’s been like this all week. I’ve only had about 4hrs sleep an average a night. I’m just trying not to fall asleep over here.

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