# Check-in for All male Newbies.... **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [June 22, 2000, 8:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-male-newbies/23235 "2000-06-22T20:19:01Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2000, 4:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-male-newbies/23235/101 "2000-06-23T16:37:44Z")
Well, Tasha dear, I guess we’ll have to give eachother simultaneous physical examinations . . . this truly will be a medical first. And do be gentle, as I haven’t had an exam in a few years. I also have very little experience in this area, so my technique may need some work. ---
**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2000, 4:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-male-newbies/23235/102 "2000-06-23T16:38:32Z")
Well, Tasha dear, I guess we’ll have to give eachother simultaneous physical examinations . . . this truly will be a medical first. And do be gentle, as I haven’t had an exam in a few years. I also have very little experience in this area, so my technique may need some work. ---
**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2000, 4:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-male-newbies/23235/103 "2000-06-23T16:39:29Z")
Well, Tasha dear, I guess we’ll have to give eachother simultaneous physical examinations . . . this truly will be a medical first. And do be gentle, as I haven’t had an exam in a few years. I also have very little experience in this area, so my technique may need some work. ---
**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2000, 4:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-male-newbies/23235/104 "2000-06-23T16:40:27Z")
Well, Tasha dear, I guess we’ll have to give eachother simultaneous physical examinations . . . this truly will be a medical first. And do be gentle, as I haven’t had an exam in a few years. I also have very little experience in this area, so my technique may need some work. ---
**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2000, 4:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-male-newbies/23235/105 "2000-06-23T16:44:25Z")
sorry for that . . . my pc must have messed up big-time. ---
**Author:** ![nashiitashii](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/7c8e57/32.png) [@nashiitashii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nashiitashii)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2000, 4:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-male-newbies/23235/106 "2000-06-23T16:55:07Z")
Sit up on the examining table here. Now where did the baby oil go to? ::scans room for it, and finds lotion:: This will do, now just sit still. This won’t hurt at all. ---
**Author:** ![Falcon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/49beb7/32.png) [@Falcon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Falcon)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2000, 4:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-male-newbies/23235/107 "2000-06-23T16:59:57Z")
> [@](#): > > **I didn’t leave you; I just had to go make my bladder flatter before the festivities! Now, you mentioned cinnamon oil; and where can we put it?** Well…I think I need to check your chest, VB…and for that, I need some nice oil… 😉 ---
**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2000, 5:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-male-newbies/23235/108 "2000-06-23T17:13:54Z")
Tasha, dear, I think this is going to have to continue this at your place. Hospitals make me so nervous . . . and cold . . . and the impersonal setting makes a lot of things hard to do. And this examination table is so very hard. ---
**Author:** ![Vestal\_Blue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/5e9695/32.png) [@Vestal\_Blue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Vestal_Blue)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2000, 5:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-male-newbies/23235/109 "2000-06-23T17:30:25Z")
> [@](#): > > \*\* > > Well…I think I need to check your chest, VB…and for that, I need some nice oil… 😉 > \*\* Goody Goody Goody! I’m all yours, Falcon honey! ---
**Author:** ![FreakFreely](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/48db29/32.png) [@FreakFreely](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FreakFreely)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2000, 5:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-male-newbies/23235/110 "2000-06-23T17:57:09Z")
:::stepping into the waiting room and checking to see which “doctors” are on duty::: Lesse, I got my choice between a bear (errrr, bears are meat-eaters, rigtht?). A Falcon (now I’m _sure_ Falcons are meat-eaters). A woman with a name that translates to “she who must be obeyed” (uh-oh, sounds vaguely dominatrix-like… no wonder she likes that baton so much). A vetrinarian (being compared with a horse would make somewhat… self-concious). And a couple guys with tents in their pants (I don’t even wanna _know_ those are). Ummm, y’know, I’m not sure if I’m entirely comfortable with this… I think I’ll be going now… **:::FLEEING:::** ---
**Author:** ![Falcon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/49beb7/32.png) [@Falcon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Falcon)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2000, 6:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-male-newbies/23235/111 "2000-06-23T18:25:43Z")
> [@](#): > > \*\*Goody Goody Goody! I’m all yours, Falcon honey! > \*\* Well then, let’s go behind this curtain…think you could examine me too, hon? 😉 ---
**Author:** ![nashiitashii](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/7c8e57/32.png) [@nashiitashii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nashiitashii)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2000, 6:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-male-newbies/23235/112 "2000-06-23T18:29:23Z")
> [@](#): > > \*\* > Tasha, dear, I think this is going to have to continue this at your place. Hospitals make me so nervous . . . and cold . . . and the impersonal setting makes a lot of things hard to do. > > And this examination table is so very hard. > \*\* Okay then. ::leads iampunha out of the room and down to nearby apartment:: ---
**Author:** ![Sofis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e5b9ba/32.png) [@Sofis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sofis)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2000, 6:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-male-newbies/23235/113 "2000-06-23T18:34:56Z")
> [@](#): > > Sofis, get back here, you’re next. Now bend over. Excuse my tardiness, Ayesha. I seem to have fallen asleep on my way to the door. Um, this isn’t going to hurt, is it? I’m not into that sort of thing… ---
**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2000, 6:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-male-newbies/23235/114 "2000-06-23T18:47:23Z")
ssskuggiii said: “Okay then. ::leads iampunha out of the room and down to nearby apartment::” Note to all perverts (read: all posters): this physical is going to continue without the benefit of this thread. ---
**Author:** ![ArkonDLoC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a8b319/32.png) [@ArkonDLoC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ArkonDLoC)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2000, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-male-newbies/23235/115 "2000-06-23T20:13:36Z")
I’m a bit nervous about these exams, what exactly is the ☹ lotion for? I will slowly take off my glove now- LOOK! AN ELEPHANT! :Bravely runs away: SEE YOU NEXT WEEK! 😛 ---
**Author:** ![xizor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/xizor/32/102_2.png) [@xizor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/xizor)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2000, 8:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-male-newbies/23235/116 "2000-06-23T20:48:41Z")
OK, here is my specimen cup. Sorry it took so long to fill it… What do you mean it was supposed to be a urine sample?? ---
**Author:** ![FreakFreely](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/48db29/32.png) [@FreakFreely](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FreakFreely)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2000, 10:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-male-newbies/23235/117 "2000-06-23T22:54:35Z")
So, ummmm… why are the doors and windows boarded up? ---
**Author:** ![lurkernomore](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/d6d6ee/32.png) [@lurkernomore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lurkernomore)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2000, 1:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-male-newbies/23235/118 "2000-06-24T01:15:10Z")
Well, I guess it’s time to report for indoctrination, uh, intoxication, uh, INSPECTION, yeah, that’s it… Well, I guess it’s take 'em off and stand up and be counted… ---
**Author:** ![Angkins](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/fbc32d/32.png) [@Angkins](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Angkins)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2000, 2:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-male-newbies/23235/119 "2000-06-24T02:27:38Z")
Am I too late to help?? Seems to me another pair of hands wouldn’t hurt… unless you want it that way boys 😉 For those of you still waiting to be ‘seen’, I brought donuts…anyone??? ---
**Author:** ![FreakFreely](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/48db29/32.png) [@FreakFreely](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FreakFreely)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2000, 2:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-male-newbies/23235/120 "2000-06-24T02:31:05Z")
No, but do you have a sledgehammer? Or maybe a crowbar? Even a hammer would do nicely… [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-male-newbies/23235.md?page=5) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-male-newbies/23235.md?page=7)