# Check-in for All Female Newbies **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [June 22, 2000, 2:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-female-newbies/23189 "2000-06-22T14:51:20Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 9
**Author:** ![Zyada](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zyada/32/3028_2.png) [@Zyada](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zyada)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2000, 12:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-female-newbies/23189/161 "2000-06-23T00:11:19Z")
:: Walking in, planting hands on hips, tapping one foot :: Ok, I’ve figured out how to giggle hysterically and remain quiet; how to hide Explorer in two seconds and when I walk out of my cube with a big grin on my face the boss just thinks I like my job. But if I start breathing heavy at work, everyone looks at me funny - and I can’t do anything about it dammit! :: Pulling off dress :: So, who wants to help me oil down? ---
**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2000, 12:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-female-newbies/23189/162 "2000-06-23T00:35:40Z")
Gosh, you go away for a couple hours and the place turns into an orgy - I mean zoo. FWIW, I make no cuts. A’s through . . . hell, QQQ’s are welcome at my house of pleasure - er, examination room. I will insist, though, that all forms of fluid blockage are removed before entering. ---
**Author:** ![Falcon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/49beb7/32.png) [@Falcon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Falcon)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2000, 12:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-female-newbies/23189/163 "2000-06-23T00:45:38Z")
Well, I see that veteran posters are to check in…so here I am! Who wants to examine me… _disrobing and oiling up_ ( \* Y \* ) Gentlemen? ---
**Author:** ![Michi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c37758/32.png) [@Michi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Michi)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2000, 1:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-female-newbies/23189/164 "2000-06-23T01:19:08Z")
Damn, I show up late and look at the long wait I have. Are the examiners too tired to take one more? It has been a long time since I have been, um, examined, so I need to be gone over very slowly and carefully. While I wait, I’ll just go sit in the physical therapy tub. Don’t make me wait too long. Pruny is not an attractive look for me. ---
**Author:** ![Geek\_Mecha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ecae2f/32.png) [@Geek\_Mecha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Geek_Mecha)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2000, 1:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-female-newbies/23189/165 "2000-06-23T01:28:19Z")
_sticks head in through door_ Did I miss anything fun? I thought I heard a- EEEEEEEEEEEEE!!! _runs out door_ ---
**Author:** ![dpr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/8797f3/32.png) [@dpr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dpr)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2000, 1:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-female-newbies/23189/166 "2000-06-23T01:37:30Z")
_sigh_ I’ve been called in to relieve the overworked inspectors. _looks up_ Oh! At least I’ve got two lovely ladies. Falcon, Michi if you’d care to step over here. I can do you seperately or together if you’d prefer… ---
**Author:** ![Crunchy\_Frog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ebca7d/32.png) [@Crunchy\_Frog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crunchy_Frog)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2000, 1:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-female-newbies/23189/167 "2000-06-23T01:46:10Z")
> [@](#): > > \*\* > _sticks head in through door_ > > Did I miss anything fun? I thought I heard a- > > EEEEEEEEEEEEE!!! > > _runs out door_ > \*\* Sheesh. Some newbies just can’t appriciate a good old fashioned fake medical practice! ---
**Author:** ![Geek\_Mecha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ecae2f/32.png) [@Geek\_Mecha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Geek_Mecha)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2000, 1:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-female-newbies/23189/168 "2000-06-23T01:51:03Z")
> [@](#): > > \*\* > Sheesh. Some newbies just can’t appriciate a good old fashioned fake medical practice! > \*\* Actually, no. I was hoping I’d get to be dragged back in.😃 ---
**Author:** ![Michi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c37758/32.png) [@Michi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Michi)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2000, 1:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-female-newbies/23189/169 "2000-06-23T01:51:09Z")
> [@](#): > > \*\* > _sigh_ > > I’ve been called in to relieve the overworked inspectors. > > _looks up_ > > Oh! At least I’ve got two lovely ladies. Falcon, Michi if you’d care to step over here. I can do you seperately or together if you’d prefer… > \*\* ::steps out of PT tub, skin glowing:: Me first please! And I think you had better examine us seperately, I don’t think you could take us both at one time! 😉 BTW, I am not a big fan of baby oil, I brought my own…chocolate scented. Is that OK? ---
**Author:** ![Zyada](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zyada/32/3028_2.png) [@Zyada](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zyada)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2000, 1:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-female-newbies/23189/170 "2000-06-23T01:54:06Z")
(At the risk of sounding whiney…) Sheesh, I can’t even get lucky in virtual reality! :o Is there a (fake) doctor in the house? ---
**Author:** ![Crunchy\_Frog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ebca7d/32.png) [@Crunchy\_Frog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crunchy_Frog)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2000, 2:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-female-newbies/23189/171 "2000-06-23T02:03:46Z")
> [@](#): > > \*\* > (At the risk of sounding whiney…) > > Sheesh, I can’t even get lucky in virtual reality! :o > > Is there a (fake) doctor in the house? > \*\* I’d wub to athitht you thyada, bud by nongue’s sdill kinda swoben. Id dook Palmyra foreber do finabby “get clean”. ---
**Author:** ![nashiitashii](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/7c8e57/32.png) [@nashiitashii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nashiitashii)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2000, 2:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-female-newbies/23189/172 "2000-06-23T02:28:23Z")
::Walks into the room, looks around for an unoccupied examiner:: Hey, is anyone ready to take a new “patient”? :: pulls off tank top and shorts and waits for her turn:: ---
**Author:** ![DRY](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a87d85/32.png) [@DRY](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DRY)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2000, 3:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-female-newbies/23189/173 "2000-06-23T03:10:04Z")
> [@](#): > > \*\* > > > [@](#): > > > > \*\* > > > > What is the average air-speed velocity of a swallow? > > > > \*\* > > An African Swallow or a European Swallow? > > & is there a coconut involved? > \*\* First of all, where did all this talk of “swallowing” come from? I have a few questions: 1. Anyone want to draw a conclusion as to why this thread is THREE TIMES as long as the “sister” thread for women? 2. How many times has Bratman posted to this thread, anyway?? 3. Is it just me, or does it seem like it’s the same five guys posting to this thread over and over?? I think you men are sexist pigs who don’t deserve the companionship of…nay, the touch of, that most delightful creature known as a human female. You must treat her with respect and dignit… Oh, who the hell am I fooling? This doesn’t have a snowball’s chance in hell of working. Don’t mind me. ---
**Author:** ![purrplebear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/90ced4/32.png) [@purrplebear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purrplebear)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2000, 3:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-female-newbies/23189/174 "2000-06-23T03:12:21Z")
WOW! Get busy for **one** measley day and look what happens… Well, I’m here now, reporting in as requested. So, who’s going to take care of my exam? Oh, yeah. \ Ready. (_Y_) BTW, dook. Email me. I live in San Antonio! Let’s get together and meet. Lauralee, I like Kerville, go up often. \ Howdy, neighbor! BratMan, oh? I used to live right across Military Dr from Brooks AFB. Small world! ---
**Author:** ![dpr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/8797f3/32.png) [@dpr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dpr)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2000, 3:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-female-newbies/23189/175 "2000-06-23T03:14:59Z")
> [@](#): > > \*\* > > ::steps out of PT tub, skin glowing:: > > Me first please! And I think you had better examine us seperately, I don’t think you could take us both at one time! 😉 > > BTW, I am not a big fan of baby oil, I brought my own…chocolate scented. Is that OK? > \*\* Chocolate scented is actually preferrable - sugar rush keeps you going longer. Shall you apply or do you need a hand (or two?) And I wouldn’t be so quick to jump to assumptions M… 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Palmyra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/57b2e6/32.png) [@Palmyra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Palmyra)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2000, 4:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-female-newbies/23189/176 "2000-06-23T04:03:45Z")
_yelling for all to hear_ Hey! The examination room is open! I highly suggest that everyone line up for BratMan! ---
**Author:** ![Palmyra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/57b2e6/32.png) [@Palmyra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Palmyra)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2000, 4:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-female-newbies/23189/177 "2000-06-23T04:04:01Z")
_yelling for all to hear_ Hey! The examination room is open! I highly suggest that everyone line up for BratMan! ---
**Author:** ![Bluemonchichi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/6de8d8/32.png) [@Bluemonchichi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bluemonchichi)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2000, 4:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-female-newbies/23189/178 "2000-06-23T04:20:45Z")
Um, HI, I’m a newbie… Am I too late for an exam? :::looking around::: Wow, long wait. I think I’ll sit in the back of the room and wait my turn. Is this gonna hurt? Please say it will, oops, I mean won’t. ---
**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2000, 4:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-female-newbies/23189/179 "2000-06-23T04:24:50Z")
ssskuggiii, I will go boldly where no man has gone before. And then I will go where no man went before and survived without losing vital organs. And you will like it. Oh yes. You will wonder how you ever managed without me. ---
**Author:** ![nashiitashii](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/7c8e57/32.png) [@nashiitashii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nashiitashii)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2000, 4:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-female-newbies/23189/180 "2000-06-23T04:36:30Z")
> [@](#): > > \*\* > ssskuggiii, I will go boldly where no man has gone before. And then I will go where no man went before and survived without losing vital organs. > > And you will like it. Oh yes. You will wonder how you ever managed without me. > \*\* Well, I insist you start with an oral exam before you proceed to the actual check-up. I am picky about procedure, and insist you go through all the steps. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-female-newbies/23189.md?page=8) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-female-newbies/23189.md?page=10)