GMRyujin, in his beautiful satire of the vast majority of fundraising letters ever written, has hit this one on the nose.
From the thread title, I was expecting something much creepier. This fundraising letter really looked like every other one, down to the one-sentence paragraphs.
I’m happy to bash the GOP, given a good reason. This ain’t it.
What was creepiest to me was that I received it.
If they’re all designed to trick you into donating money with strange underlining, guilt tripping and jibes about “quitting”, then that’s news to me. I’d never read one before from any Party.
Actually, Dooku’s friends couldn’t have donated to the Republican Party on his “behalf.” You can only give to political parties in your own name, or at the least in the name of your place of business. OpenSecrets.org has a good overview of Federal Election Commission laws on the subject.
As for this letter being “like every other fundraising letter”–maybe there are letters out there like this one, but I’ve never written one that way. We’d never start a letter out with a “why the hell haven’t you given us money this year?” rhetorical question. That’s just an invitation to the reader to chuck the letter in the circular file. Nah, get the reader interested in the subject first, make a big splash.
If I were writing this RNC letter, I’d start out with something like (WARNING WARNING WARNING: casual readers of this post should not asssume that the author agrees with these comments) “In 2004, we stand to lose all of the gains we’ve made during the last four years.” Next paragraph. Talk about Republican policies in a bit more detail than a single sentence. Warn of what might happen if the Dems get in next year. Next paragraph. Thank Mr. Dooku for his support in the past. Talk about how “donations from grassroots donors like yourself” have enabled the Republican Party to unprecedented success. Thank Mr. Dooku for past support in slightly different language. (An old fundraising pro I admire once told me, “You can never thank a donor enough. Even if it’s for $10.”) Next paragraph. Make the pitch. Go for the hard sell, Mr. Dooku is (wrongly thought to be) a prior donor. Last paragraph: “Mr. Dooku, I thank you for your previous support of our cause. I hope that you can join us (inclusive language! It even works on conservatives) again this year in helping our President and his allies in Congress during this crucial time.”
OK, not the best fundraising letter ever. But at least it’s better than the one quoted in the OP, which never thanked the donor, resorted to soundbites where real meat was needed, and didn’t rely on a P.S., another fundraising pet peeve, to say what should have been said more effectively in the main body of the letter. No, it’s not the worst thing the 'Pubbies have ever done. It just makes me wonder: How’d these guys raise $75 million during the last election cycle among “annual fund” ($200-1,000) donors during 2001-02? And beat the Dems by almost $28 million in that segment?
One last thing: Yeah, mistakes happen in that “never-givers” occasionally get letters intended for SYBUNT (Some Year BUt Not this Year) donors. For an organization that raised $440 million in 2001-02, though, you’d think they’d keep their records straighter.
Argh. That first link is OpenSecrets.org. Preview, preview and preview again.
So if you’re not a Republican, what are you. . . a Communist? 
Tripler
[singing] I’m telling McCarthy! I’m, telling McCarthy![/singing]
Huh. Sounds like the “It’s time for you to pay your tithe!” letter I got from the local Catholic parish the other year.
Hah. Like they’d ever try such a simple approach. They have to pounce on you to scare you into fighting the big invisible monster that is Democratic. Like they are Godzilla or something. I’d love to see a Democratic fund raising letter. What fun.
Why don’t we just start our own political party. We have the brains. We have the motive. ( money. pie. world domination)
We would be the voice of the Gay, Straight, Trans gendered, Transvestite, Trans Am, Techno-nerd, Literate, Sarcastic Crowd.
We could send out fund raising letters then we could apply the funds towards a new server and a big party…you know how those political types like to have an annual convention for a mutual masterbatory marathons. We could do this too, and have it on national TV or at least, cable access.
My father-in-law got a card not too long ago thanking him for his “very generous support” of the Republican Party. It was actually signed by George and Laura (or at least a very good facsimille of a real signature.)
The kicker is that he’s not even registered to vote, and he’s never given a dime to the Republicans.
[Bart Simpson]
The dead have risen and are voting Republican!
[/Bart Simpson]
Bad stuff. Of course the article also mentions Dems are doing the exact same thing. That’s “different” though. I don’t know how, but it just is.
I can’t imagine who would do such a thing to anyone, much less people they “care about.” Politics is getting creepy.
The letter in the OP was pretty much standard. I get the exact same types of letters (complete with mentions of nonexistent “past support”) from the Democrat party, despite never having voted that way. I never get them from parties I have actually voted for though. Go figure.
If I saw a request for mailing list information I’d raise holy hell.
Is it wrong that I read that first line as “The GOP’s ‘Holiday Hit List 2003’”?
During the tail-end Clinton years, when things got really unhinged, I got a brief burst of right-wing mail, GOP screeds about “Washington’s most unwanted” senators, solicitations for the Limbaugh Letter, etc. I tossed most of it, though I did mail Rush’s solicitation back to him post-paid. I didn’t think anything of it, I just figured the vast right-wing conspiracy had some extra cash lying around and decided to blow it on trying to sway Democratic voters. They’re just poorly written form letters, toss them and forget them.
What is it with Courier, anyway?
I just looked at a few of my fundraising letters - and a significant majority of them are in Courier, a font I almost never see anywhere but fundraising letters.
I think that received the exact same letter the OP did a little bit ago, same wording and look. I can completely agree that it was very disturbing! I don’t think he does the whole package justice when he describes it. The whole thing felt really, really sleazy, like junk mail you would get asking you to buy diet products. Seriously not what you would expect from an organization like that.
I shouldn’t complain though because I was happy that they wasted at least a quarter on me! Every little bit helps!
I seem to recall that Kenneth Galbraith used to joke about the appeals from the Republican party that he would get, owing to a computer snafu. So this is an old story.
FWIW, I fished the latest DNC letter from the bin (and opened it). It didn’t seem quite as bad --there were no insinuations that I was abandoning anybody-- but it was devoid of policy. (It did have a gung ho, “all* for one and one for all” quality to it, though.)
Text available upon request.
*[sub] All Democrats that is…[/sub]
As soon as I got that letter (been a member since '91) I wrote the check that night. Guess what? Three days later I got pamphlets, in the US Mail, produced and mailed using my tax dollars, imploring me to fund Sens Dorgan and Conrad. Our esteemed (hehe) Senators from ND. And, yes, they were sent from their offices in Washington, DC. Unsolicited. If they had responded to the 4 calls/emails EACH where I inquired their votes on the pay raise, they would have known damn well my family didn’t want their pleas for more of our money.
Fuck 'em
Dear Republican Party,
I did not knowingly sent any money to your cause during the last, or any other election.
Since your scrupulous records indicate I’ve been a major contributor, the money must have been sent to you in error.
Please refund all money donated in my name to this address.
Please send money order.
Thank you,
Dokku
Feel free to use all or part of this in your reply Dokku!
You know, if I were a really dirty pool player, I’d consider impersonating my opponent’s party and sending spurious fundraising letters to non-affiliated voters.
However, the letter above doesn’t look like much of an example of that. I’d instead be talking about “crushing the bloodthirsty baby killers who want to take away our guns and spend your tax dollars on indolent minorities.”
Hmmm. Come to think of it, they did swing a mid-term election by falsifying a case for war with Iraq…
Sofa King, I admire you, but I’m also very, very scared of you now.