# Check-in for All male Newbies.... **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [June 22, 2000, 8:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-male-newbies/23235 "2000-06-22T20:19:01Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 8
**Author:** ![JBurton99](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ea5d25/32.png) [@JBurton99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JBurton99)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2000, 8:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-male-newbies/23235/141 "2000-06-24T20:04:43Z")
> [@](#): > > \*\* > FreakFreely, where’s the scuffle? I didn’t see any posts questioning the use of the tongue. Maybe I haven’t read them all. > > And good Lord, if you don’t use your tongue, what CAN you use?😉 > \*\* But i like using my tongue?!?! Ok, how’s about my fingers then? I’m pretty good damn with them too. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2000, 11:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-male-newbies/23235/142 "2000-06-24T23:01:23Z")
JBurton99 said: “But i like using my tongue?!?! Ok, how’s about my fingers then? I’m pretty good damn with them too. ;)” J, see the grammar thread for where you went wrong on this. And I, for one, never said anything about not being able to use your tongue. Lord knows I depend on it. And my fingers, and . . . well, that’s for Tasha and Brunetter to know, and the rest of you perverts to find out later. If I let you. ---
**Author:** ![JBurton99](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ea5d25/32.png) [@JBurton99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JBurton99)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2000, 11:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-male-newbies/23235/143 "2000-06-24T23:50:11Z")
> [@](#): > > \*\* > JBurton99 said: > > “But i like using my tongue?!?! Ok, how’s about my fingers then? I’m pretty good damn with them too. ;)” > > J, see the grammar thread for where you went wrong on this. > > And I, for one, never said anything about not being able to use your tongue. Lord knows I depend on it. And my fingers, and . . . well, that’s for Tasha and Brunetter to know, and the rest of you perverts to find out later. > > If I let you. > \*\* Welp, to be totaly honest, i never was good at grammar and never will be. I’m a Redneck, plain and simple. You are going to have to excuse my grammar. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Vestal\_Blue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/5e9695/32.png) [@Vestal\_Blue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Vestal_Blue)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2000, 1:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-male-newbies/23235/144 "2000-06-25T01:12:08Z")
> [@](#): > > \*\* > > > [@](#): > > > > \*\*Goody Goody Goody! I’m all yours, Falcon honey! > > \*\* > > Well then, let’s go behind this curtain…think you could examine me too, hon? 😉 > \*\* Sure! Just let me gat these gloves… ::Snap!!!:: 😉 Ummm, did you bring the K Y? ---
**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2000, 1:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-male-newbies/23235/145 "2000-06-25T01:15:30Z")
JB99 said: “Welp, to be totaly honest, i never was good at grammar and never will be. I’m a Redneck, plain and simple. You are going to have to excuse my grammar.” And I guess I’ll have to excuse your spelling as well? BTW, Brunetter, how does this treat we get taste? Will I like it? How long will I have to eat it? Is this like steak, or fish, or candy, or what? How does it smell? Has anyone else ever had it before? ---
**Author:** ![lurkernomore](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/d6d6ee/32.png) [@lurkernomore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lurkernomore)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2000, 2:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-male-newbies/23235/146 "2000-06-25T02:06:55Z")
> [@](#): > > \*\* > JB99 said: > BTW, Brunetter, how does this treat we get taste? Will I like it? How long will I have to eat it? Is this like steak, or fish, or candy, or what? How does it smell? Has anyone else ever had it before? > \*\* ``` JB, it smells like fish. It sure is good eating, though. Some people like home cooking, some like to eat out. ``` ---
**Author:** ![Rysdad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/7cd45c/32.png) [@Rysdad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rysdad)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2000, 2:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-male-newbies/23235/147 "2000-06-25T02:12:08Z")
Michi said… > [@](#): > > \*\* > Anyway, who’s up for an exam by me? > \*\* Non-newbie here for the checkup. And, Michi, since I paid extra, can we have the room with the silk sheets on the exam table? ---
**Author:** ![JBurton99](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ea5d25/32.png) [@JBurton99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JBurton99)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2000, 3:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-male-newbies/23235/148 "2000-06-25T03:47:53Z")
> [@](#): > > \*\* > And I guess I’ll have to excuse your spelling as well? > > \*\* Yeppers, guess you’ll just have to do that. Gee Mr. Kotter, did i spel that write? :rolleyes: Hmmm, somebody mention fish? Count me in! You know what they say about fishermen. They always eat what they catch. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![nashiitashii](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/7c8e57/32.png) [@nashiitashii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nashiitashii)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2000, 3:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-male-newbies/23235/149 "2000-06-25T03:58:04Z")
> [@](#): > > \*\* > I, for one, am afraid of: > That creepy-looking baton > All you ladies’ COLD hands (would YOU want cold hands there?) > Some unwritten rule about turning to the left and coughing 😉 > That you won’t be gentle with those of us who are new at this. > > Brunetter, I’m currently on a water break - er, yeah . . . from my session with Tasha. If you want to check me after she’s done, you’re more than welcome to do so. I quite frankly don’t trust a high-school student to make sure all my parts are in working order. Plus you know where they all go and how they’re supposed to work. > \*\* Iampunha, watch what you say. I may be young, but that doesn’t mean i lack experience. ---
**Author:** ![Brunetter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/839c29/32.png) [@Brunetter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Brunetter)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2000, 5:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-male-newbies/23235/150 "2000-06-25T05:05:01Z")
Okay you guys … JBurton, Iampunha, FreakFreely in particular … no need to fight, Tasha and I can handle you all just fine. But get this macho in-fighting out of your systems first. We’ll be amusing ourselves over in this corner … when you’re finished, let us know and we can continue the examination. Okay, \* boys?? \* ---
**Author:** ![JBurton99](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ea5d25/32.png) [@JBurton99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JBurton99)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2000, 5:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-male-newbies/23235/151 "2000-06-25T05:14:43Z")
> [@](#): > > \*\* > Okay you guys … JBurton, Iampunha, FreakFreely in particular … no need to fight, Tasha and I can handle you all just fine. But get this macho in-fighting out of your systems first. We’ll be amusing ourselves over in this corner … when you’re finished, let us know and we can continue the examination. > > Okay, \* boys?? \* > \*\* :: looks to make sure she doesn’t have a baton. doesn’t see one in her hands. breathes a sigh of relief :: Finished? I wasn’t even startin nuttin. The hell with it anyways. You have my full attention. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![FreakFreely](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/48db29/32.png) [@FreakFreely](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FreakFreely)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2000, 5:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-male-newbies/23235/152 "2000-06-25T05:43:01Z")
I’d like to say for the record that I am completely innocent in any fighting and I know absolutely nothing about tongues, or spelling, or the number 42. Thank you. ---
**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2000, 1:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-male-newbies/23235/153 "2000-06-25T13:08:14Z")
Ssskuggiii said: “Iampunha, watch what you say. I may be young, but that doesn’t mean i lack experience.” Ah, but you see, Brunetter is married and thus knows this stuff in her sleep. Sometimes literally. While I will agree you have an oral fixation, you haven’t yet shows the signs of, um, maturity Brunetter has shown. In private. And Brunetter, speaking of you . . . I told you not to call me a boy once. You’re going to pay this second time. Now, get on your knees and tell me you love me. [aside]It’s times like these I wish I had a twin. No, make that an extra hand.[/aside] ---
**Author:** ![Michi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c37758/32.png) [@Michi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Michi)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2000, 1:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-male-newbies/23235/154 "2000-06-25T13:44:12Z")
Rysdad writes: > [@](#): > > \*\* > Michi said… > > > [@](#): > > > > \*\* > > Anyway, who’s up for an exam by me? > > \*\* > > Non-newbie here for the checkup. And, Michi, since I paid extra, can we have the room with the silk sheets on the exam table? > \*\* You got it, hon. Silk sheets, fur (fake, of course) lined exam gown, whatever you like. Make yourself comfortable while I go change my costume. I mean uniform. ---
**Author:** ![FreakFreely](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/48db29/32.png) [@FreakFreely](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FreakFreely)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2000, 4:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-male-newbies/23235/155 "2000-06-25T16:40:22Z")
How much extra do I have to pay to get my oil changed as well? ---
**Author:** ![Ayesha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c0e974/32.png) [@Ayesha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ayesha)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2000, 5:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-male-newbies/23235/156 "2000-06-25T17:12:03Z")
> [@](#): > > \*\* > How much extra do I have to pay to get my oil changed as well? > \*\* The charge for that service is a dollar-two-nintey-eight plus tax and carrying charges. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![purrplebear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/90ced4/32.png) [@purrplebear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purrplebear)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2000, 6:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-male-newbies/23235/157 "2000-06-25T18:03:37Z")
WOW! I leave this place for a couple of days, and look what happens! Since you seem to need some help Brunetter and sskuggii, I am here, ready and willing to _examine_ the men. 😉 Angkins, great idea on the donuts, that should keep them occuppied while they wait their turn. 🙂 Ok, whose next? And, didn’t I hear JBurton say something about his tongue? Hmmmmm… I think I’ll have to check that out personally. This may take a while, I need definitive proof. 😉 Arkon, I have to ask: What are you objecting to, touching or _being_ touched? And, punha, my hands are **never** cold. Just so you know. Neither is the rest of me, for that matter. 😛 B\_Line, if [bthat’s[/b your idea of _shrinkage_… :eek: Maybe I should examine you next! ---
**Author:** ![FreakFreely](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/48db29/32.png) [@FreakFreely](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FreakFreely)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2000, 6:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-male-newbies/23235/158 "2000-06-25T18:23:11Z")
> [@](#): > > The charge for that service is a dollar-two-nintey-eight plus tax and carrying charges. Huh? Carrying charges? I don’t need you to carry me. I can walk fine on my own. Oh and purplebear, if you’re so interested in our tongues perhaps you should look at the female check-in. We described them in detail there… you perv! ---
**Author:** ![Mr\_Bear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ecc23a/32.png) [@Mr\_Bear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr_Bear)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2000, 6:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-male-newbies/23235/159 "2000-06-25T18:24:56Z")
> [@](#): > > \*\* > > And, punha, my hands are **never** cold. Just so you know. Neither is the rest of me, for that matter. 😛 > > \*\* :eek: If you **belive** that one, I have some ocean front property to sell in you in Nebraska! 🆒 Trust me on this I know of what I speak on this one!😉 ---
**Author:** ![SuaSponte](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/67e7ee/32.png) [@SuaSponte](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SuaSponte)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2000, 7:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-male-newbies/23235/160 "2000-06-25T19:26:33Z")
I’ve been waiting patiently for my examination and, while I’m not complaining, I’m getting very cold in this backless robe. What I’m pissed about is that, while I’ve been waiting \*\* somebody stole my astronaut suit!! \*\* Now those cheeseheads in NASA’s accounting office are going to take the cost of the suit out of my (massive) salary. It’s not the cost, it’s the principle. Repeat after me - AN ASTRONAUT SUIT IS NOT A TOY!! We use them to go into space. I know it’s probably just a harmless prank, but c’mon, just put it back. V. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-male-newbies/23235.md?page=7) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/check-in-for-all-male-newbies/23235.md?page=9)