# Check-in for All male Newbies.... **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [June 22, 2000, 8:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-male-newbies/23235 "2000-06-22T20:19:01Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 7
**Author:** ![ArkonDLoC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a8b319/32.png) [@ArkonDLoC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ArkonDLoC)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2000, 3:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-male-newbies/23235/121 "2000-06-24T03:14:46Z")
> [@](#): > > \*\* > No, but do you have a sledgehammer? Or maybe a crowbar? Even a hammer would do nicely… > \*\* Here, I always carry extra. TO FREEDOM! We’ll escape these vixens yet! ---
**Author:** ![lurkernomore](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/d6d6ee/32.png) [@lurkernomore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lurkernomore)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2000, 3:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-male-newbies/23235/122 "2000-06-24T03:31:18Z")
> [@](#): > > \*\* > Am I too late to help?? Seems to me another pair of hands wouldn’t hurt… unless you want it that way boys 😉 > > For those of you still waiting to be ‘seen’, I brought donuts…anyone??? > > \*\* I can hold a few of them for you…🙂 ---
**Author:** ![JBurton99](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ea5d25/32.png) [@JBurton99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JBurton99)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2000, 3:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-male-newbies/23235/123 "2000-06-24T03:50:34Z")
> [@](#): > > \*\* > Here, I always carry extra. TO FREEDOM! We’ll escape these vixens yet! > \*\* Freedom!?!?! Hmmm, i dunno about you guys, but i’m staying. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Brunetter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/839c29/32.png) [@Brunetter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Brunetter)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2000, 5:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-male-newbies/23235/124 "2000-06-24T05:18:12Z")
Hey you guys seem a whole lot more frightened about this than I would have expected … what, do you think we’ll bite? Or maybe you’re afraid we \* won’t \* … Come on now, Brunetter’s got you well in hand … er, um, so to speak. ---
**Author:** ![Tripler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripler/32/21807_2.png) [@Tripler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tripler)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2000, 6:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-male-newbies/23235/125 "2000-06-24T06:15:14Z")
Newbie reporting for the exam. And none of that funky stuff. I have a tongue depressor, and I know how to use it. I swear your tongue will be so depressed, it’ll need Prozac. ---
**Author:** ![Eo\_Echo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ebca7d/32.png) [@Eo\_Echo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eo_Echo)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2000, 6:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-male-newbies/23235/126 "2000-06-24T06:53:35Z")
Just to clear things up: we bite on request, we depress tongues upon request, the line forms to the right. Thank you. ---
**Author:** ![JBurton99](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ea5d25/32.png) [@JBurton99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JBurton99)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2000, 6:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-male-newbies/23235/127 "2000-06-24T06:57:37Z")
> [@](#): > > \*\* > Hey you guys seem a whole lot more frightened about this than I would have expected … what, do you think we’ll bite? Or maybe you’re afraid we \* won’t \* … > > Come on now, Brunetter’s got you well in hand … er, um, so to speak. > \*\* I am staying fer sure now, especially if Brunetter has me in hand. Woo Hoo. It is my turn to examine you afterwards right? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![FreakFreely](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/48db29/32.png) [@FreakFreely](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FreakFreely)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2000, 4:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-male-newbies/23235/128 "2000-06-24T16:44:21Z")
An examination might not be so bad. As long as I get a paper gown that closes in the back. I just don’t trust that baton… ---
**Author:** ![ArkonDLoC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a8b319/32.png) [@ArkonDLoC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ArkonDLoC)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2000, 4:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-male-newbies/23235/129 "2000-06-24T16:57:09Z")
> [@](#): > > \*\* > Hey you guys seem a whole lot more frightened about this than I would have expected … what, do you think we’ll bite? Or maybe you’re afraid we \* won’t \* … > > Come on now, Brunetter’s got you well in hand … er, um, so to speak. > \*\* That is precisely what worries me. Besides, I don’t need a physical exam; I have an aversion to touching. Now if you have a psychiatrist I’m willing to calm down. ---
**Author:** ![Brunetter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/839c29/32.png) [@Brunetter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Brunetter)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2000, 6:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-male-newbies/23235/130 "2000-06-24T18:01:22Z")
> [@](#): > > \*\* > I am staying fer sure now, especially if Brunetter has me in hand. Woo Hoo. > It is my turn to examine you afterwards right? 😃 > \*\* Yes, and if you behave nicely during the exam you might get a treat … (hint: it’s NOT a lollipop) ---
**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2000, 6:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-male-newbies/23235/131 "2000-06-24T18:05:07Z")
Brunetter said: "Hey you guys seem a whole lot more frightened about this than I would have expected … what, do you think we’ll bite? Or maybe you’re afraid we won’t … Come on now, Brunetter’s got you well in hand … er, um, so to speak." I, for one, am afraid of: That creepy-looking baton All you ladies’ COLD hands (would YOU want cold hands there?) Some unwritten rule about turning to the left and coughing 😉 That you won’t be gentle with those of us who are new at this. Brunetter, I’m currently on a water break - er, yeah . . . from my session with Tasha. If you want to check me after she’s done, you’re more than welcome to do so. I quite frankly don’t trust a high-school student to make sure all my parts are in working order. Plus you know where they all go and how they’re supposed to work. ---
**Author:** ![FreakFreely](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/48db29/32.png) [@FreakFreely](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FreakFreely)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2000, 6:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-male-newbies/23235/132 "2000-06-24T18:09:54Z")
Ahem, I’d just like to put some emphasis on **The Creepy Looking Baton**. Thank you. ---
**Author:** ![Brunetter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/839c29/32.png) [@Brunetter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Brunetter)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2000, 6:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-male-newbies/23235/133 "2000-06-24T18:24:24Z")
> [@](#): > > \*\* > I, for one, am afraid of: > > That creepy-looking baton > All you ladies’ COLD hands (would YOU want cold hands there?) > Some unwritten rule about turning to the left and coughing 😉 > That you won’t be gentle with those of us who are new at this. > > Brunetter, I’m currently on a water break - er, yeah . . . from my session with Tasha. If you want to check me after she’s done, you’re more than welcome to do so. I quite frankly don’t trust a high-school student to make sure all my parts are in working order. Plus you know where they all go and how they’re supposed to work. > \*\* Punha, trust me I warmed up my hands first (the better to warm YOU with. And I don’t haev a creepy baton. And I will be very, very gentle … unless you request otherwise … Yes I think it’s best that I doublecheck Tasha’s work. Just to make sure she did a good job. These young’uns need supervision. You come on over here when you’re finished. ---
**Author:** ![Whammo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/8dc957/32.png) [@Whammo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Whammo)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2000, 6:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-male-newbies/23235/134 "2000-06-24T18:34:03Z")
Thats just because its cold in here. Honest! …and I was just in the POOL! SHRINKAGE!! Dont you know anything about SHRINKAGE?!?!?! I WAS IN THE POOL!!! ---
**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2000, 6:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-male-newbies/23235/135 "2000-06-24T18:40:06Z")
Brunetter said: “Punha, trust me I warmed up my hands first (the better to warm YOU with. And I don’t haev a creepy baton. And I will be very, very gentle … unless you request otherwise …” I do NOT request otherwise. I’m timid and delicate, damnit, and I demand service as such. What did you use to warm up your hands? And are they dry? “Yes I think it’s best that I doublecheck Tasha’s work. Just to make sure she did a good job. These young’uns need supervision. You come on over here when you’re finished.” Okay, but it may be a while. Tasha also knows how to use her tongue. I’ll alert you when she’s done. We may need even more time, since as you’ve done this before you know what to do and what to do a lot more of. We’ll go to your place. Mine is crawling with people. ---
**Author:** ![JBurton99](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ea5d25/32.png) [@JBurton99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JBurton99)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2000, 7:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-male-newbies/23235/136 "2000-06-24T19:01:04Z")
\*\* [/QUOTE] Yes, and if you behave nicely during the exam you might get a treat … (hint: it’s NOT a lollipop) \*\* [/QUOTE] Hmmm, not a lollipop huh? Now i do seriously hope that it is something that i can lick, because i am, ooohhhh so good with my tongue. I can use my tongue for hours upon hours if you so wish. Did i happen to mention i can lick my eye-brows? 😛 ---
**Author:** ![FreakFreely](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/48db29/32.png) [@FreakFreely](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FreakFreely)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2000, 7:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-male-newbies/23235/137 "2000-06-24T19:07:25Z")
X-nay on the ongue-tay. We already got into a scuffle over that one in the female site. ---
**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2000, 7:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-male-newbies/23235/138 "2000-06-24T19:12:38Z")
FreakFreely, where’s the scuffle? I didn’t see any posts questioning the use of the tongue. Maybe I haven’t read them all. And good Lord, if you don’t use your tongue, what CAN you use?😉 ---
**Author:** ![FreakFreely](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/48db29/32.png) [@FreakFreely](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FreakFreely)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2000, 7:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-male-newbies/23235/139 "2000-06-24T19:20:47Z")
Shhh… I don’t need a tongue-lashing right now.\ Okay, this innuendo has gotten old. NEXT! ---
**Author:** ![VaHermit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/ed655f/32.png) [@VaHermit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VaHermit)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2000, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-male-newbies/23235/140 "2000-06-24T19:23:41Z")
Here I am. Sorry I missed my earlier appointment. Hey, wait a minute…this isn’t the massage parlor! Oh well, as long as I’m here go for it. Just please note the tattoo on my left butt cheek “Exit only”. Alright, quit giggling, I know it’s not very big around…but you have to admit it sure is short. Yes, I know, just like a penis, only smaller. Would you PLEASE stop giggling. Damn, see if I come here again. I sure hope my insurance covers this. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-male-newbies/23235.md?page=6) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-male-newbies/23235.md?page=8)