# Check-in for All male Newbies.... **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [June 22, 2000, 8:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-male-newbies/23235 "2000-06-22T20:19:01Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![bump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7c8e57/32.png) [@bump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bump)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2000, 8:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-male-newbies/23235/21 "2000-06-22T20:57:49Z")
Ok… I’m here. Hello everyone! I’ll just put on my exam gown here & wait in line for a minute! Good… now it’s my turn. Brr… cold hands. Hey… what’s a baton doing here. Oh no! Wait a min- UUUNGH! \ Is the initiation over, Ayesha? Can I put my pants back on? ---
**Author:** ![Tally-Ho](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e495f1/32.png) [@Tally-Ho](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tally-Ho)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2000, 9:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-male-newbies/23235/22 "2000-06-22T21:01:13Z")
I’d love to stay and help some more, Ayesha, but I’m signing off for the day. Take over, Swiddles & Esprix. Chrisbar ---
**Author:** ![2nd\_Law](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/2/f475e1/32.png) [@2nd\_Law](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/2nd_Law)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2000, 9:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-male-newbies/23235/23 "2000-06-22T21:01:20Z")
As long as there are no needles involved, I’m ready. Or any other kinds of injections, Esprix! So when am I supposed to cough? ---
**Author:** ![Trion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ccd318/32.png) [@Trion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trion)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2000, 9:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-male-newbies/23235/24 "2000-06-22T21:04:31Z")
That’s odd. I’ve never had a doctor do _that_ before. Not thet I’m complaining. So, give it to me straight. What kind of shape am I in?? 😉 ---
**Author:** ![winky99](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/71c47a/32.png) [@winky99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/winky99)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2000, 9:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-male-newbies/23235/25 "2000-06-22T21:04:59Z")
Hey Swimming. How come bump came walking out of the examination room walking funny? Is that going to happen to me? Also, what’s with the truckload of Vaseline? ---
**Author:** ![Vestal\_Blue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/5e9695/32.png) [@Vestal\_Blue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Vestal_Blue)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2000, 9:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-male-newbies/23235/26 "2000-06-22T21:05:59Z")
On my _belly?_ Ayesha, you’re no fun! Esprix, stay where I can see you, bubba! ---
**Author:** ![SuaSponte](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/67e7ee/32.png) [@SuaSponte](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SuaSponte)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2000, 9:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-male-newbies/23235/27 "2000-06-22T21:10:17Z")
Before I submit to the examination, I’ll need a secure place to hang my astronaut suit. Careful there, it’s very expensive, and the accountants at NASA will take the cost out of my incredibly large salary. There ya. Okies, I’m ready. V. ---
**Author:** ![Qixotica](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/5fc32e/32.png) [@Qixotica](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qixotica)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2000, 9:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-male-newbies/23235/28 "2000-06-22T21:13:31Z")
_Peeks into the door apprehensively_ _Nervously edges into the room_ _Grins sheepishly_ _Grin dissapears. Closes Eyes Tightly_ Reporting. I am prepared. Just don’t do…HEY!!! ACK!! GLUMPF!! URK!!! :eek: 😃 ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2000, 9:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-male-newbies/23235/29 "2000-06-22T21:13:36Z")
What the heck. I’m not ashamed of my body, although I’ve every right to be. * * * “Tell Zeno I’m willing to meet him halfway.” ---
**Author:** ![winky99](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/71c47a/32.png) [@winky99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/winky99)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2000, 9:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-male-newbies/23235/30 "2000-06-22T21:18:59Z")
::walks into exam room:: ::removes gown:: _Ayesha gasps and locks the door_ ---
**Author:** ![purrplebear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/90ced4/32.png) [@purrplebear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purrplebear)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2000, 9:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-male-newbies/23235/31 "2000-06-22T21:19:10Z")
Ayesha, do you and Esprix need any more _‘help’_? ;)Looks like Swiddles has everything under control in the waiting area. \ Ummmmmm…VB, my dear; you look like you need a little help there. Let me help you with your robe. Oops! Sorry, I didn’t mean to drop it on the oil. I’ll just have to find you another robe. You don’t mind waiting here like that, do you? 😉 {i]Next\*? 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![jesuslynch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e99b99/32.png) [@jesuslynch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jesuslynch)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2000, 9:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-male-newbies/23235/32 "2000-06-22T21:19:15Z")
I’ve got a big sore right here. _Dropping Trou_ Right above my ankle. Ya see it? I was in the back yard the other night and a rat bit me. At least I think it was a rat. I’m not sure. ---
**Author:** ![rubes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b782af/32.png) [@rubes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rubes)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2000, 9:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-male-newbies/23235/33 "2000-06-22T21:25:24Z")
\ H-e-l-l-o…Is there anyone available to see me? ---
**Author:** ![Vestal\_Blue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/5e9695/32.png) [@Vestal\_Blue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Vestal_Blue)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2000, 9:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-male-newbies/23235/34 "2000-06-22T21:30:14Z")
> [@](#): > > \*\* > Ummmmmm…VB, my dear; you look like you need a little help there. Let me help you with your robe. Oops! Sorry, I didn’t mean to drop it on the oil. I’ll just have to find you another robe. You don’t mind waiting here like that, do you? 😉 > \*\* Naw, I don’t mind; just stay here and hold my …hand. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![MetallicAsh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7feea3/32.png) [@MetallicAsh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MetallicAsh)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2000, 9:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-male-newbies/23235/35 "2000-06-22T21:30:16Z")
Newbie reporting as ordered… …you may probe my mind… …as for the body… …I’m not that easy, its staying put right here for now. (Win over the mind first, then we’ll talk…) 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Moe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/moe/32/2972_2.png) [@Moe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moe)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2000, 9:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-male-newbies/23235/36 "2000-06-22T21:31:58Z")
NO! I don’t wanna be examined!! NO!! waa waa!! You can’t ::nurses coming over to restrain out of control patient:: do this to me!! ::3 nurses grab arms and legs:: NO!! Waa Waa!! ::doctor conducts exam while nurses continue to restrain me:: :: 😉 triumphantly:: ---
**Author:** ![SILENT-BOB](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/4da419/32.png) [@SILENT-BOB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SILENT-BOB)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2000, 9:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-male-newbies/23235/37 "2000-06-22T21:41:13Z")
😕 :eek: 😃 ---
**Author:** ![JBurton99](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ea5d25/32.png) [@JBurton99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JBurton99)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2000, 9:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-male-newbies/23235/38 "2000-06-22T21:43:33Z")
Hey, nobody told me that i had to take a physical. ::shrugs:: Oh well, might as well get it over with. ::drops trou:: Jesus! Somebody needs to turn up the heat in here, and how come i don’t get a gown. ::looking around nervously:: Hmmmm, what’s this soap doing on the floor?? I am not picking that up. ::jumps in the air 3 feet:: WHOA there Ayesha, next time warn me before you go and put your hands there, and please warm them up next time. Hey wait a second, aren’t you supposed to be in front of me when i turn my head and cough, and what’s with the baton? ---
**Author:** ![purrplebear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/90ced4/32.png) [@purrplebear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purrplebear)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2000, 9:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-male-newbies/23235/39 "2000-06-22T21:44:06Z")
> [@](#): > > \*\* > > > [@](#): > > > > \*\* > > Ummmmmm…VB, my dear; you look like you need a little help there. Let me help you with your robe. Oops! Sorry, I didn’t mean to drop it on the oil. I’ll just have to find you another robe. You don’t mind waiting here like that, do you? 😉 > > \*\* > > Naw, I don’t mind; just stay here and hold my …hand. 😉 > \*\* 😃 Why, I’d be happy to, sir. Just let me close this door… \ Hey, Swiddles, hold my calls! ---
**Author:** ![ArkonDLoC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a8b319/32.png) [@ArkonDLoC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ArkonDLoC)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2000, 9:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-male-newbies/23235/40 "2000-06-22T21:50:22Z")
_sigh_ Very well, if I must… I’m afraid it will have to be a oral exam, I forgot my pencils. Which class is this, anyway? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-male-newbies/23235.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-male-newbies/23235.md?page=3)