# Check-in for All Female Newbies **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [June 22, 2000, 2:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-female-newbies/23189 "2000-06-22T14:51:20Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 7
**Author:** ![struuter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b9e5f3/32.png) [@struuter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/struuter)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2000, 7:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-female-newbies/23189/121 "2000-06-22T19:38:51Z")
dook…\first the teeth thing, now this. These are the signs of a truly filthy mind. I feel right at home. I am a newbie, after all, but I might have to make a trip to the laminated doper thread just for you and BratMan. \ ---
**Author:** ![SouthernStyle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b3f665/32.png) [@SouthernStyle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SouthernStyle)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2000, 7:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-female-newbies/23189/122 "2000-06-22T19:40:29Z")
That’s semi-wonderful and quasi-ambiguous news, **Chrisbar**. The good news is that Tallahassee can now have an official doper function. The bad news is that my crime fighting costume is at the cleaners and to attend would mean that I’d have to reveal my secret identity. Bring Athena and it’s a deal. Uh, **Matt**. I think you misunderstood my motivation. I have no reason to doubt that you’ve got talent that goes far beyond the proper handling of the “newbie’s boobies”. It was my humble way of allowing you to persue your stated mission of keeping the SDMB and the newbies safe from one another. The young boobies are just a “perk”. The more mature women that are (wishing that they were) more accustomed to a slower and more deliberate hand is where I’m most qualified to help. In fact, my hands are _so_ slow that my girlfriend from 1988 has barely recovered. SouthernStyle ---
**Author:** ![dook](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/cdc98d/32.png) [@dook](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dook)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2000, 7:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-female-newbies/23189/123 "2000-06-22T19:43:46Z")
> [@](#): > > \*\* > dook… a truly filthy mind. \ > \*\* Filthy? THAT’s filthy? This is not looking good. ::puts a big red checkmark on his little peice of paper and writes “tame”:: ---
**Author:** ![Tally-Ho](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e495f1/32.png) [@Tally-Ho](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tally-Ho)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2000, 7:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-female-newbies/23189/124 "2000-06-22T19:49:00Z")
> [@](#): > > \*\* > That’s semi-wonderful and quasi-ambiguous news, **Chrisbar**. > > The good news is that Tallahassee can now have an official doper function. > > The bad news is that my crime fighting costume is at the cleaners and to attend would mean that I’d have to reveal my secret identity. > > Bring Athena and it’s a deal. > \*\* Don’t think I could take you up on that, Style. I’m much better at shameless flirting in text than IRL. My husband might object, too. 😉 Besides, I’m not sure Athena would be willing to come all the way over here. It’s just too expensive to fly to our rinkydink “airport”. Chrisbar ---
**Author:** ![dook](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/cdc98d/32.png) [@dook](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dook)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2000, 7:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-female-newbies/23189/125 "2000-06-22T19:49:08Z")
- ::puts a big red checkmark on his little peice of paper and writes “tame”::\* GRRRRR. Damned smileys. ---
**Author:** ![Merlot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/3e96dc/32.png) [@Merlot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Merlot)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2000, 7:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-female-newbies/23189/126 "2000-06-22T19:54:47Z")
> [@](#): > > \*\* > > Merlot, if you’re nervous we’ll let you control the spinner instead. > \*\* Excellent! Count me in! ---
**Author:** ![struuter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b9e5f3/32.png) [@struuter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/struuter)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2000, 7:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-female-newbies/23189/127 "2000-06-22T19:58:08Z")
I smell a dare. You are trying to draw me out…trying to coax me into saying something truly naughty. Can’t we just say that I am perfectly capable of matching you, filth for filth? Isn’t the mystery the slightest bit alluring? I mean, sure, we could get into the intricacies… Don’t write me off as tame…maybe just…I don’t know…shy? struuter ---
**Author:** ![Palmyra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/57b2e6/32.png) [@Palmyra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Palmyra)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2000, 8:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-female-newbies/23189/128 "2000-06-22T20:07:44Z")
Dook said: > [@](#): > > \*\* > I’ll take the A’s and B’s, Southern… you can have the C’s and D’s… > \*\* Then you’re my guy. Sorry I’m late, but I’ve been cleaning all day and really need to clean my self now… anybody want to help? 😉 > [@](#): > > \*\* > :: BratMan looks at the women in the room and licks his eyebrow :: > \*\* Come 'ere you ::smiling playfully:: ---
**Author:** ![Athena](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/35a633/32.png) [@Athena](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Athena)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2000, 8:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-female-newbies/23189/129 "2000-06-22T20:08:26Z")
> [@](#): > > \*\* > > > [@](#): > > > > \*\* > > That’s semi-wonderful and quasi-ambiguous news, **Chrisbar**. > > > > The good news is that Tallahassee can now have an official doper function. > > > > The bad news is that my crime fighting costume is at the cleaners and to attend would mean that I’d have to reveal my secret identity. > > > > Bring Athena and it’s a deal. > > \*\* > > Don’t think I could take you up on that, Style. > I’m much better at shameless flirting in text than IRL. My husband might object, too. 😉 > > Besides, I’m not sure Athena would be willing to come all the way over here. It’s just too expensive to fly to our rinkydink “airport”. > > Chrisbar > \*\* Ha! Rinkydink airports scare me not… in fact, I’m flying into one next Friday. However, the south DOES scare me. I’m a northern girl. You southerners will have to do without me to bless your sorry southern asses. Now where’d that oil go? And where did all these hot pink feathers come from? ---
**Author:** ![Mullinator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c2a13f/32.png) [@Mullinator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mullinator)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2000, 8:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-female-newbies/23189/130 "2000-06-22T20:08:43Z")
I have been told (in another thread) that Ultress needs a check up. Looks like I’m just the doper to do it. Skeedaddle on over here and let’s get down to business. ---
**Author:** ![Palmyra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/57b2e6/32.png) [@Palmyra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Palmyra)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2000, 8:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-female-newbies/23189/131 "2000-06-22T20:11:49Z")
BTW **dook** , where in texas are you?? 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Crunchy\_Frog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ebca7d/32.png) [@Crunchy\_Frog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crunchy_Frog)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2000, 8:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-female-newbies/23189/132 "2000-06-22T20:14:20Z")
> [@](#): > > \*\* > > > [@](#): > > > > \*\* > > :: BratMan looks at the women in the room and licks his eyebrow :: > > \*\* > > Come 'ere you ::smiling playfully:: > \*\* At your service ma’am. You need to clean yourself, you say? Would you prefer a sponge bath or a tongue bath? ---
**Author:** ![dook](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/cdc98d/32.png) [@dook](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dook)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2000, 8:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-female-newbies/23189/133 "2000-06-22T20:16:30Z")
> [@](#): > > \*\* > Don’t write me off as tame… > \*\* Oh I wasn’t writing you off, dearie… Just thinking you might benefit from a little lesson on filth. 😉 I’m sure we could teach each other a thing or two. 😃 -dook ---
**Author:** ![Crunchy\_Frog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ebca7d/32.png) [@Crunchy\_Frog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crunchy_Frog)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2000, 8:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-female-newbies/23189/134 "2000-06-22T20:22:36Z")
Dear God, this has really degenerated from a scientific medical venture into a sleaze fest! The hormones have just run amok in here! I love this place! ---
**Author:** ![dook](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/cdc98d/32.png) [@dook](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dook)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2000, 8:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-female-newbies/23189/135 "2000-06-22T20:24:06Z")
> [@](#): > > - > > BTW **dook** , where in texas are you?? 🙂 > \* I am (stationed) in San Antonio. For 156 more days. Then I go back home to Missouri, where I am wanted and loved by all the most desperate of ladies. -dook ---
**Author:** ![Palmyra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/57b2e6/32.png) [@Palmyra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Palmyra)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2000, 8:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-female-newbies/23189/136 "2000-06-22T20:24:51Z")
> [@](#): > > At your service ma’am. You need to clean yourself, you say? Would you prefer a sponge bath or a tongue bath? Oooo, choices! joy! 🙂 I think a little of both would be best seeing how some areas require different treatment than others. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![SouthernStyle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b3f665/32.png) [@SouthernStyle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SouthernStyle)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2000, 8:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-female-newbies/23189/137 "2000-06-22T20:25:08Z")
Sorry Southern Asses? Damn did this deteriorate a long way quickly! Bratman offers to help the newbies, when I find that he’s swamped I offer to sacrifice my time and donate my talents to alleviate the backlog (Careful dook). Through no fault of my own I have to do some work. (Hey – they pay me. I guess it’s their right to make such demands from time to time.) When I return Brat’s let things go all to hell and by the time we get things ALMOST turned around I get insulted by one of the sweetest, kindest, sexiest creatures that was ever put on this earth. You’d think that I tried to stick my tongue down the Queen’s throat or something. It was all innocent. Honest. She said that she had some peanut butter stuck to the roof of her mouth and that it had a strange taste. I was just… oh never mind. It’s OK Chris. My wife knows me too well, too. I just wish that I could convert her into a doper. (Maybe we need a new term?) Now where did I leave those velvet straps??? SouthernStyle ---
**Author:** ![Crunchy\_Frog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ebca7d/32.png) [@Crunchy\_Frog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crunchy_Frog)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2000, 8:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-female-newbies/23189/138 "2000-06-22T20:26:20Z")
> [@](#): > > \*\* > I am (stationed) in San Antonio. For 156 more days. Then I go back home to Missouri, where I am wanted and loved by all the most desperate of ladies. > \*\* Are you shittin me dook? I was stationed at Brooks AFB and am from (and currently live in) St Louis. ---
**Author:** ![KimKatt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ac91a4/32.png) [@KimKatt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KimKatt)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2000, 8:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-female-newbies/23189/139 "2000-06-22T20:27:23Z")
\ Oh my… ---
**Author:** ![dook](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/cdc98d/32.png) [@dook](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dook)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2000, 8:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-female-newbies/23189/140 "2000-06-22T20:28:36Z")
> [@](#): > > \*\* > Bratman offers to help the newbies, when I find that he’s swamped I offer to sacrifice my time and donate my talents to alleviate the _backlog_ (Careful dook). \*\* You just keep that log away from my back. I -saw- deliverance. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-female-newbies/23189.md?page=6) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-female-newbies/23189.md?page=8)